My dds are in the final year of the Dutch system, although they have already done nearly half of their final exams since they are home-schooled through an "official" Dutch internet school. As others have noted the marks go from 1 to 10, but a 10 isn't anything like an A in the US. They got a 10 for their final exam in English, rounded up from a 9.something from each of three separate tests, a test of written English, a test of spoken English and an oral literature test. But it wasn't a given that they would get a 10, even though they're native speakers and very verbal ones at that. They worked very hard at it and the only reason they got a 10 was the combination of being a native speaker and lots of work. To give you a sense of what the numbers mean, an average of 8 on your final marks list (you get a final mark for each subject you study over the course of six years (unless you're in a program that takes 4 or 5 years of course)(, cumulatively -- for example, you don't take one year of physics, but take physics over the course of six years) will get you onto the A list for admission to medical school. That means you won't have to participate in the lottery to see if you get a place at medical school. In other words, an 8 average is pretty doggone impressive. DS12 is in a prep school in the UK -- if he gets an 81 on an exam (I think this has happened 2x) it's really really good. He needs to get somewhere between 60 and 70 per cent on Common Entrance (entrance exam for selective senior schools) to be accepted. You just don't hear of 90s or 100s on those. It's taken me quite a while to figure out all these marks systems -- and I'm still trying to figure out what my dds' friends really mean with their A*s and As on their AS levels etc!

Thanks very much for the suggestions. I've downloaded a few sample chapters already and will get going! DS is 2E, which is definitely part of the problem, but he is very bright and compensates well so that he cannot get help for the 2E side to him.

I think the $100 requirement should be reflected in the rental price -- if you have to take on this burden, the price should be lower than the rental for a place where the owner assumes responsibility for these repairs. If you're quite handy with DIY this could be an advantage for you, as you can negotiate a lower rental price while still knowing that you're not going to be out of pocket for minor repairs. For the other requirement, about staying in compliance with statutes, etc, I think that could also include things like having working smoke detectors etc.

Could anyone recommend any books or other resources that have practical suggestions for dealing with the social emotional needs of gifted children? I have a 12 yo DS who is so intense and so high-strung and so unwilling/unable to let anything go ... The giftedness is part of it, and I need to figure out how to help him gain some perspective so that he can relax and have fun. Thanks.

My goal for the day: get my US taxes sorted out -- tax advisor has done the work, but I need to review and confirm everything before filing in Oct. When I've done this one, I'll be very happy. make plan for the week for all the stoopid little stuff review Kumon/math and dds' schoolwork parents' meeting for rowing club (and try to avoid volunteering too much time since I know the scouts are going to be after me too!) write down goals for this school term DS12 went back to his boarding school yesterday, so the place is very quiet. I have the feeling that summer is now truly over and it's time to get back to work! Good luck to all with Monday!

I'm really sorry you're having a rough time. I know that feeling of wanting the last years at home to go well -- my dds are finishing secondary school this year, and will likely go away for a gap year or two. My ds is in his last year of junior school and will go away to senior school next year. I am doing everything I can to make this year a great year, but it's exhausting! I wonder whether you could have your dd learn to drive and pay for the insurance etc now, out of her earnings/savings, and then next year, when your schedule is easier, help her out financially? It sounds like you'll be in a better spot financially next year, with more time available to work and less pressure from scheduling. I understand how important it is that your dd have a good financial start, but perhaps if you could redistribute the finances so that she pays now from savings and you reimburse her later, that might make it easier for you now. Anyway, just a thought. I hope things improve.

in our house! DCs decided that I should have a Mother's Day before the summer is over (we start back on Monday). I woke up to a beautiful card outlining my day -- including all laundry done by big kids, unlimited coffee made for me, a concert by the kids, and, best of all "free hugs" and "no squabbling or backtalk". So sweet of them I had to share.

Yes. Don't have the husband anymore but am keeping the dress.

I noticed that (but didn't know about the process) when I bought bread that looked like bakery bread from the supermarket -- didn't taste all that good, not much better than the stuff in plastic. Fortunately I can order bread from the place that does organic veg/fruit, and that bread tastes "normal" and I can eat it in moderation without problems.

Interesting. No hearing loss, he's been this way since I met him twenty-five years ago. I still remember the first time I met him because he was so aggressive and so in-your-face with very personal questions. He hasn't changed, just shifted his focus to my dds (while ignoring ds). I think NLD would explain a lot, and could explain BIL and Dnephew, although BIL is good with math. Is it usual with NLD to jump to conclusions on the basis of very little evidence, or on the basis of evidence that makes sense in one's own worldview? I used to think that FIL was normal and that I was abnormal for disliking his behaviour (because that's more or less what DH implied), just as I thought much of DH's behaviour was normal untll a few friends pointed out otherwise. I want to be sure that DDs don't get caught in the same trap. FIL has now started emailing them, which is less intrusive and aggressive, and we'll figure out what to ignore and what to call him on.

It might be additives in the bread that vary by country. I could eat bread with no problems when living in NL and France. I usually avoid bread in the US because I don't think it tastes very good (bakery/specialist grocery store bread excepted). When we moved to the UK I started having stomach trouble that seemed to be related to bread (figured it out after going low-carb). I asked a GP about it and was told to avoid bread in the UK, because I am probably sensitive to the way it is made or the additives. She said that in her own personal experience bread in France was no problem, bread in the UK is. I now try to avoid bread in the UK but eat it when in NL or France and that works fine.

Thanks all -- very helpful! I have suspected for a while that there may be Asperger's or at least Asperger's traits, not least because xDH has traits, but no one in the family would ever admit to anything like that. For example, Dnephew has serious "issues", enough that he cannot be in a regular school but needs to be in a "special" school but no one in the family talks about it. It's helpful to hear that a firm response might be called for. I was raised to be polite and non-confrontational, which makes being anything other than that a challenge, but that may be what is called for. MIL's response during this last visit was interesting -- she was super-quiet and didn't contribute much to any conversation. FIL shouts at her every now and then, it's really awful.

Just wondering whether there are others out there who have friends/relatives who do this ... FIL (ex-FIL I suppose now that DH is xDH) always speaks to people in a really aggressive tone of voice. It feels like he's barking. He doesn't have the ability to have what I would say are normal conversations; rather, he starts off with a question, then launches into a lecture about that subject. He thinks he knows everything about everything. If you had a PhD in history, he would lecture you on your specialist subject. If you were a mechanic, he'd tell you how to fix your car. Seriously. And he will tell you in the most aggressive way possible, so that you'd think he was angry but he isn't. It's so bad that I avoid speaking with him if at all possible because he will go on for quite a long time (15 minutes or more) without anyone getting a word in edgewise. It was so bad this past visit that both xDH and MIL spoke to him several times to warn him to stop, because he was cornering DDs (15yo) and going on and on and on at them. Obviously I've stressed that DDs have to be polite and listen and respond appropriately to any questions, but by the end of FIL/MIL's visit they were thoroughly fed up and don't want anything more to do with FIL. He does this to everyone, not just children. We don't argue back or respond aggressively, but listen quietly until it's over. I've never met anyone else who interacts in this way, and was wondering whether this sounds familiar to anyone? The family has quite a lot of mental health issues, which made me wonder whether whether this is part of something bigger that no one is wiling to discuss. I've been putting up with this for years but have never been able to figure it out.

Thanks Caitlin, that's very helpful. DS was first tested at GDC when he was going into grade 2, now he's going into grade 7. We realized at the time that dysgraphia was a possibility but that took a back seat to the vision processing, general fine motor, APD, etc. I'll be sure to discuss the dysgraphia-specific traits you mention with the ed psych.

Schools here get out mid-July (DS6's school got out 22 July in fact). We're then in "yay summer vacation!" mood, go to the States for the holiday and are promptly confronted with back-to-school sales everywhere we go! Drives me nuts. The B&M dcs start 9 Sept and my hs'd dcs will start then too.

We're in the UK, and he's at choir school. He's required to board because of the choir, but that makes it difficult to keep an eye on him. The school itself is one of the top in the country, which is great, but is somewhat resistant to the idea of accommodating learning differences. In many ways the school is a perfect fit and better for him than homeschooling would be (his sisters are homeschooled, and his brother is afterschooled), but the whole handwriting/written expression thing keeps coming up. I'll check the DSM and see what it has to say about dyslexic tendencies/dysgraphia.

I suspect that my 12 yo ds may have dysgraphia. It wouldn't be too surprising, since he has a variety of other issues as well. I'm looking in to getting him tested so that I can request accommodation for him at his school, which doesn't like to accommodate learning differences (not in the US, so we don't have the same legal protections here). If your dc are dysgraphic, would you please share what tests were used to establish this? Thx.

I like to download books in PDF from Scholastic (when they have their $1 sales) and from CurrClick. Admittedly the selection isn't what you'd get from a regular bookseller, but I've been able to get some good basic workbooks from those sites.

We're a bilingual family, and, while we're generally pretty okay with switching back and forth, we have trouble when the vocabulary is subject-dependent. So my girls who do physics in Dutch don't know how to talk about their physics homework in English with me, and they would have a harder time discussing, say, rowing, which they do in English, in Dutch, since they don't do the vocab. We get some pretty mixed-up conversations sometimes, but try to stick the one-language-per-sentence rule. But sometimes one language has words that are just better suited to the conversation, even if the rest of the conversation is in the other language. I think the key is just being used to it. Jean, there are some sites that stream J-drama shows if that interests you -- my ds and I got really into the Japanese version (with subtitles) of Hana Yori Dango a few years ago. Not really technical vocabulary but lots of fun to watch.

They could do French. Their French is quite good but not fluent, but they could do it. I didn't know you could do a bilingual IB diploma, that might be an interesting option. I'm also interested in Chinese immersion but have no clue about programs in China that would be good -- do you happen to know of any?

Country is irrelevant (exception would be for wartorn countries or North Korea or similar). Language is irrelevant. I'm looking for interesting and challenging one- or two-year programs anywhere in the world. For example, United World Colleges is at this moment top on my list. If anyone has experience with or knows of similar programs information would be appreciated.

We quite like the idea of a structured program, so with other students their age. I don't mind paying tuition for something like that.

Twin dds are 14, nearly 15. They are going into what would be their senior year of high school if we were in the US. Although they could in theory go to university in a year's time, we're leaning against that right now and would prefer they spend one or two years doing "something" before going to university. They do a combination of homeschool/internet school, and will get their high school diploma as a result of sitting national tests set by the Dutch government, which will give them the same diploma as they would have if they were in regular school. So far I've come up with the idea of sending them to sixth form in the UK, at an independent school that offers A levels or IB or pre-U. A levels will likely not be very challenging, but they may be able to take subjects they haven't done much of. They could do the American school here and do AP courses but from what I've heard of the school this is not likely to be a good option. They could go to boarding school in yet another country and do a language immersion, but I'm not aware of too many schools (would appreciate recommendations though as this is the option we're leaning toward). They could do a PG year at Exeter or Andover but I don't think they would be a great fit for either school. I don't fancy the idea of having them take two years off to work/travel/do expensive gap year stuff since that would be a long break from school. Any ideas? Any specific ideas for schools or programs that you could recommend? Many thanks.

FWIW, two-phase treatment seems to be influenced by where you live. When we were in NL, no orthodontist would ever do two-phase treatment. I knew ds1 needed two-phase treatment, or at least to be evaluated by someone with an open mind, and could not find anyone who would consider it. We moved to France and found two orthos who recommended two-phase treatment and also had an evaluation by an ortho in the US who recommended the same (and I trusted his recommendation because it was fairly obvious we wouldn't be using him). In the UK I'm finding that opinions seem to vary, although I haven't spoken to as many orthos here. We were in Paris on Monday for an ortho appointment and spoke to the Canadian-trained ortho about this question. He says that many if not most orthos will recommend two-phase because they want to make money. In some cases, as in ds's, it's warranted. DS's teeth were extremely crowded and several of his adult teeth would have erupted below the gum line had braces not created space. Even after phase 1 treatment he easily qualifies for free braces on the NHS. For my dds, he said one-phase was perfectly fine. He did mention a case he's been asked to give a second opinion on in which the other orthodontist wanted to put braces on baby teeth and he just couldn't believe how wrong that was. Personally I think the question would be why two-phase treatment is needed and what exactly will be accomplished that one-phase cannot accomplish.

I'm in NL this week, Mon through Fri, near Tilburg. I'll probably try to get to Plantage Boekenhandel, which has kids' textbooks etc (at least the one in A'dam does). If I do, I can have a look for you to see whether there is anything like what you're looking for. I think what you're looking for falls under the category of "N2T" or Nederlands als Tweede Taal. (see http://www.nt2.nl/onderwerpen/nederlands_voor_jonge_beginners) Just pm me your email and I'll get in touch. I'm going to try to get similar material for my 6 yo, who understands a lot of Dutch but doesn't speak much (other than "nee!" and "ijsje?" and "snoep" and "speeltuin")