At our special collections library, the setup for security sounds much the same. There are more stringent requirements at other libraries but overall its pretty typical from my limited experience. I've never been told flippantly that something is not available; when something is requested that they can't show currently (it's on display, it's being repaired, someone more important has it reserved, etc) it's on a list. So yeah, it'd be odd to me to be told "you can't see that particular book/map" without also being told when it'll be available again (even if it's 6 months away). The one time a book I requested couldn't be found (coincidentally the book that my "M" photo is from) they started a small manhunt. 4 staff members went down together to the archives to look for it after the first 2 people couldn't find it. One eventually came up to tell us it wasn't found yet but they will keep looking (we had a list of books so we just moved down to something else). They did eventually find it 2 hours later, misfiled in "N" instead of "J" and also on an oversize shelf and not in the regular stacks. But they didn't take its temporary loss lightly at all. I feel weirdly grieving for these books that were so mistreated by the person they were entrusted to. It's a break of the trust that we have to a librarian that is supposed to preserve our heritage for future generations, especially when it's a public collection. Especially by a librarian. I could better understand someone who saw the monetary opportunity and not fully understand the significance, but a librarian that has made it to those ranks seems somehow worse.

My morning prayer is the Lorica of St. Patrick. There's a shorter version, which is what I learned as a child, which is the whole "Christ above me, Christ beneath me, Christ before me,..." etc prayer, I think it's still fairly popular. But a few years ago I stumbled on the much longer version and it instantly clicked. There are some archaic phrases that don't exactly apply to me, but on the whole it is a great reminder as I wake up where all my strength comes from, and putting my day/life in His protection. I won't post the whole thing here, but here's the first few lines: I arise today Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity, Through a belief in the Threeness, Through confession of the Oneness Of the Creator of creation. (Here's a version almost exact to what I say.)

Same. - American

When I hover on the shields it says that user is a moderator. I didn't realize all of these people were moderators? I perhaps would have been a bit more respectful to the protectors of the realm if I had! The waving hand hover says that "the user joined recently." eta: we need a hover of a little clock that means "this user wastes all of their time here". that way it will kick on after say 2 hours of solid posting and a good visual that maybe, just maybe, I should be doing the whole home school thing...

DH is bipolar II. He thinks the term "manic depressive" fits him better because he sees/feels himself as either manic or depressive or both, but never neither. After the diagnosis things were much easier to piece together, and he has taken a much stronger lead on his mental health. Knowing what was happening and being able to label it, if not exactly stop it, was the best feeling of relief because at least it was known. He was diagnosed in his mid 30s and probably had at least 3 major manic episodes before diagnosis where we both just thought something was really wrong, or an early midlife crisis, or a bad work environment, etc., and so we made life decisions to treat these incorrect symptoms instead of what was actually going on. Getting a proper diagnosis early in the game will really be a game changer for your son, I can't really emphasize how good it is to know sooner rather than later. Getting diagnosed is not a sentence to a sad or disappointing life, it's a license to find the best way to live with his particular brain.

DH did not come from a stable home environment where these things were talked about or modeled, and he is very aware of how much of a negative impact it had on his development. So he considers this a keystone of what the kids should leave the house with, and he is also teaching himself. We explicitly talk about those subjects on probably a daily basis, or at least every other day. I wouldn't say we talk about "assertive communication", as much as clear communication and how to talk about without being accusatory or shifting blame (or creating a blame-dynamic where there should be none). Growth mindset is probably the biggest one we talk about since it can be done on just about any topic, and (perhaps genetic?) it seems to be a harder thing for a couple of the kids to naturally get and practice. We take time when people aren't angry to teach them coping methods and emotional management. Then (when younger) do the same exercises with them when they actually are upset, and then (when older) ask them to try and do the exercises by themselves and choose which one they think will be most effective for this situation. eta: the other two things we talk about a lot are that feelings are valid and okay to have, it's how you act on them that we are learning to control, and not let them control you. And the idea of cause and effect in relationships -- DH has a visceral negative reaction to the word "consequence" so we try and keep this topic very neutral and objective and use different lenses to see what would be the expected reaction to their actions and how they can change how a story goes based on their choices. We model, too, but usually after a modeling my DH will say, "Do you see how mom defused the situation by..." or "Even though I am not happy right now, when I responded I was able to say...." type of stuff. I usually forget to point to a technique after the fact, but DH firmly believes in "scene and sequel" method of learning. This makes us sound either super balanced or super neurotic (eta: we are neither lol), but really this is a lot of what DH is actively working on himself so it is natural for him to discuss it with the kids.

So I don't have Netflix (cancelled over my issues with their content) and won't be seeing this. Have seen maybe 5 seconds of the trailer then decided I was out. Basing my thoughts off of this thread and a few descriptions/synopses I've read around the internet. So, regardless of what the movie was trying to do, it sounds only partially successful. Because yes, while it did start a conversation and put a highlight on the hyper-sexualization of children and dance, it missed the mark in two ways from what the director said was the intention. 1) it made it about children doing this on their own, when dance competitions are adult-led and choreographed, so it is shifting the blame onto the children, and not what adults are doing to children. If this was supposed to be a "horrified" reaction about dance competitions, make it about the guilty parties of dance competition choreographers and judges, not about the children's wanting to please/be liked by those around them. 2) it's NORMALIZING this type of behavior for tweens to an adult's perspective. We are saying "well, these issues are very common and normal things for kids to struggle with" and then accepting this type of dance as something that, even if it isn't preferable, it's okay because the child is "exploring their identity." This isn't about exploring an identity, it's about figuring out how to objectify oneself and do what is pleasing to others to get attention. We are normalizing this even more into our society's mind. How many people a few years from now will say, after seeing a kid do something hyper-sexualized, "Well remember that movie a few years back, this is pretty normal for kids to do at this age." It's not normal (or shouldn't be) for children to be watching porn, choosing clothing to reveal their bodies, and basing dances off stripper moves; these should be red flags about the child's environment, not "just their age". Just because children want to be adults doesn't mean that adults should be okay with or tolerate certain behaviors being imitated, or thinking that children understand those behaviors past "being grown up". Linking this to my first point and back to the supposed criticism of the dance world, It's normalizing the exploitation of children for adult gain, because we can now say, "well, but children do this type of thing on their own even without a choreographer". eta to change a sentence, having trouble explaining myself.

I never thought of that! Looks like I'll just have to have another baby.....

Oh let me count the ways! lol 😉 Because it's a lot easier to change a diaper without having to take off pants. And for girls wearing cute dresses but either it's cold of they are crawling, it gives their legs protections. (I hate hate hate tights on baby girls, I could never get them on right, lol) They can double WITH pants when it's cold for an extra layer of warmth and the baby doesn't freeze completely during diaper changes They can help hold on socks!! They are cute and come in different patterns that pants can't really pull off.

These aren't essentials but there are some things that I always wanted or loved getting as gifts but didn't buy myself because there are real necessities like diapers that always took my budget, lol: I've always liked baby leggings things, especially if baby would be a crawler during cold months. If mom will be nursing, nursing covers, nursing pillow, nipple care things and a good book. If they are doing bottles, there are some fancy bottle warmer things for trips to keep the bottle warm longer or warm it in the car. Those carseat canopies to make a tent for baby when they are sleeping or to keep them warm/dry. I always wanted those and so compensated by giving them to others, lol.

Instructions unclear. Now have rice in my ear! Send help! (eta: ear, year, get it? DH didn't 😞 ouch. lol.) (eta 2: DH clarifies he got it, he just didn't think it was funny. double ouch! LOL)

You're right. I am proud of you for not yelling, "Get off my lawn!" in a crotchety old man voice and then muttering under your breath about kids these days.

Fair enough, I agree about the second point. As I was thinking more that kind of made the 3a. I guess the more general point is: they can do only so many studies at a time, and I don't expect Sturgis to be the last. And true, if Bama starts to send people home that will definitely have a larger impact. But it's again a growing problem, not set in a time period yet, and we are going to see this happen all across the country (potentially) with other universities as well that will also have potential international impact. I guess the writers could choose one university to study, but then why not this other one or that other one? If studies are already being done on Bama they may want to look at events that don't have an obvious research body interested in it already. But I do hope we see studies on Bama and others sooner rather than later.

Well I'm not the paper writers, but a few immediate thoughts spring to mind: 1) Sturgis is done so they can look at data from a set point and time period and follow the trail much easier than having new data continuously generated 2) Maybe they are doing a Bama paper, but if Sturgis was chronologically first it would make sense if they started it earlier. Or, even if they were concurrent, one has to be done first. 3) Sturgis has a national impact because it was a rally that brought multiple people together traveling interstate both to the rally then back. This is similar to the studies they did on other rally events. (And they may have a better model tailored to this type of travel tracing as opposed to a method for a localized but growing thing). eta 3a) There are tons of colleges and universities opening all over the country. These paper writers probably can't do all of these universities. It makes sense for them to focus on one-off events. And the universities and states they are in are probably doing studies on the school impacts already. At least I hope so. Eventually we will see comparison studies of different universities at least.

Truthfully, they are probably in denial of any responsibility and are instead blaming whatever guest brought it there. If they do feel guilt I feel very badly for them, because that is going to be a very heavy burden to bear, and it's now tied to their wedding memories. But yes, this is a problem, the idea of averages. Not because it isn't necessarily true, but we do not act logically on the idea, and instead ALL think we are the lucky cases and act as such. And we all know *we* must be the safe side of the average because we tend to learn based on our past experiences and results. If nothing has happened to us so far, we have "learned" that nothing will happen to us. But past performance does not guarantee future results, especially in an environment such as this. Which is why even though I seem overly cautious to some, I am not letting things "slide" because someone else did and didn't get hurt. And I would argue that the "sliding" IS actually hurting people with its after effects: more and more people breaking the rules and going against recommendations, just because so-and-so did so and nothing bad happened to them. But now surprise surprise, we have bigger problems. Just because not everyone gets hurt doesn't mean anyone can just do what they like. How many other rallies and public events were held since it seemed Sturgis went on okay and for a few weeks there was no huge number reported? How many people decided that it all must be a hoax since the rally didn't have people falling over and dying throughout the event? We aren't logical enough as a group to figure out how to make the "law of averages" actually apply to our daily living. So that's why the restrictions have to be focused on the worse case scenarios. Not because it is necessary in every case, but because it is necessary overall. (eta: what's kind of funny to me is that I am not an anxious or worry type of person. I am not the person to stay up at night worrying about things out of my control, or even in my control once I have a plan of what needs to be done. It's just not my personality. This isn't me "living in fear", it just makes sense not to do these things that have a negative impact on society at large. DH does all the worrying for both of us and probably enough for half the block, too, so I am not used to being on the side arguing for more caution, lol.)

Today was the first day of my new diet. I said, was.

If the neighbor girl is going through shock of regular school to home school, I can understand it being difficult on her and the mom looking for anyone to fill the social side, even someone who isn't the best fit. Could you and the mom instead set it up not to be "fun playtime" but that you do a set activity, like art stuff, together? Quasi school. So she gets a little bit of socialization but your daughter doesn't have to overly interact with her and play with someone she doesn't click with. I'd either do this or group playtime, but would not force one on ones.

Mental illness is difficult to deal with; it's not really a marriage problem, it's a medical condition that has really big consequences on all of his relationships. But that knowledge doesn't really help you in your immediate need: the hole in the boat is still sinking you, even if it is not in the main cabin. So I'll just talk practically from my experience. A lot of this may not be the best advice (as I'm sure my fellow boardies will be more than happy to point out, lol), but learn from my mistakes and experience I guess. I'm bolding because I know I write way too much and I want you to be able to skim if you're not up for my treatise, lol. The best would be if he would address it medically. It's great he self-labeled it as depression, but it seems he's still in a "this is just how I am" or "I can deal with it myself" or "it'll go away on it's own" stage. And you've got to work with what you got, right? What about the doctor for non-depression reasons? How does he feel about doctors in general? It may be a legit imbalance of something else that isn't being addressed. Is there a way you can bring this up to him without shutting him down? Does he have an annual physical or can you point out that you've noticed he's eating less or that his sleep may not be good since he needs so much? Something to get him to the doctor's door? But don't force this! Actually, don't force ANYTHING when he's already shut down. Don't use guilt! Don't show disdain for their "poor decision making" or "lack of willpower" or tell them you are already "sucking it up" and they should too. I have seen this backfire (spectacularly). The best way to make a depressed individual even more stuck in their depression is by getting a bulldozer to dig them out. Try a spoon, try a silk cloth, try nothing other than just being there for them with love and understanding, but don't try a bulldozer! Ultimatums can fail spectacularly and should be only used when the other alternative is already similarly spectacularly dire. It doesn't sound like you are there yet, so there's still tons of things you can do in your own wheelhouse to help him, and if not him, yourself. Fit as much good things into your own routine as possible and invite him to join. Not pressure, invite. When he gets home for work, have the kids already at the door and ready to go on a walk and invite him to come with you. Make dinners healthy: nutrient rich, protein rich, avoid sugars and simple carbs. If you have control over his breakfast and lunches, gradually change these too. Look up diets for depression. You mentioned travel: say that you want to plan a dream vacation for when you're able to travel again and you'd like to know where he'd like to go. Involve him in the process, give him something to look forward to. Add in [more] family prayer. 1 quick prayer after dinner. Then maybe expand it to a longer thing. People talk about the benefits of meditation for depression: prayer is basically that if done consistently and in a calming way, and especially if you can have a repeating prayer or at least a prayer that stays the same every day (not free form, is what I'm trying to say). Reinforce the good things he's doing, because it is super difficult for him to do them if he's depressed. So, do you know his love language? Try to show your appreciation in this way. If you don't, I guess try a scattershot approach of the languages to see what he responds to best. My DH is words of affirmation all of the way. I love love love to give gifts, but I could buy him the Taj Mahal and if it didn't have a "Thanks for everything you do, you're amazing" sticky-noted on it, it wouldn't mean anything. If he's not doing anything you can praise him for, make it up. Ask for his help with things he likes doing or is so ridiculously easy. "Could you bring in the mail after you park?" "Would you mind putting the milk back in the fridge, I keep forgetting." Whatever. And just praise the heck out of it (or respond with his love language, you know what I mean). You may be privately annoyed (because you are doing a ton of stuff and where is *your* parade, right?). But this is what love looks like some days. Bend what you like (temporarily) around what they like if they are willing to put in any effort to do it with you. Not forever, but it's their mental health that needs support, and sometimes just silently sharing a TV show can be worth it if the next day they might actually want to get out of bed so they can do it again with you. Put on your own oxygen mask. Find whatever outlet allows you to get up and do the day even if he never leaves the bedroom all weekend. Sometimes I have found thinking of myself as a single mom of 5 has been helpful. Basically, structure what you can in the house and daily life that makes things easier for YOU wherever possible, because YOU are the one who it will affect most. And besides, it's better if the plates are stored somewhere else and he has to ask where, than to have him come out of his depression to find the house Armageddon'd and you a wreck yourself, lol, that serves no one and nothing. And, I guess my last big rock from my own experience is that he's the one in charge of his own health. You can support and love from the sidelines and sometimes you can hold his hand or be a shoulder to lean on, but he needs to be the one that takes the first steps. It really doesn't work any other way. You'll have to decide for yourself what you're willing to do and what things you absolutely need from him long term if this continues. Being clear about your own capabilities is important for him to understand, but is VITAL for you to understand even more.