I'm guessing your toddler is like mine and likes to help himself to what's in the fridge and so you are doing this to keep the main food from getting spilled or what not. If so, I suggest cups of whatever you give him to drink. If Ihear the fridge open, my little guy is usually dragging out the milk or juice to bring me in hopes Ill pour a cup..

It makes me think of my husband's hair. He was a very blond child and though it has darkened significantly, he still considers himself blond. If you ask our three year old, she has blond hair and his hair is black. She brings this up whenever discussing hair color or the color black. I think she has figured out how to get his goat. Also my mil and many others talk a lot about my kids' "red" hair. Even when they were still bald babies. I responded, yes his scalp is a pinkish-red.

I have no experience with this, but if I were in your shoes I'd back off, sending greeting cards with pictures and short notes only. If mil or bil wakes up and needs out, be there for them then. But know that for them, they can't have a relationship with you and a happy home life. It is a terrible happy life, but it's what they've chosen. It will make their lives easier if you bow out gracefully, and it sounds like, sadly, the easy path is what they are capable of at this time.

It's like you know the man!

He was somewhat vague about what we should do for those to whom we have "a bond of love" but was very clear that we have no such bond to those outside a very narrow geographical area of our house. And he said that to those we do have a bond of love with, we are only required to love them and evangelize to them. Ughh. I knew joining this particular church was a bad idea, but it was so close to our house. I had no idea how bad of an idea it was. I think church discipline for pastors in our denomination comes first from the elders of the local church, then from presbytery (regional body made of ruling and teaching elders), but I don't know how to get the concern to presbytery, if it gets that far.

I think this thread may be about to take on a life of it's own, which is great but I may not reply much. Thank you all for your responses. I was starting to feel crazy since usually when two people disagree the answer is somewhere in the middle, but I didn't feel I could give ground on the idea that Christ calls us to (amongst other things) help those in need.

The letter would help, I think, in going up above the local church level, showing exactly where we see a problem.

It's really funny because, due to the crowds I run with, I'm almost always either the most conservative or most liberal one in the group. I think Iknow where I would fall in a group with you. :)

Mid forties. Sadly I don't think that is it.

Actually, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I even have heard him mention Ayn Rand. And one of the reasons he gave for not helping the poor was that they are lazy.

I already took the convo from my wall to private message because I believe him to be in sin and confronting him personally and privately was the right thing to do. I wish I could just wash my hands of this, but my husband and I are going to write a letter citing scripture and our doctrinal confession to send to him and possibly the elders (whom we plan to meet with anyway to make clear why we are leaving). We are going to consult our form of government and a former pastor about how to do this the proper way, taking it up to the next level as needed. Any BTDT conservative Presbyterians want to give me pointers on how to do this?

. Yes, I think I'm going to consult a former pastor about how to do this. Or if it would help.

. It is messed up, but it does seem his logic has gone: Helping the poor is a liberal thing and liberals are bad so helping the poor is bad. Seriously messed up. Normally I'd drop it and just feel bad for him, but he has a position of authority (albeit in a small and dying church) and an ordination in a denomination I'm not ready to leave just yet.

Thank you all for confirming my sanity. I guess I'm hoping, for the sake of his family, that he read some blog by a guy with a Phd in BS who had a specific definition of "Volunteerism" that this man misunderstood and is now applying to all kind or generous acts. Though thinking about it more, I don't know how that would help. Maybe make it easier to not feel as awkward around his wife, maybe.

So, I'm in the middle of a Facebook conversation with the pastor of the church we have already decided to leave. I've known him and his family for a long time and due to family ties will likely be in the same room as him, his wife, and kids several times a year. His responses are totally baffling me despite the fact that we come from similar conservative theological backgrounds (though I'm less conservative now and I think he's taken a sharp turn somewhere) Have any of you heard anything like this? Is there an author/blogger who is promoting these views? We are leaving this church no matter what at this point, but I'm concerned enough that we may pass our concerns up the chain and I want to understand more before I take such action. As part of a conversation about refugees, he stated that the biblical command to love our neighbor only applies to those "who can walk to my door, knock on it, and ask for help." I asked him about the church's response to the homeless who had been using the church's hose to bathe. He replied that he believes that blocking access to water and doing nothing else (zero percent of church budget to ministry of any sort) was completely correct. When I asked about verses about being known by our fruit and faith without works is dead, he responded that "looking at the poor and asking for good works by those with faith is "a leftist and antichrist list of good works. Volunteerism is not a good work in God's kingdom." Have any of you heard something like this? It would not shock me if he has read something, taken one aspect of it, and run with it. I'm avoiding giving this too much emotional investment and praying about what to do, but I was just accused of having antichrist theology.

In my home town there is an area full of the worst extended stay places you could imagine. People get stuck there because they are too expensive to save for a security deposit and it is that or homeless. They are full of both people trapped in poverty and criminals using the apartments for their dealings. PLEASE check where you are going before you get there, especially if you find a great deal. I'm sure good extended places exist, but there are lots of bad ones IME.

Dp

I'm in France with my family this semester and our plan was to visit Paris in a couple of weekends. Right now I don't feel safe to. Not that it is actually more dangerous, but it certainly feels that way. If it was just my husband and I we'd do it. Don't let the terrorists keep us down. But we have kids, little ones, and they are ours to keep safe. I felt a little scared going to church this morning. Is an English speaking church in a small city a target? My husband is trained military, and in case of attack I will protect the kids while he takes the attacker, which terrifies me. I don't want to have even thought about that. Sorry for the rambling but I'm processing these thoughts now. A different foreign city in which I used to live was rocked by terror attacks after I left, attacks that struck the exact places I had spent a lot of time. It doesn't seem as distant as I wish it did. We will keep travelling and enjoying the world, letting our kids see that the world is full of amazing people doing beautiful things, but I don't plan to book any train tickets until my heart is a little quieter.

My husband is a distance runner (when he has time) and a similar build. Milkshakes with peanut butter and banana are his after run treat. I think his mom used to include protein powder. He also put about half a stick of butter into everything.

I'm pretty sure you can turn it off in Open Office, which is free and works very well.

My actual response would be to be a little bit uncomfortable and flattered, but mostly to have a lower opinion of the person who said it. Either as being very catty or rather clueless, depending. Actually one of my husband's privates made a similar comment to dh, but it just sad to me as it was in response to my ability to cook and not assuming my husband was sleeping around if he was late home. In that situation I had met they guy's wife, so I just felt bad for the both of them.

I vote gerbils! We got a pair of sisters when I was about 11 and so brothers were 5 and 7. Like others, we built them mazes and loved playing with them. One great thing we did was train them to come to a bell. I rang a bell before feeding them, and they learned quickly. It made catching them when they got loose (those things can jump high and will work hard to escape when young and frisky) much easier. I recommend them whole-heartedly.

Whether you go to this or not, make sure you've talked this over with dh. If the military is a big part of his life, it likely hurts that you avoid it so much. My husband is Nat'l Guard and it means a lot to him, so I go to what I can and listen/pretend to listen to army stuff (he doesn't mind if I'm not really listening and will warn me if he's about to say something interesting or important). I don't love that he's military, but he is. Your husband may be fine with compartmentalizing, but he may not. Also, depending on what his deployments are like, having a wife to talk to about experiences might help him readjust. If you have these talks regularly already and just like to skip ceremonies, please ignore all I said before because you have it covered. I would, though, see what the older kids are thinking. If there dad is gone for an extended period of time, would meeting his unit and seeing what stuff looks like help them imagine what he's doing in a reassuring way? ( I don't know if that makes sense. It's late where I am and I shouldn't write when tired.)

We are temporarily in France and we put our three year old in French preschool, which is awesome but not something most can do, of course. Before we came we watched a lot of youtube with songs and shows in French. It gave her a good background, I think, so she adjusted to immersion really well. If your daughter is going to show movies with the French track turned on, I recommend sticking to cartoons. With live action the mouth making English shapes but French coming out can be annoying and even problematic/confusing. Youtube has lots and lots to offer, much of which is high quality and seems to be legally sourced.

I have two little ones, and the way I hope someone would approach me if I were so clueless would be to ask "hey, we notice this is happening and we want to back you up in your normal way of teaching your child to be gentle. Do you have a set phrase she usually hears as you take her away from the baby?" Then I the clueless mom would both be made aware there is a problem and placed in a position to have a troubleshooting conversation without being put on the defensive by someone assuming, even correctly, that I am not parenting my child properly.