OP, I get it. Dh's parents are kinda like that. I mean, I'd go nuts having to monitor stuff like that. Dh will go on a diet and his mom flat out says, "you're just gonna have to put your diet on hold when you're here" when we visit. Granted he's an adult so I guess he could just not eat any of the food she cooks but I think he feels torn. I might go as far as to write names on products with Sharpie. Or a symbol. The kid can eat the drinks/snacks with their name. Period. :lol:

we ran into a similar problem. Dh delivered baked goods (holiday time) to some people at work. One woman we know works in a different office than the rest. Dh and I both chat with her when we see her and she's brought ds a treat on Halloween before. I don't know how the dialogue went but I just know here's dh showing up at her office with baked goods and next thing we know she says her husband was upset by it. I told him he should have had me deliver them. It's not that dh is "wrong" but just that I would err on the side of caution for stuff like that. I don't know if dh will ever give her baked goods again now.

do they buy things like choc. milk just for your kids? Or do they drink it themselves? If it's for the kids, I'd have your dh tell your mom to stop buying it. I don't know if there's a tactful way to do it.

Can you just have your own items that are specifically for your kids? Are the kids old enough to know to decline the choc. milk and only drink whatever you have for them? Can you escort them in the kitchen so you see what they get? Also even keeping a cooler with their items in the cooler outside in the yard with you so their choices are right there and not to be confused with other options in the fridge.

I was saying that some people adjust for their own wiring as well as the wiring of the others involved. I also don't know if people that meet up always consider the feelings of dining pal's mate. Me personally, I might feel very guilty eating with a married man thinking about how it might make his wife feel. If all parties involved are on board that's one thing. But they could just assume they're all on board and be oblivious to how the other people feel. To this day I doubt dh came right out and told the woman he exercised with that his wife was uncomfortable with it. We had some arguments over that. I wouldn't assume to know how I could be affecting others in private just because John Doe kept appearing for lunch. So yeah, I'm a little sensitive to this topic. Not telling others what to do, just explaining I'm nervous about lots of variables.

Yes, precisely. While that may be dismissed as "not my problem" to some, this does concern me. I know that we all deal with the seven deadly sins differently so maybe for one lust is an issue and for another it's not. Also, depending on the person they may be more or less in tune with the feelings of those around them. I'm an HSP so I might pick up on something more than someone else.

No, you can't control them but you can also avoid putting yourself in a situation where you have to shoot someone down. Especially a workmate where had the "shutting down" conversation never came to a head you wouldn't have a future awkward as hell working relationship.

I like to think we're all "grown ass women" here thankyouverymuch. I can't control other people's feelings and that's half the equation in these scenarios. If I suspected a male friend had a crush on me (some people wouldn't even notice because they're the oblivious type like my dh) I wouldn't feel right continuing to eat out with him. Most of the replies here are women saying, "I wouldn't let anything happen" but that's not what this is completely about. It's about, "are you leading on someone? Is your spouse comfortable with you spending time with this person that clearly has a crush on you?" Not all of these things apply to all cases. They are just examples of what some are reflecting on when they make their choices of who to spend time alone with. So you don't have to have a comeback for them all. I can't control it if friendliness occasionally gets interpreted as flirting or actions speak louder than words and the act of going out to dinner resembles a date. I already told you I don't care what you do. You don't have to defend it. I'm just saying why some people choose not to do it and why. Really. For the record, dh had mostly female friends when we met. I had mostly male. We didn't cut them 100% out of our lives, but we also probably wouldn't meet up with them one on one. We don't live near many of them, anyway. A couple people did post some things that read as flirting which we didn't appreciate.

I found my religion books. Went over some material with ds. Received an email back from the Sunday school teacher, too so I know what we missed. Not sure how often to keep ds home when he's like this. You get a max of 10 absences per semester (or 20/yr but he already missed 10 last semester between junk like this and flu). When I listen to his lungs it doesn't sound good. Hope your ds is better asap. That was nice that you let your neighbor use your machines. I'm sure she's very thankful.

I do think a lot of it has to do with individuals so no, I don't automatically assume there's a big risk involved in every case. I also believe that developing feelings or being uncomfortable can happen without any ounce of physical contact so sticking to "I am not on the market for sexual contact" doesn't address other issues like emotional affairs or lust of the heart.

:laugh: Yeah I don't trust the water or something else in the water. It's not about the swimmer. That's what's so annoying is that people that don't live in shark infested waters are saying, "what's wrong with your swimmer?"

Yes but that doesn't deserve mocking others for their choices. "My swimmer is perfect. I can't believe you'd need floaties." Some people's environment may feel more like a kiddie pool, some more like a regular size pool and some maybe more like roaring rapids. Waves can catch even the best swimmers off guard.

I feel like this thread is going like this person A: Lifevests are a good idea person B: why? You don't trust the life guard? person A: it's not that... it's just, I don't want to see this person I care about possibly in a bad situation person B: I can't believe you don't just trust the lifeguard Not everyone that is in favor of "life vests" distrusts the lifeguard (spouse)

Lol I get what you're saying but again, this doesn't always mean someone doesn't trust their spouse. It can merely be that they are protecting an image or protecting their spouse from someone that will make a move which the spouse then has to address. Something that could have been avoided all together had they not set up the one on one interactions outside of work in the first place.

I don't think you can completely choose things. You can try to block the thoughts or feelings and maybe successfully move past them, but I don't know if it's totally fair to say this as a blanket statement. Besides, what woman is going to admit, "yes, I am still attracted to your spouse?" I wouldn't ask.

Lol it might not be that at all. It could be that the spouse is hopelessly oblivious and has no idea that women are interested in him until the women is very direct. Dh is quite oblivious. He recently found out someone has a crush on him because a mutual friend blurted it out (online gaming buddy from years ago) and he was shocked. I wasn't. ETA: I'm not really sure what non-fraternization with women in general means exactly. I don't think all of us were going that far, just requesting limited one on one interactions.

Maybe I've watched too much TV lol but on the shows it often comes on suddenly where the people have to jerk away to stop the physical touch from happening. Yeah you can say, "stop" or "no" and move, but at that point I'd feel like I could have been proactive instead. Crossing the line might not be physical, but it might be too subtle to say, "you're crossing the line." I know a lot of us have watched Parenthood. I don't think all of us expected one of the indiscretions. This is a "to each their own" topic, but I just don't think it's so strange for some people to do what they feel is just being proactive.

I wasn't really thinking about workmates that are alone together a lot in the office. I was thinking about workmates that are creating unnecessary alone time by leaving the office to eat out together or do other things together out of work. I used to work with a guy that sat right next to me. Of course we talked and got to know each other. Sometimes we'd have to work late to make deadlines. If I worked late there were less people in the building. But I didn't go out to eat with him one on one. That would have felt weird. For some reason he made it a point to tell dh that he worked late hours alone with me, as if trying to get a rise out of dh. Ugh. Honestly I don't think I worked with him after hours that often but it's all kind of a blur now.

I think it's because the frequent dinners can lead to a relationship. Maybe an emotional affair. Then it spirals from there. It's not like boom dinner = affair. Just that it could be the beginning of a slippery slope.

I'm sad that ds is missing his First Communion retreat today :( He's been wheezy and he's currently on his nebulizer. Guess instead of going to Sunday school, Mass and retreat today we are staying home and trying to get him better. He has standardized tests at school starting Monday and I don't know if he'll be ready to return to school. He already missed 4 days last week. Luckily I make him bring home school books daily so we can get some work done from home. Our religion subscription for this grade just expired so we can't do the online courses, but maybe I can find our religious books that I misplaced.

While I agree that individuals vary and it's a person by person thing, I do understand that sometimes this predatory personality comes out of left field, not necessarily people that you are well associated with. You don't have to hang out with them to encounter this behavior. Dh has told me some weird things that women have said to him (like encouraging him to get on a site like that Ashley Mad*son site. UGH!!)

I'm not sure I will let myself read the full article and I haven't read many replies, but I do want to say that I've done a lot of reading on burglars recently and yes, daytime is the prime time for most break ins. People figure the homeowners are at work or school. Also, I know two people that were murdered in their home about a year ago. We never figured out the motive but one possibility was the man was looking for drugs (they worked in the medical field). I don't assume that the average burglar is intending to harm or wanting to stick around long enough to get caught (figuring they just want loot to sell or use) but I do keep in mind that anything is possible.

In this case I would guess that the suggestion would be that a bisexual woman spend more time with her straight friends rather than gay female friends? If that's applicable. I really think the answer is going to depend on the individuals involved. Obviously not every partner is going to feel uncomfortable with outside relationships or specific friends. YMMV

I'm really hating the implication that if a woman thinks precautions might be healthy that she must not trust her spouse. It could simply be that she does trust her spouse but doesn't see any reason for temptation to potentially be there or she wants to protect the other people that he could inadvertently be leading on. Or you know, she may not trust the other people.

I wasn't talking about professed crushes. I was talking about secret crushes. Say it was obvious to your spouse or coworkers that a male coworker had a crush on you. Would that knowledge affect your interactions? If I knew a male colleague had a crush on me I certainly would give pause about continuing to eat lunch with them one on one. It doesn't matter if they openly told me. And I wouldn't expect my colleague to necessarily share with me that their marriage was on the rocks if it was. Heck, I want dh to go to marriage counseling with me. I don't expect his coworkers to suspect that.