I would say not standard. It sounds ridiculous. Maybe they are using airline overbooking logic: We know you've already paid for the room, but if we knew you weren't going to show up we could have rented it to someone else, so therefore you need to pay us for that loss, too.

One of the officers involved in the assault has been put on leave. Glad to know that is not their standard operating procedure. http://chicago.suntimes.com/news/video-appears-to-show-passenger-being-removed-from-united-flight/

The Secret Life of Words

I think I would be concerned about the safety of flying with a crew with such a tiny portion of brain cells. I'm sticking with Delta.

No kidding, they could have offered $5,000 and come out ahead. Their continuing bad publicity is really going to hurt their bottom line. Even if they are "in the right," don't they have anyone in the company that thinks about appearances and social media?

I apologize. I really meant that specific kind of stressor, since this particular problem is not one for you. We all have different stressors. I guess I'm sensitive to how others react to mine. I'll bow out.

I get how my phone works. I think what you are missing is that some people get crisis texts (particularly from teens, because sometimes it's safer to text than talk), and sometimes they come from an unknown number. So to be sure those calls or texts get through, ALL calls and and texts must be let through on the settings. The only technology option is to block those specific individuals who text in the middle of the night, and if it's a reply to a group text, you may not even know the person ahead of time to have known to block them. It's a one by one method. It's totally great that you don't have those kinds of stressors in your life, but those who do are often sleep-deprived and usually can't go back to sleep after a text about carpool. Honestly, the people in my life are understanding, so it's not much of a problem for me, but I really feel for those who aren't so lucky. Rather than saying it is rude to text during the night, maybe I should say the people in my life are particularly polite and kind to take my needs into consideration. Before these threads, I never thought of it as rude. I just figured people just didn't think through what they were doing. In other words, they would be considerate if they knew.

I agree with these. You don't really know what number an emergency text or call will come from. I'm one of those people who has a life that is full of people with real crises (that aren't carpool notifications), so I only want texts or calls to come into my phone at night when they are a true emergency. People who live in that reality also tend to get very little sleep, so are very protective of it. I do think it is rude, but then being southern raised, I think lots of things are rude that are common behavior. I get up early and do most of my replies between 3am and 5am. I would never consider texting people in those hours. I always use e-mail or facebook messages (if I know the person doesn't get instant notifications on that). I cope a couple of ways: I give very few people my cell number. Others have to e-mail, or call or text the google number which goes to e-mail. If someone does text me off hours, I set their texts to do not disturb (or no noise). Usually they never get set back, so I see their texts when i see them. Fortunately most people do understand and are kind enough to not text me during the night when I mention it. The truth is if ANY of these people had a middle-of-the-night emergency, we'd be there, so I guess it might be to their benefit to not abuse that.

Mine was too :grouphug: :grouphug:

In my experience with relative's child, it took about 24 hours for the grandparents to provide a cell phone with data service, thus eliminating the ability to use that threat, because that was cruel and unusual punishment (and unsafe to not have phone.) I expect that might happen here.

Yes, definitely. Please don't feel judged. I know I felt like a failure, but with perspective (a year later), I understand that I did everything I could. I do think sometimes mental illness in adult children can't be fixed by the parents, even if the parents do all the right things. I don't claim to understand the psychology, but it seems like the child has a mental block against anything from them being helpful, and you are beating your head on that block wall. Try from the sides (or get your dh to if he communicates well with the relatives). Encourage them to get that cleaning service for her apartment and encourage them to tell her about jobs that might be of interest. Once the relationship heals a bit, give gifts of services that will help give her a leg up. This is not your fault! Losing your patience with someone does not cause mental illness. I wouldn't worry that the in-laws blame you. I'd say fall on that sword if it gets her a free apartment and someone to take care of her. The in-laws need a scapegoat, everyone else knows that you are doing everything you can.

I know most people (including your dh and yourself) are concerned about the child, but I'm worried about you! I have a bit of perspective because I had to decide that I could no longer care for an elderly relative with dementia in my home. I completely destroyed my own health and other relationships, devoting all my time, energy and resources to the situation. If your siggie is right you are still trying to homeschool a young child, too. Here's my two cents: Possibility 1: The YA is disabled, emotionally or mentally, and will for the future need appropriate care. She needs someone to feed her, clean up after her, and pay all of her expenses. In the family that job has fallen to you, and it is becoming too much. Your choices are to pass the job to another relative, a facility, or find respite so you can continue to do the job yourself and maintain your sanity and health. So for the respite, you need an activity that the YA can go to a few hours a day, so you can relax and focus on your other jobs (homeschooling, etc.) You also need someone to come in regularly and clean the YA's space, because that is more than you can do with your other responsibilities. Frequent week-long visits at the grandparents could also help. If the YA is this disabled, then resources like a cleaning service should also be included when someone gets her an apartment. Possibility 2: The YA has a mental illness, but not so bad that she needs as much care as she is getting. In this case treatment would be helpful, but she is too old to force it. This possibility ties your hands more, because she is bad enough to make your life miserable, but not bad enough where people see the need for resources (i.e. she will destroy your house with filth, but not burn it down.) I really get the sense that you and your dh have tried everything you can without her help, that's why you are at a breaking point. The relationship may even be hampering the efforts to get her help (i.e. parents say I need X so I will DIE before I get X). I think that the apartment is a good idea (particularly if the grandparents throw in a cleaning service). She can still get help from there and maybe the distance will do you all and the relationship good. I know that this is way more than you asked for in the OP, but I think that at some point you need to put your own oxygen mask (and not make the mistakes I did.) I couldn't not say it.

I can't explain, but I do have personal experience with that breaking point. You want to help so badly, but YOU are past the point where you can help in this situation. There is too much friction. Let the child move and take a step back for some time to you to recover. Then start over with suggestion for job/classes/counseling from a distance, one adult to another, rather than parent to child. Gently, what you are doing isn't working, even with 26 barreling toward you, it is time to try something else.

Look carefully before you apply to local colleges this year with the idea of a gap year. It might be best to wait. It's sometimes hard to change residency status once it is registered. It might be better to wait to apply until you are a resident. I'd read up on gap years and how to document them for college or employment. Have her pick a plan and structure. I think it would be better if she was sticking to a plan and structure to justify the year for others rather than you. I think it would reduce friction. And like with any resume item, it can be adjusted as the year progresses, or as she feels it needs.

About 2 3/4 years. I got pregnant and was having a rough first trimester, so I weaned. I did it gently and it wasn't too bad. I mean he would have rather not, but I helped it dwindle down to nothing. He was also old enough to understand a bit of reasoning.

And, bless you for being so kind and compassionate. There is no way you can take over her evening care and continue your life. She needs caregivers of some sort while he is gone, but it is wonderful for you to keep an eye out and care so much.

I would agree that you need to contact someone to help, unless you can get through to her dh and he gets her treatment. Though if you have compassionate elderly services in the area, they would be the best people to help him find the help he needs. Also, read about sundowning. For some reason, those with dementia get much worse in the evening. Since her dh works second shift, he may not realize how bad it gets when he is gone. He may also not realize how much support he is giving her when he is there. I went through a period where no one believed me about how bad my relative was. He could fake it through the day, but the evenings and nights were horrible. I was the only one to witness that (along with ds), and everyone thought I was exaggerating the situation.

We had a store called Units at our mall http://www.liketotally80s.com/2015/05/units/ I think there was a competitor called Multiples at about the same time.

I need to do this! Thanks for updating me on the current terms. "Wardrobe capsule" sounds much better than going into a store asking if they have Garanimals for grown-ups ;-)

:grouphug: I'm so sorry :crying:

The exact same benefit that he would have gotten if she were male. I love helping students and young people move forward in their careers and life. I don't really ever think about what gender they are as part of the equation.

I have to second (third or fourth) the recommendation for getting a standard poodle. I'm highly allergic, but have no problem with my two standards. Some of the doodle mixes do bother me. Standards are wonderful dogs. (You may have to research and drive to get a good breeder, but it's a small thing that is worth it in the long run. It's been fourteen years since we did all that to find our old fella, and in hindsight, it was just a little inconvenience for fourteen years of happiness.)

Well, I feel better that I can't find any! Apparently they are hard to come by! I don't like flannel or t-shirt material, they are both too hot. I like the sheets to feel cold to the touch. It's not just soft, it's the texture. I find almost all sheets scratchy, even most hotel sheets. The sateen ones are soft, but in an icky slimy way. As I type this out, I realize that I am just super picky, though I don't love what I'm sleeping on now. (We have a king bed and the old sheets are doubles and twins.) I just realized the last good ones that I got were made in the US as I actually got them at the factory outlet. Maybe searching for sheets made in the US would work? I'll check out Wamsutta and Garnet Hill, too. I'll let ya'll know if I come up with anything. And, if anyone else has a recommendation...

What did you get to replace them when they disintegrated? I'd really like to just order all new sheets online, but it's hard to figure out from the amazon reviews. 100% cotton, high thread count sheets vary widely. I don't want satin finish, and I definitely don't want them crisp and rough. I expect it will take dozens of washings to get them perfect, but none of the ones I bought several years ago got really soft. The last good ones I bought were from the West Point Pepperell outlet when ds was a baby. I did inherit some of Mom's, but they really are 50 years old and going fast.

Out of the box- Origami! There are some excellent videos on the math of folding and uses in space and medicine. Plenty of stories and details to research further. I don't have time today, but I can dig up the titles of the videos we watched over the weekend.