Merry Christmas!

I’m so sorry.

This is me, too. With respect, I don’t think anyone gets to say that others can acclimate or feel less discomfort by improving their mindset. If that works for you, great, but until you’re in my skin, don’t assume it will work for me if I just do what you do. OP, my best ideas: time outside activities for the coolest parts of the day, including after dark; try swimming or even just hanging out in a pool, as long as the pool has some shade available; travel to less humid places and enjoy outdoor activities there; embrace sitting outside with your coffee or, better yet, something cold like iced tea or lemonade. Use cool showers liberally.

Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol. Try it. The music is glorious, the story is faithful to the original. It’s wonderful.

I’m with you. Christmas hasn’t started yet. Once it does, it will continue until Epiphany. Our tree goes up tomorrow.

It is so lovely to have kids old enough to jump in and take over parts of the preparation. I sometimes miss little-kid excitement, but grown-kid help is a fine compensation.

I agree that I wouldn’t glaze it for sandwiches. If you do want to glaze it, that’s usually a quick process, after the ham is already warm or hot. The sugar will burn if it’s heated too long. Personally, for sandwiches, I wouldn’t even heat it. But you can assemble the buttered, filled rolls or biscuits in a pan, cover the whole business with aluminum foil, and heat them gently like that.

What kind of ham is it? Most are moist these days, but there are still some dry, highly cured country hams. They need to be treated differently. Did any instructions come with it?

Do you mean crows, ravens, or both? I’m only putting a bit out at a time, while we’re around to watch the birds come eat it. There’s nothing left by night. But you’re right that these are things I need to think about. I don’t want to upset neighbors.

At one point it seemed reasonable to hope that the legacy would be an increased respect for the need to stay home when sick. Pity that seems to have vanished.

Now that is very thoughtful of you! I’m sure they do love it. 😁 I’ve given our other crow visitors hard boiled eggs sometimes. Those are popular.

I know crows will do this. Are you speaking of ravens also?

If it were my party, I’d appreciate your honesty and thoughtfulness in telling me that you were sick and staying home.

I started putting peanuts out on our deck for the birds, anticipating that the blue jays who come by frequently would enjoy them. They do, but to my delight, some crows have started eating them also. They’re bolder than the ones I’ve fed elsewhere, though still cautious about coming when we’re nearby. This is the first time we’ve had a house within the range of northern (common) ravens. So far I’ve only seen one; it was in farmland, near huge stretches of forest, pretty far from towns. There are a few reports of them in our town, though. Do they ever frequent towns or come near houses? Is it possible they might turn up for peanuts? My impression is that they’re more solitary than crows. Is that correct? Are they also more wary?

If you think of the winter solstice as the time we celebrate the return of the sun, it seems perfect. This is the beginning of the end of the darkest time.

I meant to reread The Dark is Rising, but seem to have run out of time. Maybe tomorrow, though it’s not quite the same.

Yep. I’d occasionally do something else for variety, but there’d be a mutiny. It is good. We basically use this recipe, without the bananas and with twice the custard. I love custard… https://www.deliaonline.com/recipes/books/delias-happy-christmas/traditional-english-trifle

Trifle

https://www.thespruce.com/poinsettia-care-guide-1403587

I think the details are important here. We don’t have them or need them; the OP may need to focus on privacy, so I’m not urging her to share more than she feels appropriate. But I could see the right decision being either getting the phone or not getting it. I think the crucial thing is for the OP to learn more about smartphones and use one herself, because sooner rather than later, her dd will have one.

I’m so sorry things are so difficult. Please know that you’re dealing with some of the most challenging years now, but your kids are still very young. A lot can, and probably will, change, hopefully making life much better. For your whole family’s sake, please make finding a good therapist a priority. Not yelling, I promise: your kids can’t change the world they were born into. I mean, down the road, sure, maybe! They could do all kinds of wonderful things. But right now they’re in a world where smartphones are ubiquitous and socially crucial. I don’t like the situation much more than you do. I think in many ways the world was a better place before the internet, which has unleashed dragons we can’t control. But your kids are responding to the world they’re living in, and I don’t think it’s surprising or awful that having smartphones is important to them. The kids are telling you the truth, that in the world they’re in, phones are important. Think how strong social influences are in the teen years, and then picture being kept outside the world all your friends and classmates inhabit. Precisely because those social influences are so strong, you need to walk into the current world with your kids. Don’t constantly excoriate smartphones to them. You’ll decrease your own influence if you ask them to reject the world they must inhabit. Do learn to use your own smartphone. It can be useful. You don’t have to become ensnared by it at every moment. You need to walk alongside your kids as they navigate the dangers smartphones present. Sending lots of hugs, because I know this is hard. It can get so much better.

Maybe some of these Korean dishes would work for you. There shouldn’t be a paywall for the article; not sure if the site will let you get to the recipes, but if there are any you can’t find with a search online, let me know and I’ll try to link them. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/15/dining/christmas-lunch-korean-american-church.html?mwgrp=a-mbar&unlocked_article_code=1.G00.GI8K.J4Q5s8mqYv3q&smid=url-share

My dd just told me about it. It’s apparently a plant that cats react to sort of like catnip. What dd got came as short dry sticks that the cat chews.

I feel your pain. Finding a decorative canister set which has containers big enough for a five pound bag of flour and a four or five pound bag of sugar is surprisingly difficult. I’ve been looking for one too, without trying very hard yet on my own account because it’s not an urgent need. When I scrolled through possibilities online with your added goal of a Portuguese tile look, I came up empty. For myself, I tend to look at secondhand, vintage stuff first. Going through eBay and Etsy, there are lots of sets, but most have containers too small for a bag of flour. As far as I can tell that’s true for most new sets also. What on earth are manufacturers thinking? There *are* a few sets out there like the roughly 1950s ones that I inherited, which hold exactly the right amount. I can’t recommend them, though, because they’re painted tin, and the paint is beginning to scratch and chip. I have also seen some vintage brushed aluminum ones which look, from what I can see online, like they might hold the right quantities, but they’re a long way from the Portuguese tile idea. I may end up going with them because they’re light and won’t break if I drop one. And then, as you undoubtedly know, there are the plain plastic options, which come in any size one could want. There are clear glass ones, too, but I know that’s not what you want. 🤷‍♀️ I wish you luck.

A very minor improvement that might be possible: would audiobooks, using headphones or earbuds, be an accepted way to entertain the kids for a while? Listening to literature is completely virtuous, yes, unlike staring at screens? I hear that it’s not likely that your parents will understand the misophonia. I would still work on your sister, if she’s generally a reasonable person. I’d go as far as providing links to websites or buying her some books or, I don’t know, anything that might help her understand. I’d also point out that just like autism, there’s a spectrum of how people can be affected, so just because this person she knows can cope with xyz, that doesn’t mean your kid can. I would want to do everything possible to demonstrate that you’re dealing with serious issues, not just trying to avoid her kids. If Sis can understand the situation, then she can help her kids understand. They’re getting old enough that they should be able to understand that noise really hurts their cousin, just as if they had been cut or scraped a knee. She can also help them practice quiet behavior, because they want to be able to visit quietly. Coloring books, play dough or modeling clay while listening to an audiobook, I know you know all the possibilities. Mostly, though, I think you just need to find some comfort knowing that you’ve done the best you can. Let your kids off the hook, entirely. I remember your description of the visit with no food. Your parents don’t sound like they can be reasonable. That stinks, but it’s not your fault. You’ve made valiant efforts. You can still see folks for short visits that may not include your kids, which happens as kids grow up. I’m sorry it’s so difficult and painful.