OCD also "develops"in many people during puberty. My daughter has OCD and her OCD obsession/compulsions are food related. It took us four relapses of anorexia to figure that out, diagnose OCD and find a great ERP therapist and med that worked. She had OCD traits as young as 7, developed anorexia and developed full-blown OCD at 13/14.

It seems reasonable for the style of gaming that DnD entails. That said, it wouldn't have been compatible with our family life style when our kids were that age. (approx 5 years ago). 2 of my now-young adult children play DnD and they meet weekly for about 4 hours, which would have been a better fit for our family lifestyle when they were younger

I read yesterday that 30% of US military members who are eligible have refused it and the article (CNN) went on to explain that 30% is pretty typical everywhere. I read an CNN article several months ago that 40% of FDNY planned to refuse it. So it may just be human nature

My family is very conversant with trauma and PTSD. One of my daughters has PTSD from an emotionally/sexually abusive relationship. She was tremendously helped by EMDR therapy and her therapist got my SIL in with a tremendous EMDR therapist who isn't actually accepting new clients. So we are all hopeful on that front. My husband and I suggested a private, small wedding and were informed by the groom that wasn't an option. He views a wedding as a community event. A public announcement of his love and commitment to his wife. He has been very active in the planning of the wedding and has informed us in no uncertain terms that it will happen. He is also furious that his mother caused to develop PTSD and refuses to "let her take this from him too" So a wedding is happening. They are doing this and uninviting any guests that are not supportive of him. Will there be "spies"? Possibly, but we live in a major metro area. (12 miles south of the pentagon) so there are a lot of communities to choose from. They are skipping many of the "traditions". They love to dance together so there will be a first dance but they are skipping assigned family dances. They are skipping speeches. Our state still has pretty severe gathering limits in place so most guests are getting a "reception-to-go"package and a very small group are going to restaurant for a celebratory dinner. They bought out the restaurant for the night so we will be the only guests there. We looked into it. But they don't have grounds for one as the abuse toward him has been all emotional and they have not trespassed or chased him down once he cut contact. My daughter and I work a private school and she spoke to our security officer today and they are hiring him for event security for the day. He will be outside looking for uninvited guests and will call law enforcement if needed.

Maybe what I am not articulating well, is how to make SIL feel better on the day of the wedding? He made the choices he made and they are the right choices (he currently has PTSD from his treatment and has panic attacks when he thinks about his family) but he still misses his family, especially his younger siblings. I'm trying to figure out how to make the absence of one entire side of the wedding party less obvious on the day of the wedding.

Thank You, this is exactly what we have all been feeling. Your guidelines for an invitation are exactly what my FSIL has articulated. The reality is that they will never happen. His mom is the main abuser and the dad is, frankly, a hostage that has given in to the whims of his wife. When son tried to set out very simple boundries is December, "If you begin to yell at me, I will hang up until we can talk calmly". They refused. They lay all blame on my daughter and claim that she is emotionally manipulating their son. They banned her from their home. He hasn't spoken to them since. We do have a new venue for the ceremony. No one has told the parents, when or where the wedding will be, but I am sure that word will get to them from guests who do not understand the severity of the situation. The mom is well-loved and respected in our community. She hides the things occurring at her house very well.

Do you mean, not even invite the bride's family? We have a great relationship with my FSIL. He actually lives with us. He was a 5th year senior in college when COVID struck and college students had to return home. He is the 4th child out of 11 and his parents literally had no room at home. My daughter had moved out so we had a spare room and he moved in with us. He didn't get an apartment right away because he is Army reservist, he graduated from college in May and then left in July for 5 months of army training. When he got back from training he had 5 months until the wedding. we live in NOVA (just outside the beltway) and no where rents month to month and it seemed silly to pay for an apartment that he wasn't living in for 5 months. Even though he is close to us, we cannot replace his family.

The wedding is in June. Frankly, I am hoping that the EMDR helps enough the he is willing to at least invite his parents to the wedding. I don't hold any particular love for them but I think that they need to be invited if there is any hope of a future relationship. I don't feel like we owe anyone relationship, especially if they abused us, but his father has Parkinson's and he has 6 younger siblings and he may want to be part of their lives some day. For the photos, I think that are just going to focus on the "new family" aspect and not do "the bride with her family" photos. Maybe some bode and mom or bride and dad or siblings photos, but the main focus will be the new enlarged family. they had decided long before he estrangement that they were not going to do the "brides side" seating and "grooms side" seating. Our FSIL came from our homeschooling group and the families had many mutual friends, so they were trying to avoid making hem choose. They were also only doing a first dance, skipping the bride and dad and groom and mom. My husband (brides dad) is not a dancer and is shy and being the center of that much attention would be really hard for him. He would do it if my daughter really wanted it but she knows her dad and opted to skip that. I just can't figure out of there are any other details that we need to think of.

Very long story but my future son-in-law confronted his parents about ongoing emotional abuse around Christmas. He tried to lay out boundries and they flipped out on him, demeaning and belittling him (yet again). Then they went to the priest who was handling the marriage preparation and led him to refuse to marry the couple. FSIL cut ties with them in January, moved parishes and set a new wedding date. He refuses to invite his family to the wedding. I am not surprised and support him in this decision (he keeps having panic attacks when he thinks of dealing with them) He is in therapy and has begun treatment for PTSD. Has any one been to a wedding or held a wedding in these kind of circumstances? What did you do about family pictures? What if the groom's family shows up uninvited? Any advice? Suggestions?

I work in a catholic high school in that same county (Fairfax county). We have been in the classroom in a hybrid situation (half the students each day) since August. We have 5 teachers that have been teaching remotely with a proctor in the classroom for that whole time. It has worked well. One of the teachers is the art teacher (she has MS). Her proctor was an art teacher in an elementary school and the situation has worked out really well. On of the other teachers is over 65 and teaches physics and engineering. Her proctor has handled all her labs and class projects with the assistance of the other physics teachers (I am one of them). It has worked really well too. Our other three teachers are older and teach math and English. All in all it has been a workable solution.

sometimes I just wear eye shadow primer. Very neutral but looks "made up" somehow.

Yes, long story, but I found an easy solution that worked for me. I love roller coasters and always go on them all. April 2019 I took my physics class to the amusement park and rode them all. Felt great. Went to bed feeling fine. When I woke up in the morning and got up, the world spun so badly that I almost fell and I threw up three times. I was fine as long as I was sitting, standing or laying but getting up from laying was awful. I read that crystals in your inner ear can be dislodged and cause this and a doctor can manipulate them back in to place using exercises. After three days I was done with it. I had experienced a sinus infection about three months prior so I took some Benadryl at bedtime and woke up with no vertigo. In July 2019, I went to the amusement park with my adult kids and the same thing happened again. Felt great all day, went to bed, woke up with horrible vertigo. Took Benadryl immediately and it fixed it again. In October I pregamed with Benadryl when riding a roller coaster and never had vertigo so I figured I was good. In about April this last year, so 2020, I did not ride a roller coaster and woke up one morning with vertigo, not as bad as before but it was there. I took Benadryl and it was gone. It has not come back since. I do not have any other signs of a sinus issue and actually my sinuses are not stuffy when it happens, the first time I tried Benadryl it was simple desperation and a wild guess. Good luck, vertigo sucks. I was afraid to lay down to sleep because I didn't want the vertigo when I woke up.

And you deserve a day off.

I did not say that is not contagious; clearly it is, otherwise no one would be sick. However some research seems to indicate that about 80% of all people who are infected don't infect anyone else (https://uofuhealth.utah.edu/newsroom/news/2020/08/household-covid19.php) I was relating my personal experience which is backed up by my further experience in my extended family and at school. My 18 year old nephew tested positive (asymptomatic) in April. He was isolated for 10 days and neither his parents or 3 younger brothers got it from him. Everyone in the family tested negative. My BIL rested positive (with symptoms) in July. He isolated for 10 days and neither his wife or 2 daughters got it from him. Everyone in the family tested negative. I work at a high school that has been hybrid since August. We have had 10 cases of COVID and none of them have spread to another person at school (I don't know what is happening in other families) As a result, I conclude that if your son has no symptoms and you do not know that he has been exposed and you have not been exposed then if you want to volunteer go for it.

I am sorry, I should have made clear that we all isolated immediately and all got tested at 5 days and again at 10 days and no one else ever experienced symptoms or tested positive. I am not assuming that no one else got it.

I say go volunteer. My 23 year old daughter lost sense of small and tested positive. She lives with my 72 year old parents, she cooks for them and socializes with the all the time. Her fiancé lives with us. She and I work in a high school and carpool to work together (without masks). She is a special ed teacher and is with 6 feet of her students all day (masked). No one got it from her. No students, not my parents, not the finance. Not my husband, son or I. If you develop a symptom. stop immediately and get tested.

These apricot chocolate muffins are perfect. Everyone loves them. Printing: Choco-Apricot Muffins - gtslaton - Plan to Eat.pdf

My church is traditional catholic. My daughter likes to say that if the song was written after 1915 we don't sing it. The midnight mass is usually gorgeous. We have a very tall choir loft far from the congragation and have had a schola singing our masses since about June. No one else rings just the school but it is beautiful. Anyway, they will be livestreaming the midnight mass this year an we live in the Washington DC area so the time might even be convenient for you. https://straymonds.org

Zingerman's.com zabars.com

Hey, in my 20 years of homeschooling, I taught myself something! I searched and found the answer. Olactif I think my daughter will enjoy it!

A few months ago someone mentioned the name of a perfume subscription box. It had larger sample of several small manufacturers/indie-type perfumes. The name of the box was unusual too. I want to get one as a gift but cannot remember the name. Please remind me!

my oldest daughter just bought a caique. He is not weaned yet and can't leave the aviary so she comes to stay at our house snd visit him every weekend. She can take him home the first weekend in August and the after that they will both spend one weekend a month with us.

Thank you all for your thoughts. Unfortunately, my daughter is aware that I hate the idea of her calling her future MIL, mom. She did ask me directly but she knew before she asked, beginning her conversation with "I am so stressed, everyone expects me to call Mrs. H "mom" when we get married but I don't want to and I know that you will hate it" I assured her that while I did hate the idea, that I am an adult and will adapt, I know that her use of the name doesn't detract from our relationship or history. She brought the conversation up with my mom and that lead to the concept of calling her future MIL Mom H or Mother H or something to that effect. Which is a solution that came up several times in your replies. FTR her future inlaws are very nice people that we both really like and respect. They are not controlling or mean, just more old-fashioned and formal than my family. They live four miles from us and we attend the same church so this will not be a distant relationship where we rarely see each other. Because of her OCD and her personality my daughter does ruminate on things more that the average person and is very worried about causing offense, she is unlikely to say "thanks for inviting me to call you mom, I will stick with your first name" she will simply stress about it. She is continuing to work on that with her therapist.

Well, I married at 20 and called my inlaws by their first names. We didn't live particularly close to either my parents or my inlaws.

My daughter is engaged to be married next June. She is marrying a young man from our homeschool group that she has known since she was nine. We are very happy about the marriage. I invited my future SIL to call me by my first name when he and my daughter started dating in January. He's an adult and I expect to have an adult relationship with him. My daughter recently revealed that his mom expects to be called Mrs. LastName until they are married and then expects my daughter to call her mom. My gut reaction was "hell, no! That's my name. She doesn't deserve that name!" The topic name up in conversation with my mother today and she stated that she has always been saddened and hurt that none of her SILs or DILs call her mom. They all call her by her first name. At first I thought that my reaction was because I have some special circumstances. My daughter had seven really hard years. She was fighting anorexia and PTSD and then had a suicide attempt. Ultimately she was diagnosed with severe OCD. During those years, I was her constant companion and lifeline. It is safe to say that I kept her alive. We used FBT for the eating disorder. I did not leave her alone overnight for more than five years. (After many years of therapy with a team of three clinicians and some medication she is doing really well) Frankly, no one else deserves to be called mom by her. I earned that title many times over through blood, sweat and tears. But then I realized that everyone calls my mom by her first name because of me. My husband asked what he should call her when we were dating and I said "her name" of course. It never occurred to me that he would call her anything else despite the fact that my own mom called her MIL mom. After all she is my mom, not his. He has his own mom. Which simply made me wonder, am I alone in this? Do others feel like mom is a deserved title? If my SIL decides to call me mo that is his choice and I won't be upset, but I certainly don't expect it. What about you?