It seems odd to me. I am not a fan of this but if I were, it would be listed right under my profile!!! :)

Get out. Now. Your children are in an abusive situation. It is your responsibility as their mother to keep them safe.

That is wonderful news! All glory to God in this as in all things!

This kind of thing makes me glad I don't have sisters. Yikes.

My dh went through this so I know how painful it is. I am sorry you have to go through this!

Practically? I'd save it for my oldest's college fund. Not practical? an amazing vacation!

I agree that it has positive implications at times. The children at my school are very conscious of pleasing their parents and not bringing shame to their family through their actions. I personally think that is a good mindset to have (as long as it is not abused). It is different than the American notion that children don't owe their parents or family anything and we should all make decisions based on what you feel is right regardless of what others may think. The correct position lies somewhere in the middle. I have seen, however, how saving face can be everything from annoying to destructive. For instance, if you ask a local here for directions, they will give you bad directions rather than just admit that they don't know where the place is. This happens 99% of the time. They will lie to you about any number of things rather than admit they don't know the answer or rather than tell you an answer that might make you upset. That is annoying. In terms of destructive, they will put their 5 year old in hours and hours of evening and weekend tutoring in order to keep up with the other kids in class or hopefully even move to the head of the class. The pressure on young children to outperform their peers academically, musically, athletically, etc., is absolutely suffocating these kids. The pressure on the mothers to produce a child that is superior to all other children is suffocating. The level of competition is like nothing I have ever seen. Again, the correct position lies somewhere in the middle. Perhaps "re-educating" is not the right term to use. I get that. But I have son who was adopted from Korea. I put him in language classes here to learn Korean and he was ostracized by other students for not being "truly" Korean. S. Korea is limiting the number of Korean children that can be adopted abroad because it is shameful to them, but I have yet to see a real plan for what will happen to those children now. Will they just remain in an orphanage? Will the mothers opt for abortion now? A change in attitude toward adopted children is needed. Is that "re-educating" them? Enlightening them? Influencing their viewpoint? I don't know what to call it but it is needed. Something that is culturally acceptable is not AUTOMATICALLY to be seen as a good thing. It might be culturally acceptable to look down on adopted children in S. Korea but that doesn't make it right. Lots of things used to be culturally acceptable in America that we have since changed our views about. Were we "re-educated"? I don't know what to call it other than necessary.

Come live in Asia before you freak out. Saving face IS the central philosophy of their culture. It affects every move they make. You can't even imagine how deeply ingrained it is. It's not bigotry. It's a fact.

I would love it if you would remember my friend, Beth, who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. :(

Started Reading: A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World by Paul Miller (American author, DD class 200) Still Reading: The Conviction to Lead: 25 Principles for Leadership that Matters by Albert Mohler (American author, DD class 300) The God Who is There: Finding Your Place in God's Story by D.A. Carson (Canadian author, DD class 200) Finished: 9. Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick (American author, DD class 300) 8. Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald (American author, DD class 100) 7. The Bungalow by Sarah Jio (American author, DD class 800) 6. The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen (American author, DD class 800) 5. Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen (American author, DD class 800) 4. The Next Story: Life and Faith After the Digital Explosion by Tim Challies (Canadian author, DD class 600) 3. The House at Riverton by Kate Morton (Australian author, DD class 800) 2. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (English author, DD class 800) 1. The Dark Monk: A Hangman's Daughter Tale by Oliver Potzsch (German author, DD class 800)

Heartbreaking news. :( I hate cancer.

Thank you for such great ideas. Pets! I didn't even think about that! And thank you for those links. I don't think I can read them today. I can barely type this without tears. I just want so badly for her to make it through all this. And on top of it, I suck when it comes to heavy emotional moments. I get all awkward and say all the wrong things. I just know I am going to say something stupid. What I am good at though, is action. I can mobilize people like nobody's business. So meals, cleaning, pets, childcare, doctor appointments and most of all... Prayer. She mentioned that she is worried about insurance covering all of this so my first stop tomorrow is to talk to our human resources director and get some answers for her.

I just got the news. A close friend here has advanced stage breast cancer. They believe it is confined to the breast tissue. She has to have a double mastectomy on Tuesday. Chemo. Radiation. The whole thing. This is the first person close to me to deal with this. What will she need/want the most over these next few weeks, months? The people here are amazing and we can organize dinners, childcare, rides to the doctor, whatever she needs. But I just don't know what to expect. I don't know what will be most helpful without being "too much". I want to try to anticipate her needs. Books? Movies? I feel so helpless. Any advice? My head is spinning and my heart is aching.

Oh definitely. Cook, clean, laundry, take care of dd. She is basically me until I get home. She is a treasure (outside of her occasional surprising comments).

Here kids all start potty-training at about 18 months. It is normal. My amah trained my dd in 3 days and my dd has not had an accident since. No tears, no trauma, no attitude. It was easy-peasy. I was surprised since both my boys didn't train until 2 or 2.5yo. My amah's response is that's because western women are too lazy. Um. Not exactly a politically correct answer but she also hasn't learned how to be tactful in a second language. Yikes.

Uh.... No. I've been accused of a lot of things but lacking self-confidence isn't one of them.

As long as I have access to hair dye, I will never go gray. If I were you I would continue coloring at least for now for your dd's sake. She seems a little raw emotionally. And since your dh doesn't mind either way, you can always go gray later when it is not such a difficult time for your dd.

Define evil. :) I am having a midnight snack with my 9yo ds right now and we are eating his most favorite food... Kimchi!! I don't think it is evil but many people do. Of course, eating kimchi and then going to bed is heartburn waiting to happen. But what can I say? I can't resist his cute little face!

I hope you are feeling better. I hate stomach bugs!! I feel badly for you.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

You haven't seen bad customer service until you come here. No one tips here and it SHOWS. The customer service is abysmal. We went back to the states to visit after 3 years and the very first thing we noticed was how good customer service is in the states compared to Malaysia. The other thing many of you take for granted is that decent customer service is an expectation for you and that if you don't get what you want, you have other avenues.... You don't leave a tip, you complain to the manager, you go someplace else. We don't have that here. No tipping means no tip to take away when service is bad. Complain to the manager and they will look at you like you are crazy. This is a small island, there is no place else to go! Please keep tipping people. If that culture changes, you will regret it.

This explains me. I compartmentalize and it is common for our family. My grandmother had a very hard life and so did her 12 children. But they were taught not to be whiny or complain about it. Not to get overly dramatic. My mom has always told me I act just like her. I am a no-nonsense gal. I rarely cry or get emotionally distraught over things. When my kids start acting melodramatic, I call them on it and remind them to keep things in perspective. Example. A few days ago my oldest was complaining about all the work he had to do at school that week. He has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. He said, in an exasperated voice implying that I didn't understand his predicament, "I've got 50 tests this week!" And I said, "No, you are using hyperbole for dramatic effect. You only have two tests this week. How about if you and I work out a reasonable study plan for tackling them and then you won't have to exert all that energy in being dramatic?" I don't do drama well and have a hard time beng good friends with someone who is super sensitive about everything. It's too exhausting.

You said it so much better than me. I agree with this totally! Wherever my dh and kids are is home for me.

I am comfortable and happy here... my dh and kids are here... I love my job... I love my house... I have good friends... does that make this home? For me it does (even though it is not even my native country). So I guess I would ask "What is home supposed to FEEL like?" Is it the weather? Your house? Family you miss? A certain culture you miss? I think determining what would make it "feel" like home might go a long way towards helping you be more at home. For me, the very fact that it is so different here from "home" is the best part!

I would LOVE it if my mom came to live with me! And I would love living with one of my brothers. The other one, not so much. My mom's side of the family owns a huge amount of land in Alabama and it is divided up among all the children (there are 12). My grandparents' house sits on a hill and all my aunts, uncles, and cousins live in houses all around it. I would NOT live with dh's family. Ever.