I have a student who just turned 5 that I would bet my eye teeth has Asperger's Syndrome. But I could be wrong. So what does Asperger's look like in a 5yo? The problem is that this is an Asian family and in my experience here, they do not take any suggestion that something might be wrong or different about their kid well. At. All. There is major shame and denial and anger. Often they will just withdraw their children from the school rather than have them assessed. It is very sad. Add to that the very limited services available here due to the reluctance on the community's part to even admit that such things exist, and I have quite a conundrum. This child needs intervention. I am at a loss as to how to handle this.

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.†~Sydney Smith

I had really good intentions but I am only on book 36. :glare: Next year I am going to reach that goal if it kills me!

She needs to spend more time researching salvation and less time worried about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. An erroneous view of salvation and you could end up in hell but make-believe stories about a jolly man who brings gifts will NOT land you in hell.

While I agree there might be a better time for that kind of advice, I truly doubt she is trying to be cruel. It sounds like she cares and is trying to be helpful. There was a point in my marriage a few years back that I TRULY felt it was OVER. I felt there was NO hope. I had thought it through. I had tried and tried and tried. Then someone gave me the same kind of talk that Faithe is sharing and it made the BIGGEST difference. It was that advice that saved my marriage. That won't work for everyone but I am grateful someone did it for me. Even if it doesn't work for the OP (and it definitely is not thing everyone needs to hear), it might help, and therefore was worth posting. I believe Faithe had good intentions. Faithe has given her advice and should probably let it go at that (JMHO) but let's not villify her for giving an alternate set of advice.

If acts of service is your highest score then that means when your dh does things for you it makes you feel like he cares. I also think gift giving and acts of service are closely tied. You like giving gifts and being encouraging but is that your dh's love language? Because if his is something else then you may think your are being loving by being encouraging but he doesn't feel loved because that isn't his love language. That's pretty much how the whole thing works.

oh ick. I find the song disturbing. It's about a dirty old man who gets a teenage girl drunk so he can take advantage of her? How is this funny in ANY cultural setting? It's illegal and disgusting. If you read in the newspaper about an older man getting a teen girl drunk and having sex with her you would be horrified. So a cutesy song about it is OK? If he worked for me he would be suspended.

Praying for you and your marriage.... :grouphug:

I think the bolded is the key issue. Think of it like this: Suppose you speak Chinese and your dh speaks Russian. You have a lot of trouble understanding each other and things often get lost in translation but you've found ways to work around it and you do the best you can and after a while you just get used to it. Then one day your dh comes home and says something to you in Chinese. Not only would it take you by surprise, it would sound really weird coming from him. Plus, it's just one phrase so it's not like he can actually speak Chinese and you are skeptical of his ability to actually learn to speak it fluently. That's how the love languages work. Suppose yours is quality time... meaning you wish your dh would spend more time with you, pay more attention to you, do things you like to do, etc. (in other words, you wish he could speak Chinese). But he never has because it is not his language (perhaps his is physical touch which is most common for men... they want more tEa or tEa-related activity)... in other words, he only knows how to speak Russian. So if he suddenly, out of the blue started wanting to spend quality time doing things with you, paying loads of attention to you, it would be as strange for you as him suddenly learning to speak Chinese out of nowhere and you would have trouble believing it and be skeptical that he could maintain it. It will take a while for spouses to be become "fluent" in a second language and for it to not seem "strange" to the other spouse. But if you keep at it, it becomes the NEW normal and it is worth it. If none of the five seem to describe you then just ask yourself, what could my dh do that would make me feel loved? And he asks himself the same. That is your love language. Also, love languages change over time. When I was younger mine was gifts. Now it is more acts of service. It is imporant to be in tune with what makes you feel loved AND what makes your spouse feel loved. Otherwise you spend your marriage frustrated because your dh can't speak Chinese. :tongue_smilie: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

While I am still working on my sons, my dh and I have never farted in front of each other in 16 years so yeah, it can be done if it is important to you. How did I get dh to do it? I simply asked him not to. He complied.

Yep. Moving someplace where you can't take all of your books certainly makes you look at them differently. Then it became an issue of what can I absolutely NOT live without and the rest I sold in a big book sale at my house. I made tons of money and I felt better. :)

Yep. Moving someplace whee you can't take all of your books certainly makes you look at them differently. Then it became an issue of what can I absolutely NOT live without and the rest I sold in a big book sale at my house. I made tons of money and I felt better. :)

As a parent, I think it is tacky, inappropriate and high on the creep-o-meter. As a principal, he would be in my office first thing the next morning.

You poor thing. I think these things are harder on Mom than they are on kids sometimes. :grouphug:

We do and i am not afraid to admit it! :D

When I look out my window I see a wall (it is a creamy yellow color). The only furniture I am ordering are three chairs for parents to sit in as we talk and they will be standard black office chairs.

My boss gave me permission to redecorate my office... paint, carpet, chairs... But I have no idea what to pick and they need to order things within the next day or so. Here are the parameters: My desk and cabinets are staying as they are newer. They are cherry wood and black. Also, the office is really small with almost no natural light (one small window). I dont want cream or white. I like color. And I obviously need something that will look good with the existing furniture. So what colors of paint should I pick? Carpet color????? This will probably not get decorated again for another decade so I gotta get it right this time. :tongue_smilie:

Just finished The Angel Makers and I am now reading Darkfever.

:iagree: I am not capable of letting them cry it out. So we have co-slept with all of them from the beginning.

Threats of bodily harm. :D

Can you just move the bookcases up there except for maybe one that holds whatever you are currently using? While the idea of having one of those nice, huge, organized schoolrooms appeals to me, on a practical level, I would feel the same as you do... Cooped up. I need to have acces to the main areas of my house.

Oh my goodness yes. The people I work with are amazing. 1. When we got the call to pick up our baby girl we had exactly 12 hours notice and we didnt own one single baby item since my youngest was 6yo. By the time we got back from the 10 hour trip to pick her up, my house looked like a babies r us exploded! One email to staff from one friend of ours and they all showed up with more stuff than we could ever use. 2. When I flew back to the states to see my family, I had only been there two days when I got the call that my dh had been in a motorcycle accident back here and had broken his neck. I was 10,000 miles away. He was in the hospital. The staff again sprang into action and organized who was caring for my 3 children, who was cooking meals, who was staying with my husband in the hospital, etc. until I could get back which took 3 days. I have amazing people in my life here.

It never ends. All you can do is train them not to do at the dinner table or church, etc. They will always think it is funny. It's a guy thing.

Everyone in my family has their own special broom with which one sweeps all things unpleasant under the official family rug.:glare:

Dh passes the gifts out one at a time and we watch each other. We like to go at a nice, leisurely pace. What's the hurry?