Right. For me, basically you have specific job or you clear out of the room. My birth is not for anyone's entertainment or education. So for me, I can't even imagine having children there. I don't want to worry about how my kids are handling this. I want to only have to think about one thing. Get. Baby. Out. But if you want to allow the children, I think that's fine for you. I'd just probably make it so that there is a free flow in and out - so that that the kids can come and go as they please and are encouraged to do so. That way, anyone feeling a bit overwhelmed can just sort of wander out.

Oh my stars - your poor poor poor 11 year old. I'm more worried about him than about your dd, and I'm going to pray for him when I am done typing this. Whenever we had injuries in our family (like the time my infant son fell off a bed FLAT on his head and it sounded like a cantaloup hitting the floor) my husband would remind me (even though he also was really panicked) that few children have brain injuries from household accidents - these thing tend to require real physical violence. He's prosecuted a lot of criminal cases when doctors have testified that there is NO WAY the brain injury could be from an innocent fall. Now, I don't know if that's really always true, but it really was reassuring. I don't know much about concusions and such, but my guess is your daughter is going to be fine. Bless your poor son's heart. That poor boy.

Yeah, pretty much. Unless your child has some special challenges that make it really especially difficult for him to do those things without a lot of assistance. But I do think you have to make them understand that you have noticed a problem and are making a change. If they assume you will do these things for them based on your past behavior, you don't want to just stop and let them find out on their own. I think you have to sit down with each individual and talk to them about the things that are coming up and what you expect their role and yours to be. I did NOT send in my child's application for college. And to tell you the truth, I really thought he might not do it himself either, and they we would be in a bind - he, not we. But I made it clear I would write the application check and would read a finished application for editing typos, that I would take him to visit colleges and answer questions he had, but that I would NOT do the application. I wouldn't even touch it until it was done, and I wouldn't remind him. I just didn't want to fight that battle, you know? I was really invested in my oldest child doing well for a long time, and then one day I realized I wasn't helping him out at all. His father was the same. We finally told him that we had both gone to college and loved it. We both have graduate degrees, we both have the ability to earn a living, and what he does with his life is his deal - we've done it. It was a major GOOD change in our lives. But DH is a big believer (and we've not always agreed on this, but I see his point) in a "18 and out" rule. Meaning, DH will support a child through highschool. And he will help with college. And he'd probably help with a non-college oriented choice if it were well formed. But at 18, you won't be living here anymore. You will live in a dorm or an apartment or something, but not here. And if you aren't a full time student, it will be on your dime.

Yeah, that's what I was told. I was pick pocketed on the subway, assauted twice (once by a drunk business man on a subway and once in a rural area where I was hiking) and once I saw a guy 'entertaining himself' in a car right by an elementary school playground where children were playing. I took down his license, but the police refused to do anything unless he actually "did something." I personally think the crime rate in Japan is much higher than reported. Despite this, I did feel safe in some ways. There really aren't a lot of guns and there is a low rate of violent crime. But man - I've never been a victim of any of this stuff in the US!

Well, since you exclused people, pets, pictures and paperwork .... I guess I would save the china and silver (you can count that as two things) that have been passed down through the generations A large rug that was always in my grandmother's house and that makes every house I live in feel blessed by her (it's very pretty, too) really, everything else can go, I guess. It's all replaceable. I have some jewelry - none of great value but some of sentimental value. I guess I would take that. I'd probably take my computer just because it's the resevoir of my life so I sort of need it, though I certainly don't "love" it. Oh, I know. Painting my husband has painted for me. Can I take all of them and count them as one thing? Oh, and all the origami my son has made. I guess I would need to take that and leave .... I guess the computer. Since I have the photos off it already since you said I can have photos as a "gimme."

That is devastating indeed. Praying.

I guess part of it is that carbs don't actually make you fat. What makes you fat? Eating more calories than you burn. And Americans eat a huge number of calories in excess fat (some fat is necessary, of course), high glycemic index carb, and junk. I lost a lot of weight living in Japan and felt like I ate ALL the time. I ate tons and tons of white rice, but I didn't eat much fried food (it was available, but not a big part of the diet), much meat, junky snacks etc. I ate very few sweets. Portion sizes were smaller, but the Japanese can definitely pack away a LOT of food at a family gathering. Just not typically burgers and fries. I really think two groups of people get fat: Those who, for whatever reason have a low metabolism (and it seems like some of them are people who do work out, but a seditary lifestyle can be part of this) and those who eat a lot of calories. But I am no expert. I do have to say, though, that most Japanese women do get an older, matronly look at some point. They seem to "thinken" up. I wonder if part of the problem for American women is that we just can't accept looking like we are 55 when we are 55. I wonder if part of it is a culture that does not value age, especially in women. We have a cuture that is very dismissive and mocking of older women, rather than revering. I wonder if that makes it harder for us to eat well and work out with an aim of just living longer and better, without being so frustrated that, in the end, we *will* get old when we actually *are* old, lol.

In what context are other boys observing his privates and commenting on them? I would be a tad upset to have my son in a situation where he could not have basic privacy enough that his genitalia would be private. I know that back in the "day" boys pretty much showered without modesty of any sort, but I wonder if this puts 12 year old boys at any kind of risk. Even without risk of molestation by other boys (which I would consider somewhat of a risk when there is no adult supervision and lots of naked boys) I consider comments about size to be sexual harrassment and I would be letting someone know I think that. Maybe you need to arm your son with some responses to comments like that .... along the lines that he finds it interesting that the other child is so interested in his genitals and wonders why.

Happy happy happy happy birthday! It was encouraging to hear that you are getting a little joy out of life. I'm so hungry for that beef curry now I could cry!

It means "not guilty" and I'm pleased that it's bandied about in your news since it's considered an essential part of any functioning democracy. My guess is that your state statutes include a defense to statutory rape if the victim mislead the perpetrator as to her true age. The jury might have found that he reasonably believed her. That's just a guess. Or perhaps a jury didn't really believe they had intercouse. In some states, no amount of lying about her age will excuse statutory rape, so you have s@x with a young person at your own risk. I'd be interested in knowing what really happened. But in my mind, there are men in every single place we go who would gladly have s@x with our minor old sons and daughters. Unless there is some reason to think that he forced her to have intercourse or tricked her in some way, I would not be especially worried about the safety of my children there, any more than I normally worry. Which is a healthy amount of worry! I do, actually, think this is a dangerous age and that we have to protect our children both by watching over them and also by preparing them to protect themselves and giving them good reasons not to want to be in lovey dovey relationships. I also think that it would be very different to me if she were one of his students. I tend to have a real problem with cozy relationships between students and teachers, and if I ran the organization, this would be a huge issue for me. But just to let him work out? As a parent, I wouldn't love it, but I also wouldn't expect the director to ban him. I guess if enough parents withdraw, he will wish he had made a different decision. I would not feel sigficantly more alarmed about him being there with a daughter than I feel alarmed in general.

That's awesome. Most cases are more easily resolved than ours, but we are glad it was caught early enough to do something about it. One child was pretty much normal by that age, but the other just was more affected, and needed more extensive therapy. I'm really glad I didn't know then that when people see children with flattened heads or molding caps, they make judgments about whether the parent is holding the child or just leaving him in a car seat all day. I would have been so so so upset if I had know that people make that assumption. There probably is a lot of truth in it too, but I am just glad I didn't know at the time that anyone would be thinking that way.

To me this is akin saying that Alzheimer's Disease isn't a real disease because we diagnose based on behavior and there is no blood test. In the past, we couldn't know for sure, apart from the history of the symptoms, whether someone had AD until they were dead. Now we can do brain scans, but they are expensive and not widely available. My ADD specialist says that in my lifetime, there will be scanning ability in doctor's offices that will assist in diagnoisis of ADD too. She says that when we can see the neurotransmitter activity in the brain, we can see the differences between people with ADD and without. It is my understanding that there is actually a phyisiological difference between people who have ADD/ADHD and those who don't (and differences between the different types of ADD too). I'm no expert, but from what I have read, that's widely accepted in the medical community. Whether to medicate is an entirely different question, though. Just having the characteristic problems associated with ADD does not necessarily mean that the person should be medicated. Part of that decision is based on how badly the ADD affects the patient's life. And how they respond to the medications, which are far from perfect.

I would give more than a week's notice, but maybe not 3 months. I do think a teenager is just going to need more than a week to process that, and honestly his friends probably do too. It seems really cruel to only give a weeks' notice about leaving friends. But three months might be too much. I understand what you mean about kids deciding to sort of check out academically or spending too much time with the anxiety. I think if you know that your children will basically like this move, I might tell them 3 or 4 weeks ahead of time.

Thank you for your help. If I got through all the units in those three years, then what do you do in the years after? Just keep reinforcing and practicing?

Usually my husband gets home right before dinner (he often struggles to get home befor 7:00, and we wait for him). So usually we sort of catch up on our days - he'll tell us what was going on at work - the boys will tell him about their day. We do tend to chat a lot during dinner, but I intentionally don't quiz or question the children because I am not sure my own kids would really enjoy that, and I want dinner to be enjoyable. I do a lot of quizzing in the car, though.

The question isn't whether it's immoral to accept WIC. The quetion is whether it's unethical to accept WIC when you have valuable assets that you could sell but don't want to because you really really like your "stuff." I have mixed emotions about that myself, but I think for the sake of fairness and clarity, you need to recognize what the real issue here is.

Tanya, I'm so sorry. The stress on you must feel unbearable. I can see this from both sides and don't have a strong opinion either way, but if you qualify for WiC, you qualify. Almost everyone on WIC has something they could sell if they wanted to - an engagement ring, a tv. Something. And for most of them, it would just be a temporary fix. They would still need assistance in a year or a month. If you sold the camper, what would that change, really? Your children will just get more expensive. Is there anyway you could supplement your family income from the home? Or any parttime job that DH's schedule would allow. Anyway, I don't have any answers because these are hard issues and they are common. Sigh. (((((((((((Tanya))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I agree. I think it was rude of a six year old not to answer you. And then his further response was totally unacceptable. But I personally wouldn't have pushed him in the first place. Yes, he should have answered. But probably the reason he didn't was that he anticipated you saying exactly what you did say when he finally told you what he was upset about. Which doesn't make his rudeness okay.

I agree with the others that until the OP asks what we think of purity rings, it might be best to keep our opions to ourselves. But I do want to say that when my kids do the right thing because their parents want them too, I can live with that. It suits me fine if my kids think "I probably shouldn't drink that [smoke that, lie, cheat] because my parents would be so upset and disappointed." Yeah, eventually they have to substititute that with understanding what God desires for them and/or a inner generated desire to live the way they believe is best based on sound reasoning. But kids are kids. They don't have the greatest judgment. If I had to choose between a 14 year old not having s@x because I would be horrified or having s@x because she doesn't believe it's really dangerous and unwise, I'll take the former.

Wait! How can you be a Tarheel and live in SC? Do you live near Charlotte, Heather? Dana

Well, it's really not that fun, lol. I think it's fun for the first shoot or two, and then it's partly just work. We did a shoot in the fall and definitely, despite her encouragement, there wasn't that smiling energy coming through. So I thought maybe someone had a trick of the trade. My boys want to do a good job and are trying hard - I think smiling while you sing and dance just seems very unnatural.

My children could definitely live with no tv right now. There really isn't much on for boys their age (10) that they want to watch and I will allow. They go days and days without - weeks probably - though we sometimes have videos. DH and I, on the other hand, might perish. It's not that we watch so much tv. We have to watch if the Tarheels are playing BBalll, although sometimes I get so upset I can't watch it. We like the Daily Show and Colbert sometimes. We watch Teaching Co. videos. If there is a major tennis tournament on, all four of us are likely to watch it. Sometimes I flip the news on while I'm cooking dinner. That's about it for the tv - but those few things - tennis and basketball and Jon Steward are dear to me:)

My boys (10 year old twins) have been asked to perform in a Christian music videa. The company is owned by good friends of ours. They write a good bit of music, but in this case, they are developing DVDs that have children dancing moves to go with the songs. These might be used in a preschool or VBS setting. Teaching them the dancing moves has been the easy part. I'm having trouble getting them to smile. She really wants a joy to be shining throug on these. I have one son who is very funny but not super smiley. Are there any special trick for just increasing the energy level and the joy level as reflected in the face?

Merry, I am no financial guru, but I would negotiate lowering these debts myself if I could. There is no way I would pay someone 25 bucks as month to do it for me. If you are going to use a equity line, I would negotiate very hard for a substantial reduction in exchange for your agreement to pay them off in full. But I would be wary of turning unsecured debt into debt secured by my home.