I hate making decisions, which pretty much would make me a house building nighmare. I also hate chaos, and typically would rather live with things less than ideal than go throught the aggravation of changing them. But in your case, I think the house is a pretty difficult one to make work for you. I understand why you might want to do it. I guess I am wondering whether there is *any way* you could remodel. I mean a major total remodel that would be a much bigger pain in the rear than building from scratch, but would allow you to preserve at least some of the old farm house, which I assume has some history and character you hate to just tear down. Or, alternatively, can you build a really cool outbuilding that would solve some of the family needs even if it didn't solve all of them? Something like a MIL suite but that wouldn't actually be used for a MIL? With tons of built in bookshelves? And if the answer is no, I still think it would be exceptionally cool for your boys to get to witness the entire process of building the house.

We had a ten year gap and no, we never made the older one attend events. He often choose to, and now that he's in college, he's even driven down to see events that were really important to his brothers. But he missed far more. I think it's hard enough being the oldest without being forced to attend multiple sporting events that bore even the mother, lol. But for the really important things, I would encourage some support and encouragement.

I think sometimes parents want to say or do something that will be an all time "fix" for this kind of thing. This just leads to frustration because we want to know what we need to "do" about a situation, and we think that when we "do" the right thing, the problem will be permanently resolved. The reality is that you will probably have to correct, counsel and advice your DS about 10 million times in the next five years, and that's assuming he's a really good kid. It's just natural that you are going to say the same things your mother said, about the same number of times. I don't think it's a normal, inevitable thing that your son will openly rebel and start investing in booze and women or cop a major bad attitude and say stunningly rude things or storm off slamming doors and uttering threats under his breath. But I do think it's totally normal for a kid this age to have to be prodded a bit with work, to be less that fully enthused, and to need some correction for the way his mouth expresses things. Yes, you will repeat, if your experience is like mine and like many of my friends, the same words over and over. I probably asked my son to "rephrase" things he said somewhat rudely about a dozen times a week. And he wasn't a bad kid. Just come up with your standard phrases and plow forward. "That's one way to look at it." "Could you rephrase that in a way that is respectful and polite?" "I know you don't like math. I didn't like it either. We are doing it anyway." "Well, someone had to make the rules, and I guess it's going to be me." Whatever - add your own. Don't be discouraged. I guess the main thing is to really always be investing in the relationship. Stay connected, play with your sons, indulge them as much as you can, and just adore them. Love really does cover a multitude of sins. If he really steps over a line, then of course there have to be consequences - and try to have small consequences for small infractions. But at the same time, let your son see how great you think he is - how much you enjoy that laid back personality, how much he reminds you of your father. You can't change his basic personality. It's your responsibility to see that your son is properly educated both academically and in life skills and character. But it's not your job to change everything you think is "wrong" with him - to make him more ambitious or motivated.

I know two women who have had babies at 47 - both after having had a few other children, and neither one with real intentionality.

No one, under any circumstances, is riding in my car with out a seatbelt on. There is no way a freshman high school girl's pride would be so important that I would refrain from telling her to buckle up.

DH and I are supposed to leave in a while to go to a Pascha Feast that a Greek Orthodox friend invited us to. It's at a nice restaurant. I'm not sure of any other details, other than that a lot of her church friends will be there, and I would like to not embarrass her. What should I wear? She said she was going to wear a dress. The dress I have is grey. Is there any custom that I should wear something more eastery in color? Would I be the only woman in grey? This is probably my most conservative dress that is good for a warm evening. Some of my other options are either short sleeved/sleeveless or sort of body skimming. They wouldn't be immodest in my normal settings, but might be for a very conservative Christian setting. In general, would you expect a gathering of the Greek Orthodox to be quite conservative in dress? Or would that vary widely according to the place and people? Or would dressy pants be better? Can I go bare legged? Is there something you say at a Pascha feast? Like "Happy Pascha?"

I'm move the driving age to 18. The drinking age I would leave where it is. I would not allow anyone to enlist in the military under the age of 18, with or without consent.

Great post. I do agree, Eliana. I am nowhere near as modest as your community requires, but female modesty is largely a matter of cultural expectations. Mostly, women have had standards imposed and they weren't entirely about shame or control. They were about dignity, pride, protection and respect. Unfortunately, we live in a culture with almost no constraints. I spend a good bit of the summer at the beach, and I basically look at the almost naked ALL the time. I'm just not going there. For me, board shorts and a rash guard give me some modesty and look relatively "normal" - I basically just look athletic (which I'm not, lol) and still basically fit in.

Between getting out to run errands and getting out to be outside. I would be happy never running another errand again. The less of that you do, the better, in my opinion. If I could hire someone for ONE thing, I would do the housework and yardwork myself, but I would LOVE to hire someone for all the things that require parking in parking lots and shopping. BUT, I also would be barking mad if forced to stay inside all day. If your children don't like it, then maybe that's just your families character and then it's fine. But for me, those daily walks, going to the park, just being under trees or on the grass, away from the phone and *playing* is important. I would make it part of the daily routine, but that's because I feel I need it and my children love it. Of course if you and your children don't enjoy nature walks at this age, there is not special "must do" rule.

At her age, I think the fact that *she* wants to continue with both is the compelling point. It's not all about excelling - it's about learning, growing, and enjoying music. I think if she's willing to practice both and wants to continue, then let her. She may have to figure out how to balance that with academics in order to meet your basic requirements. I'm not sure about "being a kid." As long as making music is joyful and not a stressful, achievement oriented endeavor, I don't see why she should drop it in order to do other recreational things.

We've had some here too. At first I didn't believe it, but then a neighbor got a picture. I was very surprised. We had lots and lots of coyotes in California, and I would hear them every night. I almost missed it when we moved back South. I wasn't worried about them because we had a largish dog and no cats. I would worry *a lot* though, if I had a cat that stayed outside. Anyway, I wonder what's up - maybe coyotes are moving into the Carolinas?

Is that some people use filters that filter out certain words. I used to be so annoyed that people would use "s@x" as if there is something bad about the real word, but then someone explained that for those with filters on their computers, it really helps to use these little codes.

But I love this board for giving me a chance to be the raging liberal, lol. I don't get this from both fronts. I don't get why it's so hard to talk to a daughter about how her body is changing and ask her if she's ready for a bra/camisole. I remember that my developing body caused some dread and embarrassment in my parents, and I remember feeling really awful about that. Like they didn't want me to grow up. I guess I assumed times have changed. I don't have a daughter, so maybe I am out of touch. But in my fantasy life with a daughter, she would have known all along, and I would have known, and DH would have known, that sexual development is part of the plan. And on the other side of things, I don't really understand what's so awful about seeing an 11 year old girl start to develop and to be able to see a little breast bud. Big deal. All female mammals get ..... well, mammory glands. And humans cover theirs. But an 11 year old girl isn't being sexy or precocious. She's a kid still. If she's a kid with breast buds, I can't see finding that hateful, or even uncomfortable. Maybe some of us would address this earlier, but if a mother hasn't, I'm not sure I would even notice, let experience real discomfort. Obviously there is a line, and honesty, I don't know where it is, but it's not at 10 or 11 for me, for a girl with just little buds.

I really try to have friends in different age groups. I do have a friend who just turned 28 (I'm 40) and she's probably my youngest friend, but I have no adversion to more. I also have much older friends. Sometimes I have more in common with women nearer to me in age, but I guess commonality isn't the only criteria, in my mind, for friendship.

I vote for quality. Get a nice, well constructed sofa you really love. It anchors a room. Get a fabric that is durable and cleanable. And make sure it won't fade in the sun. I am currently regretting my darling red sofa which is fading pretty badly. I would not buy a used sofa under any set of circumstances, and would rather sit on the floor. Pleople shed skin cells constantly, and I don't want to spend my life with someone else's skin cells. Of course, you also shed skin cells and create oil and sweat, so vacuum your sofa very regularly. Flip cushions (I really hate the attached cushion style that can't be flipped). I like to take the covers off the cushions for cleaning and to put the inner cushion outside to air on a really nice, dry, sunny day.

It's odd that he says eugenics started in America. Would the practices of Sparta not be considered eugenics?

I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must feel with grief. It's just not fair. (((((Jenne))))))))

I need some really cute clothes for the spring/summer. I have two "date trips" planned with DH, and I want things that are casual but attractive. Not Landsend. Something trendier:) And I have to buy from a place that will show me an entire outfit all put together. I love looking at Bluefly, but I can't buy their clothes because they don't show them in outfits, and I am bad at putting things together. Any suggestions??

I tend to be someone who "makes due" with things because I hate shopping. I hate making decisions. I am not someone who will easily drop curricula. I tend to keep trying to make things work, because I like to economize, and I hate thinking about, researching, and shopping for things. So once I decide what to buy, I just buy it. I like the get the best price, but I am not someone who will drive around looking. I tend to just fire the gun, get what I need, and move forward. In a way, I think it comes out as a "wash." I buy less because I tend to put myself less "in the market." But when I buy, I probably spend more than some of you who are willing to really research. When I wanted a digital camera, I asked my sister - who is someone who will research things to death. She sent me three suggestions - the cameras she thought would meet my needs and were good values. I asked her which she would buy if she were me. She told me, and I just purchased it. And I am happy with the purchase - probably because I don't really know what the other options were. But I also saved myself hours and hours of shopping - a hateful job.

with some mentoring from you and DH. If he wants to go, he should go. If he doesn't want to, that's different. If he wants to be with your DH but isn't sure how he will feel about the shooting and skinning, I think at 15 he could articulate this and share his mixed emotions. I think you should stay entirely out of it, apart from hearing your son out on his feelings and encouraging him to talk to his father. It sounds like a lot of fun, honestly. I think your DH and son will really benefit from the time together.

I would love two days away by myself, and camping would be just fine. There are retreat centers around here for less than $100 a night, that serve meals. One I would really love to go to is a silent retreat center. My own room. Three meals. No conversation. I would do *that* in a heart beat. I probably wouldn't want to stay somewhere nice and do spa treatments, though, if we were paying down debt.

Spiders are not a big deal. Snakes, also, are welcome. Cockroaches send me into a primal state of fear that I can't really describe. It has often mystified me how different people react to these things. I don't understand the fear of snakes, and I don't understand not freaking out when one sees cockroach.

Actually, call and tell them, but I would also let them know that I am going to document every incident in writing and that, as a curtesy to them, I will provide them with a copy. Then each and every time the dog is in your yard, behaves aggressively, etc. write and let them know. Be upfront about the fact that you believe their dog is a danger, and that just in case he ever bites a person and they are sued, you are keeping a file that they *did know* their dog was a danger and that he was frequently loose. Keep a file containing every communication, and give them copies of everything. Document every single incident.

Elaine, I already looked at Beagle rescue for you and their website says that they are not taking any dogs currently in homes because their are so many beagles in shelters. If you get really desperate, I would consider trying to find a "no kill" shelter, and I believe that Camp Lejeune's dog shelter is one - you might call up there and see.

Your DGMIL is 90. Anything can happen at 90. If your DH hasn't seen her in 4 years, I would say now is the time. I spent money I didn't have to fly my children home to see my great aunt (who was like another grandmother to me, and in fact lived with my grandmother). We were there for her 90th, and she was dead within 4 months. I'm so glad I went - so glad she saw my boys. She loved me so much, and just writing this I am getting choked up. Anyway, I'd encourage your DH to go. Mine just got back from what was probably his last visit with his grandmother, who is 96. He didn't really think she got that much out of the visit, but know he will be glad he went.