I would echo these sentiments. I'll be honest in that I am still never sure how to handle deaths/funerals outside of the way I was raised. On both of my family's sides, in this scenario (death of a friend's loved one who I didn't know or know well) there would be a wake and a funeral and I'd attend the wake but not the funeral. I would equate funeral with celebration of life and would likely not attend. I would send supportive texts and/or card. And I'll add I'm more likely to send a card to a not close friend because I see cards as appropriate but a distant, less genuine sentiment than texts where I genuinely want to hear how a friend is doing and have that written dialogue back and forth.

Sending you a hug. I’m so sorry.

We have the same issue. Is your mother one to talk about people as though she’s involved? For example we will hear all about our neices when we visit. I assume they see them often but have found out nope! They just relate to us what they’ve seen on FB or IG with some filler narrative as though they’re involved. It’s very odd to me. However, I’ve realized this generation that has fairly recently retired has lost a lot of what their lives were about and they don’t seem to know how to “jump in” to a new routine of visiting/helping. I feel like often they are waiting for an invite and their talk is a non effective way to hint that they’d like an invite to be involved?

Gluten free peach and gluten filled strawberry rhubarb! Our 11yodd A her first “from scratch” pie. ❤️

I think this is potentially true, she does the next thing. She’s taking a class on neurodivergence that is perhaps giving her the necessary language to lead a discussion with me vs. participating in a conversation. I am hopeful that counseling would help her feel comfortable in her own skin…

I’m sorry. That’s hard and I think by the time a manager reaches that spot, it shouldn’t be a surprise. 😞 They should have laid out specific quantitative goals and also created a plan for you to improve in areas they felt additional training was needed. They did a poor job helping you understand what they wanted and how to get there. I’m so sorry.

Thanks for this. I hadn’t prepared her to expect some trial and error. That’s such great advice because she’s the one who would attempt to put up with discomfort then just stop going. Worldview is definitely important. She specifically requested it not be on campus. She’s uncomfortable with the idea of grad students being in counseling which I’m fairly certain wouldn’t happen. Our medical insurance should cover someone in network and there were over three pages of female counselors in the BCBS network. The only problem I can think of is that we’re about thirty five miles from her school? Do counselors network? We have a counselor who works with our homeschool student council to create a podcast. He’s very familiar with two of my girls so I’d feel comfortable asking him. Maybe he’d be a good person to ask?

We have a string of bells on the door handle. We've been trying to train the dog to ring the bell to go out - no success thus far. However, Sassy Cat has learned to ring the bell and then meow at the door to signal she wants to go out. I'm flabbergasted. She's the most human cat I've ever met. Is this normal cat behavior? She's such an interesting (and moody) cat that I'm continuously surprised by her.

I have a DD who has had social anxiety for a while... she is likely on the spectrum. We did an eval around age 15, but the dr felt nothing was needed because she makes herself function well. She's still functioning successfully, dean's list, in the classroom as an observer this semester, volunteering as a conversation partner within her TESOL program, participating with a small group. However, this weekend, she shared that she's struggling with things and would it be possible to find a counselor? Oh my gosh, yes. She's incredibly hard on herself, minimizes her successes and focusing on what she perceives as shortcominngs. Specifically, she thinks she should have better social skills and "feel" more. She also thinks she should respond to social interactions more intuitively. I don't want to minimize her perceptions, but this is all very normal for women on the spectrum. I think counseling would increase her confidence that she isn't the only human that is wired a little differently. How do I find a *good* counselor for her?

People make assumptions about football even when it’s not men. I distinctly remember being at Mayo and wearing a U of Iowa sweatshirt and being asked about Big Ten football by more than one person, but one fella in particular was flabbergasted that I attended the college but wasn’t into football. Really? 👀 We spend $500-$800 biweekly at Costco. Sometimes we’ve hit $$$$ in one trip. There’s rumor of one being built this year very close to me. I can’t even tell you how much I’d love it. Life would be so much easier. 11 single babies not so bad. I never ever wished for twins. I just can’t fathom the lack of sleep!

My first was a Chevy S10 manual. #1 DD ‘97 Toyota Corolla #2 DS Malibu, unsure of the year #3 - ‘03 Honda Accord #4 DD - ‘07 Honda Civic #5 DS - has had a rough go with cars. He had an Accord for three months, a Rav for like four months, then, following an accident, bought his baby, 1999 Dodge Dakota Sport 4x4. He’s in love. #6 DD - ‘09 Honda Civic

I had little babies (6-7lbs) because they were usually four weeks early. They were beautiful healthy babies but they weren’t always quite strong enough to take in enough via breast in those early weeks. I was a passionate pro breastfeed only until 2009 baby failed to gain and then started to lose. Because once they’re losing they’re getting weaker and you lose ground. If she supplements for two weeks so she can breastfeed the rest of their babyhood, these two weeks are a micro-blip. Or Cate was in the NICU for two weeks, I pumped like a crazy person but didn’t hesitate to use the bottle. Was it bumpy? Yeah but well worth It

With an incredible need for teachers, I'd assume there is a conversion plan in most states?

Sorry! Homeschool assistance programs - publicly funded. We have three ways to homeschool here: 1. Outta my face, I can go this alone. 2. You can "supervise" and we'll meet four times a year for a coffee date. 3. I want my cake and want to eat it too, a.k.a. a few classes and/or paid for DE at the college, plays, mock trial, student council, but I want them to consist of just homeschooled kids. Option 3 is HASAP. So bigger districts offer K-12 classes of interest, for example a biology or chemistry lab, math tutoring, a lit class, and supervising teachers, but it is one day a week and then you are a supervising teacher, a.k.a coffee date/support system as needed for your assigned families.

If you've ever thought of moving to the Midwest you could have your cake and eat it too. Iowa has HASAPs. You could teach and supervise homeschool families' children.

Awww! Thry're so ❤️ precious!

I think when it’s done, you’ve paid and walked away, you’ll feel relief. We’ve had ours since 2001 when our daughter died. I was 24. It was weird to think about then. These days I’m leaning towards cremation but I don’t like the idea of her body being alone and we are no longer practicing Catholics. I think it would be a nice spot for my parents and they belong to that church.

I think the harder part of that courtship mentality is that it's like the family is dating the kid? There's just *so* much input and pressure. I was raised the polar opposite. It was expected I'd do my entire young adult life *for fun* with zero intentionality and that was messy too. I adore DH and I'm grateful we ended up together, but I was that nightmare of a teen with no regard to the future. My high school boyfriend is still in prison for intent to deliver... So I appreciate the "date with intentionality" mindset.

Boundary Creep… wow, so there’s an actual label for parenting young kids for 25+ years? Who knew? Thanks @Quill

It’s funny that she’s so grown up… She is our (exact) middle child. I think she was just born this way. She’s such a fun human to be near. I was a little surprised when she became interested. She’s had a couple young men ask her out and while she said yes to a prom date, she made it clear it was as friends. I think her feelings for him snuck up on her. When first DD was younger we were far more “date intentionally” minded. I think, lately, I’d prefer none of my kids date in high school and just be friends for now, have fun in groups, and date in college. DS has now sworn off dating because, “It’s too complicated,” graduating in May and headed for FT Army. I assume he’ll meet The One about April. 😜 I think there’s so many things you can compromise on, but if either is passionate about their faith, religion probably shouldn’t be one of them. Raising kids in mixed faiths, when both parents feel strongly, is not for the faint of heart.

I’m happy for you. It’s so pleasant to not be “on” all the time and there are some pets or scenarios that require it. It’s exhausting. Note you can just enjoy your boy and have confidence the other is in an ideal home!

Do they? Or are they supposed to? 😒 The girls are great. Oh? A house rule you say? Not a problem. The boys? The 18yo eats all over the basement, his room, the living room, etc. The 8yo? So I have a hospital bed right? Crank that baby upright, crawl behind, take remote with you, slant it back and you have a hideout! 😏 William is Jeremy the Crow from the Rats of Nimh but especially collects sweets with whiny wrappers based on the stash we found yesterday.

Exactly! Yeah, it’s been an ongoing conversation. She’d been to his youth group a couple times when we checked out his church’s teaching. We’re non-denominational and trinitarian. His church believes the Trinity is actually polytheist. It’s a pretty big chasm. One of my best friends is Catholic and married a Protestant. DH and I were cradle Catholics and I became Protestant. I have a cousin who is Catholic and married a Jewish man but neither are deeply committed to their own faith. Inevitably, if both feel strongly, it is difficult to decide how children are raised. Abigail is aware, probably because of our background and because of my friend. Their circle of friends have had some theological discussions around this lately because his church also is evangelical. Is she upset? She’s sad. He brought it up last night but he has been trying to help me understand their beliefs. He is very logical, persuasive, and well spoken. Great young man. After their talk last night she discussed it with me. She’s just sweet, one of the most genuinely sweet people I’ve ever met. They’re both very academically gifted so they challenge one another, they’re on the same team, so hours of practice. Imagine you think sugar is horrid. Your husband thinks sugar is a necessary food group. One stuffs their children with sugar. The other constantly deprives their children. Imagine this is of primary importance to both parents. Kinda like that on a grand scale. 😏 I think I’d agree with you but my oldest married her first boyfriend and my second daughter married the guy who was one of her best friends at 16. 😉 Very much like that. They shared a coach a couple years ago that was dating another coach for three years. They broke up last year and I suspect it is one reason it was on their radar? It’s definitely north the best and maybe harder part of our homeschool group? Families who are homeschooling for (partly) religious reasons but not the same belief systems. They’re really challenged in do you believe X? Why? I love that part but the relationships are definitely complex.

My rather lovely 16yo has a wonderful friend. They’ve gotten closer and closer over the past couple months and it’s obvious to all their friends they’re interested in the other. He really is one of her best friends. A different denomination is doable. My second daughter converted to Orthodox. This difference is much bigger and each of them has strong individual beliefs in this area. I’m so sad for them. They had a talk last night further affirming their resolve but they’re sad. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The kids have become better people through this. I think an awareness exists of letting other people speak that didn’t fully exist previously? Honestly? So many of my parenting “tools” are gone. I think I relied heavily on working beside my kids as a relationship builder. That’s what I miss the most! But this is a new challenge. I feel really stretched and it’s uncomfortable. I feel like we’re constantly behind the learning curve. I do have a Tobii! It’s pretty amazing Tech. DH says it’s a top notch iPad with a $13k app. He’s not wrong. My speech is impaired enough that insurance covered it but good enough that it’s currently more efficient to still use my voice if that makes sense? I have a sad, sad little horn on my wheelchair, lol. 😜 They’re usually pretty good for little kids. Some days not so much and it gets to me, kwim? I had thought of it. I always planned to but it seemed premature. In my head I had a plan of hot progression would happen. It was pretty linear for a long time. The last six months were a snowball. It caught me off guard. Even my neurologist was surprised. I think we’re past that now. Even adjusting for volume, my rate of speech is choppy and slow. Yes. We meet with a specialist, have the equipment, learned to use it, etc. Yep. I even signed up. DH built a desk in the big coat closet where I wouldn’t have sound bounce around. I bought the Snowball. It never seemed like a good time…. And I emotionally didn’t want to accept the necessity of it. And I really thought there’d be more warning signs. At first I thought I had a sore throat and I was waiting for it to recover, kwim? Most days I’m okay and I soldier on. Some days it seems like I’ve lost so much and it’s overwhelming to think of everything else and what the future holds is scary, especially for what my youngest kids will have to deal with. Other days I can take a deep breath and remind myself that it’s not today and that I don’t want to sacrifice today for the anxiety of worrying about tomorrow. Luke 12. Big deep breath. Thank you for the empathy, prayers, and encouragement. It helps more than you know.