Here is the best place IMO

As mom who agree with you on dating, I would not allow it. If you do this year, then what will he want to do next year - you know. I think your instinct is leading you in the right direction, but that can be very hard to convey to our children. There are great resources out there. I would really start this dialog now to lay out your expectations from here on. Dh and I have this conversation with our kids from a young age so there are no surprises. Our children will not be dating, and they will be able to start forming those relationship only when they are ready and able to follow through ie:get married. What is the point before that? I allow my kids to exchange Valentines and such, but not to single out oner person like that. If he really want to send something, I would allow him to only if he did it to all his group of friends, so he see that he shouldn't be singling out one girl. Does that make sense???

With B/O, they ship what they have and wait on the rest. I have never had them hold an order waiting on B/O items. They are pretty quick - just like all hs companies August/Sept are busy busy. Personally, I would order when they offer free shipping - it's in April I think. I hope they do it again this year.

The dictionary lists both ways.

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That's a good response. And that actually happened to me once with a lady at church. I was quite baffled until it was figured out. I felt really weird, but I am glad I didn't say something to hurt her feelings. She just made a mistake. That was my first thought... And I had someone give me a book on marriage once like that - just came over and gave it to me. I read it and loved it. Although, I strongly suspect she felt like we needed it, and I felt a bit offended. We did need it and read it and gleaned what I could from it. She meant well not to insult, so I took it that way. Then I proceeded to give it to 8 friends...hope they werent' offended by it. :confused: Yikes okay hmm after reading that may I would have been offended... I just feel like there is always room to improve, and I am willing to take what I can and improve what I can where I can. I don't compromise my beliefs and change my parenting style, but I am willing to listen and see what I can glean but that's just me.

:iagree: I know that we are the minority, but I am sorry I just don't think the government knows best. I would prefer to handle it differently. I have been a mandatory reporter as a teacher and preschool director, so I understand that too. I just know how things go sometimes with the "system" and it's sometimes awful.

I was a SAHM for 5 years before homeschooling, and if my school age kids were in school, I would still be a SAHM. So no real income sacrifice there. But I am giving up things like - time at the gym, a clean house, play dates for the 2 little ones not in school, cooking better meals, all those mom things I could do while the little one is napping and just more time with my babies.

I have to add that I whole heartly agree that foster parents shouldn't spank. I am not defending this family's action at all!! But I am simply pointing out that this child could lose his parents over this. That is not something to be taken lightly. Amyx4 - if you wonder how your locality would respond simply call and ask what would happen if a foster parent were to spank a child. Then you will know and can decide what to do from there.

The simple fact is that the mother admitted to spanking. It's not like she (OP) simply saw the mark and jumped to a conclusion. The mother admitted it. That is grounds in most locations for immediate removal of the child. It doesn't matter whether they substantiated abuse or not. The fact of the matter is they spanked a child they shouldn't have and that child will be removed unless the parents lie about it and the marks are gone. We have been through the foster system. We were foster parents for 2 years. And we have seen this happen to a foster family. I have seen kids removed for less from foster families. All I am saying is if there is no reason to suspect abuse, think it through before you report a spanking because if it's proven that they spanked him, he will be removed from them. And is that worth his being yanked from another home. I agree if they are abusers they shouldnt' be fostering.

Here are my thoughts.... I absolutely would NOT report unless you actually think abuse is happening. You know this family - you know this child ~ do you think they are abusing him?? If you report, it's is highly likely he will be removed. He will lose his family and the only parents he knows. They will also never be allowed to adopt or foster again. If they are abusing him, this is the right action. But if they just made a mistake or used bad judgement? What do you believe about spanking? Do you consider it abuse? I agree that they shouldn't spank since they aren't allowed to. I understand that as a parent who has adopted. It's what you have to do. They were without a doubt wrong, but is it enough to lose their child? Before I would even think of reporting and having someone's child taken from them, I would talk to the mom and dad. I would say "Hey, I know you aren't supposed to do this....etc." I also have to say that spankings that leave marks DO NOT alway equal abuse. I have skin that marks and bruises easily. My dh grabbed my arm once (not in a mean way and frankly not even hard enough to hurt me!) and left a hand print - it was there for 3 day. I used to have marks left on my behind - my parents were never even close to abusive. My toddler has bruised me, caused broken blood vessels and marks that lasted for days. It's just my skin... I have a ds who is the same way. I have 4 children. And I spank them all (not all as in all 4 - one is an infant by all as in the ones I spank) the same. Same intensity and my ds who takes after me has had marks on him bum that looked red and purplish. It takes almost nothing to leave a mark on him. Dh plays rough with him - he's a rough and tumble boys and dh has bruised him without every hurting him. Generally, I would agree that spanking shouldn't leave marks. But sometimes with some people it happens. Having been on the receiving end of the spanking ~ I assure you it wasn't abuse, but I had marks for days. But there are some things to consider - was it a one time thing? Did they do something rash? Did they make a mistake? Does this child really have sensitive skin? Are they parents who just used bad judgement? Is this situation worth having this child taken from them? Is this enough for this little baby to lose his mom and dad over?? If you believe they are abusing him, yes. If they made a mistake, think about it. Understand - please understand...They don't treat foster parents the same way they treat bio parents. They won't have a chance to get him back - they will not have a say or any rights. He will be taken away, and they will never be allowed to foster or adopt again - period! A bio parent can beat their child and get them back after help but a foster parent can't! Foster parents sacrifice so much yet have no rights!!! Pray about it and think it through before you do something you can't take back that could harm this child far more than one spanking even if that spanking was too hard. (I do believe in reporting abuse, but I wouldn't report a spanking.)

Yep! As a full time homeschooling mom, I would do it in a second! But it's not in the budget...

I think it's very important to hear and accept your child's feelings no matter how "off" they are from what really is. If they don't feel loved (or something else), it really doesn't matter how loved they really are because it's not getting to them. Does that make sense? Feelings are just that feelings - they aren't always factual. But that still how they feel. I think that is something a parent needs to address and deal with in very caring way. Adoption comes with a loss. It's something that a child must grieve and deal with. I think a-parents need to understand that and accept that. That is in no way a reflection of us. I know my dd struggles with wondering about her life if she was with b-mom, but she is also happy to be in our family. I imagine that is hard thing for a child to deal with. (I know she struggles more because we currently have no contact.) I also think there is no one size fits all for adoption. There is a range of what open means. Every situation is different ~ every b-mom is different ~ every child is different. We have a wonderful b-mom and a not so wonderful b-mom. I think as a-parents we have to navigate this the best we can. I think it's up to us to decide what's best for the child (since we are the parents) until that child can decide for themselves. Sometimes in some situations closed is best. Sometimes open is best. I believe each adoption has to be decided individually. Overall, I believe an open situation is the best for the child. How open doesn't really matter. I think it is very helpful to a child to know they at least have access to information should they want it. But sometimes open isn't going to happen or isn't good and that's okay. We almost adopted an abandonded baby (interstate fell through). We knew nothing - there would have been no contact. That was just his reality. With a friend of mine dd's b-parents are drug addicts, a relationship is not healthy there. And those closed adoption can not only be fine they are best for the child. But overall I am an advocate for and believe that an open adoption is way to go. Our son has a completely open relationship with b-mom and her family. It's really quite amazing. We have even left our kids with b-family. I think he will benefit from it. B-mom was herself adopted. Should the day ever come when he isn't then that door will need to close. I don't see that happening because b-mom understands adoption for so many sides. And her family is so supportive. On the other hand the door is currently closed on our dd's adoption. And is for her protection and ours. It is very hard on her, and I am very sad about the situation. But b-mom isn't interested in what is best for dd. It's very sad.... I see dd's hurt over that. Adoption comes with many heartaches on all sides, but it also has many blessings on all sides. Ultimately, I believe that God will use all these things to His glory. And I pray for His grace to heal and comfort all the hurts and pain our children will have about their adoptions. I can't fix it, but I can love them through it.

And I wanted that I am not a fan of switching programs because I find it harder as mom make a big switch. So what I would do (we don't do SOTW other than the "story" part. We do VP.) if it were me, I wouldn't switch to SL (if you are happy with SOTW that is.) I would do SOTW (or in my case VP) and just add the books you want to. If you aren't happy with SOTW, then by all mean switch to SL.

The library doesn't work for us. We have a small one that never has the books I need. I tried that one year, and I am certain I spent more money in gas and my time than I saved. :auto: Since I have 4 kids, I decided after that year to buy those books that I know I would use for all 4. Then I have them, and I don't have to spend the time or money to get more. I don't mind spending the money on good classics that we will use over and over. I figure in the long run I will get my money's worth from them. But I agree used is the way to go!! I do buy a lot used. I love paperback swap!! I am working on getting one whole series of books that is out of print and between ebay, used sales and paperback swap I have almost all the books. I have spent very little on them. Also if you sign up with Borders you get coupons from them. I have gotten some great deals from Border and Amazon - just watch the shipping costs.

Yep that's the book you are looking for...

I have now gone back and read the whole thread. Hugs to all of you!! I am so sorry. I am glad that much has been learned from the mistakes of adoptive parents and social workers years ago. I think my children will benefit as we learn from the mistakes of the past for that I am grateful. Your mom has much to deal with that she will probably never deal with. I see that with my MIL who is older than your mom or my mom even. But she is now in failing health having never dealt with some similar things in her life ~ things that today aren't as big of a deal. Things that if she could move beyond would free her to live a happier life. It's so sad, As a women who has been through infertility, I can understand how hard that must have been espcecially then for your mom. As a mom who has both bio and adopted children, I hurt for you all who have felt/are feeling "adopted" instead of like their child. (Not sure how else to phrase that!) I think part of it was the times not just IF or adoption but in general. I dont' think our parents were able to feel or deal with feelings like we do now. And many things got put away only to come out after too much wine or in a melt down. And those things aren't even about you but their own failures and shortcomings. I really hate that parents can be so hurtful. My mom has felt that. My grandma actually wrote my mom a letter saying I love you, but you know I dont' really like you. That greatly impacted her, and I think this plays a huge roll in her feelings toward our b-moms. And I really don't think any good could come from pushing her. (She has to support and accept our decisions for the sake of our children, but she doesn't have to be reminded of it or be privy to all the details - you know. I think it's best for all of us to have space between my mom and our b-moms at least for now. The day may come when she is over her own pain and can deal better, but until then it's best for all to have that space.) Okay so I am rambling now... I still think personally that nothing good would come from telling your mom. However if you do feel the need to tell her, I still wouldn't allow them to read your facebook page. And I would create one just for them. HUGS!!

I haven't read all the replies, but if it were me, based on what you have said about your mom struggling with this. I don't think anything you say will remove her fears of losing you or help her deal with her past. I would set up another email address if you don't have one then another facebook account. I would have one for b-mom to communicate and one the rest of the family. This won't be the last person to find you on facebook, and you will deal with this over and over. So have one mainly for b-mom and one for everyone else. I am an adoptive mom (2 adopted and 2 bio), and my mom freaks out greatly about our b-moms. She was upset when we agreed to use b-mom's name. My mom respects that it's our decision. She has been very accepting that this is our choice not hers. And we have made her meet our ds's b-mom to help with this. But were she the mother she would never allow this or consider it. And I know there is no reasoning with her on it. So I would just keep them seperate personally.

Oh my goodness that is us! My oldest and third are doing great pushing ahead really in most area, but my second - we are taking our time. (I am just concerned right now that #3 will be reading before #2. She would be crushed if that happened. But #3 really wants to read NOW!)

I loved this book! We don't really follow it or do delayed unless needed based on that child. But I loved this book more than WTM. It's well worth reading!!

I agree! They are a nice compliment of each other. They really fill each others weaknesses. We do both! And it's working well.

Oh I wish we got that channel! We love Dr. Ben Carson - he was my oldest dd's dr for many years. He has such an amazing story. That's a must see movie!

I have to admit I love this show! It's crazy, but I just love it. I know you can't trust shows like this to show reality but there is no way this was creative editing. He was the biggest jerk I have ever seen on this show. That whole statement he read just made him look like a fool. I can't even imagine being married to someone like this. I would really be interested to see the fall out from his attitude on the show to his wife's business working with overweight people after that aired. The wife never did respond to that question at least on the part that aired yesterday. I have seen 2 homeschool families on there who were really serious homeschoolers - although they made them out to be too hard.

Exactly, what I was coming here to say. And then rent a car when you need a bigger one. Or take 2. Honestly, with teens it may be nice to have the second car with you.

We outsource Latin too! It's been so worth it...