OP here... Wow, I picked the wrong day to not check WTM first thing! Still making my way through the responses.... In skimming I've seen a couple of comments about "jumping to conclusions" and I want to say I really haven't assumed racism or any other motivation. I'm mulling it over and that's why I asked for other people's opinions and experiences. "I don't know what to think" is right there in the title. Right now it sounds more like she has bad social skills...never blame on racism what can be blamed on idiocy? Honestly if she were someone I would never see again I would shrug and forget about it. Because of the possibility of seeing her every week I am trying to figure it out. I love love love this library and I want to deal with my feelings, either by deciding to just move on, talk to the director, etc. I don't want to feel weird every week in a place I love to go and take my kids. Thanks to people who've responded so far. It sounds like there are a lot of librarians who are difficult to deal with. My MIL is a public librarian so I've heard some stories from the other point of view too.

Yes, like I said in the title and the content of the original post, I really don't know what to think. Racist? Clueless? Overly enthusiastic? On a literacy bender? Joanne: Yes, the librarian was white and in her early- to mid-60s, if I had to guess. Of the two children's librarians I see the most, one is black and the other (I think) is Japanese. It's actually a fairly diverse place in terms of race.

Don't quote, I might delete: I go to the library once/week with DD while my son is in a nearby class. We are there for around 2 hours and spend most of the time in the children's section. It's a good-sized library in a progressive city. I know all the children's librarians by sight but not name and the atmosphere is casual. Today I walked into the children's section with DD and there was a new librarian there. I don't think she was new to librarianship, just new to the city, the branch, or the department. This particular library keeps a few animals in tanks near the children's desk. As DD made her way over the look at them, the librarian asked me if I needed any help. I said no thanks, I know where to get what I need. She pointed to the picture books for DD. I said thank you, but DD has a backlog of books she needs to get through (meaning we need to read to her) before we're getting more. (DD currently has about 15 books checked out that I've already renewed once each, from different libraries.) She gave me a look and said, "Why don't you read them to her?It just takes a few minutes a day. It's important to read to kids. It makes them more successful. You should read books and have books available to children in the home." Now, I'm a brown person :D, but I rarely experience direct personal racism. I'm not saying it doesn't exist (I've experienced it). I'm not saying institutional racism doesn't exist. I'm just saying I don't often notice racism personally directed at me. It could be that I'm just clueless. :D Anyway, the whole thing felt very icky to me. I felt like she had read a pamphlet that told her minorities need to increase reading in the home or something, and she was going to do her part. There was another librarian of the "brown type" :D who sees us each week. Her mouth was open and she was staring at her screen, frozen and embarrassed. I'm having trouble conveying the tone here, but it was all very patronizing. I kept thinking, "Lady, I just dropped 30 pounds of books in the book drop before heading over here! I read until I'm hoarse and then I put on audiobooks!" I don't know if I experienced racism or not. It feels like I was pre-judged and harshly. I think in her mind I was automatically grouped into "people who don't read or go to libraries very much" as soon as she saw me, and as a librarian, she had a role in fixing that. I've decided librarians who are approaching a patron for the first time should first ask if a patron has been there before and suss out their level of usage before making suggestions. :) We did get our revenge, though. For some reason I had trouble with my card at the self-checkout so I had to go to the desk. She looked up our account manually and I think she was surprised by the volume, quality, and topics of the books, thanks in large part to SWB and this board! :hurray:

Oh yes I remember her and I saved a bunch of posts from her re: Latin. I took a break from the boards at some point and I guess she left then. I had noticed she wasn't around but only now got a chance to ask why. Thanks for the info. I guess I missed the Circe thing too.

What happened to EM?

Are you saying that she used to cash your rent check after your second pay period of the month? So even though your rent was due on the first she would cash it later in the month, giving you about two weeks' float? I'm trying to figure out if you spent the money you should have set aside for the check, or if you had a verbal agreement with her that she would provide this float, knowing she was allowing you to write a check for which you weren't covered, and this month she unexpectedly didn't float you?

I would not be surprised if the mom is semi-waiting for the other shoe to drop. She must know on some level that someone won't continue to do this for this price. I doubt she'll be surprised when you tell her. She's probably surprised it's gone on this long. Here a two other ideas. I know people might think of them as cop-outs and maybe they are sub-optimal, but perhaps you would find them more doable than a face-to-face confrontation. 1) Put it in writing. I don't mean all the emotional stuff, just the end-date and that you'll continue to provide care until that date, or a new fee that's fair market value if you want to continue. Then just tell her you wrote this for her and hand it to her. She can read the part that's most difficult for you to say. 2) Be there with DH and have him tell her. Will she think it's weird and he's a meanie? Possibly, but who cares? Compared to the situation in which you and your family now find yourselves, this action would be preferable.

Thanks for the reminder!

It sounds like you should buy another unit if you can swing it. Having a nice turnover of well-employed people, the ability to quickly fill units, and high rents removes so much of the hassle.

We've been landlords twice. The first time we bought a house and didn't sell our condo because property values were going up and we wanted to wait. We eventually sold it. Now we've purchased a duplex, both sides of which are rented out. We're planning on moving in when we need more space and connecting the two units inside. Eventually when the kids move out we'll re-rent it or we may have to out one set of parents in the other half. When we're retired we could live in half and rent the other half out, or not if we don't need the money. We really like the flexibility of renting the whole thing, half of it, living in the entire building, or moving in aging parents. Try and find a local landlords' association. It's difficult to answer your questions because the general answers are enough to write a book and the specific answers vary so much by locality. I would say that in general the more desirable an area is, the more you have to deal with laws and less with tenant problems. If an area is less desirable, you might not have as many legal issues like rent boards and such, but you might have to work harder to fill properties. It really varies so much by state and desirability.

This is actually the thing that jumped out at me the most. A child who's not developmentally ready, needs more attention, is going through a lying/sneaking phase, has first-child syndrome, etc. should be having problems following the rules from either parent, no? Can one say a child is not developmentally capable of following the rules when she does for one parent but not the other? Does DH do something different than you? Is he better about doing what he says he will? Is he more likely to issue consequences?

I watched tonight on the ABC web site. I don't have a TV and hadn't heard of it until I saw this thread! I liked it and I already am invested in a couple of the characters. I saw the Avengers movie and didn't like it much, though. The show takes place after some incident in New York and there was an ad for a new Avengers movie in which there's some incident in NY. Will the movie coming out in Nov dovetail with the show somehow?

Why do I feel like my parents are fighting and Hoppy is the eldest sibling, trying to soothe them? :lol:

It's interesting that the teacher actually says your daughter chooses not to participate in discussions, not that she chooses to be distracted or chooses to have difficulty with assignments. I don't know if she deliberately chose her words carefully but it's something I noticed.

My kids don't have ADHD but are enrolled in a martial arts studio in which there are a lot of ADD or ADHD kids. Have you considered something like this? The kids have massive respect for the studio teachers, and the teachers show massive respect to the parents so the kids' esteem for the parents increases too. One of the ways the teachers show respect for the parents is by not allowing the kids to progress in belts unless the parents sign a paper saying the kids are respectful, have a good attitude, and are doing all their schoolwork and chores. So you can learn the moves and pass the best test, but if you're not behaving at home, they will not move you forward. There's a bit of public shaming, too: when they announce who has passed the test they also tell the class (and other parents at the ceremony) if your parents have not signed the paper. Then they hold onto your belt until the parents sign. I love having this bit of leverage from other adults in the community. I don't know if this is typical at studios though, or if it could be created with the teachers. A lot of the parents of kids with LDs have said this helps them at home. All the kids seem to love the teachers and the classes.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Just unbelievable. :grouphug:

Didn't you talk about calling the fire inspector a couple of weeks ago? What happened with that?

One trick is to buy an extra pair of pants since they wear out faster than jackets.

Let's see...some snippets.... I was going to write a big long post of food/shopping ideas but you saved me the effort by outlining the things you need to consider changing in your mind, not on the plate.... I hope I don't sound like a meanie (I'm not, really!) but IMO you don't really need recipes and meal ideas. You need to rethink how you and your family approach food and understanding financial trade-offs. Please also consider how your children, the oldest of whom is 9, have so much say-so in what they will and won't eat when it's really affecting the family budget.

If I were you I would go to Boston. If it were me I would go to Charleston because SC is one of the few remaining ones I have to knock off my "visited" list.

Wow, that Classical House of Learning material is amazing. :hurray:

I'm really impressed you've managed to do enough laundry to wear through 5 baskets!

When my son says something rude or extreme ("I hate..." eg) I always correct him. When he overheard DH and I talking about this thread, he said, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard." It's the first time I didn't say anything because it's in all likelihood true.

I think it's her. I've only watched the show a few times, mostly because I was interested in the logistics of how their family lives. I saw a clip in which one of them is talking about going to NYC (I think). I'm not Christian or easily offended, but thanks for the warning!

Yeah, there's one (can't remember her name) who looks like she's just biding her time. I'm waiting for one of them to write a book. Not necessarily some scandalous tell-all; I don't think they have material for that. I'd like to read a more introspective look into their upbringing and family life, looking back from their forties or something.