I got an advisor. I don’t like learning about this stuff, my advisor has beat any market index you want to name, and I sleep well. Do you want to spend your time on this? If so, great. I hate it. I am smart enough to deal with it if that is what I want to do. I don’t. And by hiring the right person to do this work, someone who lives by it and cares and knows what they’re doing, I’m up way way than you can imagine, even paying the fees. Do what suits you. But don’t think that experts aren’t worth what they are worth.

For sure.

I hid my son’s presents in his closet. He never looked there.

My sister did this with her ring post-divorce. It's a pretty charm she designed that expresses something about her personality. Something like a diamond in a spoon as she's a good cook. Or a diamond in a note as she's a good musician. It wasn't cheap to do it, but she didn't have to buy the materials at least.

I agree...and I will add that I think its misuse comes from pride "I deserve better than this...driver in front of me stupid checkout lane." That said, I think anger is a gift and can be good when its target is injustice or meanness or bullying or evil...

Yup! I’ve buried both parents and in laws and the variables were endless. The reason for insurance is to allow flexibility and not being tied to a particular funeral home…or only one. In three cases of my four, two funeral homes were required…and we didn’t know ahead of time that this would be the case. I believe (but wouldn’t swear to it) that prepaid funeral contract are illegal in our former state of residence. and this is additional info: to get the simplest funeral and burial of a body, tell the funeral home you want an orthodox Jewish burial and tweak things from there. It’s a shorthand they all understand.

It’s because they make money doing it. Funeral directors don’t embalm their own family members. It’s toxic chemicals gif the workers and unnecessary now that we have freezers and dry ice. But it’s hard to make these decisions in the moment. Too much of one’s world is upside down. Because of a snowstorm in 2008 and frozen ground my FIL couldn’t be buried for 16 days. He was not embalmed.

Again, just FYI: in most situations, the basket is more expensive than the pine casket we got, and a container is not required. The body can be wrapped in cloth. Green burials also do not generally allow for a marker other than a tree, which is both a cost saving and the loss of a sense of a "monument" and people feel differently about those things, so I state them without evaluation.

The "legal requirement" for embalming is not true. At least not in every state. They will TELL you it is a legal requirement but as far as I know, having researched this, it is not. My MIL was transported 4 hours away, across state lines, and she was not embalmed. The funeral home in Michigan also lied about this requirement to my friend, whose mother's body was transported to Colorado. In my friend's truck. TO THE OP: You don't actually "pre-pay" for a funeral at a specific location. You get Funeral Insurance, which is a legit "spend-down" for Medicaid. We have been through this with my MIL. We got $10,000, because it was what we could get from her account to "spend down" to Medicaid. We could have used $12,000, and that's with 4 hour transit across state lines, a build-it-yourself pine casket, a very inexpensive plot, no service, no viewing, no makeup, 4 days in the freezer, two funeral homes involved (THAT was the big expense) and a small headstone. Her burial plot was $300. The casket was $300, drop-shipped IKEA-style to our house in 2 days. My mother paid for her and dad's shared cremation niche; we got inexpensive boxes for the ashes, had a memorial (that was expensive) and will carry the ashes 1000 miles for interment in another state. Opening/closing the niche is $1000 a time, so we waited until both could be buried at once. We got a $16,000 insurance policy (which didn't cover the price of the niche) and because we are using the money for travel expenses to the interment place, and to pay for the honoraria and rental of the chapel and so on (because their church rents space...), I think we're going to be a couple thousand shy. If my parents had a church building then we would have come out just about right. This is all no-frills, by the way. You are the beneficiary of the insurance policy and if anything is left over, it will come to you. If your mom has the money to do the funeral insurance, given her wishes and how much/little you plan to abide by them, I'd get $20,000. Transport, two funeral homes, and a headstone are big expenses. You also want to have some money to pay for any probate expenses, and if you do the work of executor yourself, you should pay yourself for that. My sister is doing that work, and we're paying her by the hour out of the estate. We worked with truly-family-owned funeral homes, with a la carte pricing so we could get exactly what we wanted for each parent, as they each had different ... "needs" isn't the right word. My mom was very social, and a lot of people came to her funeral. MIL was a hermit...so there was no need for anything beyond the family graveside service. A la carte let us do right by each of them. This post sounds very business-y; it is. It is not about how much we love our parents or anything--those are other posts. This is just about the business of it all. I hope this is helpful.

Well I am in the middle of a meat fast, and it sounds good to me. :0)

My sister has taken it for over-sensitive nerves (like her clothing rubbing her skin is actually painful) and she is super happy to have the med.

Thank you for the recommendation. And the thing that kills me with Palladian blue is that it was just like the pictures in our former house and just a kid color here. Lesson learned. Always do a sample.

This is pretty funny...I've done the move from Colorado to NW and found the same thing with the color we used for everything in Colorado...a bust in the PNW. The thing that is weird for me on this is we are still in the PNW, but 200 miles south...and the paint just DIED on the walls. I picked up some chips today and compared with what was on the wall, and the Palladian and Sea Salt were both accurate to the chips. So it is just something with the light. I got chips for Quiet Moments and some others as well, and think I have a path forward. Not sure which one it is; I want to have a look at it in the natural light and I got a late start today. It'll be a blue shade but I'm trying to find the place that is not baby blue or gray...somewhere in the middle. I think the "aloe" color might be greener than I want. This is helpful. It seems like the two are in the same family at least, and I like that family. I think it will work especially well in the bathrooms. Thanks All!!! I'll update with what I choose and maybe even a photo or two. I've been a painting maniac these past few days and have only two more afternoons to paint before our stuff arrives, and that will be spent cutting in to the trim with the color I know I like...

I think you have helped me target the source of my dissatisfaction. Sea salt is too gray. I know gray is popular but in the NW and with the flooring in the house, I need to go more beige. Plus that suits our furnishings snd rugs better. for the main rooms I have gone SW steamed milk and it is PERFECT. It really complements the flooring. But I want a sort of sea-glass effect in the other rooms. I like the aloe color a lot, @corraleno, and the adjacent blue as well. If the two are the same saturation of color, I’m inclined to check out the bluer tone-Quiet moments. That was super helpful to see the photo. I don’t know why Palladian blue has gone so dark on me. In my former house it was a magic color that varied between a light blue and a light green, sometimes on the same wall at the same time. Whenever I was in distress I’d go into one of my Palladian rooms and it would calm me down. In this new house, it looks garish. Go figure. thanks for the help, gals. Even when I chose a different color from what you suggested, your suggestions helped me figure out where I want to go. and by the way, the neighbors have their whole house in sea salt and it looks great. I just don’t get it. But I know where to go now.

Thank you both. Great suggestions. Light is so … variable.

I'm usually good at this. But not this time. I was SURE that SW Sea Salt was just right for three rooms in our house. And if it wasn't BenMoore Palladian Blue was a great alternative, as I used it in my former house and loved it. I was wrong. Both are too dark in our new house. It's almost like I don't even recognize Palladian Blue. I need a lighter color in the first place, and Sea Salt is too gray and Palladian Blue is too...blue. In another house, I had a great color with Devine Paints called Ocean but Devine is out of business and so there ya go. The house has three south-facing rooms and two bathrooms (both with white tile, the master bath having a sort of "spa-like" feel, I am told). I want a lighter blue that is somewhere between the two aforementioned colors, but NOT a "baby blue" or "sky blue" -- think of sea glass, that sort of thing, as we are near the ocean. HELP?

We just went through this, and I am pretty sure I understand where you are coming from. I think, in some ways, the planning for and completing of the formal goodbyes are a way to keep you busy while you are still super raw...it gives you something to DO (I need something to do...). But it is exhausting, and when it is over, it's over for most everyone except the family...and then a quiet descends...people move on with their lives, but you still have things to do (executor, clearing up) and emotional things to process...and you are more alone. I hope things go well for you in this, that people will behave themselves and be kind...but if they aren't, let it go. It's the end of one thing, and the beginning of another. (((Laura)))

It was Cyber Monday, so probably not.

Target and other stores have the texts on sale now for $22-24. That’s less than the deep discount WTM offers on these books; Susan Wise Bauer is the author, but WTM Press is not the publisher so discounts are probably not up to them. It looks like the cyber-Monday sale would be good for the PDF of the study guide. I think I could have used this book from my computer—not printing it out—so that might be one way to save some money.

And they are so sweet and yummy! And tender.

MendiTkits.

Please don't tell me it is the brand I just bought. That said: Rats. Sorry.

Someone posted the other day that if a tomato is a fruit, then ketchup is actually a smoothie. Smoothie/gravy?

...lest people consider it an invitation to overstay a welcome. :0)

It's really dependent on who will come to visit. But in my time, it's often two single widows traveling together. Twins. Sometimes a married couple. They deal with it. Sometimes kids. They are fine with it. And frankly, for some couples twins are preferable to a queen...it's actually like a "split king." If it is possible, get LongTwins. That accommodates tall people much better than the regular twins. There is also the option of the double on bottom/twin on top bunk. Or same with a trundle under the double. SUPER flex if you are dealing with a family or multiple children. Also we had a magnificent set that could be bunks, twins, trundle, or L-shaped upper/lower bed. I used alllll these configurations over the years. It was one of my best-ever purchases. I gave it away when we had to downsize and while I don't regret giving it away, I'll never find it again.