The land in the cove is protected, and owned by a conservation group. This is all we know other than the National Speleological Society has surveyed the caves for the state. It was named a National Natural Landmark in 1973.

I just don't know except that they told our daughter and realtor that they already have purchased their condo in Florida and had appointments in the next two weeks in Florida with their new doctors. They had all the furniture priced for their estate sale which has been advertised. The wife was sad about leaving because she loves the house so much, but admitted they can't physically care for it anymore and need to live closer to their kids in Florida. So maybe that will mean they are willing to work with us on this. Fingers crossed. On another note in an attempt to distract myself I washed the light shades of our fixtures in the kitchen. They have needed it for a while. Now I need to go knock something else out in the hopes of not thinking about it too much.

Yes. They are vitally necessary repairs, two of which are important enough that home owner's insurance could be a sticky wicket.

I REALLY enjoyed the slower pace. Dh and I decided that when it came to the floodgates of folks who wanted to socialize, we would ration this. First, if they are folks who aren't vaccinated, we aren't meeting. Dh's mom got her vaxes, but there is reason to believe she is immune compromised enough that she may not have much immunity. So we need to be careful about a possible break through infection and taking that to her. Therefore, when nephew and his wife and their two kids, and my brother and his wife, and our other niece all wanted to have a family party and not a one of them were vaccinated and very open about it, we said check no. Phew. One social event averted. Then we looked at it from the standpoint of just how much of a social life beyond our mothers and our kids do we want? As it turns out, limited. Dh and I are going to spend a lot of time "van life" from 2022-2026 seeing the country, and enjoying mother nature. That meant picking the relationships that we wanted to keep heavily invested in, and letting others fall naturally into the acquaintance/colleague/shirt tail relatives we rarely see categories. So for example, we have folks two miles from here that we used to be very good friends with. They were super irresponsible during the pandemic, and very obnoxious about their political leanings though we tried not to communicate in email or phone call about political issues. This relationship is on the let die side. Socializing with colleagues? Nope. Dh had gone as high in his career as he is going to go before retirement. So taking a pass on that. Two nieces, two nephews, my brother and his wife, hard pass. Email and text exists, a funny virtual card at Christmas and on birthdays works. Maybe we will see each other at weddings and funerals in the future, but certainly not during this next year as the pandemic is struggling to wind down. But my other nephew and his wife? Awesome people. We are REALLY close with them and grieved that we all live so far from each other. They are vaxed, we are vaxed, and so we decided now was the time to make a big effort. We are meeting in W.V. in three weeks to camp together at Cooper's Rock State Forest, and then also go down and see New River Gorge National Park. We are champing at the day of travel to arrive. We also have very, very dear friends who are like family and have been second parents to our kids. They invited us down the other evening for a just us and them back yard barbecue. We are all vaxed so when we got too hot and wanted to recline indoors, it was no big deal. So much fun, and a breath of fresh air after the long year of being cooped up. As for appointments, I told the mothers that they have to limit it to no more than one appointment a week that they need me at or need transportation to, and if they can't manage that, they have to pay one of their grandsons to do it while they are on break from school. My mom usually manages just fine without me. Mother in law not so much. So the week she had an eye appointment and an ultrasound. She had a friend from her church who is vaxed, drive her to the appointment (she tried to pay her for gas and time spent sitting which friend refused which was very sweet), and then I took her to the ultrasound. That won't work for everyone. But it is our for now plan so I don't end up completely overwhelmed as things open up. Rationing. We are just trying to ration our time. I don't know how long that will work. Mother in law's health is slipping.

Thank you! I appreciate that. Ugh. I think the worst thing was getting the report at 5 pm yesterday so we have the whole weekend just thinking about it without beginning any kind of solution process.

We found for my grandma, that the max Medicare would pay did not provide for a wheelchair that actually met her needs and was comfortable. She was going to spend a LOT of time in it so comfort was a very big deal. My sister found a used one that met the need well, and it was purchased with her private funds. Easy to collapse for transporting is a big deal. Definitely keep that in mind. The times in which a family rep was not with her, the driver of the handicap van called the reception desk of the facility, and someone came out to wheel her in because she could not do it herself. I have no idea if every facility does this or not. That is just how it worked in her case. When she needed a hospital bed, Medicare did pay for that as well, but only for the one with the nasty, hard as a rock, cheap mattress. We had Medicare buy the bed, but then we used her funds to buy a different mattress that fit it. I think she would have had bed sores and a lot of aches and pains if we had not done that.

Update: We have an agreement with the sellers. Their realtor tracked them down on vacation. And to those who thought we were strapping ourselves financially, that is a wrong assumption. It was a cash flow issue. It takes two-three weeks to get a check from the retirement account we are using for this. We had just paid summer session two tuition for both of the boys taking summer classes, plus books, plus infused my mother with some cash due to a recent emergency so an extra demand on funds in order to keep closing on track for July 23 which we had not anticipated (dd and hubby's lease expires August 1st so we were hoping to get them moved before then and not have a lease issue to deal with) was the problem, and wondering how our mortgage company would react if the two repairs were not made. Despite a weekend of angst and waiting, and then wondering why the sellers were not returning their realtor phone messages yesterday, it worked out about an hour ago. So I am back to my happily planning self! Thank you to all for your advice and support. Old post: So we just received the home inspection report. On the one hand, for a house that is 24 years old and really hasn't had anything done to it in all that time except the roof, it was good. On the other hand, the home owner likes to "rig" things when there are minor repairs instead of doing the job correctly or hiring a licensed individual to do it which has caused some issues. We estimate there is about $5000 of repairs that must be done in order to satisfy our mortgage company and the home owner's insurance. Every one of them is something we can easily do ourselves because of Dh's background. We renovated this now 118 year old church and passed every inspection with flying colors. But we doubt that the mortgage company is going to allow it to go to closing without the repairs completed. The offer was contingent on the home inspection report and appraisal so we can get our earnest money back. But we don't want the sale to fall through. We love this house. However, the elderly couple who own it are a bit "stuck in their ways" if you get my drift, and our realtor says their realtor is a bit delusional about how much they can get for this house so may advise them not to pay for repairs. We made a full price offer, and the house was on the market over 60 days at that time in a market in which houses closer to Huntsville sell within hours of being listed. We were the only showing. Not many people want to live at the top of the mountain where the cove below is not open for development because it is protected due to some endangered species of wild bats living in the cave system at the base. It will keep appreciating for sure, and there is development in a different cove just a few miles away, very high end homes going up there. However, our offer is very likely, according to our realtor, the best they will get, yet she thinks this is something they do not understand. They have no mortgage. They paid cash when they bought it 8 years ago, and are getting double what they paid. We have maxed ourselves out with what we can realistically do given that we need to keep reserve savings just in case something else went wrong with it or with our house here. The joys of home ownership! 😜 A year from now, no worries, we could up our offer by the cost of repairs and then have the work paid for at closing. A year from now we are done paying for tuition, room and board. Lots more wiggle room. So today I am nervous. I don't know what to expect Monday. Our daughter went to the home for the inspection with our realtor, and the homeowners were there. They really took a shine to her and loved the idea that their house would have children in it, that it would be multi-year rational. They have already purchased a condo in a retirement complex in Florida, and told her they transferred their medical records and even have doctor's appointments in Florida at the end of the month. They have advertised their estate sale. I am hoping this means they are locked into moving enough to be willing to do the repairs. But who really knows! I am having a hard time concentrating on anything else today.

I live here, and that is not true. While what you may see on paper as the law, we have a very misogynistic court system and divorced women are routinely, at least in my county, told they have to get their ex husband's permission - and there is a form for this - to drop their married name and revert back. I have seen the copy of the form my hairstylist had to use, with his notarized signature on it. She keeps it to worn young women not to change their names after they marry. And I do know the judge unfortunately due to a legal case involving our niece. He is not the only misogynistic prick we have on the bench! My sister, who lived in a different state at the time of her divorce from a very abusive man, also had to petition the court to change back to her maiden name, and the judge required the signature of her ex husband as part of the divorce proceedings since it went to trial. They were only married three years, and had no children. Yet the judge, male, expressed shock that she even wanted to change her name back. So whatever you have heard or read on paper as "the law" is not how it practiced by all family courts.

I don't think it is cheesy. It is a celebration of a major achievement. I had an incomplete general sciences minor from 33 years ago. I have my B.A. in both music ed and piano performance, and a minor in philosophy, but missed two classes towards completion of the science minor which was my other passion at that time, and still is. So in the summer of 2020, I called my alma mater and talked with them about the possibility of completing it, what it would take, if my credits from way back then would still be counted, etc. Apparently, they were more than happy to take in some tuition and fees! LOL. I thought they would say no. Credits were not an issue since so had graduated with a BA, and had also taught middle school science at some private schools off and on over the years. So we found two online classes that would meet the requirements, I took those (and they even discounted tuition which makes me think that they were lookIng at not filling all their freshman spots for fall and were thinking just get money, any money) and voila, minor was complete. Then I followed up just for fun with two aerospace engineering courses from another university. Holy cow! After years of being out of school and 32 + years since Calc 1, those classes kicked my tush. But, I not only passed, I worked my tail off and earned A's. This was just huge to me. Huge! I wanted to have a party because to me, this was just a really happy, difficult achievement! The pandemic prevented me from having anything remotely close to a party. However, dh made steak and snow crab legs, baked potato, roasted garlicky green beans, and GF cheesecake for me, and one of our collegians was home at the time so I guess we will call it a three person party. As a side note, I am still taking coursework just for fun, just for personal enrichment, and my favorite so far as been a human space exploration and ethics course. I think you should do what makes you happy. This world is a really place a lot of the time, and we have been socially conditioned, we women, to be in constant give mode while downplaying our own achievements and ignoring our own needs. We all need to stop doing to that, and find joy for ourselves. We are healthier members of society when we have more balance in perspective and less worry about what others think.

Again, this is where you can call the healthcare provider of the surgery and say, "We will not be caring for her, and will be gone a lot. She needs and advocate and a social worker." Emphasize that you absolutely will not be caring for her. They really do have people who coordinate these things, but it only happens when the hospital realizes it can't dump off the responsibility on the family. Once they understand this, they will have social workers and the county department/advocacy group for the elderly kick it in gear. They will have people help provide transportation, a healthcare advocate at her appointments to help her understand what the doctor and nurses are telling her, and will arrange for either some in home care, rehab, or nursing home. Usually this also includes 2-3 hours a week of house cleaning if the elder is going home instead of into a care facility and also getting hooked up with meals on wheels plus a CNA once a week to help with bathing, toe nail clipping, etc. If she is at home and on chemo, it may include a once a week RN home visit to access her physical condition and pharma situation. Had I not let my extended family and father and mother guilt the absolute crap out of me, and refused to care for him, these things would have been provided. Also, she needs someone that is NOT family to really talk turkey to her about her cancer diagnosis and what it means to be on chemo, what the likely outcome would be. My father should never have been on chemo and should have instead went directly into hospice. He barely survived the chemo, and it did not extend his life, not even a little bit. His doctor tried to tell him, but he didn't seem to get it. No one else intervened because they figured my brother and I would deal with him, and he would come to the right decision. Bad assumption. He was such a freaking horrible person to us and not only refused to have a discussion about it, called us murderers and other choice words for suggesting that he was terminal and chemo was not going to change that nor buy him quality time with mom much less quantity of life.

Yes, my mil's short term memory lapses make her confused which is upsetting to her which causes a return to very childlike behavior in terms of emotional response. There are a lot of things her doctor and nurse practitioner have told her will help with that, lifestyle changes, writing things down more, breathing deeply three or four times before responding, having more conversation...ie...get out of the house now that she and all her friends are vaccinated, don't watch so much t.v., work on brain puzzles such as sudoku, word finder, crosswords, etc., and even physical therapy for her knees would have a positive neurological effect well as improve her mobility. She has refused to do any of it over the last five years. So we anticipate this getting worse, and when it is too much to deal with, Dh and I are still working, she will have to go to assisted living or a nursing home. So far we are still managing. However, she has recently had a very serious diagnosis that she is being stubborn about treating so I think we could be in our last year to eighteen months with her.

Bathrooms and kitchen are a warm cream wall with cherry cupboards in dark cherry finish. Cream marble sinks for the bathrooms. Chocolate brown, rose, and black flecked counter top in the kitchen with black sink and appliances and dark bronzed faucet. 13 ft ceilings and lots of natural light as well as large windows in big spaces so all of the dark works. We just bought a really big home south of Huntsville which our daughter and son knows and grandsons will live in for a few years, we will vacation there often, and then eventually they will buy their own home, and we will move in with my mother who will be there six months of the year. Daughter and so are working on color schemes now, but won't finalize until we take possession July 23. So I will have to let you know what we do in about six weeks.

Hear this in a gentle voice. You are not obligated to take care of a horrible, damaging person. She can get an uber a taxi, call the county agency for the aging, call social services, pay a driver such as a neighbor. She can go to the nursing home and they will coordinate her care or a hospice facility. The hospital where she gets her care can have this coordinated through their social workers. You should not feel guilty about this, and do not let anyone verbally abuse you about it. I say this as someone who had a rock solid marriage for 27 year marriage that was nearly destroyed by my father when he became an abusive elder that I felt obligated to care for through his cancer and death. It has been 6 years, and dh and I narrowly avoided divorce court and are close again. But we barely made it, and it was his determination to really hang on that kept it together because I had nothing to give after what my father did to us. I am begging people here to NOT care for people who have shown their true stripes. Do not care for people who even if they have dementia/brain damage can't help it. You don't escape, the demands become oppressive, it can tank your relationships with children and spouses, and leave your health wrecked. This is what a trained staff is for, and they are not emotionally invested and go home at the end of the shift to a family who is NOT affected by that person. You don't have that privilege. Just please do not do it!!! I can't emphasize enough the gigantic consequences to you and your family.

I went back to work in my field, music education and performance. Until recently, I held the position of Director Of Fine Arts Programming for a community arts program sponsored through an endowment. Covid killed it. A year of no donations, and some loss of interest (interest on the invrstments in the endowment) with no idea if I could begin planning for a 2021/22 season like normal or not, ended with me resigning because word from some of the board members was that they were going to regroup after a couple of years and decide then what to do. I needed to move on. I very much enjoyed my job. I planned and executed several art shows for students and local artists, organized field trips to the Detroit Institute of Arts, had a theater program, an adult community choir and a children's community choir, etc. I also directed the music for the musicals, and taught/conducted the children's choir. In addition to plays like The Lion, Witch, and Wardrobe, we did numerous musicals. I especially loved putting on Lion King Jr. So it was sad to see it come to an end, and the students were brutally disappointed since they hoped the board would vote for something like all kids 12 and up who are vaccinated can continue. But that is not what they chose. I will be doing some piano accompanying this fall for a college, but not nearly the hours I had in the fine arts program. That is okay though. Dh and I are looking at doing some traveling, and I now have two grandsons to go visit regularly. I also recently began college coursework in aerospace engineering to back up my informal knowledge from years of mentoring competitive rocket teams. The work is hard, but I love it!

You are flat out wrong. Millions of people do not drive, and under current driver's license laws in many states, could not afford the driver's education plus the $60 driving test, plus the $30 written test and application. Plenty of jobs are contract pay only, cash or check, no ID required for employers that do not care about background checks. Plenty of local businesses do not do background checks on farm help, wait staff, custodial personnel, etc. The local trash collection company is hiring with no background checks, no IDs just come for the interview and get hired. If not driving, one doesn't need it. Plenty of disabled and elders no longer drive, their licenses are expired, they would have to be given funds and transportation to get a state ID. Here is an article on it. Enough millions of voters without IDs to be very concerned about the impact on citizens rights. https://checkyourfact.com/2018/12/02/fact-check-millions-government-photo-id/ It is a common assumption among the privileged that work good jobs that require IDs that everyone else must automatically have and need one in order to work. This so not true among low income and poor voters. As for fair elections, just give me a break. Voter fraud has been proven time and time again to be so rare that it has no impact on elections. People keep beating that dead horse, but dead is dead. Come up with a different argument.

It is nuts! Our dd opted not to change her name. She would have had all the usual stuff plus her paramedic license, and FEMA certs that would all have had to be changed simultaneously. Crazy! I had to pay $100 to get my college diploma printed n my married name. I got married before graduation, and that is what the college charged for going into the registrars office, filling out the paperwork, and having them change it over in their files. Then I had trouble with the social security administration which caused trouble with our bank. I should have NOT changed my name. Another leftover of the patriarchy in which women are property with deeds. Ugh. And worse, in Michigan, if a woman gets divorced and had taken her ex husband's last name, she has to have his permission to change back to her married name!!!! So disgusting. My hair stylist had to fight big time with her lousy, cheating, no good ex to finally get permission to change back to her maiden name. Absolutely reprehensible. Then add that name change to getting voting registration changes by the deadline. If the bureaucracy does not move efficiently, one could end up not being able to vote in the next election. So score another one for oppressing women's rights!

Agreed.

Please let the neighbors know they can blitz both the non emergency police number ad well as 911. Every time he appears to be wandering, call. Every time he falls, call. Every time he is not lucid, call and say they think he could be having a stroke. Eventually, they do get social workers involved. It is not police or EMS fault that they can't automatically do something. They have protocols. So they have to follow the regs and have X amount of incidents before setting intervention in motion. It is so important with dementia patients to get else on site during non lucid moments. They can ask for an officer to be sent to the scene, and the officer has the legal authority to let EMS take the person to the hospital against their will based on altered mental status hold. EMS is really well trained in handling this. I watched how they dealt with my dad and was just in awe. Altered mental status often results in psych hold, and psych staff, particularly psych nurses, are much better at seeing dementia even in the early stages than the random once or twice a year Neuro or psych check in private practice. It just seems like even when those appointments are made a long ways out, family does not have the luck of that being a bad day for their loved one. It is maddening! So they go in lucid, seem to be put together, and bam...no diagnosis, no referral for services. So frustrating!

Birth certificates also cost anywhere from $5.00-30.00 depending on the state. If you were born in a state different from your current place of residence, they can be hard to get. A state ID requires the birth certificate plus other proof of residence, and then costs $30 in many states. IMO, voter ID requirements are unconstitutional because they are a poll tax. It requires citizens to pay money in order to vote. It requires the cost of transportation and potential.of lost wages to go get. Some places are many hours long wait at the Secretary of States office. Low income folks are usually working jobs that do not come with paid vacation days. Poll taxes were eventually deemed wrong. Instituting them today is shockingly wrong unless ID is going to be free and easy to acquire by all citizens. I estimate that in some states, between wages, transportation, and cost of documentation a state ID can cost upwards of $150 and that is no small sum to low wage workers. Just one more way the wealthy elite try to keep citizens from voting. It is a poll tax, and it should be called that. Possibly if the terminology around it changed, more folks would be up in arms about it.

Well, no one has to do it actually. Sometimes not doing it is a gift. Our stupid system is so messed up and backwards. Thus, helping can actually make it more difficult to get services. If there is no intervention so neighbors begin calling 911, it actually spurs intervention. My dad could not get any assistance for his brother who had a very progressive case of MS. When my uncle became abusive, my dad stepped back, and left him alone. He started calling 911 every time he fell, every time he was hungry and couldn't make food for himself, etc. His neighbors would call. Low and behold once police and medics had to deal with him regularly, social workers magically became involved and a bed in a care facility was found, Medicaid was procured. Nothing my dad did, and he was diligent and tenacious, came to anything. Bam, two weeks of 911 calls, and it wad all taken care of. It is ridiculous! Stupid and disgusting! However, that is our system. No matter how bad the cobbling together of rudimentary care is, there will be no help so long as family or neighbors do it. Remove that, and suddenly there is care available.

I was on campus early for teaching assistant training (paid position teaching group music lessons for children through the music department). Campus was quiet, food was limited in the cafeteria. My roommate and I were craving pizza. So I went wandering around, and found that the R.A.'s were just getting out of a meeting. Some of them had cars so I asked to see who might give us a ride in exchange for pizza (at the time my university did not have a pizza place that delivered to campus nor was within a reasonable walking distance). Dh offered. We hit it off right away, and when he found out I was a piano performance major, he was apparently smitten. We married two years later during my senior year. My poor roommate fell hard for him, love at first sight, but he was not interested. Poor girl.

Nursing home and a social worker is an advocate if they are incapacitated and have no one as next of kin. I see this a lot. Some are elders who had a couple of children, but their children proceeded them in death. Others due to abusive parenting are entirely estranged from their kids, and occasionally they are the ones who chose estrangement due to drug use or similar issue in their adult child. Beyond that, since this area has no decent employment with any hope of upward mobility, upon high school graduation, the young adults leave in droves and never come back. Many members of the Boomer generation locally have refused to leave in their golden years and live near their adult children. They may have kids, but when it comes to requiring care, they are on their own, especially due to this demand to age in place instead of be flexible. Actually, apart from a few families, I have not seen where having children makes it better for the elder. My generation has to work until 67 to draw full social security, and we have not had the buying and investing power that my parents' generation had. We are sandwiched, crushed by elder care while also still raising kids, and trying to work and keep our heads above water, afraid to be uninsured with too much income to qualify for Medicaid. It is even worse for Millenials who face a business climate totally opposed to fair wages and benefits, ungodly college and trade school tuition, inflation outpacing wage increases by huge margins, etc. and many of the sandwich generation weren't able to save enough to pay for their own elder care. I don't know how these young folks are going to manage, but many of them will tell you the whole thought of trying to figure out how to survive and care for their parents is enough to make them determined NOT to have children because they simply cannot do both and work full time. Add to that the fact that they have to work to 70 to get their full social security pay out - some of them assume it will be insolvent by that time and though they paid in all that money, they will never see a dime of it - how are they supposed to manage it all? They won't. Their parents will die in their homes or go to nursing homes rarely having a visitor. It isn't pretty, but we have a system that has oppressive my increased demands on the younger generations instead of fixing the problems, and this is the outcome. In the case of my niece and nephew who decided not to have children, they have nieces and nephews of their own whom they are very, very close to and love dearly so one of them will be appointed to decision making. Care taking will be paid for because they both have good income and have been saving and investing in 401Ks and IRAs with their employers since they left college. They both just turned 40 and have a million now.and at that number, they are beginning to see rapid growth. They plan to work to 62, and then buy private insurance until they are eligible for Medicare. They won't need social security. However, this kind of planning is largely the privilege only of higher wage earners. Our essential workers, as we have seen through this pandemic as their stories are told, are grossly underpaid for being essential to our lives and the economy, and cannot save money due to living pay check to pay check. As for churches, the most I have seen is an occasional church with a chaplain who makes home and facility visits, and sometimes gets a few people involved in sending cards or Christmas Caroling at the nursing home. No involvement in care giving or decision making. I would imagine it is beyond the scope of what most churches would be capable of providing.

Jerks always ruin it for everyone!

That is pretty darn dumb!

We looked at a lot of that for our three boys. And when they entered their programs, they were set to graduate in four. But, the first two both changed majors, radically from BS degrees to BA degrees, and that hit them hard. So they graduated in five. Well one attended for five but graduated in six because he had to take a year off for a health crisis. What was hard was that by taking that year off, he was "out of sync" with some course scheduling. His advisor did a great job of finding what he needed at satellite campuses during the summer semester so he could get back into the rotation. Youngest though really adored his major from the beginning, and his department, electrical engineering, has it streamlined so that if the student does not fail a class or take time off, they are out in eight semesters. Our youngest graduates, May 2022. It was difficult when I was in college to graduate in four due to scheduling. I was a piano performance major and to make it since we had to have two performance groups each semester plus lessons on our instrument in addition to a full schedule of classes, we had to take roughly 17-19 credits every semester for four years. On paper the degree required 130 credits, but in time spent, it was worse than that. Many performance groups were not for credit, but the time involved was the same each one requiring a commitment of 2-4 credit hours of practice/rehearsal/performance not to mention juries and recitals every single year. It was wretched, and exhausting. Dh had no trouble getting through his math/compsci double major. No scheduling issues etc. But he had to make sure he never had less than a C in any class. He walked through, however many of his classmates couldn't handle the homework level and had to scale back to 12 credits a semester thus it took them 4.5 -5 years. Yes, more expensive. But, it was better for them.