Also, I want to echo what Quill said. Reinvention is pretty great. I have a bachelor's degree in piano performance and music ed, with minors in philosophy and general science. But I didn't get that general science by one class back in the day, so when my music job went caput due to covid, I called my alma mater, got a list of classes that would suffice for the last class to complete that, and the best one available in my price range was a physics class within the aerospace emphasis. I had been helping dh mentor high school and college students through complex rocketry competitions, and the class of ignited a passion for aerospace engineering. Originally I was just seeking to complete the minor because it made me qualified to teach middle school science which might make it more likely that I would be able to get in with a school district. However, instead of heading back to teaching, I have gone further into aerospace engineering, and space/astronomy as well. Ideally, I would still someday find a positioned n in STEM outreach, but right now I am just enjoying my one or two classes a semester and soaking up the subject material. I miss having a music career, but I also recognize that what replaces it may be just as fulfilling. Life keeps spinning. So I do recommend that you embrace that aspect. If you really can't pinpoint where to go career wise maybe you could talk to the career counselors at your alma mater as a jumping off spot. I think they could be a good resource. It might also be a good time to attend an occasional alumni event, and start making contacts among your classmates and current faculty. I have a friend whose PH.D. is in molecular biology, but who has found she actually loves working in the college admission's department, and traveling to high schools on behalf of the college. She likes working with students, but not necessarily teaching.

😁😁😁😁😁😁👍

I think you are doing well to already be thinking about what you need your future to look like in order to be emotionally and financially safe. That is good. My first suggestion is to see if you can find a support group in your area. My second suggestion is that it is okay for you to seek university employment and even move now. Dd is not entitled to dorms and such. Living at home and commuting is a good money saver, and if she wants to live on campus, knowing that now and having summer jobs to help pay for those expenses is just fine. Be up front with her. Gentle, but up front about the situation. 3rd and very important, now is the time to extricate yourself from the care taking situation because finding resources and making transitions can be slow going. So you want to say to this person what you are willing to do now, and give deadlines for which you will withdraw this thing or that service until that person is in a care facility or paying for care givers or moved in with a different relative or whatever it turns out to be. The heads up is fair, but it is also more than fair to set up a calendar that says, by this and that date, I will no longer be able to do x,y, z for you. Since you are having a late in your earning years big change, you simply cannot afford to delay the process because you need to be able to get employed and find benefits. Unfortunately, intensive care giving of an elder or medically fragile person can wreck havoc on this. Do not feel guilty about making these changes, and taking charge of your life. It is also okay to look at other states besides your old university location. In most states, 2 years is the necessary amount of residency to qualify for instate tuition for your dd. So if you have three years, you have several months to look and make a plan. And again, letting her know you can offer your home, but not the finances for dorms and meal plans is just fine. Brown bagging it from home works, and if she is willing to be proactive about joining clubs, activities, and study groups, she will still be able to find a tribe, form social connections.

In our area, during covid protocols, they developed an online process, and it was accessible 24/7. Documents had to be scanned and uploaded, but the whole thing could be accomplished without in person contact, and the schools never went back to their previous method. The student does have to go to the office on day 1 to have student id's made.

I am sorry! I have a theory because I have seen this often. It seems like some folks are holding on for one last Christmas, and then are ready to let go. Hugs!

You dh has her number and that is a very good thing!

Wow! He is a son of b#tch. But, just document this with your new attorney. He really doesn't have a leg to stand on because he did this whole thing without notice or discussion, and it is destabilizing for the children.

Bingo! My brother had NO desire to single parent. Really. He did have a desire to not pay child support, and to stick it to her for not being willing to put up with his inability to keep his fly zipped. So she sued for sole custody, made up outlandish lies about her that he couldn't prove, and settled for 50/50 with no child support though he had to pay all of the insurance copays on medical appointments, and tuition to the private school if he wanted the kids to remain in it since she was going to send them to public school because on her own, tuition wasn't happening. The 16 year old was so disgusted by his father, and the abusive new honey brought into the house to step-mother so my lazy brother would not have to get off his ass and parent, he left, went to his mom's, and never came back. He complained to the GAL and the GAL told him to go eff himself because there was no way in hell the court was going to order that 16 to go back if he didn't want to. The next youngest, 7 at the time endured until he was 12, called his dad from his mom's and said he was never coming back, and she contacted her lawyer. The GAL and friend of the court did not like what he had to say about step mother and home life, and told my brother to give her sole custody of him because if it went before the judge, he might involve CPS in an investigation for abuse and neglect. Fearing more lawyer fees to defend himself, and potentially losing his security clearance at work if charged and found guilty, he exchange his son for no charges and a modicum of child support to pay which TO THIS DAY he had never let his son forget about, and that child is 31 years old now! The next youngest, 4 at the time his 16 year old brother left did the exact same thing at 12, and the GAL and friend of court said the exact same thing. So he signed over and started paying child support for him. He had ZERO relationship at all with his father and step mother. He is married, 28 years old, two children, and my brother has been permitted two, one hour visits with his grandchildren. That is it. My brother complains because he thinks there should be no consequences for his actions or his wife's. But he also doesn't actually care about his grandchildren. He only cares that he doesn't get his way, and that his adult kids have boundaries he can't cross. Heart, I suspect your disgusting stxh is very, very much like my brother. It is possible he will fight to keep the kids so he doesn't have to pay child support, but I also think that over time, he may also stop giving a crap, and if wife 2 gets tired of parenting his kids, you may end up with a lot more parenting time if not custody of your daughter. My sister in law was monumentally happy to have her stepsons gone. She never wanted to be a part of their lives to begin with, she just wanted my brother and his good paycheck which bailed her out of some serious financial woes as she was single parenting het own daughter. I could totally see that being the motivation of his new wifey poo since the whole thing happened so fast. If he had lost his job, whoooo boy, she may be losing her crap right now! Be like my ex sister in law. She simply didn't engage in his drama, continued to not bad mouth their father but she would gently set the record straight on facts she could prove, and kept parenting appropriately. Even if she had not ended up with custody of the boys for their teen years, she would have still been the one who ended up with relationships with them as adults, and is a beloved Nana to four grandchildren. She is much loved. Adulthood and maturity has a way of helping kids see their parents divorces and issues more clearly. You are doing great, Heart!!!

This right here. He is still under the notion he can control you, and is probably beginning to lose his grip on himself and his decision making because he is finding out that he has lost some of his power. My brother went through some scary mental instability when he realized his ex was moving on in life, and not tolerating his nonsense before. He was so nuts about it, that when he remarried, he wanted his boys to still think their mother was pining away for him, and wrote a letter "from her" begging him not to remarry which he read aloud to his sons. My sixteen year old nephew said, "Dad. I know you wrote that. It doesn't sound a bit like mom, and I can see the letter from here, and it is in your handwriting." Idiot!

Here is the Viking theme quilt. It was quite popular with our son, P. He held it used, upside down, so the village fabric is going the wrong way. Don't hold that against me. I really did assemble it the correct direction! 😁

I have fabric on the way to make vintage style baby compete and dresses with shorts for our honesty granddaughter due in May. I am really anxious to get started on that. I also have fabric for a baby quilt, and a tablecloth. I need to also purchase fabric for slip covers for the pillows on the couch. I made Christmas themed ones, and the couch looks so nice with a seasonal print on it. I intend on leaving those on for a couple weeks yet because I am enjoying them so much. If I run onto a good sale, I might make red and white ones for February (Valentines), and then I want to do something in periwinkle or lavender/blues/ mint or moss green for spring. I have a summer print in my stash. We will see how many things I get done this semester. I do not expect my Science Research Ethics online class to be difficult, but I do expect some tedious, long writing assignments. The aerospace class is going to kick my hind end to the curb and back though so I have to balance, "I would rather be sewing" with, "I really should be studying". Photos everyone. Photos! I love to see what you are working on.

Brilliant business plan!!

I was also thinking about a cover crop for all the beds. Maybe peas. Not sure. I am still learning about the options for winterizing and fertilizing soil. Good luck with your floors!

Thanks! I think mowing would have helped. I was in Alabama in October when the leaves dropped, and dh knew that I wanted to have them composted for the raised beds so he just heaped them up in there. I may have to scoop them out in the spring, let them dry, and then mow them, rake back up, and then wait for them to breaks down enough to use. That means I will need to find compost and fertilizer for my raised beds because they woke be decomped enough to use before I have plants and seeds foe those beds.

Oh, bummer! I am so sorry. I hope it doesn't negatively affect your sense of smell and taste.

Well, since it is a freezing Michigan winter, mine is still a windowsill garden. But I am proud to say that I am able to still harvest sweet basil, oregano, mint, chives, and green onions. It isn't much, but it also makes me happy. I am in spring garden planning mode. Take pity on me, the newbie gardener. If I do succession plantings of carrots so my entire crop does not mature simultaneously, can I do those in the same raised bed, or will that deplete the soil too much? If I need to use a different raised bed, what would be a good crop to plant them after? I will have two beds devoted to broccoli. Would one of those beds be okay? And one more question please! Since the snow melted off during a brief warm up, I can see the heap of leaves in my raised beds that I put there to compost. They don't look like they are breaking down. But maybe they are. It just looks like 3-4" thick of wet leaves. Will these things break down by May 1? We will thaw out by the beginning of April and start getting a lot of sunshine, but I am concerned. Do I scoop them out if they aren't completely broken down? Do I take a shovel and turn them over, and mix them into the soil? If I do that, am I disturbing the soil biome a lot? I know exactly nothing. However, I am eager to learn.

Yes, I have the 2nd in my life. No has to be a hard, hard no and absolute refusal to participate because the next demand is just gargantuan, and a NO to that will result in the most amazing meltdown you have ever seen. So unfortunately, we learned the hard way, we can't give in. But we also learned that once the manipulation began, to say no and leave even if we had only been there a very short period of time. One visit lasted 30 minutes after a six hour drive. Sigh. The behavior modification worked, and things have been a lot more reasonable in the last few years.

LOL, I was thinking the exact same thing. Like the time I got out of a music methods class at the end of the semester and thought, "If I adopt his Ghengis Khan approach to teaching youngest, the kids will bludgeon to death with their instruments!" Can't hurt to try if the last GAL is a twat. You probably can't end up doing worse.

Travel light. It is no fun to drag heavy suitcases and duffles all over the place. Also, my carryon always has a change of clothes, two pairs of socks, extra underwear, extra light weight shirt. I have had too many "your luggage didn't make the flight" incidents to be willing to wander around another country for five days in the same underwear and socks. I had friends who I warned about this, but they opted to have lighter carry on bags, went to Iceland, their luggage never left the US, and spent the entire week with no other clothes nor did they have it built into their budget to buy a set of clothes for each member of the family. So their trip went rather over budget, and no, their luggage never made it. It wander around the United States, and they were home for 9 days before it finally made it to their house. Basically a change of clothes and meds and personal care always in the carryon. But I am also not a person who takes a lot of bathroom/medicine cabinet stuff with me. I do like to travel light, and for make up, I usually only take a lipstick in my purse, and foundation in my carryon. We don't plan any dress up events. Also, we always keep our passport, credit cards, and cash in a little RFID reader blocking pouch, slung across our body, and if wearing a jacket or sweater, under that as well. This way the most important things do not get stolen.

My goal is for the holidays to be over and to STOP having meals with the mothers that they prepare because it is so far from healthy it staggers the imagination! That is the main goal. They won't like it, but they also do.not.listen. Today I made a taco/nacho spread. I made everyone's favorites, but I also had lovely fajita veggies and two kinds of beans. I used a GF wrap and made myself a bean heavy burrito with the veggies, and a dollop of Greek yogurt. No desserts. Tonight we are having leftovers. The boys leave tomorrow and for the next couple of weeks this is going to be a soup and salad every single day kind of meal plan. I also want to get back to not eating after 6 pm. My digestive track is so much healthier when I am strict about this.

You keep trying Spycar, but nobody is buying what you are selling! 😂😂😂 Happy New Year everyone! My reading for January includes: The next Issue of Mother Earth News The biography that my eldest son wrote of his paternal great grandfather. Eldest son's new poetry collection The ridiculously technical anthropology research paper that my middle boy is getting published with lots of jargon that will make my brain explode, but I am going to plod along anyway like a good, supportive, mother.😁 The textbooks for my next aerospace class, as well as science research ethics class. The instructions for the build of my Level 2 licensing rocket. I need to read it twice and then make some engineering revisions so I can lengthen the payload, and add an avionics bay. No novels or regular books on my plate for a while.

Awesome!!!!!

The quilts were a big success. I just got the vintage baby clothes pattern and am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the fabric! But, I can't jump into that right away because my sons bought me the Lego Botanical Flower bouquet for Christmas. I have a 750 piece set to snap together now. I don't suppose I can call that a "January craft project", can I? 😁

If dh did that here, he and the spiders would be sleeping outside together!

Band, I totally understand. I nearly destroyed my marriage trying to manage elder care and hospice care for my father. I would never do it again. My health, my relationships with my kids, it all tanked. My suggestion is you call 911. Paramedics will not be put out with you. She is in an emergency state, laying in blood, multiple falls, not able to care for herself. Tell them she has covid, she is falling, she is weak, she can't get her food, she could be developing skin sores, and you are too far away to get to her. This really is an emergency at this time. Tell mom she must go with them and have her covid evaluated. Once at the hospital, the nurses and ER doc can get the hospital social workers involved. Chances are she needs some nursing care, they will find a bed in an appropriate place for her, and when she is stronger, they can release her back to her assisted living facility. Only too late did I find out that hospital social workers can move so many more mountains than I ever could no matter how hard I tried. It may seem drastic, but it isn't. At her age and in her condition, covid plus falling plus potentially not eating enough, plus not bathing properly, plus stress.....it can all cause an elderly person to quickly deteriorate. Many hugs!!! 💓