Brunch because I got up late - scrambled eggs, sauteed veggies, hot and sour soup, and rice. Supper - chicken thigh, stuffed red peppers, savory polenta with parmesan, roasted brussels. There are leftovers so that will be lunch tomorrow.

Since it is a long, long flight to New Zealand, could you cover one of those neck pillows with this print?

My resistance bands and hand weights came just few minutes ago. So tomorrow I will be able to do the full, REI routine.

I am off to the fabric store for bias tape, elastic, and some other notions. The fabric for the baby clothes will be here Saturday, and I may as well be ready. I also start some pot holders and fabric trivets today. Some sewing will be on hold tomorrow because we are picking up a shelf unit tonight that will be better for my house plants/indoor herb garden, and I will have to assemble it in the morning as well as rearrange some furniture.

Neat!

No idea. Just for the moment sigh in relief and eat a piece of chocolate! 😁

Lots of love, PitterPatter! 💓💓💓

Good job, Heart! I think you handled that just right. That hard NO about signing anything is very wise.

I feel the same. I like arugula, and love to make mediterranean quinoa bowls with arugula, feta cheese, olives, and hummus. But, I was warned by another person that articulate will take.over the earth if too many people plant it. That made me nervous. It is the same reason I do not have a zucchini plant. If those things ever mutate, life on planet earth is going to resemble a Sigourney Weaver Aliens script! 😁

I agree. And one thing is always come back to as a parent is, "Should I be setting an example of this as acceptable for my children?' And with my dad, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I realized I was not only burning bridges with my kids, but the messaging was also, " Let others wear you down to a fit of despair", and my heart would be broken into a million pieces if they experienced the brokenness and dyfunction, the exhaustion and resentment that I was experiencing. It had to stop so that they understood that they are people too, spo that the example I set was not so toxic. My primary responsibility is not to parents, but to my children who did not ask to be brought into this world. I needed them to know they should not allow another human to so significantly use and abuse them. For the sake of your dd, cut that apron string. Set the deadline. Let the chips fall where they may. If money is okay, take your Dd somewhere in a couple months, a spring break trip, just the two of you. Spend some quality mom/daughter time together, no interruption from care giving. Start to make some fresh memories. I 100% get where you are with your husband. My niece is in a very similar position. She and her husband split amicably, and are friendly, and easy going on behalf of their son. They still care for each other, but they had to let go for both their sakes. It has turned out well, and grand nephew is in a very good place mentally because his parents split in a healthy way. It isn't bad. Don't let anyone make you feel that way. People change. We don't have control over other people, or how other people's histories and trauma plays out in their lives. All we can do is the best we can do, and breaking up in a non dramatic, amiable way is actually quite healthy.

I think I would haul it all to the curb, but not put it out next to your trash cans. Let him know that you are doing this because you don't want kids playing with the stuff so you have dismantled it and put it out to the road for him to pick up. Chances are, for whatever reason he is being lazy about this, he won't come and someone else will take it assuming it is free. But that isn't your look out. Once someone else takes it, if he asks, it was taken, you have no idea where it went, sucks to be him because you kept warning him and told him you had to get rid of it because safety, and HE didn't come get it. He is lucky it hasn't been stolen before now. If we leave a tool in our yard here, it is gone the next morning.

This is a good first step. Give yourself grace. If you have three people or five or whatever who need to be contacted, call one or two per day so it isn't overwhelming, and set the two weeks notice date for two weeks from when the last phone call will be made so you don't have to face so many conversations in the same day. It may also get easier after your make that first leap. Or if you have email or group text for all of them, you could craft a message, and send it to the entire group. Rip the bandaid off instead of drawing out the pain. Whatever works for you. It is okay if you do not want to have personal conversations, and choose to so something like a group message. For what it is worth, the only GEN Z adults I know who drop relationships seemingly easily are ones who themselves have personality disorders. The reason it looks suspect to Gen X on the outside is that we don't see what is going on in the undercurrent of these relationships. We are also a generation that was hammered to put up with all kinds of abusive, toxic behavior, and just keep marching along like the energizer bunny, guilt tripped into never ever standing up for ourselves. They have watched, taken notes, have more access to information about abuse, trauma, toxic relationships, etc.and they do.not.play. This is the number one issue employers have with Gen Z. They work to live, but they do not live for work. They will do the job, clock out, and won't kill themselves putting up with unreasonable demands for constant overtime, insane schedules, etc. I have watched Gen Zers step up and do far more for each other than my generation ever did for the people they love. But they only do this when relationships are not toxic. It is different to us when we look at it from our position of not really knowing the situation, the conversations, the nitty gritty of the relationship.

Breakfast - boiled egg Lunch - Taco salad. Lots of spring greens, red pepper, black beans, salsa, few tortilla chips, Greek yogurt. Supper - supposed to be soup. Well.....I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon, and didn't get it on the stove. I ended up making homemade GF mac n cheese, roasted Brussels sprouts, and roasted mushrooms.

Bingo. BTDT. Even if the marriage is over no matter what, you have your daughter. Spend what is left of her childhood carving out a future for the two of you.

Pitterpatter, I think the way forward with the care giving is to go not just to the patient and their family, but also to social services and inform them you can no longer provide this service. What is likely to happen is that the person will need hospitalization when this level of care is not provided and then the hospital social worker had to force a solution. Medicare is a pain. They insisted that my mother and I learn to drain my father's chest tube, an unusual chest tube that is not at all the normal one and so many nurses are not trained on them. I refused. I knew it would create a dependency that would wreck my life. Mom did it. But then when she needed to be hospitalized, there was no one to do it. My father's O sats dropped, I called an ambulance, and he was transferred to the hospital where a surgeon who knew how to drain the lung was found who then trained the RN's to do it. I did not sign for any responsibility for him, and in the absence of anyone in the home to live with him and provide this service, Medicare was forced to pay for a nurse until my mother was released from rehab. It was that or he went to a nursing home, and the nurses there learned to do it, or he went back to the hospital. It seemed cruel. But the crueler reality is that I was destroying my relationship with my husband and my children, dropping the ball on homeschooling, and becoming increasingly depressed. I think, though it may pain you upfront, you need to give the family a reasonable deadline by which they figure this out, or allow the chips to fall where they may. The patient may end up in the hospital, there may be some drama, etc. but you have done a heroic thing for far too long, and now you need to save yourself and your daughter from a future paralyzed by this one thing. Insurance always wants to claim people are too well for a facility. That doesn't mean this is actually the case or that it can't be forced. Someone who is so fragile, requiring such unique care that another person has to give up their life, a person who cannot advocate for self, and even had issues remaining conscious, is a person who needs a staff. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for recognizing you have come to the end of your rope on this issue. The reality for this patient and family is that they are nuts to have the fate of a medically fragile patient entirely on the shoulders of one person. You could have your own medical emergency and become unavailable by force for an extended period. I was in a car accident 7 years ago that took me out of commission for two months. Something like that, god forbid, could happen to you.

Yes, an this is an important distinction. For our eldest ds, due to that leg, his pain levels are lowest with his leg stretched out in front of him, and due to my injuries, I do best kayaking as well. I think that Mark would choose the canoe over the kayak were it not for me. I appreciate that he wants to do what works best for me since I am the weak link of the two of us. Also, one needs to consider the work in launching. Canoes are heavier. For people with bad backs who should not be lifting very much weight, a kayak may make more sense. They do also make inflatable kayaks which work well when transport and carrying are an issue. Canoes also have the flexibility to being able to take non paddling passengers, picnic lunches, and fishing gear. Unless you buy or rent a fishing kayak (these are sit on top on seat crafts), fishing isn't much of an option with the average kayak. Another consideration is balance when boarding. Kayaks are beach/shore mount and push off with paddle, while canoes tend to be more tipsy. There are so many factors. My advice to newbies is to try both, and more than once, and in similar launch parameters as you will have locally. Our canoe is the go to when dh goes out on the bass lake because it is so reedy, there is no launching except at the small dock. It is a tie up and get in kind of thing. But at Lake Huron, the water at the beach is too shallow to launch without using the boat dock where the bottom has been dredged out for this purpose. But, it can be a forty five minute wait for the chance to use the dock because there is always a line of speed boats. Buying the wrong thing for your circumstances is just so financially regrettable!

I am so sorry. It stinks to high heaven! Maybe this year besides focusing on figuring out the finances and settlement options, have her do some job shadowing in fields she is interested in, and especially the one that your alma mater doesn't offer. She might get some insight into exactly what she wants to do for a career which would give you clarity about your options. If it looks like she is wanting to head to your alma mater, find out what their ideal applicants have for gpa, APs or DE, extra curriculars, etc. and then spend the following two years making sure she gets those things. If the school is a financial safety as well as an academic safety instead of a reach school that will make it pretty likely that she gets accepted. If it is a reach school, I would not plan on it being a viable option for moving prior to both the acceptance and the financial award letters are issued. I wish college was not such a high stakes game! But I do think that probably, the divorce should take place prior to college applications because you need the settlement numbers and full financial picture prior to FAFSA if at all possible, and if he can take half the college money as an asset of the marriage, without a divorce decree judgment that says he agrees to pay x,y,z towards college, he will not be under any obligation to help her. Verbal arrangements mean exactly nothing. My brother agreed to $2500 per year per each of his sons (none of whom would be in college at the same time due to wide age range) verbally, but not as part of the final divorce agreement. His eldest son was counting on that money. He didn't pay a dime, and nothing could be done about it. If he were to lose his insurance in the future and you were in a financial position to help him and wanted to do so, you could gift some money to him for buying a policy on the market place. Should his mental health deteriorate enough he cannot work, he might be eligible for medicaid. It might be helpful to consult both a divorce attorney and a financial adviser with expertise in college planning. Attorneys tend to not necessarily have any specific knowledge about college financing.

I agree with this. I also think it can be rough to deal with during summer semester when they want to find a job, and are hoping for support and stability from home. I would want that done before college starts actually. Plus, FASFA is a pain. A major pain, and one you can't escape. It will be far worse if the application has to go in but is not reflective of the financial situation in the coming months. Having the divorce done by senior year, and the finances sorted would be better even if it means temporary housing the senior year, and moving to the college town in the summer.

I think one the happiest things we fell into was kayaking. After the car accident, 7 years ago (wow how time flies), we were looking for something outdoors, nature communing, that we could do as a family that did not require eldest ds and I to have to use our legs much. Ds was recovering with a titanium rod for a thigh bone, and I had a badly Injured ankle. Neither of us started out weight bearing, and it was a very incremental process to get to bearing any significant weight. Paddling seemed doable since swimming was out, and all of is were water people. Mark bought a bunch of single kayaks, and he along with our middle son would balance us to get into the kayaks, push us off the bank/beach. Then he and our other sons would launch themselves, and away we went. It was always short paddles, maybe an hour with some floating because ds and I had no endurance. But after we were resting on the beach, Mark and the other two would take off and paddle longer. In summer, 2021, Mark and I had a chance to rent a tandem kayak while camping in WV. We absolutely loved paddling and floating together...way more than going individually. So this past late May, an REI clearance sale popped up and low and behold, a tandem kayak was available, just the right model and size for us, at 70% off. We immediately jumped on that, and had so much fun. I have three places where all is right with the world and I am at total peace. On the sailboat, in the kayak, and at the piano. Six months of the year, the hard choice, "do we sail, do we kayak" has to be answered. Much as we love sailing, wave height, wind conditions tend to dictate if we can get out on Lake Huron with the boat or not. But if conditions are not great, there is nearly always an inland lake or river that is just fine for us to kayak. I say it you can pick up a piece of land cheap that allows you to have kayak access, you can't go wrong because out on the water is a very happy place indeed! For those folks in the Northern Alabama area, there is a development on the west side of Huntsville on the river that is going to be ready soon which will include kayaking in the city with a kayaking school, and lots of other green space and recreation in the park. We are considering buying kayaks down there to leave at the mountain house with our kayak trailer so we can haul them down to the park. Here, we have a kayak carrier for our equinox as well as the camping mini-van. Since we just take the tandem, and I am tall enough to help Mark lift it down from the mini-van, we don't mind transporting it. When we go as a group, we have to mount the tandem on the equinox, and hook up the trailer which holds the 3 singles for the boys, well men. They are 22, 24, and 26. I should probably stop saying boys. But I can't help myself. They will always be my boys! 😁

I have started training for kayaking. I have set a goal of doing the exercises 5 days per week. I paddled 2 mile trips in a day last summer. Our anniversary trip this coming June includes a 3 mile paddle, and since I know I can do 2, I think I will be just fine doing 3 by then. I will increase reps, weights, and resistance every 2 weeks. I considered increasing weekly, but I don't want to be sore all the time, and I need 2-3 weeks in March where I don't make it more complicated because I will be caring for my grandsons while both of their parents have surgery. My goal is to be able to paddle 4-5 miles a day by the end of the month, and the summer of 2024, I would like to be able to paddle around Belle Isle which is a 7 mile trip, as well as some similar length trips at Voyageurs National Park. Here is a link to what I am doing in case anyone else wants to train similarly. https://www.rei.com/learn/expert-advice/how-to-train-for-kayaking.html

Would something likes this work? It is quite conservative, and should look good with hose and boots. You could have short socks on in the boots and no one would ever know so you would look dressy in hose or tights. It also has pockets which is so handy, and comes in a variety of colors. https://www.amazon.com/Elegance-Hepburn-Dresses-Pleated-Pockets/dp/B07TN9F758/ref=asc_df_B07TN9F758/?tag=&linkCode=df0&hvadid=376707656539&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13850095469507680138&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9017151&hvtargid=pla-800112116390&ref=&adgrpid=72199328090&th=1&psc=1

It sounds like getting an evening or weekend job of just any kind for now while you are homeschooling her would be good since you may not move for a bit yet. Even if it is cashiering or working at Taco Bell or whatever, it is recent work experience, and gives you a paycheck to bank to help you get started in the new place. Definitely pulling the plug on the caring giving had to happen. You can't really get yourself set up in a new area without some financial resources, and going back into the workforce is a natural transition for ending the care giving situation. Home is where the heart is. Selling the family house and downsizing post childbearing years is super, duper common. She will be fine. She has the memories. And you will have a new place, and new memories to make. You can even make it fun such as planning the decorations and themes with her for the first Christmas in the new place, planning the decor, talking even now about what the two of you would enjoy. It doesn't have to be a downer. My parents sold their house when I left for college. My sister was 2 years old at the time, so we didn't even grow up on the same house really. It has not been a problem or a cause for sadness. Same for my husband's parents. My brother has moved often enough that his grown children do not really have a concept of a family home centered around a house. Your Dd is going to be just fine. I think it is actually harder for you because you imagined and counted on your life playing out in a particular way, and it has been upended. That is hard. You grieve for what might have been. Natural. Many, many hugs!

Yesterday: Breakfast - scrambled eggs with veggies Lunch - chicken thigh, large salad, baked beans (left over of mother in law and wow, does she put a lot of molasses in there!) Dinner - Large pile of leftover black beans and refried beans from the taco dinner on Sunday, fajita veggies, Greek yogurt, and some tortilla chips Today: Not eating breakfast Lunch will be a very large salad with carrots, black beans, jalapeno (light on those) red pepper, salsa, and a little cheddar cheese ,V-8 juice Dinner - vegetable dumpling soup made with chicken broth but otherwise meatless No snacks, lots of coffee and water. My poor digestive track needs an opportunity to get back to normal after our mothers nearly killed us with too much of the wrong foods over the holidays!

This is adorable!

Wonderful!!!!!