People are all so different. Some people easily handle both. Some people know that they can't, and make a choice. I've mentioned the two young people I know who feel that if they allow themselves to date seriously, (or at all) that they'll focus on the relationship at the expense of their other goals. They've chosen to study and not allow themselves to date. I know 100% for my nephew that this is entirely internally driven. His parents don't feel this way at all about dating/goals. I was someone who knew I couldn't handle both and I chose love. I married young and didn't go to college because I was so focused on being married. I had a job, he had a job and that was enough. No reason to pursue anything else. Love was enough for me. Now, at 44, I can handle both. But as a teen, I couldn't. It sounds like Scarlett doesn't believe that young people can handle both. We don't know yet if her SS can handle them both or not. I think she should now focus on helping him to do so. Help him not to be like me and focus only on the relationship, but she should teach him how to make time for both: school and love.

Being in love too young reminds me of this scene from Love, Actually. I find it very, very true. A little levity for your situation. :)

This is what I'm hearing: He's 15. In your household, 15 is too young for dating. In fact, you've tried to teach your young people to guard their hearts and not act on feelings of love until they're old enough to really act on them--to really be ready to date with cars and money and tickets to concerts and stuff. You're hoping to teach them to defer all that until they're further on their way to being prepared for adulthood He's texting the girl during school hours, when you've had multiple conversations with him that he should not text her during school hours. This is causing him not to get his schoolwork done. You were aware that your SS and the girl were getting in too deep, but no one took you seriously, until all of a sudden the girl's parents noticed, and then overreacted by making a draconian rule that they can text only once a week. The kids are deeply in love, though you'd hoped they wouldn't be, and found a way to circumvent the rule, though they knew it was disobeying their parent's wishes. And now you're left wondering what to do: your SS and the girl are deeply in love now and are disobeying the parents. ----- Some teens are capable of distancing themselves from love. My nephew is adamant that he will wait to get a real girlfriend until he's out of college. He's 17, not Christian, and his parents aren't the type to have your mindset at all. This is something he's decided for himself because he has goals he wants to meet other than marriage. I have another young friend who is about 19 and she feels the same way. She wants to get through college before even thinking about true love. These two teens could meet someone who smashes through the walls they've put up around their hearts, but the thing is they've put up the walls willingly because they have goals. They are unusual. Most people long for love sometime in their teens. Some start longing early, some later. Some will be too scared to act on it and some will seek it out. Sounds like your SS is ready to fall in love and doesn't have goals that he'd prefer to focus on. You can try to talk to him about giving himself space to get an education and meet some other goals, but some people are simply not wired that way. They will meet someone and they will fall hard. There are many, many boardies who met their spouse at about 14/15 years old. Other people would fall in love with someone new every other month at that age, but we know a number who met The One in their early/mid teens and have been faithful ever since (I've seen a number of threads about that through the years here). You might have a person like that on your hands. It sounds like no matter what you do, the girl's parents have wildly overreacted and are adding oil to the fire by making the rule about texting once a week. That's a lifetime to a teen. (I find it a bit cruel.) For me (I have a DS14), I'd provide amnesty to the breaking of the rule the other parents made. I'd start fresh and wouldn't feel that he broke my trust too much. That rule was just about impossible to follow. Very harsh. Unreasonable. Honestly--I'd let go of my expectations about falling in love later. Sort of like how I have had to let go of expecting my kids to be readers just because I am. They're not hardwired the same way that I am. They are different. It has been hard to let go of my dreams of us all sitting around reading and sharing books together, and using curric that is heavy on reading, but I had to teach the kids I have. You have to parent the child you have. And he's not capable of deferring love. I would make clear, reasonable rules about texting so that it's not during school hours (maybe during a lunch break he could send her a few "hellos"). No texting between the hours of X and Y. Something reasonable. No texting after Z pm. Make rules for the weekends, too. And then, I'd allow them to be boyfriend/girlfriend but always chaperoned. Always at her or his house when a grownup is there and when they're in the family room with everyone else walking through the whole time. Take them to movies. Take them out places to hang out. Let them go to youth together. I would allow hand holding and if they sneak in a kiss at the door, fine. I'd adjust my own expectations to the reality of who this young man is. Also, I clearly remember the torture of being in love. The person is on your mind constantly. It's nigh on impossible to stop thinking about him/her. It's a very out of control feeling. More than talking him out of his feelings, acknowledge that they're there and set firm, loving boundaries. It's ok that he loves the girl. It will happen. Trying to quench it just doesn't work. Instead, work with it and allow them to love, but guide them in how to find time to meet their responsibilities (school.)

Two years ago my son said he wanted a didgeridoo. I thought he meant it. Apparently he was just kidding. He was pretty surprised (and greatly amused) when he opened the long skinny package and it was a didgeridoo.

We're using CK-12 for bio. It's working for us, but I do spend the evening before each lesson familiarizing myself with the next day's work. Takes me about an hour per lesson. It's free--there is a text book, a teacher's guide that I don't use, worksheets, which I think help cement the ideas, and tests/quizzes. We spent about $70 printing it all out. I also use The Illustrated Guide to Home Biology Experiments--all lab, no lecture. This is a book for 30-odd labs. Many of them are complex. We've done 15 of them so far. You can also get a biology kit which has much of the supplies you'll need. You still have to supply some household items for the labs. I've been impressed with the quality of the labs. They can hold their own against any high school lab. The book is free in pdf format, but I bought a printed copy. Nice glossy pages and colorful pictures.

Feliz navidad to you! Happy biology hunting.

It's been 28 years since I learned chemistry. Kinda thinking I forgot some of the finer points to it.... I would rather not outsource chemistry next year, so this means I'll have to teach it. I'm pretty sure we're going with Spectrum Chemistry. If you're like me and don't remember anything about Chemistry, does Spectrum do a good job of being open and go and easy to learn from? I'll be learning it along with my son so we can both bounce ideas off each other. I tend to learn things easier than he does, but I'll only be a couple of pages ahead of him as we go. Will that work?

I'm probably going to use Spectrum Chemistry for my son's 10th grade chemistry next year. I keep reading in many places that the labs take varying lengths of time: one lab may take one hour, another may take five. Apparently, the curriculum doesn't give estimates of time. The homeschooling parent has to read ahead and try to gauge how long the lab will take based on her best guess. Rather than re-create the wheel, has anyone used this curriculum and kept track of how long each lab took? A list of some actual time estimates would be awesome. If you know how long each lab took, would you be willing to share? (Oh and Merry Christmas. You know you're a homeschooler when you're sitting at the laptop on Christmas day in your new robe and slippers, happily researching chemistry curricula for the next school year.)

I started out dreading the visit with the in-laws, but my nephews came through. They're almost 18 and 23 and don't make small judgy statements whenever they talk or try to one-up everyone in the room. I had a lovely time giving everyone else juuuust enough attention to seem like I was engaged, but I was really ignoring everyone except the nephews and my kids. I think I pulled it off.

Well, I was hopeful I'd get through Christmas this year without sobbing, but it wasn't to be. DH and the kids are out and as soon as I was alone, the tears just popped out. I know a lot of you are in the same boat: missing loved ones at Christmas. Mine are still alive, but live very far away. Instead of being with my family that I adore and who are the sort of people who find the outcasts just to show love and approval to them, I'll be with my in-laws whose conversational style is to unrelentingly display ever-so-slight disapproval about *everything*. I do not do well with people who disapprove of me all the time. They aren't even aware they do it, and it's soooo subtle that it's just about impossible to pinpoint. I've been snipping at poor dh all day and I realize I'm being the irritating person the in house right now, but it's because I'm soooo dreading spending the afternoon and evening with people who will misunderstand me so thoroughly (his parents.). And he wants to head over early. Oh no! I'm hoping that after I'm done with this big sobby cry, I'll be able to just get on with the next two days without crying and without being snippy at poor DH. I can't really talk to him about it because he loves his parents and it gets confusing to try to explain how they make me feel without crushing him. Just had to vent. I'm sure there are a lot of you having complicated feelings today and tomorrow. It's not fun. I thought it wouldn't hit me so hard this year, but it just did. Bam. I miss being with my family at Christmas so much. It's a physical ache. Blah.

Have them over, lock up the valuables, if it's a heroin addiction, check for needles when they go. My friend's SIL was a heroin addict. The SIL would randomly leave needles hidden under couch cushions and places like that. My friend had a small daughter, so the SIL wasn't allowed to visit.

We have one that's in its own building and open year round. I was there today. I only go about twice a year so I'm not sure what they always have. The things I dashed past on the way to where I was going: A dairy stand with milk (probably non-pasturized) and cheese and butter A meat stand with all sorts of cuts of meat A honey stand with honey to eat and candles to burn A stand with pottery A stand with things like beef jerky Didn't pass, but on the other side is a stand with handmade furniture--lots of it. A fruit/veggie stand A stand with the local football team's paraphernalia Didn't pass today, but I'm remembering stands with leather goods and other such homemade types of things I mostly go for the cheap spices. There's one stand that has plastic tubs of spices that are much (MUCH) cheaper than the ones in the grocery store. I stocked up today on a boatload of spices. No time to browse. Just in and out on my way to other places.

I will add you in with the others. I have been praying many times a day for happypamama and Artic Mama. You will also be prayed for many times a day.

Sounds miserable! I have no idea how to handle something like that and I can see how you'd dread going.

For the most part, I enjoy Christmas. But when I hear people grouse about Christmas it's usually because they are waaaay over extended. I have never been over extended. A big part of that is that we have very little family nearby (for me it's only in-laws) and we celebrate with them on Christmas eve by going out to dinner and that's it. There are no committments. I think that's the key. Some years I dislike Christmas for varying reasons, usually from dealing with missing my family during the season and a few years because DH struggled with depression at Christmas and could make the holiday difficult for everyone around him. He has worked through that and things are good now. Mostly Christmas is just fun and I keep it that way. It's only marginally more busy than the other months of the year.

I would suspect that she'll get upset, but that's just because it sounds like she's in a very selfish phase right now. You aren't doing anything to make her be upset. You are doing a normal thing, and she will need to be in control of her own response. Hmm. OR, she'll be glad to be in the house alone without you guys around. Maybe she is past wanting to go on a family vacation and will treasure the time alone while you guys are away. So maybe she'll be happy and say, "Oh, have a great time!' And she can leave the dishes on the table and hang out until 2:00 a.m. and bang doors without waking anyone and leave her dirty laundry all over the house. It could go either way. :)

People are so strange! As another poster said, does she understand that the products in the basket have milk in them? Sometimes people just don't put two and two together and realize that MILK chocolate has MILK in it. If you've told her that you cannot eat the specific items in that specific basket, then I'd give it away and tell her. "Thank you for the lovely thought, but since I'm allergic to milk I gave the basket to ..." People are just too strange to me lately. I'm running out of patience.

We spend $200 per boy. It is not too much for us. We could spend more if we wanted to. DH didn't have a poor childhood growing up, but he has had some weird Christmas issues. We don't buy the boys much throughout the year. We spend about $100 per birthday. I think that a total of $600 per year on the kids isn't over spending at all. If it was up to me, I'd spend $300 on each of them as they are getting older and their stuff costs so much, plus they don't get stuff throughout the year. It's taken a few years for DH to come to grips with the $200. I make sure he doesn't do the actual buying. Watching the money be spent makes him anxious, so I get all the gifts on my own. I don't even tell DH what the kids get. I just make decisions and get it. When I talk to DH about it, he gets anxious. But the $200 per kid is something we can afford. I'm the one who had skimpy Christmases and as long as we can afford it, I'm going for it. Something that has helped this year is that we calculated exactly how much we would spend on Christmas total for everyone we know. It was $1100. From January until early November, we set aside $24 per week. I'd physically get the money and hide it in the house in a big pile. Yesterday my car had to have $300 worth of repairs and we need rotor rooter to come out tomorrow to clear up a block in our pipes and that'll cost another couple of hundred. But Christmas is still ok, because we had a big pile of $1100 from the entire year. If we'd have had to see the $1100 leaving the bank account AND the car AND the rotor rooter, my DH's head would have popped off. As it is, this is just like any other month when there are unexpected bills because Christmas was already handled. I am SO GLAD we saved all year long.

So that blows the theory that it's a boy-girl thing. :) Perhaps it is an age thing, as you said. Perhaps it's that we as parents give off a different vibe, knowing that the 9th grader's work will count on a transcript and the 8th grader's won't? I know that if my 6th grader gets a B on a test, it's not a big deal. I don't record grades. I give him some tests that come with the curriculum, just for fun and just to see where he stands But the grade means nothing, really. But for 9th grade, the work needs to be at a certain level in order to justify giving a good grade on the transcript. There is more weight to what the 9th grader is doing than to what an 8th grader is doing. Maybe that comes across in my attitude and makes my 9th grader freeze up. Homeschooling high school is a different animal.

Yes, the slowness and lack of motivation has been difficult. Very, very difficult. Not so much for him, but for me. I want to pull out my hair. I can feel the negative chemicals coursing through my body some days and it's all I can do to breathe slowly and not scream. My nephew wrote a college application essay and it was about how he's grown over the past four years. He wrote that in 9th and 10th he had NO motivation to do anything, but that it kicked in in 11th. And it has. So, I feel a bit of hope. I also remember back when I was in school. I wasn't motivated, but I was fast. Fast fast fast. So, if we had a biology lab, I could knock that thing out in half the time it took the other students. I didn't retain anything, but the work was DONE. I used to wonder what the heck was wrong with all the slowpokes I went to school with. My son is one of the "slow pokes." And I think to myself, "What the heck is wrong with this slowpoke!?!" The thing is, I think he retains more than I did. So maybe slow and steady is better for him. And if I'm remembering correctly from 30 years ago when I was in school, most people are a lot slower than I am. I don't know. It's a big mix. Sometimes he's so slow it's all I can do not to scream and I walk out of the room to do some deep breathing. But other times I can see where his slowness benefits him and helps him to retain things. So there's good slow and bad slow and I have to be careful to allow him room for the good slow and to try to inspire him to overcome the bad slow. And then I continually think of my nephew who could be pretty goofy when he was in 9th and 10th grade, but has now become a very mature and reasonable young man whose company I enjoy a lot. Even though there is no blood relationship, I see that my son is a lot like my nephew--goofing off and losing focus, yet there are glimpses of the maturity to come. As I think I said before, I remember reading this past summer that a lot of WTMers said the transition to 9th is rocky for most people, parents and kids. And as you said, I think it might be rockier for boys who might mature a couple of years behind the girls. That's not true for everyone, but it seems like it might be true for many. My friend talks about how her daughter went through what my son is going through a couple of years ago, though they're the same age.

She shoved him, and then she punched him in the neck (two blows) and that's when he hit back. This is a tricky one. She shoved and hit him before he punched her back. Was it a case of not knowing his own strength? Did an instinct kick in? I remember watching a show where people were walking past a snowman, but the snowman was actually a person in a costume. Sometimes the person in the snowman costume would jump at the people walking past to scare them. Most of the people cringed and backed away, but there were a few whose immediate reaction was to go on the offense and begin hitting as hard as they could while the snowman cringed and backed away. Some people have the flight instinct and some people have the fight instinct. I'm up in the air on this one. She got in two blows before his one. A man should know his own strength and keep it in check, and yet from that old snowman video, I have seen people (it was both men and women) react with a strong fight instinct when their emotions take over. If this was two men, then clearly no one should shove and then neck punch someone else and expect no repurcussions. I am leaning toward if you shove and also punch someone, they might start to fight back. The tricky part is that his strength ended up causing her muuuuch more damage than she caused him. So who is at fault? I can see both sides being equally valid. Side 1: You pick a fight, be prepared to be hit. Side 2: A big strong man needs to keep his strength in check and not use it to smash bones in smaller people's faces.

I'm extra cautious of my kids at church. That's where wolves go to find sheep. People with bad intentions will purposely go to churches because they assume the people there will be trusting. I have told that to my kids and expect them to be wary if something doesn't seem right. I make sure they're never alone with anyone or wandering the hallways alone. (It's a big building that used to have a school there, so there are a number of empty hallways and classrooms.)

We've had a good 1/2 year, but the problem is that it's been too much. And this coming second half will also be too much, because I signed up my son for the SAT 2 tests in Bio and World History to knock them out early. So on top of our full school days, I'll have to find some time for test prep, as well. Our problem is that we've worked so hard that I'm afraid I'll burn him out. My goal next year is to back off a bit on some of the work. Biology has taken us 2 to 2.5 hours EVERY DAY. Ay yi yi! That was part of why I chose Spectrum Chemistry for next year. It's supposed to take 2 hours of bookwork plus varying amounts of lab work each week. For us, since we're slow, it will probably end up being 3-4 hours of bookwork, plus the lab work (which ranges from an hour to 3 or so a week.). But that's better than the 10-12 hours a week of bio we're doing now. It's brutal to us. I also am doing too much for World History this year, but that's because of this SAT world history test we're hoping to have him take. So World History takes 1.5 to 2.5 hours a day. And after history and bio are done, we still have 4 other classes to do each day, which are more reasonable at just one hour each. Next year: no SAT subject tests. It's been too much. I'm hoping my guy can hang in there a few more months so we can ease up.

I spent literally 7 hours yesterday researching Chemistry for next year. I settled on Spectrum Chemistry because it comes complete with labs and it has lots of good reviews from WTMers. The ONLY supply you add yourself is a jug of distilled water. :). It's $316 for the entire curric (plus the cost of the distilled water.) And if you like Spectrum Chemistry but don't want to teach it yourself, Landry Academy will teach it for you for $780. Part of me wants to go that route...but the money. The money. It's always about the money. Sigh.

It's been a progression, that's for sure! I've been married 24 years and it's taken a long time to get to this point. I was raised by overgrown children, and I mean that in the kindest way. My parents were like little kids about Christmas. I assumed everyone was like Elf on Christmas. We would quiver with excitement whenever Christmas came around and we'd eat a roast beast with olives for eyes and rip the paper off the presents and throw it around the room and play non-stop Christmas music for the whole month. My husband comes from a family of subdued people. And they always spent a lot of money on Christmas. And DH never felt that anyone liked the presents that he bought them which made him associate Christmas with overspending (he's naturally very thrifty so that bothered him) and disappointed "Oh. Well. Thank you"s. So he hated Christmas when we married. And most perplexing to me: when they unwrapped their presents, they all stopped to fold the paper and set it aside. It wasn't a good mix. He haaated to buy presents for anyone, and I was all "presentspresentspresents!!!!" Things came to a head the year my son was born (after 10 years of uneasy Christmases.). DH didn't transition well into being the sole breadwinner and our son had colic and cried for hours as soon as DH came home from work. DH was soooo stressed that year. That was the year that DH didn't get me a Christmas present or a birthday present or a Valentine's day present or an anniversary gift or a Mother's Day gift. It was a terrible year. And after that I started buying my own gifts and very frankly telling him, "Here is $10. Go to the dollar store and buy me stuff for my stocking right now." And he's finally shed his hatred of Christmas and I've toned down a tiny, little bit and the kids are old enough that they're not crying for hours every time he comes home :) and Christmases are actually nice. For the past 4 years, he's even bought me a surprise gift along with all the stuff I've bought for myself. I think when the pressure was off of him to come up with a gift idea, and I just went out and bought my own, he started to be able to enjoy the day. For stockings: I put a big item in each stocking every year to fill up space. This year it's full sized cans of pringles. And then there's usually a small gift that will fit in there that could have gone under the tree, but is stuffed in the stocking instead. For the past couple of years the boys have each gotten a Mixel lego. They come in bags instead of boxes so they fit nicely into stockings. For DH I tend to fill his with some sort of candy and that's about it.