Stacia Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 (edited) Forwarded to me by my dad, lol... THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT. Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest: 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says 'Dam!' 3. Two men sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive.' 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.' 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.' 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. :D Edited March 16, 2009 by Stacia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julesmama3 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 LOL Cracking up at #8. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 :lol::lol::lol::lol: Thanks I needed that today :lol::lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 beautiful! just beautiful! I needed to read these on this grey, rainy day. . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Groaning and laughing here. I love puns. I've heard/seen some of these (or very similar ones,) but it's a "good" collection. I think number 9 is my favorite. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennW in SoCal Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 #9 is my favorite too! Thanks for sharing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Thanks Stacia. You made my day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 #9 Bwaaaahahahahahahahahaa :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 # 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Loved them! I have a friend who is good at coming up with puns. I'll be seeing him tonight so I plan on printing these ones up to share. It also reminds me of my senior year english teacher, she came up with puns for our spelling words rather than regular sentences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 A thief attempted to steal paintings from the Louvre in Paris, but was caught 2 blocks away when his van ran out of gas. All the thief could say for himself was: “I had no MONET to buy DEGAS to make the VAN GOGH. But I tried for it anyway because I had nothing TOULOUSE!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Another vote for 9.... can't wait for DH to get home so I can share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 We really like these. Thanks for posting them. I have to confess that the kids thought I was trying to trick them into looking at the calf birth pictures. They sent a non-wimpy spotter to the computer to be sure there really were puns here! RC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
partyof5 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 :lol: Love these and have already pasted into an email and sent to my favorite people! They have replied that they love 'em too! #9 is a huge hit with us all here! Honestly...where do people come up with this stuff... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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