Mass e-mail Thank You

[Guest]

Yes, if you are genuinely not thankful for the gift you received it is in poor taste. If you are only sending the thank you card because you know this person expects it and will hold a grudge it is in poor taste, even if you are thankful. Feeling obligated to send one because of others' silly notion that it is distasteful not to is in poor taste.

 

I find thank you cards to be a nice gesture but not a necessary one, especially if the gift was given in person even if it means you just put an envelope on a table at an event you attended. But people feel pressured into sending them because of others expectations and how they will feel if they don't receive one. That pressure does not produce genuine thank you cards, it only produces another thing to check off the list so you don't upset someone else.

I don't feel this way at all. In the first place, I usually *am* sincerely thankful if I am writing a thank you note. But secondly, there are many social niceties that I observe because they are *proper.* I have taught my children to do this as well. So, if Aunt Mavis were to give them a stuffed Barney dinosaur, they are to say Thank You, not, "Eww, Aunt Maude! This is for babies!" No. You say Thank you.

[hornblower]

I understand what you're saying here, but I see nothing arbitrary about saying it is "always in good taste to send a personal thank you." Would the opposite ever be true? Would it ever be correct to say, "sometimes, it is in poor taste to send a personal thank you"? I'm wracking my brains to come up with such an instance, but I'm coming up empty.

It's not that it would be in bad taste to send a thank you note. It's that there's an implication that if someone doesn't then they're behaving badly. Not sure if I'm explaining it ...

[marbel]

I don't feel this way at all. In the first place, I usually *am* sincerely thankful if I am writing a thank you note. But secondly, there are many social niceties that I observe because they are *proper.* I have taught my children to do this as well. So, if Aunt Mavis were to give them a stuffed Barney dinosaur, they are to say Thank You, not, "Eww, Aunt Maude! This is for babies!" No. You say Thank you.

 

I agree.  We had our kids add "thank you for thinking of me."  

 

They used to get age-inappropriate Christmas gifts each year from some friends of my husband - they always seemed to think our kids were about 2 years younger than they are. Anyway, the thank you note would say something like "this game looks like fun" which, you know, was true... for someone else.  :lol:

 

[marbel]

It's not that it would be in bad taste to send a thank you note. It's that there's an implication that if someone doesn't then they're behaving badly. Not sure if I'm explaining it ...

 

Saying X is always in good taste = saying that the opposite of X, or anything other than X, is in poor taste?   

[Catwoman]

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I opened this thread, I had no idea that anyone would have been offended by Quill's OP. It appears that a few people read a whole lot more into it than I did.

 

I can understand people disagreeing with her, but it seems to have gone beyond that. :confused:

[Peaceful Isle]

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I opened this thread, I had no idea that anyone would have been offended by Quill's OP. It appears that a few people read a whole lot more into it than I did.

 

I can understand people disagreeing with her, but it seems to have gone beyond that. :confused:

Agree

[Mimm]

I haven't read this whole thread but I can honestly say I've never gotten worked up over whether I gota thank you note. I send them oout when appropriate (I think... perhaps I've forgotten some) but I never sent or gave a gift then went home and waited for a thank you note. Life is just way too short.

[Halftime Hope]

Put me on the "personal, individualized thank you" list.  I wouldn't hold it against someone who did not, as there are many other factors that come into play with someone else's behavior, but I know what are good manners for me and my family and what I've taught my kids to do.  I hope they will raise my grandchildren the same way, even if it means a personally-written email. 

 

For those concerned about notecards and postage being a waste of resources: maybe they should consider not gift-giving as a start.  Cash, checks, cards--all a waste.  And OMG:  wrapping paper!!   All of that is just as big, if not a bigger, waste of resources.     (I jest.) 

 

 

 

[Guest]

Put me on the "personal, individualized thank you" list. I wouldn't hold it against someone who did not, as there are many other factors that come into play with someone else's behavior, but I know what are good manners for me and my family and what I've taught my kids to do. I hope they will raise my grandchildren the same way, even if it means a personally-written email.

 

For those concerned about notecards and postage being a waste of resources: maybe they should consider not gift-giving as a start. Cash, checks, cards--all a waste. And OMG: wrapping paper!! All of that is just as big, if not a bigger, waste of resources. (I jest.)

Yeah! ;) in all seriousness, though, if I had a friend who was extremely sensitive about paper waste/recycling, it might make more sense to me if they digitized all correspondance. The family I'm speaking of is not in this category, though; I am the closest thing to a fanatical recycler amongst my family and close friends. I don't serve bottled water at any party anymore; I have a pitcher of cold water.

[Guest]

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I opened this thread, I had no idea that anyone would have been offended by Quill's OP. It appears that a few people read a whole lot more into it than I did.

 

I can understand people disagreeing with her, but it seems to have gone beyond that. :confused:

Shhh! I think there are some people around here who just don't like me! *I KNOW!*

[Lang Syne Boardie]

No, no, no on the handwritten thank you for attending an event. You thank them for coming while you are both AT the event if it is in your honor. We call that a receiving line.

And follow-up written thanks for gifts that were received in person, if you thanked them in that moment, are not necessary but seem to appease grandmothers who believe in this practice and want to frame and save the thank you note.

A note for anyone who does something for you, like baking your extra cake or loaning you ribbons or whatever is always necessary. A thank you note for a gift received not from the giver's hands is always necessary.

I may sound like I'm trying to be a stickler about formality but actually I'm just sticking up for keeping the old system instead of adding on new stuff. If we are going to have to also write thank you notes for gifts received in person, and write and mail a note to every person who attends an open house, I'm going to have to quit socializing. That's too much paperwork.

[Mimm]

Thank you Tibbie! I always thought a face to face thank you should be adequate. :)

 

Come to think of it, I just attended a birthday party and never received a thank you note. And here I was passing up on a perfectly good opportunity to be offended. ;)

[catz]

I do think it is nice to be personally thanked for a gift.  Thanking in person, over the phone, typed or handwritten card, or via e-mail  is perfectly ok with me.  In the case of something like a large graduation party or a wedding where you are leaving a card or gift at a table and walking away from it, it does stress me out when I don't get a thank you note.  I worry if it was even received.  I'm not offended or hold a grudge, but yes I do think it's rude not to acknowledge a gift received in some way.

 

 

[Halftime Hope]

Thanks on the clarification re. not needing to send "thank you for being at the party" notes, Tibbie.  I agree.  

 

I'm going to chime in with a traditional opinion on a gray area.  If it's a big event like a shower, even though the gifts are opened and exclaimed upon by the bride and groom, and even though public thanks may be said in the moment, I still think it's great manners for the gifts to be acknowledged with a thank you note.

 

 

[mom2samlibby]

Weird. Here, a graduation party is nothing more significant than a teenage birthday party (with multiple graduates, celebrating everybody). If Aunts came, they'd hug and have cake. Perhaps a card or small gift, but nothing that would seem like a big deal. A verbal thank you at the time is seen as completely adequate.

Not here. Grad parties are big deals. Lots of food, cake, candy bar buffets. I'd be expecting a thank you from the graduate for the gift. (All the ones that we attended this year sent thank you's in the mail.)

[goldberry]

Interesting conversation....I always send thank you notes and have taught my daughter to do the same.  But I never gave a minute's thought to whether or not I receive one.  When I get one I think "that is so nice", but I don't think I even pay attention or notice if one does not come.

 

I think that does start to venture into "expecting something in return".  I could see it being differently if gifts are being mailed and not acknowledged.  But to me a phone call acknowledgement would suffice.

 

Regarding sending thank you's for sympathy cards...???  I have never heard of that, and would never expect that in a million years.  I have received a note about bringing food or something like that. But I would never in the least feel like I missed something if I did not get one.  It is about the person grieving, not about me. I would be happy to know they are making it through the day.  Why would I expect a thank you card?  Very strange to me.

[Guest]

Interesting conversation....I always send thank you notes and have taught my daughter to do the same. But I never gave a minute's thought to whether or not I receive one. When I get one I think "that is so nice", but I don't think I even pay attention or notice if one does not come.

 

I think that does start to venture into "expecting something in return". I could see it being differently if gifts are being mailed and not acknowledged. But to me a phone call acknowledgement would suffice.

 

Regarding sending thank you's for sympathy cards...??? I have never heard of that, and would never expect that in a million years. I have received a note about bringing food or something like that. But I would never in the least feel like I missed something if I did not get one. It is about the person grieving, not about me. I would be happy to know they are making it through the day. Why would I expect a thank you card? Very strange to me.

Just to clarify, I did not mean a thank you card for a sympathy card alone. I gave thank you notes to people who went beyond that. Those who brought my family food, helped with the funeral, took care of my other kids, etc.

 

Also, I don't wait expectantly for a thank you note ordinarily, and there are plenty of instances in which I don't recall if I received one. In this case, it didn't come up until I received the mass e-mail. Now that I have received the mass e-mail, it is on my radar screen whether or not this is the last word of thanks from their end. That is why my OP said "I hope..." Because I do hope my niece does not think that a general e-mail to all her guests from her mom is sufficient thanks.

[magnificent_baby]

I do think it is nice to be personally thanked for a gift.  Thanking in person, over the phone, typed or handwritten card, or via e-mail  is perfectly ok with me.  In the case of something like a large graduation party or a wedding where you are leaving a card or gift at a table and walking away from it, it does stress me out when I don't get a thank you note.  I worry if it was even received.  I'm not offended or hold a grudge, but yes I do think it's rude not to acknowledge a gift received in some way.

 

:iagree:

 

IMO, if it's a formal event (graduation party, baby shower, wedding/shower), I do expect a thank you note, phone call or personal (not mass) email. I probably feel this way because I put a lot of time and thought into choosing gifts.