Should I have my 6 year old repeat 1st?

[gigi638]

So I have to make a very crucial decision about my 6yo regarding retention in first grade and would really appreciate some mommy to mommy advice. Just a little background on my daughters particular situation......

 

* Bday wise- She should have been in K this year, not 1st -I chose to move her on to 1st grade because she had completed K at a private school with different age requirements than the public school and was doing fine academically, so there really was no reason for her to repeat K at the time.
* Halfway through the year, she was really struggling with her reading tests and math and the teacher was somewhat concerned. I almost pulled her out at that point and put her back in a K class, but teacher did not agree, as she thought it would be too disruptive, so we didn't.
* Age-wise- she is obviously the youngest in her class. Would be going to 2nd grade at 6 years old and then turning 7 in Sept. In our district all kids are already 7 going into 2nd grade.
* She is aware of her age difference and the fact that she should be in K and has been actually expressing lately that she wants to repeat 1st grade!
* She is also in a dual language program (half day English/half day Spanish) with 2 different teachers. The program is challenging in and of itself and the children actually have to be at a certain level to be in the program (she has always met the minimum criteria). They are pretty much all above average kids and I can see that compared to the other 1st grade classes, their work has been more challenging.

 

So, now fast forward to the present......
Just met with the teachers today and bottom line is that they BOTH recommend moving on to 2nd grade. They are also recommending her to stay in the dual language program (which she again met the minimum criteria for). She also shared her end of year test scores with me and she had a 76%(percent) in reading and a 65% in math. This is basically a test that covers what they should have learned all year.  But by these scores I truly don't feel like she has mastered 1st grade curriculum. 

 

The teachers reasons for moving on......they feel she is mature and at the same level of the other kids. They are concerned that it will hurt her socially to repeat 1st and not move on with her friends and they feel that although she will have to work hard, that she can hold her own if she were to move on to 2nd. So overall, they basically don't think retention will really benefit her all that much, as I don't think they truly feel she is behind!  In the public schools, especially in the primary years, their main focus is reading!

 

My hesitations with moving her on........SEVERAL. She's not in the right grade age-wise and she is begging me to hold her back because she wants to be the oldest, rather than the youngest! I'm thinking long-term, when she goes to middle/high school this could have a much bigger impactl. I'm also scared that the difficulties with math (that are so developmental IMO) will only get worst. That she will always be expected to behave and perform a whole year older than what she should be. That she always feels like she's one step behind, trying to catch up, when in reality she is a very bright little girl. And that it's either now or never for me to retain her! You get my point!

 

If she were to stay in 1st next year..... She would have a totally different curriculum in the spanish part of her day. Basically, they were using a K spanish curriculum this year since it was the 1st year of the dual language program and they felt the kids needed this foundation. So next year, she will be getting the 1st grade spanish reading curriculum. So at the very least she will be challenged in that area. The english part of the day, however, will remain for the most part the same, but the teacher assured she would differentiate instruction for her in reading.

 

If she were to go to 2nd next year..... She would be doing a 2nd grade spanish reading curriculum. So in essence, she would be going from a K spanish curriculum (this year)to a 2nd grade curriculum. That alone does not make sense to me and I fear I just may be putting too much on her plate.

 

So now I don't know what to do, listen to her teachers, listen to my child, or listen to my gut? The school is giving me the final say on things because of the age factor no matter what and the teacher said that the final decision was mine and that she would support me no matter what I decide. I am very back and forth on this and tend to over think things a lot! So I know it's a very long post but just wanted to get some opinions based on all the new information, scores, etc.

 

Just some additional info I forgot to add (since there's so many details) Her RIGBY reading level is at a level 19, and 16 is minimum criteria to be promoted to 2nd. I think this is mainly why the teacher thinks she should move on. They really technically do not have a valid reason to retain her. She feels that I should just tutor her over the summer in her weak areas of math so she catches up in that area. But the way I see it, she could a B/C average student if she moves on, with a probably a lot of work/tutoring or an A/B student if she were in the right grade. But I'm not sure if this is really a tutoring over the summer thing, as the teacher suggested. I think certain things are just developmental and the brain just gets it when you are ready to get it.

 

As to why she wants to do 1st again? I think it's a combination of things. Well, she says she wants to be the oldest to be the leader and she says that 2nd grade is going to be too hard! I think it also has to do with her LOVING her teacher and wanting to stay with her because it feels reassuring to her, she is also a very shy little girl and this teacher has actually really helped her blossom this year.  I did actually ask her how she would feel about all her friends moving on to 2nd grade? and she said she didn't care about that and that she would just make new friends.  I do worry very much though about how this will truly affect her. So should I retain or have faith (and a whole lot of tutoring)  and push on?

[MotherGoose]

I'd keep her in 1st. At this point, SHE needs to feel comfortable. It would be different if she thought badly about repeating.

[Atilla the Mom]

Another possibility is to move her to first grade in a less demanding school.  We did that with dd1 partway through first grade; she went from a private school to a weak public school.  She fitted in much better and learned a lot, but in 2nd grade the teacher was very weak and she was not advancing the way we would have liked to see. We tried a different private school for third grade which was again too demanding for her. We moved out of state after third grade and took advantage of the move to retain her in third even thought she had met criteria to be moved on. Best decision we made.   I only wish I hadn't started her early in Kindergarten.

[SKL]

I think your gut is #1 and it sounds like your gut is saying to retain her.

 

I have a daughter who was in a similar situation age-wise and academically, and I did move her on because it was the right decision for her socially.  (There were other reasons too, which don't apply to your daughter.)  2nd grade proved a lot less stressful than 1st, but she still has to work very hard.  We still spend time every day at home on stuff that isn't clicking easily at school.  I do not regret it, but it is not all butterflies and rainbows either.

 

One thing I was wondering - those test scores you were mentioning as %s - do you mean percentiles?  If she is above the 50th %ile in reading and math, then she's ahead of the curve and would be way ahead of the incoming 1st grade class.  I would not retain a child with percentiles like that.  But if you're talking about % of material that is supposed to have been mastered, that is a different story.

[kiwik]

Depends on everybody elses scores. If a lot of the kids have similar scores to her it would seem strange holding her back. If her classmates are all scoring above 80% then it is different. Maths repeats a lot anyway - they may only expect 60% in the first year.

 

Would you retain her with the same scores if she were 6 months older?

[gigi638]

Good question Kiwik,

I did ask her teacher that exact question about how she compared with the rest of the class on that math test and she said she was the very lowest score in the class.  A handful of the students scored in the 70s and the rest all scored 80 or above.  So she really is sticking out when it comes to math.  With reading not so much, she said 8 students scored the same as her or lower.  So although she is probably still in the lower half, it is nowhere near as bad as the math is.  And yes those scores are percents NOT percentiles, as that would obviously make a great difference!

 

As to your question of would I still retain her if she were 6 months older, probably not!  Because then she would be in the right grade with peers her age and would not be the youngest!  To me that would mean that math is really a struggle for her and I would have to look into an evaluation for a possible math disability.  But I can't erase the fact that she should be in K, and age makes a big difference when it comes to understanding math concepts.  I think once she is presented with the same material at an older age, that things will probably just "click"  I could be wrong,but then at that point I know i have given it the benefit of the doubt

[73349]

Having been the youngest in my class most years, I can tell you it's not a big deal, and probably no worse than being the oldest. In any class, someone is the oldest and someone is the youngest. (I turned 7 in late December of second grade.)

 

IME math does not go that fast in elementary school, so I'd tend to agree with her teacher that a few minutes a day over the summer would be as much of a boost as your DD needs.

 

But one other thing to consider is who will be her teacher if she goes on to 2nd. Is it someone very warm and encouraging? Or does that teacher promote competition, which may be uncomfortable for your DD?

[vonfirmath]

With your kid begging to remain behind, your momma-gut saying to hold back, and those particulars, I'd say to go ahead and hold her back in 1st grade. Give her a stronger foundation.

 

[OneStepAtATime]

With your kid begging to remain behind, your momma-gut saying to hold back, and those particulars, I'd say to go ahead and hold her back in 1st grade. Give her a stronger foundation.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.  I have friends and family (including my father) that this scenario applies to.  Of those that repeated a grade based on age differences and lower academics very early on (but no learning disabilities), none had any complaints and did well.  It really helped them to have the extra time to mature, physically, emotionally, socially and to get a more solid foundation in academics at the early level.  Of those that were pushed forward, only one was happy with the decision.  The other two felt they were struggling throughout and it was hard when everyone else was getting a driver's license, etc. and they were still unable to.  In fact, the bigger issues were in middle school and high school and they wished they had repeated in the early early grades.

 

Your mommy gut is saying repeat.  Your child is asking to repeat.  You know there are academic reasons that she may need to review and solidify critical basic concepts in math and that developmentally those concepts may come more easily if she is given more time and review.  If you find her to be getting bored and restless while repeating 1st grade (although I don't think she will), perhaps the teacher will be willing to add in more challenging work on the side.  My mom would do this for her more advanced students.

[Jennifer N.]

When I taught in public schools, children rarely repeated a grade.  Even students who were below grade level in core skill areas like reading in 1st grade were moved on.  It does not surprise me that the teachers are not recommending repeating the grade for your daughter so you are going to have to make this decision yourself.  It's a hard one.  I had to make a similar (but not same) decision for one of my children (about when to start K, he was right on the cusp age wise).  I have since made of point of asking people who have had to make decisions regarding age cutoffs/kindergarten enrollment why they made the decisions they did.  It's led to some interesting discussions...  I have to tell you though based on what I've learned from others, it really depends on the individual child.  There is no one set formula for a making a decision like this.  I think you should mull it over and go with your gut.

 

I was one of the oldest in my grade when I went through school just because of the age cut offs at that time.  In high school, I left a year early to go to college.  This could always be an option down the road for your daughter if she wishes.  In my day, it was called early admission (not early acceptance, that's where you agree to go to a school if they accept you in December).  I applied as a junior in high school, went to college while completing requirements for my senior year at college.  I was able to graduate with my high school classmates the following year.  That was important to me at the time so my high school "class of" was the same as my friends and we'd go to the same reunions.  Not all colleges do early admission, but some do. 

[Michelle_NC]

I have a September birthday and was always the youngest in my grade. Academically I excelled, but socially I was always 1 step behind everyone else.  I wish my parents had held me back a year.  An extra year of childhood is a gift these days!

 

If your daughter is already asking to be held back then you've already gotten past the biggest hurdle - her reaction/feelings to repeating a grade. 

[IsabelC]

There doesn't seem to be much evidence in favor of retention. Although no research results can predict how things might turn out for your particular little girl, it's probably worth considering that, on average, repeating a grade does not yield substantial or long-term benefits; on the contrary, most studies find negative results persisting throughout the schooling years. Here is one quick-read summary of some fairly recent findings. 

 

Also, while I very much respect and agree with the way you are communicating with your child and listening to what she tells you, and of course her thoughts and feelings are worth taking on board, this is not the kind of decision I would be allowing a 6yo to make. You can't expect her to know what will be best for her over her entire school career, nor can you expect that a person of her age has sufficient breadth of information and perspective to make a well-founded judgement. 

 

Finally, I'm wondering, are you definitely committed to keeping her at the same school? If not, could progressing to 2nd grade but in a slightly less demanding school be an option?

[OneStepAtATime]

There doesn't seem to be much evidence in favor of retention. Although no research results can predict how things might turn out for your particular little girl, it's probably worth considering that, on average, repeating a grade does not yield substantial or long-term benefits; on the contrary, most studies find negative results persisting throughout the schooling years. Here is one quick-read summary of some fairly recent findings. 

 

Also, while I very much respect and agree with the way you are communicating with your child and listening to what she tells you, and of course her thoughts and feelings are worth taking on board, this is not the kind of decision I would be allowing a 6yo to make. You can't expect her to know what will be best for her over her entire school career, nor can you expect that a person of her age has sufficient breadth of information and perspective to make a well-founded judgement. 

 

Finally, I'm wondering, are you definitely committed to keeping her at the same school? If not, could progressing to 2nd grade but in a slightly less demanding school be an option?

IsabelC, I fully understand what you are saying.  I agree that just repeating a grade may not be very helpful in many instances.  I would like to caution, though, that most studies I have read showing that retention doesn't help are referring to older children who actually frequently suffer emotional issues from remaining in the same school while peers move on.  And I suspect that many studies of kids who repeat unsuccessfully are not assessing the kids to determine if there are undiagnosed learning issues, such as stealth dyslexia.  Couple that with the fact that older students who are struggling have probably been struggling for years and have missed out on building a critical foundation.  in all likelihood they need to go back quite a bit and get targeted remediation in their weak areas even if there is no underlying learning challenge.  They don't usually get it.  This means that just repeating the material, which is probably still at a more advanced level than they can handle without help is not very useful and emotionally demoralizing .

 

I have a lot of family that are teachers.  With older kids that are falling behind just repeating the grade frequently is ineffective.  But if the main issue is just a maturity thing and the child repeats a grade very early on,  giving them time to develop, this can be extremely effective, IMHO.  I have seen it work extremely well with friends and family.  

 

However, even if a child repeats a grade at a really early age, if there are any underlying undiagnosed learning issues, such as dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, executive function issues, etc. then just repeating a grade will not actually address the underlying problem and so will not necessarily be a successful solution.  

 

DD repeated 4k.  She is what our assessor called a stealth dyslexic.  We didn't know it.  Repeating helped tremendously, actually.  She did much better repeating 4k and went into Kinder with more solid skills.  However, by 5th grade she was falling behind in all critical areas and was secretly believing she was flawed and stupid.  The underlying issues were not being directly addressed. her underlying strengths were being masked by the issues and remained largely untapped and she wasn't being taught in the most effective way for her to learn.  Once we had assessments and started homeschooling things improved dramatically.  Dyslexics frequently mature in reading/writing/spelling at a slower rate than NT peers, but they tend to be more advanced at an earlier age in things like story telling, puzzle solving or visual spatial skills, depending on underlying strengths and weaknesses.  She would have been better off if we had delayed formal schooling a couple of years and used dyslexia friendly sources for instruction when we did start.  

 

OP, I have read and re-read what is happening with your child.  I wish you had a crystal ball to determine what the best option will be, long-term.  I know this is hard.  Big hugs.  I honestly think, from what you have posted, that repeating would be the better option, but you might consider doing it at a different school if that is possible.  And if your child is still struggling in math later on, you might seek out an assessment through a neurospychologist to find out if there are any underlying learning issues and also what her strengths are so you can help the one more effectively and tap into the other.  In the meantime, work with her over the summer.  Look into Overcoming Difficulty with Numbers by Ronit Bird.  Awesome book.  

 

Best wishes...

[City Mouse]

I too had one of the youngest kids in kinder and 1st grade. Mine has a late summer birthday in a place where most people "red shirt" those kids. I didn't and he has always struggled since first grade. In 1st, he would come home and tell me that he was the lowest reader and should stay in 1st grade the next year. His teacher did not agree. He struggled through the year and made it to the minimum acceptable reading level (18 I think it was)at the last minute of 1st grade. He has struggled every year since. He meets the minimum standards by the end of the year with after school or before school tutorIng and hour of homework after school.

Where we live now, most of the kids in his grade are at least 1 year older with some 2-2 1/2 yrs older. He won't play community sports because the kids are assigned to teams by grade levels not ages.

 

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have him repeat 1st grade when he changed from the neighbor hood school to a charter school.

 

I don't think there would be anything wrong with you taking the blame and telling your child that it was your fault for en rolling her too young. If you believe that and she believes that, I wouldn't think that she will feal any more of a failure that she does already.

[Reefgazer]

Follow your gut.

 

We faced the same decision you are (youngest kid in class, did fine in Kindy, pondered retaining in first) and every teacher told us "he's fine, don't retain".  They threw out the old "retention won't solve unaddressed issues" at me (Oh, so retention won't solve the fact he is too young for his class?  Huh?) .  But experienced moms agreed with me, and told me to retain.  We retained DS in first and haven't regretted it since; he is now a mature, capable, confident 3rd grader and it didn't hurt him socially or emotionally *at all*.  If you are positive about the retention decision, he will be fine with it too.

So I have to make a very crucial decision about my 6yo regarding retention in first grade and would really appreciate some mommy to mommy advice. Just a little background on my daughters particular situation......

 

* Bday wise- She should have been in K this year, not 1st -I chose to move her on to 1st grade because she had completed K at a private school with different age requirements than the public school and was doing fine academically, so there really was no reason for her to repeat K at the time.
* Halfway through the year, she was really struggling with her reading tests and math and the teacher was somewhat concerned. I almost pulled her out at that point and put her back in a K class, but teacher did not agree, as she thought it would be too disruptive, so we didn't.
* Age-wise- she is obviously the youngest in her class. Would be going to 2nd grade at 6 years old and then turning 7 in Sept. In our district all kids are already 7 going into 2nd grade.
* She is aware of her age difference and the fact that she should be in K and has been actually expressing lately that she wants to repeat 1st grade!
* She is also in a dual language program (half day English/half day Spanish) with 2 different teachers. The program is challenging in and of itself and the children actually have to be at a certain level to be in the program (she has always met the minimum criteria). They are pretty much all above average kids and I can see that compared to the other 1st grade classes, their work has been more challenging.

 

So, now fast forward to the present......
Just met with the teachers today and bottom line is that they BOTH recommend moving on to 2nd grade. They are also recommending her to stay in the dual language program (which she again met the minimum criteria for). She also shared her end of year test scores with me and she had a 76%(percent) in reading and a 65% in math. This is basically a test that covers what they should have learned all year.  But by these scores I truly don't feel like she has mastered 1st grade curriculum. 

 

The teachers reasons for moving on......they feel she is mature and at the same level of the other kids. They are concerned that it will hurt her socially to repeat 1st and not move on with her friends and they feel that although she will have to work hard, that she can hold her own if she were to move on to 2nd. So overall, they basically don't think retention will really benefit her all that much, as I don't think they truly feel she is behind!  In the public schools, especially in the primary years, their main focus is reading!

 

My hesitations with moving her on........SEVERAL. She's not in the right grade age-wise and she is begging me to hold her back because she wants to be the oldest, rather than the youngest! I'm thinking long-term, when she goes to middle/high school this could have a much bigger impactl. I'm also scared that the difficulties with math (that are so developmental IMO) will only get worst. That she will always be expected to behave and perform a whole year older than what she should be. That she always feels like she's one step behind, trying to catch up, when in reality she is a very bright little girl. And that it's either now or never for me to retain her! You get my point!

 

If she were to stay in 1st next year..... She would have a totally different curriculum in the spanish part of her day. Basically, they were using a K spanish curriculum this year since it was the 1st year of the dual language program and they felt the kids needed this foundation. So next year, she will be getting the 1st grade spanish reading curriculum. So at the very least she will be challenged in that area. The english part of the day, however, will remain for the most part the same, but the teacher assured she would differentiate instruction for her in reading.

 

If she were to go to 2nd next year..... She would be doing a 2nd grade spanish reading curriculum. So in essence, she would be going from a K spanish curriculum (this year)to a 2nd grade curriculum. That alone does not make sense to me and I fear I just may be putting too much on her plate.

 

So now I don't know what to do, listen to her teachers, listen to my child, or listen to my gut? The school is giving me the final say on things because of the age factor no matter what and the teacher said that the final decision was mine and that she would support me no matter what I decide. I am very back and forth on this and tend to over think things a lot! So I know it's a very long post but just wanted to get some opinions based on all the new information, scores, etc.

 

Just some additional info I forgot to add (since there's so many details) Her RIGBY reading level is at a level 19, and 16 is minimum criteria to be promoted to 2nd. I think this is mainly why the teacher thinks she should move on. They really technically do not have a valid reason to retain her. She feels that I should just tutor her over the summer in her weak areas of math so she catches up in that area. But the way I see it, she could a B/C average student if she moves on, with a probably a lot of work/tutoring or an A/B student if she were in the right grade. But I'm not sure if this is really a tutoring over the summer thing, as the teacher suggested. I think certain things are just developmental and the brain just gets it when you are ready to get it.

 

As to why she wants to do 1st again? I think it's a combination of things. Well, she says she wants to be the oldest to be the leader and she says that 2nd grade is going to be too hard! I think it also has to do with her LOVING her teacher and wanting to stay with her because it feels reassuring to her, she is also a very shy little girl and this teacher has actually really helped her blossom this year.  I did actually ask her how she would feel about all her friends moving on to 2nd grade? and she said she didn't care about that and that she would just make new friends.  I do worry very much though about how this will truly affect her. So should I retain or have faith (and a whole lot of tutoring)  and push on?

 

[katilac]

   

 

If she were to stay in 1st next year..... She would have a totally different curriculum in the spanish part of her day. Basically, they were using a K spanish curriculum this year since it was the 1st year of the dual language program and they felt the kids needed this foundation. So next year, she will be getting the 1st grade spanish reading curriculum. So at the very least she will be challenged in that area. The english part of the day, however, will remain for the most part the same, but the teacher assured she would differentiate instruction for her in reading.

 

If she were to go to 2nd next year..... She would be doing a 2nd grade spanish reading curriculum. So in essence, she would be going from a K spanish curriculum (this year)to a 2nd grade curriculum. That alone does not make sense to me and I fear I just may be putting too much on her plate.

 

OP, do you know for sure that the class would be moving to a 2nd grade Spanish reading curriculum? Wouldn't all of the kids have trouble skipping an entire year? Or, if they are indeed skipping, do they have some kind of plan in place to transition the class? I can't imagine your dd would be the only one to struggle with that. 

[Guest Granster44]

Go with your instinct. My son has an August birthday and we made the decision to hold him back in Kindergarten and there isn't a day that I regret that decision. Kids in K & 1st grade don't think of kids being held back as a bad thing as the peer pressure is still pretty nonexistent at that grade. If you are going to do it, it is better to do it now then when she is in 3rd or 4th grade when peer relationships are more established.