patchfire Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 I was always told I'd change the world someday, and at 28 I feel like I'm letting down everyone who ever believed in me by just raising my kids. In my mind, I can rationalize that I'm doing just fine, but the emotional side of it is difficult to shake. I have my goals, and yet every time a well-meaning older person who knew me when I was a child says 'I thought you'd be curing cancer or something', it's like a knife to the heart. :iagree: :grouphug: Someone actually approached my mother when her youngest daughter was getting married "young" for support, because she thought my mom would understand what it's like to see your child "waste her potential." Good to know I'm washed up at 28! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KirstenH Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 (edited) :iagree: :grouphug: Someone actually approached my mother when her youngest daughter was getting married "young" for support, because she thought my mom would understand what it's like to see your child "waste her potential." Good to know I'm washed up at 28! That was my mother's reaction to my marriage and both pregnancies. Sure, she loves them NOW ... but I'll never forget the disappointment in her voice when she said "well, I hope you're happy ...." ETA Maybe we should start a support group for underachieving child geniuses. Only half-kidding ... :001_cool: Edited July 8, 2009 by KirstenH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpupg Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 I have my goals, and yet every time a well-meaning older person who knew me when I was a child says 'I thought you'd be curing cancer or something', it's like a knife to the heart. :grouphug: Right with you, only for me, it's my mother still lamenting that I didn't become a brain surgeon. And I just turned 50, you'd think that's long enough to get it, sigh. Now I'm a SAH home school mom, "wasting" my potential. I rather believe that God made me smart so I could give my even smarter kids what they need ... maybe they'll be the ones curing cancer or not someday :tongue_smilie: At any rate, particularly during the school age years, I don't see that service work is any different for gifted kids -- my kids do all the same kinds of things their friends do. Looking into their adult years ... who can know? The person who originally asked the service question mentioned the "great power ... great responsibility" ethic, which I agree with heartily. But for school years ... I just don't see that there's a place for large differences just because of giftedness. FWIW, Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 :grouphug: Right with you, only for me, it's my mother still lamenting that I didn't become a brain surgeon. And I just turned 50, you'd think that's long enough to get it, sigh. Now I'm a SAH home school mom, "wasting" my potential. I rather believe that God made me smart so I could give my even smarter kids what they need ... maybe they'll be the ones curing cancer or not someday :tongue_smilie: Karen :iagree: My mother loves ds but still thinks I should have done more with my abilities. Maybe I could have, I just wasn't motivated to 'change the world'. I did some good as a social worker, and now I'm doing my best with my little guy. You'd think that would be enough. <sigh> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 ETA Maybe we should start a support group for underachieving child geniuses. Only half-kidding ... :001_cool: My house, 6pm, bring your own snacks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiobrain Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 I will bring the cocktails!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie463 Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Oh, oh, me too! I'm coming as well. As a former TAG student who skipped a grade, I am so familiar with the "I thought that you'd be curing cancer" stuff. First from my mother, then more recently, from folks from high school that I'm reconnecting with on Facebook. Ugh. I happen to love staying home with my kids and feel so very blessed to do so. I'm actually quite grateful that I didn't go on to graduate school only to rack up more debt and feel compelled to continue in a high-powered career. Even with a fancy degree, I'd still want to stay home with my kids. That said, I am still trying to figure out the balance of parenting my bright 4yo ds. Advocate, but not brag. Encourage, but don't dote. Right? Something like that! Anyhow, as a Christian, I can only pray that my little guy grows up to love the Lord and is able to support a family should he choose to have one. Furthermore, being intelligent is not the same thing as being wise. Actually, some of the most intelligent folks out there are the most foolish...and some of the least (academically) intelligent people that I know amaze me with their wisdom. Just some things that I try to keep in mind....still trying to figure this all out! Glad to hear that I'm not alone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Now I'm a SAH home school mom, "wasting" my potential. I rather believe that God made me smart so I could give my even smarter kids what they need RIght there with you. I made my university and my family think I was crazy when I left a full-ride to get married and have my child (instead of following advice and aborting so that I could go on to fulfill my potential.) I hope my kids make the world a better place by raising great children and working hard for the Lord, no matter what they do. Our way of changing the world is by helping those around us in our community. It's small stuff, but someone has to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristenS Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Laughing in sympathy here. I opted to do one of my student-teacher observations at my former middle school. Ran into the principal while I was there. After asking why I was visiting, he said, "Oh, but you're too smart to be a teacher!" Certainly explained a lot about the education I received at that school. :rolls eyes: I'll bring chocolate chip cookies. Anyway, I wasn't profoundly gifted or anything, and neither are my kids, but they are moderately so, and it's nice to have a place to chat where folks understand the weirdness of raising our little darlings, and doesn't think it's an immediate mandate for them to go out and do something amazing. (Unless they're willing to pay the scholarship ... then I'll consider listening... LOL) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Cocktails and chocolate chip cookies... count me in! :auto: I'm lucky to have never encountered the "I thought you would have done more with your life" in others, but I do it to myself enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpupg Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Furthermore, being intelligent is not the same thing as being wise. Actually, some of the most intelligent folks out there are the most foolish...and some of the least (academically) intelligent people that I know amaze me with their wisdom. :iagree: Oh, yeah, I do wish I could have grown up and "wised" up a whole lot sooner than I did. I wasted about 10 years there ... and intelligence wasn't part of that problem. Wisdom is very much underrated and misunderstood in our general culture. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanM Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Maybe we should start a support group for underachieving child geniuses. Only half-kidding ... :001_cool: Oooh, can I come too? I'm not sure about the child genius part, but I'm really, really tired of hearing about how I am wasting my degrees, my life, etc. I don't think my children are a waste! Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 LOL - sometimes I think I have a shirt on that says, "Don't ask me dumb stuff." :D Unfortunately, it doesn't work online. :-) Here, I'm a liar and a showoff! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 I want my children to be good people, period. ALL my children--that goes equally if I have a severely learning disabled child later. I don't consider there to be a special burden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 I used to teach tennis at at local club. It was a wonderful part-time position where I could bring my dc and they could work on homework or other things while I was on the court. The patrons would tell me "You are so smart. It's a shame you didn't go to college and make something of yourself. It's not too late, you know." I don't run around with a sign advertising my education. It saddened me two fold. One: being a mom and a tennis pro meant that my life was a waste. Two: people automatically assume that tennis pros aren't educated. Aside- it's nice to know that other intelligent woman have had similar experiences. I know that sounds odd but it is comforting knowing there is a sisterhood. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Aside- it's nice to know that other intelligent woman have had similar experiences. I know that sounds odd but it is comforting knowing there is a sisterhood. :) :iagree: I'm another one of those gifted kids. I can totally relate with what all of you are saying about expectations and disappointment. As an adult, I have some emotional issues because of the pressure I was put under as a kid. I am *way* too much of a perfectionist and I just can't take criticism now (IRL -- online, criticism usually doesn't bother me at all for some reason). Anyhow... I think my children are capable of doing whatever they would like to, however just because you are *able* to do something, doesn't always mean you have to or even *should* do it. I want them to grow up to be contributing, responsible members of society. Most of all, I just want them to be happy. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babysparkler Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Many children now are placed into "TAG" programs who never would have qualified to enter when I was a child (I entered kindergarten in 1960). It appears a "feel good", "everybody is gifted, if you just peer long and hard enough" mentality. So true... When I inquired of our ds's elementary school years ago why they were doing away with the Gifted Pull-out program, I was told "Every class will now be a gifted class. Our goal is to make all of the **** Elementary students gifted by the time the move to the intermediate school." WHAT?!:eek: They also took the Gifted "GT" page out of the yearbook because they didn't want anyone to feel bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 I will throw my little ol' opinion in here... I think that people who don't have TaG kids think that everything is easy for us, parents and kids. As if being able to understand concepts or ideas easily or quickly means that we never need to work. We can put anything in front of our kids and Voila! all done, understood and some sort of amazing project appears. They do not understand the AGONY that can go along w/ giftedness. The twice exceptional factor. The INTENSE emotional life. The lengths we must go to finding appropriate material, meeting the intellectual needs while still taking into consideration their emotional age. The fine line between perfectionism and a serious meltdown. General society doesn't look at Tag kids as needing any special attention. They need just as much as those on the lower end of the spectrum, probably more. They are special needs kids, just in a different way. I think that if your kid had downs syndrome, your friend would have no problem hearing about what they did today.... but really it is the same sort of issue. Your child was born with the intellectual capacity and wiring that they now have. Many people don't care to look at things in a critical way. well.. I am starting to ramble and I haven't had enough coffee, so I am sure I am not making the sense I might... :D Korin So very well put, thank you. I struggle with all of this with our youngest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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