How often do your children act "childish" (esp. for larger families)

[amyable]

I feel silly asking this question. I've got five kids ranging in age from 11 to 1 - you'd think I have a handle on parenting by now, LOL.

 

I'm just trying to figure out how much bickering, disobedience, lying, general mayhem :D is normal? I'd love to hear from everyone, but especially moms of many(ish) because I know it's different if you have 1 or 2 children vs. 4, 7, or 10. There's just that sheer volume of incidents that must necessarily increase since there are more of them, plus more people to interact with, for better or worse.

 

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for. I just feel like no matter what I do, no matter how much "positive attention" or punishment, "get off my butt parenting" (I love that term :lol:), I'm still talking to several of my children many multiple times a day for being annoying to siblings, disobeying, eye rolling, lying, fighting, hitting, whining, screaming (angrily) etc, etc, etc.

 

There is so little peace in our home because with five children I'm always "on" somebody about their behavior.

 

Is this normal? Do I just need to get over myself? :lol: Because if I'm simply being too harsh I can stop that. ;) But I grew up in a different kind of life - a very quiet, small family, and I was extremely compliant. What my kids do on a regular basis astounds me.

 

If it means anything, my oldest was diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, executive functioning problems, mild non-verbal learning disability. I'm wondering if my 9yo doesn't have some type of emotional "issue". My 6yo is a dear, compliant girl :Angel_anim:- the only one who seems to disobey what seems like "normal" in amount and type. My 3yo is like a terrible 2yo on steriods:willy_nilly: although we've definitely seen improvement over the past year. The baby? Well, he's a typical baby I guess, but always seems "bored" and doesn't just sit with stuff and play much. None of them do. Maybe it's just cabin fever to the extreme. I don't know.

 

Anyway, any thoughts appreciated. I'd love to see a peak into your lives as far as "bad behavior" is concerned. What's a day like at your house, really?

[dragons in the flower bed]

I just feel like no matter what I do, no matter how much "positive attention" or punishment, "get off my butt parenting" (I love that term :lol:), I'm still talking to several of my children many multiple times a day for being annoying to siblings, disobeying, eye rolling, lying, fighting, hitting, whining, screaming (angrily) etc, etc, etc.

 

That sounds right to me. Sometimes we have very good days, during which everyone needs help being good only two or three times each. Other days, I'm in a frenzy by 9 a.m. because everyone can think only of awful things to do. Even the 11yo still has days when he's just horrid, and I think, "Child, where have you BEEN for the past ELEVEN YEARS?!" Someone told me once that you have to reteach all the big character lessons -- patience, gentleness in speech, honesty -- in each developmental stage. So far that's turning out to be true.

[Carrie12345]

Our house is a zoo. ;)

 

If it makes a difference, most people consider my kids very well behaved when we're out and about. Some of my friends/family think I'm nit-picky about their behavior in public.

 

When we're home, it's pretty close to a free-for-all. Plenty of bickering, tons of noise, more than their fair share of whining and complaining...

[mamagina7]

Hi, we have seven (2boys and 5 girls). Have you heard of No Greater Joy? I have read some of their books, implimented their advice and have seen a wonderful change from selfish mahem to controllable and peaceful....yes, I said it! Peaceful. Check it out and let me know what you think.

[Katiebug_1976]

This sounds just like my house! Like someone else said, we have our "good" days, but even those days have their moments. I am so tired of the bad attitudes! My 2 oldest girls are 16 months apart (12 & 11) and they have a love/hate relationship. It drives me INSANE most of the time. They can be the best of friends at one minute, and then without warning they are literally in each others faces, screaming! I think it might even go further if I didn't get there in time to intervene. Getting them to stop is another story. I am trying to learn how to have a meek and quiet spirit in a attempt to create more peace in our home (kind of lead by example, if I start, they will eventually follow, right?) Anyway, once an argument has started, it's very hard to stop. They get so loud, that I am at my witts end to figure out how to stop it w/o screaming and yelling (because they either can't hear me or wont listen to me if I don't).

I guess, if you ask me, this sounds like "normal" behavior, but I am curious to see if someone has a solution for it!

[coffeegal]

I guess, if you ask me, this sounds like "normal" behavior, but I am curious to see if someone has a solution for it!

 

It's normal behavior, but it does give all adults in the vacinity a headache. I implemented 'work parties' for bickering on Friday. If the children fight, I start handing out extra chores, over and above the usual chores. My house is cleaner, and the level of fighting is dramatically decreasing. My parents, also, had a no tolerance policy of sibling fighting. In order to have an argument, we had to put baby sis on guard duty to watch for incoming parents. :lol:

[CalicoKat]

I could have written your post. Switch our oldest two around and it's exactly the temperaments and behaviour of my 5, ages 10-22 months.

 

I try to memorize those moments when everything work. I think old age senility will sift out the rest one day. :D

 

I'll wager you don't get many breaks either. I mean, who'd want to watch 5 kids for cheap or big $$$ so you can get your haircut or grocery shop in peace. The kid's over-the-top irritating behaviour at home is usually the first symptom of Mommy needing a moment to herself.

 

Can you get DH to take the kiddos for a morning so you can sleep in, go out, do whatever it is you're hankering to start & finish without interruption?

 

Here are 3 things I do to cope depending on the season and such.

 

--put them in the backyard with a big bag of new playdough, playdough cookie cutters, snacks, and a potty chair....it will give you a good hour

 

-- declare a movie afternoon, you get the couch! Lay down, pull the blanket up high. Tell them they're not to leave the room, rug, or whatever it is. AND they have to be quiet. Renting new stuff from the library is cheap.

 

-- Put everyone to bed earlier than normal. Set a 30 minute timer and tell them that you'll come and check on them at that time and if they're quiet they can play with their leapster or game boy. Mine usually fall asleep, but the older ones have managed it. IF they're noisy afterwards then it gets taken away. This works best if they don't get their handhelds during the daytime hours. Or maybe they earn extra Wii, playstation, Xbox time for the weekend.

 

--put them in the car and drive to a starbucks drive thru and get a venti latte with extra expresso AND an apple fritter just for you. Pamper yourself. You don't have to take care of everyone else firse.

 

-- eat dinner before the kids with DH. Usually works best if the kids are busy playing. Sit down just the two of you and eat. We will sit down with the kiddos when they eat too. But it's easier to be nicer, loving, patient, listening, etc. on a full stomach at 5:30 pm. I do this too for myself when DH is working tons of late hours

 

--Mix up the day's schedule. Do your lessons in the afternoon AFTER they've played outdoors all morning. Or run your errands first thing in the a.m. and do school after lunch. Or do your lessons in reverse order. Declare a pj day, baths before school, take a walk during lesson time, dress up for church for school, hat day....get them to think about something other than tormenting the cat or each other.

 

I'm thinking of going to the pet store and buying a "school room" pet with mine next week--a hermit crab.

 

:grouphug: This is a season of life. Hang on, the ride maybe bumpy, but in the end it's worth it.

[CalicoKat]

It's normal behavior, but it does give all adults in the vacinity a headache. I implemented 'work parties' for bickering on Friday. If the children fight, I start handing out extra chores, over and above the usual chores. My house is cleaner, and the level of fighting is dramatically decreasing. My parents, also, had a no tolerance policy of sibling fighting. In order to have an argument, we had to put baby sis on guard duty to watch for incoming parents. :lol:

we have a special chore too, "If you act like crap, you get to pick up dog crap in the backyard."

 

Another one is scrubbing toilets.

[The Girls' Mom]

I 'just' have 3, but we deal with the bickering and whining too. And I think we have rather well behaved girls. I think the more you add to the mix, the more this kind of thing pops up. I expect disagreements (I have three GIRLS after all), but do not tolerate outright meaness or violence. There are some days that I just feel like a referee..lol.

[MamaT]

Yep, this sounds like my house. I have six. It has gotten less (a little) that way since they are getting older. My 22yo is not home much and my 21yo is in Japan. The arguing, squabbling, loudness in general is pretty much the norm around here.

 

I babysat a 3yo only child a few years ago when they were all home. After a couple of hours, he put his hands over his ears and yelled, "Make it stop!" :001_smile:

[abreakfromlife]

ok I'm in a very similar spot to the OP and have been having similar thoughts..........and none of these responses are helpful :lol:

[bkpan]

ok I'm in a very similar spot to the OP and have been having similar thoughts..........and none of these responses are helpful :lol:

 

I also could have written the OP (plus one boy!). And it just helps to hear that everyone elses home is also utter chaos many days. I have close friends whose homes always seem so quiet! But they do not have the number nor make-up of dc in their family. So, I tell myself that, but it is still easy to get discouraged on many a day, when I. just. cant. do. it.

 

I also was raised with one sibling in a quiet home. There are many days that I feel totally outnumbered, and pity poor dh when he gets home on those days,:lol:.

 

I have to guard my thoughts and remember that the snapshots I see of other families is not their full reality either. So thank you for this thread! (sorry that I have no solutions, yet!)

 

I am so grateful for this big family... but it is definitely exhausting!:blink:

 

Kim

[Storm Bay]

Well, the world childish does come from the word child ;), so I think it's normal for kids to be childish. Not that that helps you much, I know.

 

Mine frequently act childishly, and they are 13, 10 & 8. However, as they get older, they act less and less childishly. They often fight less, but those horrormones (not a typo, that's what one of my dd's calls them) aren't helping my dd's one little bit in that category.

 

I discipline, teach, referee, separate. Basically, I work on this. I've seen results and remember when they fought/bickered a lot more than they do now. But it takes time. While some seem to get over this faster, I've found that even consistency, firmness, etc, doesn't always mean relatively quick results. Everyone of us is born with a temperment, and not everyone is born with a compliant, easy going one!!! Just like the academic realm, some kids just take more time, teaching and work to overcome this area of childishness.

 

At this point in my life, I think everyone is childish in at least one category in their lives, even older adults--none of us is mature and smart in every category of life. If we were, we'd all get along, IMO!

 

It can feel overwhelming at times, of course, but kids really do grow up, and if you love them, teach them, discipline as necessary, they will become less and less childish. What really peeves me is when I see my kids behaving childishly, and they're imitating my parenting style (in a much more childish way, of course!!!). Sometimes it means I need to "grow up" more myself...

[macdaddi]

I also have 5 kids ages 10 to 1 and the bickering starts the moment they wake up in the morning! It drives me nuts...I can feel myself getting stressed and I try to escape to my room for a few minutes of quiet, but inevitably someone gets hurt and the noise level goes up even more. Ugh.

I grew up in a quiet home with one brother, too, so I am definitely not used to this. I try to stay on top of it - as in, spend quality time with each of them, try to get the older ones to spend quality time with the younger, etc. - but it does get out of hand sometimes. I'm going to try some of the suggestions posted here, but it's definitely nice to know I'm not the only one! Just today I was wondering if it would be better if they were all separated from each other all day. I guess I'd just have to deal with it when they got home and it'd probably be worse since they'd all be tired! :001_huh:

[BakersDozen]

For the most part we have a very peaceful house w/o a lot of bickering, however there are times/days that it seems everyone wakes up determined to be offensive or be offended easily! Those days we have a lot of gathering as a family to refocus and I hand out some correction: tying siblings together and having them spend the day "together" (always results in laughter), silent days (the offender can't speak except to answer me), removing time with friends (if they can't get along with siblings then they aren't allowed to play outside the family), etc. My dc hear a lot of, "Do what leads to peace" and "Stop, try that again." The biggest key, for us, is my own attitude. If I give in to my frustration at hearing them bicker then it adds to the tension in the home. If I can redirect them or correct/punish with gentleness and kindness it makes a big difference.

 

One other thing we work on constantly (especially w/my oldest dd who really struggles with arguing) is that while we can't change what another person says, we can change our response. This is an ongoing lesson for all of us including myself. Just this morning my oldest got punished along with her brother because while he said something very unkind, her unkind response was just as wrong.

[Wendy In KS]

Our house is a zoo. ;)

 

If it makes a difference, most people consider my kids very well behaved when we're out and about.

 

When we're home, it's pretty close to a free-for-all. Plenty of bickering, tons of noise, more than their fair share of whining and complaining...

 

This is our house to a tee. I always get told how great my kids are when I bring them up to my work (I work in a restaurant) and nobody believes me when I say how awful they can be at home. And I have five, from 11-2.