Aubrey Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I'm feeling overwhelmed lately. Partly by kid behavior, partly by still moving in, partly dh, his work schedule, & other things. I just went into the laundry room to switch some laundry & found a pile of wood stacked on top of the dirty laundry. It's wood that's used to support built-in shelves. We unpacked it yesterday, & I asked ds8 to put it carefully on one of the shelves on the bookcase in the laundry room & to take the box they were in outside to be broken down later. He either dumped them on top of the laundry because that was the easiest thing to do, or he dumped them carelessly on the shelves & they fell off. It looks more like the former than the latter. He did the same thing yesterday, several times. He's a really good kid, generally, & I'm feeling SUPER short-tempered, so I've had some trouble knowing how to deal w/ it. You can't do nothing, & you can't do anything barbaric. ;) There's some training/retraining that needs to be done. Moving has really hilighted that. Things like cleaning off your place after a meal, doing chores cheerfully. Then there are the things that he's never mastered, like picking up his clothes & only putting dirty ones in the wash. I'm feeling so far behind, I don't know where to begin. There's too much to do to add training to the list. (Don't say it; I know.) Then when I try, I lose my temper so easily. I can't think of logical consequences for disobedience & half-done jobs. For taking something to the living room & stopping to play. For sloshing sink water so much everywhere that he has to change clothes & mop the floor. For taking an hr to do a 10-min job. Part of the problem is the move & the lack of structure. One week, I decided to take the week off & just. get. everything. done. Not only did it turn out not to be enough time, he & the others were less manageable. I *know* this! I know that they do better w/ schedules, etc. So the next week, I decided to do *some* school everyday, even if we didn't do it all. There were just too many disruptions, between dh being home weird hrs to baby teething to buying the washer, dryer, & van. The kitchen is still too chaotic to cook well. I can't find the plug for my griddle, so the dc have been eating cereal or oatmeal every. single. day. I can barely take it. Every time I get something put away, somebody (dh) gets it back out or I unpack another box & reclutter my counters. And frankly, the layout is so bad I think I may scream. It's a bigger kitchen, but the oven is way off in a weird corner. My stuff is in weird places, either because there's less counter & cabinet space or because it's just weird space. I don't even know if that makes sense. The old kitchen was so small you had to inject yourself into it, & only one person at a time could be in there. This. can. not. be worse. Surely I just haven't figured it out yet. So I don't even like to go into the kitchen, & eating is off. Dh is never home to help, & when he is, he either blows up at the dc or gently tells me I'm being too easy/too harsh. LOL I just feel chaotic. With physical space, emotions, time, children. 1yo is potty-training & baby is teething. My bed still isn't set up, & it's surrounded by boxes. I've started throwing everything away, & dh is really mad about that. We seriously argued about whether or not I could throw away plastic darts to a dart gun my mom gave him for Christmas because "there are only 8." :lol: Laugh. It's FUNNY. And crazy. And sad. In a funny sort of way. Now if you can gently tell me a) what to serve for lunch & b) what to do about the kids who seem to have grown horns, I'd be really grateful. Until then, though, I think my plan is to lock myself in one room at a time until everything's clean. Even if that means throwing away the taxes. Because seriously, I can't take it any more. :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Aubrey, I think it's time to call in reinforcements. Could one of your friends from seminary take your dc for the day, except the nursing baby? Could another friend help you power-unpack? I wish I could swoop in and help you. I'm the kind of nut that really enjoys organizing. Do you have someone like me near you that you can send an SOS call to? :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I don't think anything's wrong with you. I just think you've reached complete overload. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Aubrey, I think it's time to call in reinforcements. Could one of your friends from seminary take your dc for the day, except the nursing baby? Could another friend help you power-unpack? I wish I could swoop in and help you. I'm the kind of nut that really enjoys organizing. Do you have someone like me near you that you can send an SOS call to? :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I don't think anything's wrong with you. I just think you've reached complete overload. You know, I actually thought about asking ils to take all 4 *anywhere* when dh gets home today, so he & I can take care of some of the cleaning together. He stayed home yesterday to help, but there's just so much. And so many interruptions. And long discussions about behavior, job, car, etc. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Aubrey, I don't think I've ever posted on one of your threads before, but I've been reading them. (Is that creepy? :lol:) You sure do have a lot on your plate, my dear. You sound like a wonderful woman, and I sincerely wish I lived closer so I could get to know you and help out. Alas, I live in MI. That's a pretty long drive. I agree with the pp; you've got to call some girlfriends for help. Or family. Or heck, even a nice older lady that you've fellowshipped with. Someone who you either trust to watch the kids for a bit, or who you know well enough to let help you unpack your stuff. I know it's hard when you're in the middle of it, but sometimes, I try to see major changes as an 'adventure' rather than a huge hassle. It helps me see the positives, and helps my children as well. I know it's easy when you're overwhelmed, but you really have to spend that one-on-one time with God. He is your strength, you need to draw near to Him. Blessings to you, I'll be praying for you. -Bethany Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 :grouphug: Wish I could come help:grouphug: Lunch: Is it still hot where you are? If it has cooled down I suggest soup. Nutritious but simple. I suggest tomato (although that can be messy) for slightly less messy chicken noodle. If it is still hot ham and cheese sammiches never killed anyone. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I sooooo understand exactly how you feel in the house. In this house - I KNOW that it is temporary. We signed a 13 month lease - but honestly, if the house burns down, our landlords die, aliens take over - whatever.....If we are forced out of her in 6 months I will laugh the laugh of a crazy womon losing her mind - but I WILL NOT be surprised. Keep telling yourself that this house is just a temporary place to store your junk and cook food for your kids. It is no big deal if the kitchen sucks. You just have to unpack ONE box at a time. I KNOW it is a pain - I know it is overwhelming....but just say - "Ok, I am going to unpack one box this morning." And then if you get to 2 - you're ahead. For the last 10 years - LITERALLY - I have no sooner finished unpacking the very last box, getting a place for everything - having the house look NICE.....and then I am packing it again. It is ok to scream inside of a pillow. It is ok to hide in the bathtub and relax with the baby. And the kids can have tuna sandwhiches with carrots for lunch. Or more cereal. They WILL survive. I think going through my own personal hell these last 10 years since my divorce - never living in a house for more than a year - except once for a year and a half - has taught me that NOTHING stays the same and this too shall pass. The future will be better and worse. There are things about this time in your life that you will miss. And others you will be glad to be free from. But that baby is only a baby once....enjoy it. (This is something I tell myself all day long as well......6 months old and teething can be a trial, so I try to remember that next month he will be a completely different baby, they grow so fast.....this too shall pass, yada yada) Make this your mantra: One box at a time. One box in the morning. One in the afternoon. One at night. And reward yourself with computer time, coffee or reading after each box. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I was so overwhelmed by moving: I really felt that nothing was going right. Now, a couple of months later, I can see how very stressful the move was, and how I should have been easier on myself. I'd get the house sorted out, then deal with the discipline later. Best wishes Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 You know, I actually thought about asking ils to take all 4 *anywhere* when dh gets home today, so he & I can take care of some of the cleaning together. He stayed home yesterday to help, but there's just so much. And so many interruptions. And long discussions about behavior, job, car, etc. :tongue_smilie: I say, "Go for it!" Yes, ask the ILs. I didn't realize you lived close enough to them to be able to ask that. Clean with DH, and put a temporary ban on all Big Conversations ; ) until the house is in order. There's no WAY I could face any big conversations if my house were in a state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 First :grouphug:. Now some random thoughts in the hope that something will be helpful. I personally continue to surprise myself by expecting my kids to behave well when things are stressful. I'm still working on that, and I'm 37, kwim? Sometimes, for brief periods of acute crisis, my kids will really come through for me, but the kind of persistent, long-term stress you have been under? It always brings out the demons in my kids. Remembering that it's normal and natural sometimes helps me deal with it better. I would let go completely of all guilt/anxiety about what the kids are eating, unless you're feeding them Cheetos and Coke for breakfast. So they eat cereal every day. It won't kill them. Have you tried setting a timer when you ask DS to do something? When it goes off, that will remind you to follow up and see if he did it. That tends to be one of my problems when things get crazy--I forget to follow through with the kids. Can you identify the part of the house that's driving you the craziest? It sounds like either your bed or the kitchen. I'd focus all your unpacking efforts on one of those until you get it functional again. Again, more :grouphug:. I wish I could be of practical, box-lifting and child-tending help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alana in Canada Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 It really could be that your new kitchen is "worse" than the old one. Size hardly matters to its efficiency--it's the layout! My heart goes out to you. I do agree with the other posters that "serious" talk and re-training need to come in a little bit. It is extremely stressful for everyone to have things in their "half-in, half-out" stage--so, that --and a routine (since you've identified it as essential) need to be you--and your family's--only priority until you can breathe again. And no guilting allowed! Sheesh. I'd be happy we could find the cereal in a situation like that! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 I don't know how to explain. It's not the boxes. It's figuring out where everything goes. Finding the last 2 pieces to the lazy susan for the meds. Figuring out where the meds go, since there are no upper cabinets in the bathrooms, & 1/2 as many in the kitchen. Less than 1/2 the closet space means thinking deep thoughts about clothes, toys, & clutter. Waiting for shelves for electronics means stepping over the stereo. Food? We're out of bread & cereal. Now the van's broken down, & I can't go to the store. We're totally not out of food, but we're out of the easy stuff. And there's no dishwasher, so clearing space to actually cook takes thought & time. Knowing it's temporary makes it harder, actually. Knowing that I'll have to try to do this again EVER makes me crazy. I told dh we can move 2 more times in our whole lives, & that's it. And for those 2 times, we have to hire movers. Because I don't think our marriage will survive another move. ;) My ils are an hr away, & the car seats got left in the van, which is at their house, but they're at an event half way between here & there. I don't even know when dh will be home. I tried to get him to tell me a time on his way out the door, but that just frustrated him. Hearing y'all say that the dc are responding to stress, that I should deal w/ the house first & discipline later, really helps. It's one less thing to feel guilty over. Thank you all so much for listening. I can put a few more things away because of you guys. My kids will have a gentler mother for at least another hour because of y'all. Thank you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alana in Canada Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 This evening when it is quiet--go to each room with a clipboard. Stand at the door and identify the problems--just like you did above. Have a sheet of paper with 3 columns left: problem, middle: solution, third: who's to do it and by when. If this is temproary, then you aren't going to want to put up shelves in the bathroom--but having see-through boxes for each sort of thing may be what you need, I don't know. Identify the problems tonight. Discuss solutions and the third column with the husband tomorrow. If discussing the third column is too stressful (it doesn't sound as if your dh feels confident about his time) then leave it be. Just knowing there is a solution may help a great deal. And, ask for help in another hour if you need it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I don't know how to explain. It's not the boxes. It's figuring out where everything goes. Finding the last 2 pieces to the lazy susan for the meds. Figuring out where the meds go, since there are no upper cabinets in the bathrooms, & 1/2 as many in the kitchen. Less than 1/2 the closet space means thinking deep thoughts about clothes, toys, & clutter. Waiting for shelves for electronics means stepping over the stereo. Food? We're out of bread & cereal. Now the van's broken down, & I can't go to the store. We're totally not out of food, but we're out of the easy stuff. And there's no dishwasher, so clearing space to actually cook takes thought & time. Aubrey, I'm praying for you and feeling your pain sister. We sold our house of 8 years and moved into a rental. This was in October. There are still boxes in my bedroom and the garage. I had multiple garage sales and multiple car loads to Good Will. The laundry is kicking my but, and I just last week figured out where to store the school stuff. But you know what? It will be OK. This is life, and it will be OK. I packed EVERY box and unpacked EVERY box because DH has no time off with his new job until April 1st. I have screamed, cried and "lost it" several times, but everyone is OK. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have littles, I only have two and they can make their own lunch. You are doing GREAT! A friend gave me some advice about putting things away. I didn't do it:lol: but I wish I had. Get paper and label every cabinet. She is an interior decorator and she put them on the outside of her cabinets for several months until everyone got it "right." So, decide where your glasses go and put a label on that cabinet, "glasses." Get specific if you have more than one cabinet full of "dishes." Put on the label, "small plates, large plates, tea cups, mugs etc." Then, when something doesn't work, move it AND its label. I should have done this (I can't tell you how many times I moved the silverware in this house LOL!). I'm about to do it for the refrigerator. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and why I can't make everything fit! then, I read the fridge's specs. It's the smallest side by side you could buy in 1997. Our house had a 27 cu ft bottom freezer that we bought in 2004. (Sigh - I am thankful for what I have. God is good all the time:D) I've moved the linens 2 or 3 times, and the girls started out in the same room, only to be separated 2 months later, but it's OK. Give yourself permission to change your mind. Just make sure everyone knows it:D. As for the one car situation, We only have one car too. I've gone back to buying more "pre-made" things. Granola bars, soups, bread, bagels (those have been a HUGE hit), Hungry Man pot pies, crackers and cookies, spaghetti sauce in a jar etc. I don't have time to be creative or shop every week. At first I felt bad, but it is SOOOO nice to tell my dd's, go make lunch. One asked me, "why don't we ever have tortilla pizzas for lunch anymore?" I replied, "Because I don't have time to make them. Sandwiches are all we have time for right now." She said, "Ok." and made her PBJ. Youngest is Lactose intolerant and we don't do MSG so I have to do a lot of label reading, but it is so nice to be able to "grab and go." When I end up out of the easy stuff, I make something easy with it. Like tacos with the ground beef, or something in the crock pot. If I cook, there better be leftovers so I don't have to cook on another night. Pasta noodles with butter and Parmesan have become a staple in this house when we're out of bread. About moving again, :grouphug: that's all I can say. I say we'll hire movers next time, but we didn't have the money this time. :grouphug: Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself. If you do get a day without the kids, do something for yourself for at least an hour! Don't spend the whole day on the house. You need some R&R too! Blessings! Dorinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 :grouphug: You sound like me EVERY time we've ever moved. I always feel stressed, overwhelmed, impatient with the dc, etc. until things were unpacked. The last time we moved I got so depressed, I didn't unpack a single box in two weeks. Once I realized there were no unpacking fairies, I got down to it, let everything else slide until I felt I had some order. You will get there. Just be patient with yourself, and like another poster said - unpack one box at a time. Maybe before you unpack anything else, you need to strategize and get a better fix on where you are going to put things, since you have "weird" spaces. My house is a little bit like that and we have things in places I know they're not meant to go, but it works for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avila Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Nothing else to add really, but I will pray for you as you deal with all this! Sometimes for me it seems like just one little thing is enough to throw me over the edge completely. It will get better soon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Oh! :grouphug: I am totally cackling with the crazy-lady laugh, though. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, lost it in the chaos. First, who packed the boxes? Psychotic monkeys? I am really, really compulsive about box packing, possibly because I moved often enough to go to 13 schools in 12 years and my family is not military... and having to find the last two pieces of anything is why. Second, I think everyone is off their game. You're in an unfamiliar environment, with your stuff in there "somewhere". And there's moving chaos. That effects our minds. All of us. Ok, now, as a mother who feeds her children primarily organic whole foods, made from scratch, and who limits screen time to maybe an hour a week, I advise the following: 1) Feed the children whatever is handy. If you can find Cheetos and Coke, give it to them. They will not die from the non-food of it. 2) Turn on the TV, preferably in the guise of a kids' channel or a feature length film. 3) Hide. In a room. With the door closed. With music. Now, unpack all of the boxes in the room, just putting like items together in heaps. Once you've got the items all in heaps, you can move the heaps around to the area where those items should be stored, put them together, or put them away. Repeat as needed. And if your husband is home, give him his own room. Then unpacking will go twice as quickly. (Though I suggest you ultimately put the things away if you will be the one who has to find them again... Remind me to tell today's denouement of the saga of the hiding pants at a later date) Then, when you are not living in chaos, you can tackle school, behavior, meals, laundry, whatever. You may have had a routine in the old house, but that might not work in this one. And you can't find your rhythm climbing over things and searching through boxes to achieve the simplest task. (Also, later, pour yourself a cup of tea and look into portable - or convertible - dishwashers. We spent 5 years in this house without a dishwasher and the daily grind of having to clean off the <limited> counter space before and after each meal was enough to push me over the edge. The portable dishwasher was sanity saving and, when we remodeled the kitchen, it just got installed under the counter.) I will be thinking of you as I take the opportunity of my husband's week-long absence to dig out various rooms here, while feeding my children saltines and astragalus infusion... because I'd have to go out to get Cheetos and Coke. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 This is so helpful! Oh! :grouphug: I am totally cackling with the crazy-lady laugh, though. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, lost it in the chaos. First, who packed the boxes? Psychotic monkeys? I am really, really compulsive about box packing, possibly because I moved often enough to go to 13 schools in 12 years and my family is not military... and having to find the last two pieces of anything is why. The good ones, me. My grmother did the kitchen, from which most of the stuff is missing, but in her defense (she's a veteran mover, too)--some of the stuff has been lost *since* unpacking, & the kitchen was *mostly* packed by her. Dh finished it off when I took the kids & stormed out around 11PM of the day we were supposed to be out. Second, I think everyone is off their game. You're in an unfamiliar environment, with your stuff in there "somewhere". And there's moving chaos. That effects our minds. All of us. Ok, now, as a mother who feeds her children primarily organic whole foods, made from scratch, and who limits screen time to maybe an hour a week, I advise the following: 1) Feed the children whatever is handy. If you can find Cheetos and Coke, give it to them. They will not die from the non-food of it. Ugh. Every time I decide that will work, I can't even find anything non-food, lol. But they were happy making their own lunchables out of a slice of cheese, a slice of lunchmeat & crackers for a few days. I gave them chicken noodle soup & a can opener today. 2) Turn on the TV, preferably in the guise of a kids' channel or a feature length film. I put the TV in our room, where the baby normally sleeps (during the day). Walking around aimlessly today, that was one decision I made: the TV needs to come back out to the living room. It doesn't always hold 1yo's attention, but really. Whatever I can get, right? 3) Hide. In a room. With the door closed. With music. Now, unpack all of the boxes in the room, just putting like items together in heaps. Once you've got the items all in heaps, you can move the heaps around to the area where those items should be stored, put them together, or put them away. This is a great idea. So far, though, 1yo has interrupted me w/ a cut toe, an explosive diaper, a pulled scab (therefore more blood), & a lost sippy cup. Repeat ad nauseum x 4. LOL I'll keep trying, though. Repeat as needed. And if your husband is home, give him his own room. Then unpacking will go twice as quickly. (Though I suggest you ultimately put the things away if you will be the one who has to find them again... Remind me to tell today's denouement of the saga of the hiding pants at a later date) Then, when you are not living in chaos, you can tackle school, behavior, meals, laundry, whatever. You may have had a routine in the old house, but that might not work in this one. And you can't find your rhythm climbing over things and searching through boxes to achieve the simplest task. (Also, later, pour yourself a cup of tea and look into portable - or convertible - dishwashers. We spent 5 years in this house without a dishwasher and the daily grind of having to clean off the <limited> counter space before and after each meal was enough to push me over the edge. The portable dishwasher was sanity saving and, when we remodeled the kitchen, it just got installed under the counter.) I have a friend w/ a portable dishwasher who's moving next mo. To a house w/ a built-in. She said she *might* part w/ hers, lol. I will be thinking of you as I take the opportunity of my husband's week-long absence to dig out various rooms here, while feeding my children saltines and astragalus infusion... because I'd have to go out to get Cheetos and Coke. :D Thank you again. I needed a 5-step program. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Audrey, about the 1yo who doesn't like TV--if you have a bit of room in the budget, I'd get the Classical Baby DVDs from Amazon. My youngest was fascinated with them when he was 1, and they have the added advantage (unlike most kids' shows) of not driving the adults stark raving mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 Cleaned out kids' closet. Unpacked all boxes in their room. There's still a pile of toys w/ no place to go, but that pile is occupying them. Dh came home & made a French press of tea for me, listened to me cry about all the things I don't know where belong, agreed to let me give some of his stuff away, & is now building our bed & moving the TV back to the living room. Yay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Aubrey, we've lived here nearly eight years and there's still a box of "stuff" in the bedroom corner. I have no idea where to put it. And I have the "gift of oblivion," as one df called it, so I often forget it's even there--but I also keep an "anxiety list" in my head, so I know it's causing me stress. Which is just to say that you have to do what makes you feel comfortable in your home. If you can, I would definitely get someone to take the kids for two days, and just make a list of what to do to make the stress better. Which is what someone else already said, so I'm chatting and not helping. But I wanted to you know, you're in my thoughts and I am pulling for ya!:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Aubrey, You've just moved and you've got like a zillion young kids. ;) Give yourself, and them, some grace. I can't think of logical consequences for disobedience & half-done jobs. Do-overs: Give them a script to follow on the disrespect "That was not acceptable. Say 'Yes, ma'am and go do it". For poorly done work, a do over, a short lecture on doing things right the first time and possibly more work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.