dorothy Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 dd11 has been sneaking candy. Before you start thinking she is sneaking it because it is restricted, please know that we do have candy and/or desert every day in our house. We have afternnoon tea with treats and desert after dinner. She could have had this candy bar then. She took it, she knew she should not, she went to the bathroom and scarfed it. I saw the wrapper later and she fessed up. What is this??? What do I do??? It has happened several times now and each time she says she won't do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 If its chocolate, I totally know how she feels, maybe its that time. If its just sweets, and its bothering you switch to all natural or drop desserts, switch to fruit. We dont have candy in our house, so dont have that prob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H.S. Burrow Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 dd11 has been sneaking candy. Before you start thinking she is sneaking it because it is restricted, please know that we do have candy and/or desert every day in our house. We have afternnoon tea with treats and desert after dinner. She could have had this candy bar then. She took it, she knew she should not, she went to the bathroom and scarfed it. I saw the wrapper later and she fessed up. What is this??? What do I do??? It has happened several times now and each time she says she won't do it again. My DD went through that around that same age. She would sneak it into her room and hide the wrappers under her bed and behind the things on her closet shelves. We had to stop purchasing candy and having deserts until she could control herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maria/ME Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 My reaction? "Why didn't you save me some!!" No really....are you concerned about a hoarding issue or more the sneaking issue? If it's a sneaking/deceit issue then maybe a conversation about asking...does she think you'll say 'no'? Is she trying to hide it from other siblings? I guess I would try to figure out the reasons behind what she is doing. Maybe she truly is having a sweet tooth moment and just "needs" something else in her diet..... If it's a hoarding issue...Hmmm. I have no experience with that, but I am sure someone else might. Frustrating, I'm sure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 (edited) would depend on whether or not it was the last piece of chocolate *I* was hoping to scarf down without the kids noticing! My DD went through that around that same age. She would sneak it into her room and hide the wrappers under her bed and behind the things on her closet shelves. We had to stop purchasing candy and having deserts until she could control herself. We ran into this, too, when dd was about 10. Same behavior, only it wasn't sneaked from my stash, it was candy she had accumulated over the holidays, in Sunday School, etc. Gramma, with her terrible sweet-tooth and Wonka-factory-size candy drawer, was the worst of her "dealers"! Our treatment was the same - severely limit the candy. Tea time would no longer include sweets, but cucumber sandwiches and fruit. I also showed her some pictures of neglected dental care (ie, results of eating too much sugar) and that hopped up her dental hygiene, as well as made her reject the sweets more often. Last line of offense was teaching what diabetes is, how it affects your body. A scare tactic, yes, but a natural consequence all should be aware of, IMO. But girls really do seem to need a bit of chocolate every now and then, so now that she isn't sneaking/hoarding herself, I occasionally share with her from my own stash! And I've "trained" her to like dark chocolate instead of other hard and sticky candy. Sheesh, let's not talk about the double standards, okay, I'd be so totally busted...! Just piping in to say I don't think this is uncommon for girls. ETA: Sorry I didn't address the sneaking issue. That, I think, is a second, separate issue. Whatever punishment is appropriate for stealing in your home is appropriate in this case. So, if this happened here, there would be consequences for the eating habits (which you can't punish too harshly, you trained her into that), plus consequences for stealing (loss of privilege plus restitution), and consequences for deceitfulness/lying (worst of the lot, in our house, especially if this were repetitive behavior- most serious loss of privilege/punishment would apply). Sounds harsh, but you did say this is a continuing problem... Edited February 4, 2009 by AuntieM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 If you are serving candy and desserts everyday (or even twice daily) aren't you sending the strong message that these are appropriate items for your child to consume? I suppose we all have our own conceptions of "moderation", but by my standards this daily/twice-daily intake is wildly immoderate, so I'm hardly surprised that your daughter is having "moderation" issues. What are you going to tell her? Candy and desserts aren't good for you? But you can have them twice a day? Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhudson Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I've been dealing with this with my 7 year old ( who knows better). She gets disciplined for deceitfulness and then she gets the privilege of treats taken away for a certain amount of time. I also have started instituting a payback policy. So if she steals something she must pay 4X the amount of what she stole. That might cover replacement and my time and gas to replace it. I know this seems harsh for a piece of candy but it worries me to not come down on it now to have it become a "habit" and get out of control in the teen years. I remember stealing a candy bar from a store ONCE. The punishment my parents handed out was fast and severe enough for me to NEVER want to do that again. My friends (who were with me at the time and also stole candy) were not punished to the same degree and stole throughout their teen years and then were caught by a store security stealing clothes and it was much worse. I am grateful that my parents punished me to make sure that I was never tempted again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 For me, my reaction would be that sneaking candy is genetic. And sneaking it makes it taste better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 If it were a one-shot deal or something that happened infrequently (every few months or so) I would let it go, commenting to my child that if she feels she needs candy/chocolate that badly at a time when it's not normally offered, please notify me instead of just taking it. You said this has happened several times. If it seems to be becoming a habit, I would do two thing: 1) Get rid of the candy in the house 2) Stop serving sweets several times a day. The more sugar people eat, the more they crave it. If your dd is craving sugar, it probably needs to be cut out until she gets over the cravings. I'd also tell my child that, as she has broken her word several times now (saying she won't do it again and doing it anyway), there will be some restrictions on her privileges until I know I could trust her again. My oldest child (who is 14) has learned the hard way (more times than I imagined it would take) that when she breaks our trust, it's not easily restored. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 You said this has happened several times. If it seems to be becoming a habit, I would do two thing: 1) Get rid of the candy in the house 2) Stop serving sweets several times a day. The more sugar people eat, the more they crave it. If your dd is craving sugar, it probably needs to be cut out until she gets over the cravings. I'd also tell my child that, as she has broken her word several times now (saying she won't do it again and doing it anyway), there will be some restrictions on her privileges until I know I could trust her again. I agree . . .it sounds like she's having a difficult time controlling the cravings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dawn of ns Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Me, I'd just put out a bowl full of the candy and let her go at it for awhile. Eating too much junk has it's own, natural concequences and kids are pretty quick to learn how to moderate their intake when there's nothing special about it or when they can experience the bad effects of too much sugar or fat or whatever for awhile. At least in my experience, making candy and such just another choice seems to have curtailed sneakiness with that stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Trouble would have to be for sneaking not for the eating. I'd also have to find out why she is sneaking, why does she feel the need? Is this a hormonal issue that needs to be addressed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 We have dessert after lunch and dinner daily, and so far none of my children have tried to sneak anything. They even ask if they can have a snack and what their options are (usually fruit or yogurt and they are fine with that). When I was growing up I would sneak things because I did not want anyone else to have it. It was mainly candy, cupcakes, and other sweets, but even left over ham, the last apple, and such. You might try saying something like, because you chose to sneak that candy bar you will not get dessert tonight. Let her know that she has chosen to eat her dessert early, so while everyone else is getting dessert she will not get any. It worked on me. Good luck, and do punish the sneaking for as you would for any other stealing offense. Remember the praise for days when she follows the 'no sneaking' rule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 For me, my reaction would be that sneaking candy is genetic. And sneaking it makes it taste better. This is me too! I would be the one sneaking! We don't have sweets in the house period because I would eat it till it's gone. I have no idea if my kids would sneak because they have never had the opportunity - I always get to it first! So anyway, we do eat dessert a couple of times a week, we just get it for that meal and only just enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 For me, my reaction would be that sneaking candy is genetic. And sneaking it makes it taste better. :lol: :iagree:I would not discipline for the stealing aspect. It's candy. I am a very strict Christian when it comes to certain things, but candy is so hard to resist, and she is a child. I would possibly work in lessons about stealing and deceit into our character lessons, but I wouldn't even bring the candy sneaking up as the issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 To me, it comes down to impulse control. I would not have been able to resist the candy when I was your DD's age. There are plenty of adults who wouldn't be able to resist it either -- the difference is that adults have the power to police candy consumption of others, whereas kids do not. At my house, we do not limit consumption if we have candy. No one has ever gotten sick, had a diet which consisted entirely of candy, or had his or her teeth rot out. Mostly, we have candy on holidays, except for special treats I buy once in awhile for the kids. In a sneaking candy situation, I would not punish the child. If it bothered me, I would do a better job of removing the temptation by hiding the candy. RC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.