KidsHappen Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 If you use, we in the context of, "we believe", to whom does we refer? Is is a royal we which in fact means you yourself? Does it mean you and your SO? Does it mean you and your church or does it mean your and your children to whom you are telling what you (personally) believe? There is no we in this household. As in no two people who believe the exact same thing. I do not belong to a church so there is no we the church. And finally, I do not presume to speak for what anyone else believes so I would not ever say, "we believe". I do say some people believe because I have heard more than one person say that they believe the same thing. The use of we would make sense, to me, if two or more people are explaining their beliefs to another person or group of people. Otherwise, I honestly find it perplexing. I suspect that everyone may in fact mean something different by the phrase so clarification would be helpful. Thanks so much. P.S. - I am not trying to be confrontational or snarky and have made the utmost effort to word this as politely as possible. Please excuse me if I have not. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I think it would depend on what exactly you "believe". I might say "We believe it is best to hs" and mean myself and dh. Or I might say "We believe that Jesus is God's son" and mean myself and fellow Christians. I wouldn't say "We believe" if I only meant myself. HTH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 It would never occur to me to use the term "we believe" in any context. Even if I were pretty sure I knew the thoughts of other family members, it seems presumptuous to speak for others. I would say, "I believe XYZ (and if it seemed relevant to the conversation) and I'm pretty sure your dad (my husband, my family) feels the same." Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 See, it sounds presumptuous to me--coming from me, not nec. others--to say *I* believe something. I guess I do it sometimes, when what I believe is dif fr dh, but w/ regard to faith, hs, etc. as that pertains to what we're teaching our children (i.e. the thread about teaching opposing pov), I say WE because dh & I try to present a united pov to the dc. We extensively discuss what & how we'll teach them, & when we don't agree, we hold off until we do. Makes for a lot of talking around here sometimes, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runninmommy Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I say "We believe" all the time. When I say it, I am speaking for myself and my husband. My husband and I agree deeply on many things and I will use "we" in those cases. I have no problem using it in that context. I would not speak of "we" for my church. Even within the church there are varying opinions and I would not say "we" unless is was the very basic belief of the church/religion. I would not use it to speak for someone else unless I knew for a fact they agreed and would not mind me doing so. I tend to be more relaxed in an online forum or talking to friends. If I am writing a paper or speaking to someone I don't know well I will be more careful, clear and grammatically correct. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Hmm...maybe it depends on the type of marriage. Ours isn't very interdependent. We're close, but not in an enmeshed sort of way, if that makes sense? Sometimes I abstractly wish we had that kind of marriage, but if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that I would feel somewhat smothered by that level of connection. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I use "we" to refer to my myself and my dh sometimes, "We would love to join you for dinner Saturday," or, "We believe that Jesus is God in the flesh." These are things on which I'm certain we are in full agreement. I would not use "we" to refer to my church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I'm trying to think of a time I've said "we believe". When I talk about my church's beliefs, I usually say "My church teaches. . . ." When I talk about my beliefs, I say "I believe." I might have said "we feel" or "we believe" wrt my dh, but I can't think of any specific time I did. He has very strong beliefs about certain things, and so do I, but they're not always the same, and I don't presume to lump his feelings in with mine. I would more likely say "R believes such-and-such". Or, I might say "R and I both believe so-and-so", but I definitely distinguish his feelings/beliefs from mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 from my mouth we can mean all of those things at various times: we = royal we (most often in dealing with the kids or money) we = dh and I agree we = I will speak for my dh on occassion. We've been together long enough that I'm pretty confident of when I can honestly speak for him or not. And if I happen to be wrong, we've been together long enough that he'll let me know quick enough.;) we = collective as in We catholics believe (or should, there's always some who don't follow their faith for whatever reason), or the Church believes. I would not use we unless it was a teaching that applies to everyone. So I would say "We believe birth control and abortion are wrong." because that's a teaching that all Catholics following Church teaching on those issues should agree on. I would not say, "We believe wearing a head scarf and skirts should be required." because that is not somethign the church teachings and one can be a great Catholic and not agree with either of those things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 You know, you have a point. How do "we" truly know what another believes. I can say my dh and I (we) believe in a natural setting for our garden and home, but maybe he is just agreeing with me because it's not worth the fight to press me for a formal lawn and rose garden? I guess I'm guilty of using "we" when I should say this "I" believe. This could be the making of an interesting survey/study! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 I was specifically thinking about the opposing view points thread when I posted this question. Anyhow, after just these few replies, I realized that this is actually a grammar problem. In several cases, posters said "we believe" and there was no antecedent so I was not sure who they meant by we. I understand all of the uses as explained here and am actually guilty of some of these myself. I do use the royal "we" when talking about money and I do use "we" when talking to someone else about something that I know my dh and I agree on. I am sure there are many other examples. I just don't use "we" in the context of talking about religious/moral/and maybe some other beliefs of the nature being discussed in that thread so I didn't understand the use in that context without a clear antecendent. This thread helped me pinpoint the exact problem and misunderstanding so thanks to all who replied. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I am studying sociolinguistics in grad school and this thread is fascinating! :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 So I might say, "Well, I attend a Lutheran church, and we believe that..." Or, "My DH and I go to church every week because we believe that..." But usually I don't say that. Usually I would say "I believe" or "My church teaches" or "Our church teaches" (referring to my family.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apmom Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I was one of the posters in that other thread who mentioned using "we believe" when we (my dh and I, that is :)) are discussing differing viewpoints with our children. For the most part, my dh and I believe the same things about the "big" issues that need opposing viewpoint discussions. As a couple, we have chosen to raise our children in the same belief system, so when we explain what "we" believe, the children are also included in that. That does not mean for us that we expect that they will eventually believe exactly as we (dh and I) do. That is why we offer the opposing viewpoints and explain why our family as a unit believes what we do. We certainly hope that they will grow to be faithful Christians, but we do not expect them to be carbon copies of ourselves. Does that help answer the question? Maybe I just muddled it up even more. It's so hard to discuss these things without seeing the person I'm talking to... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 If I'm talking about religion, "we" usually means "Catholics faithful to the Magisterium." If I'm talking about homeschooling, it could mean either "dw and I" or "dd and I," depending on the context. If I'm talking about the cottage school, it usually means "we parent-teachers" or "my students and I." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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