Why does it seem like (on this board)...

[Journey]

before I ask my question, let me just say, up front, that I know I'm going to get flamed. That's okay, I'm beyond hurt feelings by people that I really don't even "know". So, here goes...

why does it seem like when people come on here talking about putting their kids in public/private schools, they always seem to get knocked down? Okay, I know this is a homeschooling board but does that mean that you can only frequent this board if you're a homeschooler? I've been homeschooling my kids for 8 years (one has graduated though not from our homeschool, and the other started Christian school two weeks ago). But since I started coming on here for homeschool support, I've come to enjoy this board and many of the people. So even though we don't homeschool anymore, TWTM is still on my favorites list and I visit here every day. Now, having said that...it's been my experience that when a person is thinking of putting their child back in school, it's not a quick decision. It's something that they've been thinking about for awhile but when they come on here to "voice" their "feelings" they seem to always be knocked down. Is public school the best choice for a child? Absolutely no way, but sometimes it might be the only way for a family, so why make it worse than it has to be? Is Christian school the perfect answer? No, but it might be the only answer. In my situation, my daughter was in her first year of high school (the one who started Christian school two weeks ago) and I found that I just simply could not teach her anymore. Why? She is way more intelligent, academically, than I am. I was holding her back and that's not fair to her. This child is capable of going very far in her education and she will do very, very well for herself. I didn't have any other choice. I want her to succeed and I am "man" enough (even though I'm a woman) to admit that I can't do it myself anymore and so, she's in school. Having been homeschooled for the last 6 years, she has grown to be a very mature, confident, well mannered child and those attributes have already been noticed by her teachers. So, in my mind, I have raised her properly (and by myself as I'm a single mom) and I have done a good job if I do say so myself. I am so proud of my daughters and their homeschooling "season" but now that it's over, I know that I did what I needed to do during our homeschool years and now that she is in school. So, please, please don't deter people from putting their kids in school, if that's what they feel they need to do. No school is perfect and that includes homeschooling. So, flame way, I'm a big girl, I can handle it!

Edited January 18, 2009 by Journey

[ChristusG]

I dont think people should get knocked for sending their kids to public/private school. Everyone has to do what they see fit for their families. But this is a homeschooling board. Of course the members are going to lean towards homeschooling as the best option.

 

I would not go to an Obama board and start a thread expecting them to get on board with McCain. And I wouldnt go to Vegetarian board and expect them to get on board with meat recipes that I post. That's the beauty of the internet....you get to pick the people you "hang out" with.

 

But of course I dont think that people should get flamed for deciding on public/private school. But I dont expect a homeschooling forum to get on board with it either.

[Blessedfamily]

I don't know that you'll get flamed because there was recently a long thread on a similar topic.

 

I say when you ask for advice, treat it like eating fish. Eat the meat and toss the bones. What constitutes "bones" is up to you.

 

 

ETA

 

The thread I was referring to:

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=74642&highlight=homeschool+supprt

 

The board is too much one way for some, too much the other way for others. On this topic, there seems to be support on both sides to me.

Edited January 18, 2009 by Blessedfamily

[Pamela H in Texas]

I guess I just don't see it the way you do.

 

I see some people consider school and others help them flesh out that thought a little. Some give pros, others give cons. Most people are supported regardless, but we all have various thoughts and experiences about things.

 

I do think it reasonable that a homeschooling support board would assume, to some degree or another, that people are interested in homeschooling if possible. Sometimes, information, questions, etc reflect that schooling options may not fix whatever issue is going on, that homeschooling might still work in a person's situation.

 

It's funny. There was recently a couple hundred post thread stating that the atmosphere around here was too "whatever works for your family." And now you're saying it's not enough. Perception is everything, I guess :)

 

Honestly, I've seen PLENTY of support for those who decide to send their kids to school or have kids in school. And I've seen a lot of brainstorming also. I like the mix myself.

 

Anyway, everyone is going to view it differently. You and I just don't see the atmosphere around here similarly (and btw, I didn't agree with the poster that took the opposite view either). I see it pretty balanced and helpful around here.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

I usually stay away from threads like this that are likely to get heated, but since SWB hasn't locked this one, here goes ....

 

From what I've observed, it seems like there are some folks who view homeschooling as a zero sum game: for me to be right, you have to be wrong. There is no middle ground, no shades of gray. Any reason -- no matter what -- isn't good enough for "giving up." Homeschooling is IT, and that's it.

 

For myself, I heartily disagree and can come up with a hundred reasons why, in some situations, public / private / Christian school might be better than homeschooling. We take our h.s. decisions a year at a time, evaluating where each child is in his development (educationally, spiritually, etc) and then determining what is best for him. So far, that has been to stay home. But I'm not so convicted / convinced / stubborn / determined that that will always be the case.

 

To me, homeschooling is about a choice. And, therefore, each is entitled to his own.

[Journey]

Shari, that's exactly, pretty much, almost what I wanted to convey! Thanks for saying it in so few words.

[PiCO]

before I ask my question, let me just say, up front, that I know I'm going to get flamed. That's okay, I'm beyond hurt feelings by people that I really don't even "know". So, here goes...

why does it seem like when people come on here talking about putting their kids in public/private schools, they always seem to get knocked down?

 

This generalization is not true. This is the third year in public school for both my kids, and I have never been "knocked down" for this decision.

 

Okay, I know this is a homeschooling board but does that mean that you can only frequent this board if you're a homeschooler?

 

We had a thread about this a couple weeks ago. There is also an afterschooling board- so you don't have to be a homeschooler to be here.

 

I've been homeschooling my kids for 8 years (one has graduated though not from our homeschool, and the other started Christian school two weeks ago). But since I started coming on here for homeschool support, I've come to enjoy this board and many of the people. So even though we don't homeschool anymore, TWTM is still on my favorites list and I visit here every day. Now, having said that...it's been my experience that when a person is thinking of putting their child back in school, it's not a quick decision. It's something that they've been thinking about for awhile but when they come on here to "voice" their "feelings" they seem to always be knocked down. Is public school the best choice for a child? Absolutely no way, but sometimes it might be the only way for a family, so why make it worse than it has to be? Is Christian school the perfect answer? No, but it might be the only answer.

 

If someone posts here about sending their child back to school, it has to be assumed they want advise regarding this decision. Since this is primarily a homeschool board, of course they are going to get advise as to how to continue homeschooling. Since this is also a public internet forum, they may also get responses that are not the most polite. If one is going to voice your feelings on a public internet board, one needs to have a tough skin. Take the good advise, ignore the rest. Or clarify that you are looking for support in a decision you have already made, not advise. (You will still get advise, though ;))

 

In my situation, my daughter was in her first year of high school (the one who started Christian school two weeks ago) and I found that I just simply could not teach her anymore. Why? She is way more intelligent, academically, than I am. I was holding her back and that's not fair to her. This child is capable of going very far in her education and she will do very, very well for herself. I didn't have any other choice. I want her to succeed and I am "man" enough (even though I'm a woman) to admit that I can't do it myself anymore and so, she's in school. Having been homeschooled for the last 6 years, she has grown to be a very mature, confident, well mannered child and those attributes have already been noticed by her teachers. So, in my mind, I have raised her properly (and by myself as I'm a single mom) and I have done a good job if I do say so myself. I am so proud of my daughters and their homeschooling "season" but now that it's over, I know that I did what I needed to do during our homeschool years and now that she is in school. So, please, please don't deter people from putting their kids in school, if that's what they feel they need to do. No school is perfect and that includes homeschooling.

 

I'm happy for you and your child. If you are happy with your decision and know it's the right one for your daughter, don't post anywhere asking if people think you did the right thing. You will get many different opinions.

 

I do think that if someone in your situation posted who was considering placing a similar child in public school- they would get advise as to how to continue homeschooling. People here are very helpful and supportive, and 90% or so are homeschoolers.

 

So, flame way, I'm a big girl, I can handle it!

 

I'm wondering why you posted here looking to be flamed. I don't think you will be "flamed", but you will get some strongly worded responses, because you just did make a generalization "everyone" here "always" responding in a certain way, and generalizations are never true for everyone.

[Brigitte]

Personally, I don't think that when people come to the board saying that they have enrolled their kid(s) in school for whatever reason that they get negative responses. We are all doing what we feel is right for our families and most everyone here is very supportive of that.

 

When people post about their frustrations with their kids and home schooling and that they want to throw in the towel and send the kids to school, the responses tend to not support sending the kid off on the next school bus. I see those posts generally as not really being serious about sending the kids to school and more about having a bad day (week, month) and needing support for what most of us our doing here and needing to hear that others have had the same experiences.

 

So, I think the responses are gauged to the seriousness of the intent to send the kids to school.

[Ria]

It's very hard to put yourself into someone else's position; it's harder still when the issue involved is not just one of schooling, but one of lifestyle and often religious conviction as well. Schooling choice is one of those touchy subjects, and nowhere more so than on a homeschooling board, lol. I think there's more tolerance here than would be expected given the nature of the boards, to be honest.

 

One thing to remember - often when a poster mentions that she is considering public school, what she is really saying is, "Help me! I want to continue homeschooling but I need some help and advice!" I think everyone here has had those "I can't take another minute of this" moments, lol. My advice to such a poster would be similar to many others...give it some time. Reevaluate your goals. Look at your situation. Talk to your kids. Talk to your dh. See if there's any way to make things better.

 

As happy as I am with my children's schools, I'd be sad if, when someone mentioned considering public/private school on these boards, the other posters all said, "Great! Go for it!" with no other discussion. I appreciate the advice given here, and think it belongs on the boards. Most posters do a good job of supporting homeschooling without demeaning the other choices, too. Yes, there are some who are going to make some really critical and inflammatory comments about schools. That's okay. Move on. Don't take it personally. If the OP needs specific information or you feel they need support not given, you can always send them a private message.

 

I've never seen anyone post to criticize someone who, after much thought, has enrolled their kids in a school, and I've been on these boards a long time. It's natural to try to encourage and keep a homeschooler within the fold, so to speak, but in my experience this group is remarkably understanding and supportive of those of us who have made other choices.

 

As an aside, I'm pleased to hear how well your children are doing.

 

Ria

Edited January 18, 2009 by Ria

[nutmeg]

...why does it seem like when people come on here talking about putting their kids in public/private schools, they always seem to get knocked down?

 

Are you referring to a recent thread, or is this something from the past? I read yesterday's thread where a couple ladies were expressing some frustration with their kids, but I see that while they received a wide variety of responses, not one person told them school was to be avoided at all costs.

 

...In my situation, my daughter was in her first year of high school (the one who started Christian school two weeks ago) and I found that I just simply could not teach her anymore...

 

Yes, I read your story in a post from 1/1/09. It was in a thread about homeschool failures, and you seemed upset that someone might be referring to your sort of situation. After your post, you received many encouraging replies, and people said they considered you a homeschooling success for meeting the needs of your child in this way.

 

......So, please, please don't deter people from putting their kids in school, if that's what they feel they need to do

 

If, after careful consideration, thought, prayer, what have you, that is what they feel they need to do, then I doubt any words written on anonymous message boards could or ought to change their minds.

 

Of course we are all entitled to choose the direction of schooling for our kids. If you feel school is the best place for yours, who am I to argue?

 

However, when I see a homeschooler who is simply having a rough day, who admits that big yellow bus is starting to look good, I'm going to offer a hug and an ear, empathize a little, maybe give some advice. Even those of us who know we are in this for the long haul need some encouragement now and then. We need to hear that we can get through the rough spots, that it will get better, that the ends are worth the means.

[chiguirre]

As a mixed schooling family, one is private schooled and the other 2 are hsed, I've never gotten any negative comments on this board. You know your situation best and can make the best choices for your family. OTOH, if you post asking if you should consider ps or not, I'd expect that the preponderance of responses will favor hsing. It's just the nature of the board.

[Ellie]

So, please, please don't deter people from putting their kids in school, if that's what they feel they need to do. No school is perfect and that includes homeschooling. So, flame way, I'm a big girl, I can handle it!

No flames here, but this is a homeschooling forum. People are homeschooling because they think it's the best thing. It is unrealistic to expect encouragement for putting children in public school (or private school, for that matter). On a parenting forum, sure; on a homeschooling forum...no. I wouldn't flame someone for putting her dc in school, but I probably wouldn't encourage her, either.

[RoughCollie]

In 2007, three of our children attended a parochial school, grades 7 and 8. One of them came home halfway through the school year. In 2008, two of our children went to public school, grades 8 and 9. We had good reasons for sending these two children to school, and I talked about it here at the time.

 

I am a homeschooler. I think kids receive a much higher quality education in homeschool, along with other benefits. I am squarely on board with homeschooling. For two of my kids, however, this is not the case. I do not like sending them away to go to school, but that is what is best for them. Unfortunately, my general beliefs did not fit their specific cases.

 

Through it all, I have never felt unsupported on these boards. In the past, I have posted about our decision to send send our kids to regular schools. I have posted about problems that I have now that this has been implemented. Not once have I felt that anyone was against me because of decisions we made that were right for our children.

 

I have read many posts in which the person was struggling with whether or not to send her children to regular school. Sometimes I think they should. Sometimes I think that if they tweak a few things, homeschooling will work out fine for them.

 

It all depends on the reasons. I marvel at all the women here who are homeschooling children of vastly different ages and grades, especially those who also have babies and preschoolers. If someone in this boat decides to send some or all of her children to regular school, I sure can understand it, so I don't have one word to say about it.

 

Sometimes a homeschooler is thinking of doing this because they are discouraged about something that can be fixed. I get the idea from their posts that they don't want to send their children to school, they just want the problems they have in their homeschool to go away. At those times, having ideas put forth about how to handle the situation can be helpful, especially if the poster has been honest about why she wants to send her children to a regular school.

 

Sometimes a homeschooler has a situation that cannot be fixed, even though she wants badly to do so. She posts here about the problem. She implements solutions. Still, the problem persists. At that point, which is the situation we were in, I haven't found that people here are unsupportive -- quite the opposite, in fact. (I expelled two of my kids from homeschool because they refused to do their schoolwork. One of them wanted to be in regular school, and is thriving. The other is still academically lazy, but happy to be in a regular high school.)

 

Sometimes, a homeschooler just plain does not like homeschooling, but thinks they must do so because it is best for their children. If they are honest about that, a lot of discussion will ensue -- from bloom where you are planted to send your child to school. The differences in advice given are due to the differing points of view of the responders, not because anyone sets out to be unsupportive.

 

Overall, I find that the people here are very encouraging and supportive of homeschooling, and quite understanding when a wrench is thrown into the works and some or all of a homeschooler's children are sent to another school.

 

This is all just my opinion, Journey. I do support your decision. Your daughter is thriving, and you are certain you made the correct choice for your family. What's not to support?

 

RC

Edited January 18, 2009 by RoughCollie

[tibbyl]

May be because some people are primarily ideologically driven to homeschool. It is a cause they strongly believe in and feel that they should promote to others considering entering or leaving h/s'ing. These are the ones who come closest to touting h/s'ing as the ideal situation for almost everyone. I would lean more toward considering these people as passionate about their cause rather than flaming. I suppose their counterparts would be those who just as passionately promote traditional schooling as the only alternative which will truly prepare students for life

 

Other people feel just as strongly that it is a private personal decision that is best made after careful consideration of each individual family's and student's circumstances and suitability for homeschooling. They do not hesitate to acknowledge that h/s'ing is not the ideal situation for every family nor do they view a temporary or permanent switch to traditional schooling as a negative occurrence as long as the particular traditional school can reasonably meet the student's needs.

 

We see similar dichotomous mindsets manifest in many controversial discussions here.

 

The bottom line is that parents need to have confidence that they themselves are making best decision possible for their children. Past that, what others think of that decision is irrelevant.

 

P.S. "Homeschooling" does not halt when students enter traditional schools. Parent is available (hopefully) for tutoring as needed.

[Snickerdoodle]

I don't even know why people start threads like this?

 

why does it seem like when people come on here talking about putting their kids in public/private schools, they always seem to get knocked down?

 

I expect if you're gonna bare your soul or post personal decisions on a public forum you should expect that not everyone is gonna agree with you.

 

 

Now I'm gonna spank my hand for even bothering to post on a thread like this.

Bad Snickerdoodle!

[Danestress]

I have a son who went to public school and I believe that was best for him. I've never taken one moment of friction from it on this board either- no one has ever in anyway implied that I did the wrong thing for him. Then again, I have never asked what anyone thinks about it. Perhaps they have their views, but I don't ask for approval and I don't worry about criticism that isn't expressed.

 

However, it is a homeschool board. I wouldn't hang out on a vegetarian board and expect people to be positive and approving when I start eating meat, even if I insist that it makes me feel better and is right for me. Some people (I am not one of them) simply believe that homeschooling is better than public school in almost every situation, and that's okay. They are entitled to believe that and to say so on a homeschool board.

[5Youngs]

I dont think people should get knocked for sending their kids to public/private school. Everyone has to do what they see fit for their families. But this is a homeschooling board. Of course the members are going to lean towards homeschooling as the best option.

 

I would not go to an Obama board and start a thread expecting them to get on board with McCain. And I wouldnt go to Vegetarian board and expect them to get on board with meat recipes that I post. That's the beauty of the internet....you get to pick the people you "hang out" with.

 

But of course I dont think that people should get flamed for deciding on public/private school. But I dont expect a homeschooling forum to get on board with it either.

 

:iagree:

 

Mostly when I'm reading the boards, it seems that it's 'uncouth' for the threads to be pro-homeschooling.

I've noticed a lot more of that, in the 9 months that I've been here......

 

It's more likely that everyone that is posting on enrolling their kiddos is looking for someone to tell them that they are doing the right thing.

And NONE of us can tell you that you are doing the right thing.

YOU alone are going to know that, in you heart.

Thank God for the individual ability to make that choice~

[abbeyej]

I'm sorry you feel that people get "knocked down" here a lot. But I've seen this complaint from both directions over and over and over. Honestly, I'm of the opinion that it's pretty balanced here.

 

There are a great many people posting on the board who have used traditional school situations in the past, use them for some children while home schooling others, are considering or plan to use traditional schools at some point in the future, or even who send their kids to school and "afterschool".

 

Yes, there are some posters who believe that home education is nearly always superior to every other option no matter what. I think those posters are in the minority -- and perhaps they're even more vocal because they feel that they are in the minority, even among this minority (home schoolers)...

 

It's also true that when someone posts that they are considering putting a child in traditional school out of sheer frustration, many posters will jump up to encourage them, remind them why they chose home schooling in the first place, and (hopefully) offer some solutions that would make home schooling continue to work for that family. I don't think that's "knocking them down". ... And in some situations, I've seen many posts that say, "Wow, that's a tough situation in your life/family/child. But maybe school *is* the right decision right now and that's okay."

 

I've been posting here for many years, and it certainly seems to me that there's a huge range of people and opinions here. You may be seeing criticism because you're hypersensitive to it at a particular moment... But others have posted to complain about just the opposite (not enough support for home schooling, too many posts extolling the virtues of traditional schools), and quite recently too.