sagira Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 My grandmother has given me quite a few prayer books and religious poetry books. I have never flat out told her I'm an atheist, but I doubt she is so out of it she doesn't realize I'm not religious. I honestly think she means well though so I do take them and I even read them. I dunno. If I disliked a gift so much I would just give it away. It is a gift. We just had this discussion with my 6 year old. He didn't like something his grandmother from Germany bought him. We told him he needs to say thank you and not tell her he didn't like it. We said it is a gift and it is the thought that counts. I agree with this, but I can also see how it can get annoying to receive something of the same topic year after year. To the PP who chucks National Geographic magazines :eek: Please send them to me! Don't throw them out? I LOVE NG! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 For me, (and I'm filling in the gaps with my guess), I'd destroy the books and have to set a boundary. The boundary would have to be firm and not invite discussion. "Dear brother, I love you. Do not give me books coming from that perspective again." Some "off" gifts I'd graciously accept and never say anything. But there are some parenting authors I feel *so* strongly against that I'd have to draw a line in the sand; while also knowing I will not change minds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 Well, I guess I could say the "good" thing about books like this, is that they almost always send me back to my Bible looking up the references the author is claiming to support a position. After all, I am a flawed human being, subject to being blinded and led astray... What almost always "gets me" though -- is in one chapter they say you "can't take THIS passage (nearly 2 chapters of text) to infer THAT" and then in another chapter quote 2 Tim. 3:15-17 which says that "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for..." :confused: IMNSHO -- "snippet reference" pastors & authors are pretty much the worst type, because usually, they are very likely to take things completely out of context -- which allows them to manufacture scriptural support from their meaning. Oh, and rhetorically asking here, but since when are we supposed to discount parts of the Bible because they were written as a "Narrative" ? Is it just me, or aren't very LARGE chunks of the Bible written as a Narrative? (Ironically, the author is actually quoting narrative portions of scripture to refute a narrative, but narratives aren't supposed to hold the full weight of scripture :lol:) Parting thought... As Paul challenged, "be like the Bereans." :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Yep, there's "fun" in challenging false leadings...or extreme ones :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dooley Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I gave a Christian book to a boyfriend during our break up (we were in NM and I did inscribe the book) and about 2 years later, in San Diego, at a library sale, guess what book I came across? Guess he didn't like the book. Actually, I was ok with it. Interesting discussion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 This sounds familiar. I have a family member with polar opposite beliefs than we hold. Every holiday we are sent books, videos, even art work that share this persons beliefs. I think thier thought is that we'll see the light if we are just exposed more fully to what they believe. All the while I'm hoping that they'll see the validity of our beliefs.:) We don't discuss it anymore becasue we've come to a line in the sand. I just put the stuff away, re-gift, most usually send it to the burn pile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jejily Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I gave a Christian book to a boyfriend during our break up (we were in NM and I did inscribe the book) and about 2 years later, in San Diego, at a library sale, guess what book I came across? Guess he didn't like the book. Actually, I was ok with it. Interesting discussion! :laugh: That IS funny!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jejily Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I wouldn't want anything with my name in it that I oppose floating around out there, so I wouldn't give it away or sell it. I'd seriously toss it. If it's by the P+++'s, I might even burn it. But I digress. Who are the "P's"? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quad Shot Academy Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Who are the "P's"? :confused: The Pearls, I would only assume. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Since this isn't a one-time occurrence, I think you would be justified in sending the book back with a gracious note explaining your position and establishing some boundaries. Or maybe you could just ask him something like, "So tell me about XYZ book" to see if you can determine what motivated him to send it. That would open up a discussion you might not want to have, but at least then you would have a better idea of what he's thinking by repeatedly sending you books he knows you won't agree with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 See, the problem is, that since I'm a "woman" if I were to try to have a discussion with him on this topic, it wouldn't be my place... only men are supposed to discuss marriage and religion with other men. My bringing the topic up would be seen as even more reason I *need* this book :D So, I'm working up some talking points for MY dh, so he can have the discussion with my brother. So, in effect, we're trying to "meet my brother where he is." At least, from this standpoint. Normally, I'm in the camp that would argue for the sister working things out with the brother -- but in this case, my brother would find that "offensive." One of the main reasons my dh first fell "in like," than "in-love" and watied to marry me, was for my mind. He's the engineer, the tech-guy, the advanced math guy. Between the two of us you have a complete person :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 See, the problem is, that since I'm a "woman" if I were to try to have a discussion with him on this topic, it wouldn't be my place... only men are supposed to discuss marriage and religion with other men. My bringing the topic up would be seen as even more reason I *need* this book :D So, why is this *Man* trying to place his views on another man's wife? Isn't that out of line also? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 So, why is this *Man* trying to place his views on another man's wife? Isn't that out of line also? :iagree: This would be one point that your hubby needs to bring up. He can mention that you ARE being submissive to him as your husband by being exactly as you are. If your brother has an issue about your role, he can take it to your husband in the future. It's nice having hubby as a buffer ;) It's amazing though that so much of the EXTREME submission stuff is geared towards women instead of towards couples explaining BOTH roles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 :iagree: This would be one point that your hubby needs to bring up. He can mention that you ARE being submissive to him as your husband by being exactly as you are. If your brother has an issue about your role, he can take it to your husband in the future. It's nice having hubby as a buffer ;) It's amazing though that so much of the EXTREME submission stuff is geared towards women instead of towards couples explaining BOTH roles. There you go! DH doesn't need talking points, he just needs to grunt a few times, point to you and say "woman" pound his chest and say "mine" then drag you off by the hair. Then he'll be speaking BIL's language :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I get a bible every year. Since it doesn't pertain to my life at all, I just toss it in the recycling bin or drop it off at the Goodwill; wherever I happen to be heading at the time. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 :smilielol5: There you go! DH doesn't need talking points, he just needs to grunt a few times, point to you and say "woman" pound his chest and say "mine" then drag you off by the hair. Then he'll be speaking BIL's language :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 See, the problem is, that since I'm a "woman" if I were to try to have a discussion with him on this topic, it wouldn't be my place... only men are supposed to discuss marriage and religion with other men. My bringing the topic up would be seen as even more reason I *need* this book :D So, I'm working up some talking points for MY dh, so he can have the discussion with my brother. So, in effect, we're trying to "meet my brother where he is." At least, from this standpoint. Normally, I'm in the camp that would argue for the sister working things out with the brother -- but in this case, my brother would find that "offensive." One of the main reasons my dh first fell "in like," than "in-love" and watied to marry me, was for my mind. He's the engineer, the tech-guy, the advanced math guy. Between the two of us you have a complete person :D OH, gotcha. How frustrating! I bet I have a pretty good idea of which books he's been sending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 So, why is this *Man* trying to place his views on another man's wife? Isn't that out of line also? Yes... but then he's not always consistent in his manner of thought :D Just like he should have talked to my dh (or dsil should have spoken to ME) about my daughter's outfit, instead of demanding that she change... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 There you go! DH doesn't need talking points, he just needs to grunt a few times, point to you and say "woman" pound his chest and say "mine" then drag you off by the hair. Then he'll be speaking BIL's language :lol: ROTFLOL!!! I'll be sure to show this to my dh, because he will laugh pretty much uncontrollably at this one too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If we put on out thinking-caps maybe we could come up with a list of good gift-books for your brother :tongue_smilie: Let's see: The Feminine Mystique? Reading Lolita in Tehran? The Yellow Wallpaper? Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 There you go! DH doesn't need talking points, he just needs to grunt a few times, point to you and say "woman" pound his chest and say "mine" then drag you off by the hair. Then he'll be speaking BIL's language :lol: I love it!:lol: Classic.....just classic. Where'd you get that Beansprouts? Kipling? Shakespeare? Ike Turner? 'Cause that is classic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 Actually, my dad gave him two... one of them is quite dogmatic in the equality of man and wife as partners in the marital relationship. :lol: I can see the eye-rolling, and raised eyebrows now! FWIW, my dad is blissfully ignorant about most of what my older brother believes. Although he is a growing more concerned that db seems to be against college educations for all of his children. That's really hard for him to bear. It was such a HUGE achievement in his family, he and his sister were the first in his family to attend college (full ride to Stanford). On my mother's side, I was the first woman to attend and graduate from college (oh, the horror!) On my side, until this Christmas gift, I really hadn't looked into the whole philosophy very deeply. I simply discounted it. Now, however, the concerns are much more grave -- and I'm even more at a loss with how to deal with it on a familial basis. It's sending me to my knees... seeking wisdom, understanding, and a softer heart towards them as we try to figure our way through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 My thoughts are with you Lisa, this can't be easy for you. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If we put on out thinking-caps maybe we could come up with a list of good gift-books for your brother :tongue_smilie: Let's see: The Feminine Mystique? Reading Lolita in Tehran? The Yellow Wallpaper? Bill "From Housewife to Heretic" "Heirs Together--Mutual Submission in Marriage" Anything by Andrea Dworkin. Or Gloria Steinem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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