imeverywoman Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 called the ped to find out which shots we're missing. I really don't want to put her in school. I want her to allow me to teach her with a teachable spirit. We both cried and cried to the point that she's still sleeping and her eyes are so swollen. I must learn to be patient. I must learn to be long-suffering. I cannot put this child in school, but I also cannot allow her unwillingness to hold us up with the studies. Please pray. And hug. And pray some more. Please..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I'm so sorry. How old is she? :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to both of you. I'll be praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
always cookin' Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 trying to figure out what to do with my dd (9-almost 10). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I am sorry! *hugs* My little one can sometimes make things tough with his attitude, but he is only 5 and he was even worse in a preschool setting because where I *make* him do it, they didn't...so he just didn't do anything at all. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imeverywoman Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 She is ten. A lovely tree-climbing, doll playing, hopscotch-jumping ten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 She is ten. A lovely tree-climbing, doll playing, hopscotch-jumping ten. Can you change your methodology to something that fits her character better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 :grouphug: I know exactly what you're going through. I struggle so much with my oldest. He's smart, but rebellious and his attitude gets in the way of his learning and affects the whole family. I can't even count the number of times I've thought very seriously of putting him in school. Wish I had some helpful advice for you, but I'm right there with you going through the same thing. Hope you get some good advice from others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karenciavo Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 :grouphug: Some days are like that. I want her to allow me to teach her with a teachable spirit. This is part of growing, as a Christian I look at parenting as sanctification, if you're not a Christian think of it as improving yourself as a human being. We need to do the right thing no matter what the other person is doing. You probably know that. :001_smile: I can think of many reasons to send a child to school, but I never think it's a good idea when it's a reaction to a bad relationship. To me it's sweeping the problem under the rug and missing a wonderful opportunity of growth for the both of you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 out of line? I have no idea without knowing the situation. Is she repentant at all where you can talk it out and set up some guidelines? I have a dd9, always been extremely strong-willed, and I understand. :grouphug: What I have done is resolved to myself that school is not an option, so I don't have that as an out anymore, so I work with it as best I can. (NOTE: That was my own personal decision based on the Lord's clear leading-I'm not saying it's right to do that in every case!) Praying this will work out for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I didn't get as far as buying the uniform, but I was seriously researching private school options and figuring out what job I could get to pay the tuition. My husband talked me down. Basically, we eventually decided that, while homeschooling isn't perfect for this child, it's better than any of the other options. In parent-of-gifted-kid circles, we often talk about finding "the least worst option," since many of these kids are not going to have all of their needs served in any one place. For us, homeschooling continues to be that choice. What I did that made things better for us was to re-think the way we were homeschooling, to make adjustments for my son's personality and learning style. So, I dropped a lot of written work and emphasized reading. I made educational DVDs a larger part of his curriculum. I planned a curriculum that had him doing small pieces of lots of different things. And I outsourced math, because we just didn't get along when I had to teach it to him. Things got much, much better. It required me to let go of that "pefect" curriculum plan, but once I calmed down it was so obvious that he was still more productive than he would have been in school. And so much happier, too. It became clear that it was the right decision. Now, as I said, for us, homeschooling is clearly the best choice, or at least the least worst one. For your family, it may not be. I do think, though, that it's probably not a great idea to make a life-changing decision through a mist of tears. (Though I've certainly been tempted to do so, myself, after more than one really bad day . . .) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Can you change your methodology to something that fits her character better? This is what I was going to ask. Have you talked with her about what she wants to study? What she's interested in? Better to change the curriculum than to put her in school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I was there with DD yesterday, except I threatened to get her up at 6am so she could catch the bus. I decided 4 days off in a row was to many, and getting back into routine was our problem. It is so hard sometimes to remember to take a step back and breathe before reacting to a strong willed child. I hope today will go better than yesterday did for both of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 It can get better. It really can. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret in GA Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 My dd went off to private school when she was 11 (she's 15 now) and it was the best thing for both of us. Nothing is perfect, but we had gotten to the point that we argued over every single thing. We're toying around with the idea of bringing her back home, but frankly homeschooling would be really isolating for her and I'm worried we'll be back to our old habits. Just remember that nothing is perfect (and sometimes things don't turn out the way we thought they would). You need to do what is right for your family, whatever that may be.:grouphug: We're raising well-educated, well-rounded people, not fulfilling inner fantasies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Ten days into the school year several years ago I was at the same point with my oldest dd, then starting fifth grade. She had always been, and still is, a pistol! I DID put her into school - and she has thrived! She is a 9th grader now. We get along much, MUCH better now that we are not together 24/7!!!!! You may well want to give school a shot for the rest of the year and then decide what to do with next year. I was able to visit both potential classrooms and pick which teacher I thought best able to handle my dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara R Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 My kids had to start school in reaction to my own health situation, but I had contemplated putting my oldest in several times because of her stubbornness. School has been an overall good thing for her. It allows me to be the mom, and the teacher to be the teacher. Sometimes those roles are hard to mix up, because the teacher's necessary corrections are interpreted by the child as a lack of love. Of course even non-homeschooling moms have to correct (when teaching cleaning or correcting bad behavior), but it was definitely good for our relationship when the teacher corrected her academics. We have good school choices around here, and that influenced my decision. Bad schools would change our choice. It sounds like you pray. God knows what's best for this child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_l_e_0..Q_c Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I'm jealous... I don't have that choice with my kids. We're underground homeschoolers, like the majority of homeschoolers I know. If we ever put them in school, there's no turning back. And I can't put one in school, and keep the other home. The ***system*** will know, and I'll be sucked in by the whole ***system***... So it's not a choice. On the other hand, it has helped us going over those hard periods where school does sound better. It has forced us to find solutions, and there are solutions. There are kids who will thrive in a school environment but not all of them. I'm not against schools, I like that there are schools that could take my kids, but for us, there's no turning back once we give up our kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CherylG Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 (edited) She is ten. A lovely tree-climbing, doll playing, hopscotch-jumping ten. I have an eleven year-old tree climbing, back-hand-springing, jewelry making 4th child (dd). The first (ds) is an astrophysicist, the 2nd (dd) is a nurse and the 3rd (ds) is one of the top 14 year olds in chess in the country. The littlest melts down a lot in school. I tell her the line from a League of Their Own, "There's no crying in school". I kind of say it like Tom Hanks, too. =) To us, her attitude is more important and we stop everything...I mean we talk about what's going on-we are a busy family and I think she is just too overwhelmed sometimes and needs to be home. I use an accounting system where I take their notebooks and work that we are using that year; the math curricula, spelling, language, and then I excel sheet the whole book, or only what I am expecting her to do for that year. Since she checks off her work, writes the dates, and her grades she feels in control of her year and can "see" via her three-ring note book what she needs to accomplish (and what she has already accomplished). She can grasp that it's not a never ending cycle and there is light. Plus, I think she feels proud of the books she's read and the work that she has done. It is kind of like our teacher's planning guide, it feels good to look back and say-okay, we have done something this year, but it is hers to look back on. She can decorate it, etc. We tend to do things in cycles too. I like unschooling (she does not) so anything for too long takes me over the edge. We'll do a unit study or History in the beginning of the year and then Science the second half-except that the History of the World CD's are wonderful all year to just have a snuggle time. God bless you and lead you!! HUGS:grouphug: Edited January 18, 2009 by CherylG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5Youngs Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I'm jealous... I don't have that choice with my kids. We're underground homeschoolers, like the majority of homeschoolers I know. If we ever put them in school, there's no turning back. And I can't put one in school, and keep the other home. The ***system*** will know, and I'll be sucked in by the whole ***system***... So it's not a choice. On the other hand, it has helped us going over those hard periods where school does sound better. It has forced us to find solutions, and there are solutions. There are kids who will thrive in a school environment but not all of them. I'm not against schools, I like that there are schools that could take my kids, but for us, there's no turning back once we give up our kids. I don't follow you. Why would you not be allowed to hs one and ps the other? Is it the way that the laws are where you are? curious, sorry~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I don't follow you. Why would you not be allowed to hs one and ps the other? Is it the way that the laws are where you are? curious, sorry~ Underground homeschoolers don't register with the county/state at all so the children technically don't "exist" as far as local authorities are concerned. Families do this where the laws are too invasive or out of conviction. Registering one child in school would open them to scrutiny about why the others aren't in school or registered as being homeschooled. I live in a state that has pretty straightforward regulation and in a county where they pretty much ignore us, and I still know families who are "underground" because they don't want the state involved at all in any aspect of their childrens' education. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Please don't put her in school. Please see where you can be flexible and, if necessary, let her make her own choices regarding what to study, and how and when, at least for a while. As Ellie would say, and John Holt before her, children are learning all the time. The teaching part of homeschooling is optional. We as homeschooling parents have the chance to model humility and become teachable ourselves, especially in a situation like this. In this way, we can be a great example to our kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 With out knowing more about your situation, I can only say this. I have a strong willed child. I make our day rediculously fun and I give her many, many choices. She makes more decisions then I do. She decides what subject to do next, what to do on her break, what to have for lunch (within a few approved selections) etc. HOWEVER, because I give her so many choices, she respects that the decisions that I do make are final. I say, "Didn't I let you do __________ and we had lots of fun? So now it is time to finish your math page." When her stubborness is interfering, I let it take her where ever she wants to go with it. Bad behavior always has it's natural, negative consequences. Let them happen but make sure she knows that they are comming. My daugher has a friend over every Wed. afternoon that she plays with and then we take her to Awanas with us. If ClaireAnna's behavior is interfering with school, then she won't be done with her assignments on time. If she is not caught up with assignments, Dayna won't be able to come over. It just happens that way. I don't make a threat - I just tell her what is going to happen because of her behavior. I even say it with a smile and a hug. But I make sure that her negative behavior does not "work for her". Good luck with your daughter and I hope you can find some solutions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katrina Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 After a very moody day with my dd, I got very frustrated, picked up the phone and started looking up the number for the middle school she'd be going to. Even though I ended up not dialing (it wasn't an empty threat though...I was about to), it did open up a good discussion about homeschooling. I explained that I couldn't homeschool her when she was being moody. She said she was lonely but also afraid that she wouldn't be able to academically keep up if she were to go to PS. I explained that she shouldn't let fear keep her at home, and to think about it, and when she truly wanted to go back to PS she could. It's been a little over a year now and she's still home. Since she knew she could go back when she wanted to (or when I needed her to) her attitude improved dramatically. Anyway, I don't know know how my story helps you but just to let you know that I understand and hope things get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 UG we've certainly had days like that. I have also rang the local school. Goodness it feels like there is not a feeling on earth worse than thinking there is no other way. A good nights sleep and a calm person (my DH for us) really helps us sort things out. It's comforting to know that others have BTDT. I am going into this new year of schooling with trepidation in that regard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisley Hedgehog Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 Hormones? No one told me that pre-adolescent hormones hit so early (9&10). I've had three girls go through this stage now and it has been a different wild ride with each one. I was bracing myself for 14, and 9&10 caught me off guard. I now feel it is my duty to warn mothers of girls about pre-puberty so they survive it. My oldest almost didn't ;). :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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