Bean Dip re. Middle School... argh. (rant)

[Mamasteff]

It's the holidays, that lovely time of year when we get together and criticize one another's life choices. Aaah, I've been looking forward to this...

 

DD10 is in 5th grade at home. DH and I have been having some discussion about having her go "back to school" when the little one reaches kindergarten age, or maybe not; sooner, or later.... we are discussing but not decided yet.

 

My wonderful dad teaches woodshop at the public middle school dd would be going to next August if this is the choice we make. He has been talking about retiring; I mentioned to him that I would not send her to that school if he weren't there. It's not that I think she will hang out every day in grandpa's room - she most likely would never even be enrolled in his classes - but I want there to be someone there who knows her, and can look out for her if need be.

 

Yesterday my little sister and her best friend from middle school were discussing the horrible things that happened to them in middle school. It reminded me that yes, girls are AWFUL to each other at that time in their lives. Without thinking I blurted out, "Oh Dad, hearing that makes me want to change my mind again!"

 

Oh dear.

 

I received an hour's lecture from the girls who told me they had to get up in front of the entire school to receive the "Most Annoying Girl in School" award; came home and cried every day; lost all their friends in 8th grade because the friends started taking drugs; and so much more... The lecture basically consisted of "Everyone needs to know that not everyone will be nice to them. Your child needs to learn to be treated like cr@p. She needs to learn how to ignore all the unpleasantness she is certain to be exposed to, cry herself to sleep and tough it out."

 

I hate those conversations. It's like they don't even hear what is coming out of their own mouths. I tried to let it drop, but I am still thinking - even with her grandpa there - middle school is brutal, and I don't think she needs to learn that all girls are mean.

 

That is all. Thanks for reading.

[LaxMom]

WHAT?!?! What kind of school sanctions public ridicule as a student body event?!?!

 

Good grief. I was recently horrified to learn that our local middle school thinks having adolescent boys play dodge ball in PE is a good idea. But this? This take the cake for bad administrative decisions.

[Julpost]

I toughed it out in middle school, I had horrible bullying experiences, both as the bullied and later, as a bulllier. It was awful. I'm sure I put on a good face but I still avoided tough situations whenever possible. I only "toughed it out" when I had no where to escape to. I still avoid uncomfortable situations, I'd just rather not deal with the feelings associated w/them. Dealing with these situations does not make one impervious to them. I don't think I'm stronger or tougher because of them. I think they just added to the stress in my life. It made a tough time even tougher.

[Once]

Mmmm...I'd follow my gut instinct on this one. If you are concerned with the treatment that your dd will receive and you are willing and able to continue homeschooling her, then I say do it. Some of the choices kids make at that age are un-doable. I personally would not send my kids anywhere so they could be treated badly just to toughen them up. If it makes you concerned....follow your instinct.

 

:grouphug: to you for dealing with you father's differing opinions. It is never easy to blaze your own trail but if you want to get somewhere different...you must choose a different path.

[mcconnellboys]

I know people here who homeschooled their kids through middle school when they never intended to hs them and didn't do it for elementary or high school. Middle school is just so brutal a time that many parents elect to pull their kids and protect them from all that angst.

[elegantlion]

Hum, What?! I had a horrible middle school experience and no one to talk to about it. I'm 41 and still dealing with the fall out in many ways. I know many people don't have a bad experience but I would never send a child to middle school to "toughen them up". :glare:

[AuntieM]

female relatives think that sending dd to middle school would help to prepare her for the "real" world.

 

Middle school in America is such an artificial environment - as is high school. I agree with others that nothing bad she experiences there will actually help prepare her for a happy adult life. Even under the protective wing of home schooling, kids have all the opportunity they need to learn about the injustices that occur in life.

 

FWIW, I sent my 6th grade dd to outschool this past fall, and it wasn't a large public school, it was a small Christian one. A number of her classmates, however, had gone to ps in the past. And the girls there.... well, they were just plain mean. Their behavior was unpredictable. DD never knew one day to the next what lay in store for her. She is very glad to be coming home in the spring, where she can concentrate on her studies.

[Sunshine State Sue]

My 7th grade ds is on the local middle school basketball team. FL is not known for it's wonderful public education and this school is not one of the better ones. Sometimes bball practice is canceled and we don't find out about it, so sometimes I drop ds off, park, and walk back into the school to make sure that practice is on. When I do this, school is just letting out. I was walking into the school the other day, and there were some boys standing on the street corner yelling to the girls about their boobies. I thought sexual harassment must be an every day occurrence for these girls. I realized that my ds would attend this school over my dead body...

 

If you haven't read A Sense of Self by Susannah Sheffer, I highly recommend it. It was written in response to Raising Ophelia, which talked about how girl's self esteem diminished through the adolescent years. A Sense of Self demonstrated that no such thing happens to hs'ed girls.

 

ETA: I just read some of your old posts (now you know what kind of a lame Saturday night I'm having :glare:) and wanted to add that ds and I don't get along all that well (we spend way too much time together), although 6th grade was the best. I've been asking moms of older hs'ed children how they survive puberty lately. I also work 30hrs/wk from home. The school bus looks very tempting some days.

 

When people ask me if I ever think about putting ds in school, I always laugh and say I think about putting him in boarding school every day.

Edited December 28, 2008 by Sue in St Pete

[Rhonda in TX]

My own personal junior high years weren't bad. I had one experience being physically bullied by a girl, but that's it. I always say I was mainly ignored in junior high. DH, on the other hand, was bullied pretty badly. It's one of the reasons our kids will not go to public middle school.

[camibami]

'Tis the season, eh?

 

I'm having my own bean-dip week here at the inlaws.

 

I swear, people truly do *not* listen to what comes out of their own mouths sometimes. Its like it is so ingrained to do things a certain way, on a certain schedule, that any deviance is totally unthinkable, no matter what. Crazy.

 

Middle school is universally loathed by pretty much everyone. My experience was pretty good, but only because *I* was a not-so-nice girl. A mean girl, to be honest. I don't see us ever putting the girls in a middle school, barring some major catastrophe.

 

I find talking about my hs'ing decisions, etc to be a dangerous thing to do. On the one hand, I thought involving them (we have educators in the family) was smart, a way to smooth things over. But, it always backfires. I now keep all problems, decisions, etc completely to myself.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I can still quote to you chapter and verse some of the horrible things that were said to me in middle school. You'd think at 36 I'd be past it but it's a vicious and vulnerable time. I'm not still suffering from the things said but it's amazing how vividly I can remember what was said and how rotten I felt.

 

If I didn't have long term homeschooling intentions I could definitely see me taking my guys out just for middle school if not also high school.

 

Again, I had fun in high school but many of the things endured in high school just shouldn't be going on. What's "normal" there is not ok. Just because it happens all the time doesn't mean it's acceptable. Nuts.

 

But, that's my opinion.

[Chris in VA]

Avoid middle school if you can.

 

That is all. :001_smile:

[Laura K (NC)]

But middle school? You might laugh at this, but you know how every now and then you get morbid thoughts... what if I die, what if dh dies? I thank goodness my youngest is in 6th grade now. If I make it two more years, all three kids will be safely past public middle school. Because that's the only way they would be enrolled there: over my cold, dead body.

[Cindyg]

"Everyone needs to know that not everyone will be nice to them. Your child needs to learn to be treated like cr@p. She needs to learn how to ignore all the unpleasantness she is certain to be exposed to, cry herself to sleep and tough it out."

 

My dad, who otherwise thinks we're doing a great job homeschooling, also wants my son to experience the "horrors of attending school."

 

???!!!

 

I was recently horrified to learn that our local middle school thinks having adolescent boys play dodge ball in PE is a good idea.

 

What's wrong with playing dodge ball in PE? (I assume it will get too rough? Mean boys will target less athletic boys?)

[Danestress]

I know it can be a harsh social environment. But I think you should make the best educational choice for your daughter without worrying too much about all the social stuff.

 

I had really sweet friends in middle school. Two of them are still nice adult friends. I know girls can be mean, but don't let that rule your decisions. Girls can also be awesomely great friends. Hopefully your daughter will be equipped to choose nice girls who will make nice friends. They do exist.