Scarlett Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 Our youngest son is dating a young girl who moved out of her family’s home almost the day she turned 18. At first the mom was FURIOUS at everyone who had given the girl any help what so ever. She seems to have come around and they have even accepted that their daughter and our son are dating. The poor girl had to take all of her documents from her parents house because the mom would never help with some stuff that went on. Several of us helped her with getting her ss card and state ID and a bank account etc. when the mom found out the documents were gone she was again very very angry. That is just to set the scene for the level of need for control this mom has toward her daughter. Young girl, let’s call her A, graduated high school last week. She is throwing herself a party. She has known she would have to do this herself since a year ago because she started gathering decorations ect that far back. And literally said she knew her mom would not give her a party. Not that she would SAY she wasn’t….just that it would never happen. So several of us have stepped in to pool our adulting and our resources to help,her. I paid for some more decorations. I paid for the room rental. She and I then sat down and made up a list of what needs to be done. A had already made an electronic invite and a guest list (140 people) and I took the list yesterday and sent out almost all the invites via text. The invite has my number on it to rsvp. Immediately no less than 6 women texted me back offering to help. The party is several weeks away so we still have time but I already feel so good that so much of the specifics will be cared for by various people. I like our little village and we need a party anyway so this will be great. As a side note one friend of mine made me so angry…..when I was telling her A was having to throw her own party she said, ‘wait, wait wait. I overheard the mom saying she(mom) was throwing the party.’ I said, well, she isn’t. Friend basically said I or A was lying about it and CALLED A’s mom! The mom gave a bunch of lame excuses why she wouldn’t be doing ‘much’. (Read nothing) I am so upset she called the mom and I pray she did not say anything about me. I told her too that I was not happy with her that she did that and I did not want my relationship or A’s relationship with her mom worsened in any way. Other than that hiccup I think this party will go great. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildflowerMom Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 I love the idea of a village helping raise kids, introduce them to adulthood, mentor them. Whether their your kids or not, it’s important to support our young people. I think this sounds awesome and I know she’ll be grateful. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 Thank you for helping this young woman ease into adulthood that she was not prepared for due to her unfortunate upbringing. If the friend is familiar with the young woman’s home life, then shame on her for contacting mom. Going forward, I would not include her in any delicate situation nor would I ever confide in her since at best she has poor judgment and at worst she is not trustworthy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 What a brave young woman. I hope she has a spectacular celebration. Thank you for helping her. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 Thank you for helping her. So many young adults do not have anyone rooting for them much less actively helping them. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 21 Author Share Posted May 21 36 minutes ago, annandatje said: Thank you for helping this young woman ease into adulthood that she was not prepared for due to her unfortunate upbringing. If the friend is familiar with the young woman’s home life, then shame on her for contacting mom. Going forward, I would not include her in any delicate situation nor would I ever confide in her since at best she has poor judgment and at worst she is not trustworthy. I for sure will be very guarded with this friend from now on. And to make it worse I wasn’t even bashing the mom, rather I was just saying that I was helping A throw herself a party. She told me I should call the mom and discuss it with her. I said why? And she said ‘because it’s HER daughter’. So that tells me there might be some projection going on…..like how she would feel if someone else took over her daughter’s party. Also the mom may have been in this friend’s ear whining about helping A move out as soon as she turned 18. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 (edited) If the mom were to throw a party the worst thing that happens is the girl gets 2 parties. And really, you aren’t throwing the party, the child is. The child has every right to plan her own party even if her mom also throws one. Your friend has some really twisted thinking. Edited May 21 by Heartstrings 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 (edited) 1 hour ago, Scarlett said: I for sure will be very guarded with this friend from now on. And to make it worse I wasn’t even bashing the mom, rather I was just saying that I was helping A throw herself a party. She told me I should call the mom and discuss it with her. I said why? And she said ‘because it’s HER daughter’. So that tells me there might be some projection going on…..like how she would feel if someone else took over her daughter’s party. Also the mom may have been in this friend’s ear whining about helping A move out as soon as she turned 18. I don't call that projection, I call that empathy, and I don't think it's a bad thing. I wouldn't want someone throwing my daughter a party if I planned one. But did your friend understand the mom and daughter's difficult relationship? I do think your friend went behind your back by calling the mom. And I wouldn't be confiding, either. Edited May 21 by Chris in VA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 21 Author Share Posted May 21 20 minutes ago, Chris in VA said: I don't call that projection, I call that empathy, and I don't think it's a bad thing. I wouldn't want someone throwing my daughter a party if I planned one. But did your friend understand the mom and daughter's difficult relationship? I do think your friend went behind your back by calling the mom. And I wouldn't be confiding, either. And she has a history of this so I should have known. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 21 Author Share Posted May 21 A’s aunt is making cupcakes. Another adult friend is focusing on the taco meat. Another has a good method of cooking the tortillas and keeping them warm and moist. My mom is making a good dip. A’s gram is making the rice. My Dh said he will be responsible for ice. And we have an elevated ice chest on wheels we can use for bottled water and soft drinks. Another friend has the big tea dispensers we can use for sweet and I sweet tea. Honestly other than assigning someone to bring the taco veggies and cheese…. Oh and some refried beans I think we are in good shape . 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 I hope she has a great party and gets some funds to help her with her post-high school education. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 21 Author Share Posted May 21 (edited) 5 minutes ago, SKL said: I hope she has a great party and gets some funds to help her with her post-high school education. She is finishing up a free vo rec program and I don’t think she plans to do more at this point. She wants a job and I think she will have the skills to get a decent one. edited to add but yes I hope she gets some cash because she is really starting out with nothing. Edited May 21 by Scarlett 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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