In-Law Advice

[Carol in Cal.]

I’m sorry, and also I’m glad that you were not the one that threw the bomb—I think that your life will be better for that.

Edited December 24, 2020 by Carol in Cal.

[Shoeless]

Oh no! Well, in a way, they made things "easy" for you. They showed your DH who they really are. Now you are cleared to never, ever deal with them again. 

[Garga]

Oh how very stupid of them. Why do people do stuff like this? They have to know that now it’ll be even harder for their son to come see them, and I’m assuming they do want to see their son.

The only way I’ll have a strained relationship with my future DILs is by pure accident/misunderstandings. No way would I be acting aggressively toward them or saying things like, “You weren’t like this before you married X.” Why would I purposely cut myself off from my sons/grandchildren that way?

Some people have a way of shooting themselves in the feet.

[marbel]

1 hour ago, Garga said:

Oh how very stupid of them. Why do people do stuff like this? They have to know that now it’ll be even harder for their son to come see them, and I’m assuming they do want to see their son.

The only way I’ll have a strained relationship with my future DILs is by pure accident/misunderstandings. No way would I be acting aggressively toward them or saying things like, “You weren’t like this before you married X.” Why would I purposely cut myself off from my sons/grandchildren that way?

Some people have a way of shooting themselves in the feet.

I am pretty sure my in-laws feel that way about  me. I am quite certain that they believe it's my "fault" we were/are a homeschooling, Jesus-freak, non-college-football loving, non-tv-addicted family.  (Never mind that my husband has told them HE started the homeschooling discussion, HE started the move toward a different church denomination, HE doesn't like college football, and HE was in complete agreement with me on TV for our kids.) 

But they at least are smart enough not to say it out loud. They have that Southern US veneer of politeness about. It's a thin veneer at times, but it mostly stays in place. 

Oh yeah, and I am a Yankee too. 

PS: It also wasn't my fault the kids don't love Disney; they just didn't.  

 

OP, I am so very sorry this is causing you stress on Christmas Eve, I do hope you have already recovered your equanimity and have a wonderful day today/tomorrow without worrying about in-law problems!

Edited December 24, 2020 by marbel

[Alicia64]

On 12/23/2020 at 12:02 AM, Melissa Louise said:

Low/no contact is very freeing. 

I agree w/ Melissa. Dh has always said, "you can have compassion for someone who has rabies, but you don't have to spend Christmas w/ them." That thought has really helped me.

My thought: super difficult people don't transform.

Take care,

W.

[Lady Marmalade]

13 hours ago, Alicia64 said:

I agree w/ Melissa. Dh has always said, "you can have compassion for someone who has rabies, but you don't have to spend Christmas w/ them." That thought has really helped me.

My thought: super difficult people don't transform.

Take care,

W.

Lol! This should be on a T-shirt, or a motivational poster or something.  I love it and am totally going to use it!

[Lecka]

We have had a peaceful family Christmas 🙂. 
 

 

[Carrie12345]

11 hours ago, Lecka said:

We have had a peaceful family Christmas 🙂. 
 

I’m so glad you had a lovely holiday.

I didn’t respond before because it’s so hard to see nuance.  In my FOO, relatives bicker, unintentionally and perhaps occasionally intentionally offend,and sometimes have periods of not speaking, but it’s rarely ever deep enough to be zero-contact. I can make small talk (when social standards call for it) with even my worst relative.  But, in the family I married into... that was a different flavor. When cruelty takes hold, options fly out the window. No one deserves to live with that.