Dd moving across country in middle pandemic...

[JFSinIL]

In one month dd and boyfriend, two cats and a dog, will be arriving in New Mexico, where his job starts second week of January.  No place to stay yet, and it almost got delayed since he just got a medical diagnosis that will mean chemo etc. starting once they arrive.  Doc. advises not traveling once chemo starts, so have to go after doing prep here (port, etc) or risk losing job since can't expect it to be held six months.

Not happy. I was already fretting about them traveling, driving and dealing with Covid AND dd's severe egg allergy (so no buying fast food etc on the way).  Stupid lymphoma. 

[JFSinIL]

Since dd doesn't want extended family to know about boyfriend

's diagnosis, and I can't post on FB, needed to vent/unload here.

[theelfqueen]

My DS and DDIL moved overseas in the midst of the pandemic. I felt so stressed by the whole thing- I can't imagine the added elements you're facing! (BIG HUGS)

[GoodGrief3]

My college student moved to New Mexico to live with her sister as things were gearing up in March. It's a pretty locked down state at this point. I hope everything goes well for them.

[Acadie]

I'm so sorry it's all so complicated! As if regular life challenges weren't enough the pandemic amps up everything else. 

My one thought is maybe these young people will be slightly more responsible with travel and setting up their new home and lives than most, given the challenges they have? 

Like if they're already bringing food, that's a good thing. Wishing them and you the best for the transition.

 

 

[alisoncooks]

Wow, that's a lot of change/stress all at once. Best wishes for them!  

[Annie G]

Best wishes to hem, and I know you’ll be worried while they move and get settled. 
Dd and her boyfriend moved from California to WIsconsin in late August. Boyfriend has serious crohn’s- he was hospitalized a couple of months in 2019 and with his compromised immune system moving worried me. But they’re doing great! Working, being SUPER careful, and planning the wedding.
  I hope your Dd has an smooth, safe move!

[mominco]

(((Hugs))) so difficult!

[PrincessMommy]

hugs.  the added stress of a scary dx and chemo sounds scary.

My daughter got a new job and moved to another state during the beginning of the pandemic.  It was fine, really.  She didnt have any help since it was in the beginning of the lock-down and she was in a very strict state.  But, it all worked out.  

I know a few people who have had to drive across country during all this and it worked out fine. 

hugs

 

 

[Farrar]

I don't know the whole situation, but everything you posted seems like a recipe for disaster. They're (presumably?) young, moving to where they (it sounds like?) have zero friends, family, or community support, to start a new job, as well as difficult treatment for a life threatening illness. I assume they've thought this through and it's just unavoidable or the best choice for some reason, but without knowing more, it sounds like a terrible decision. What good is a job if you're too sick to perform well? What job is worth it if the circumstances put your health and maybe even your relationship in jeopardy from the stress and difficulty? I'm on the outside, so of course I don't know what the story really is, but it sounds so hard.

I would look for ways to support them if you can. Can you help out by having food and groceries delivered when they get there? Is there a family member who can go and help support them? Can someone else keep the animals for a few months so they can settle in without one more responsibility?

Edited December 8, 2020 by Farrar

[JFSinIL]

I had a neighbor go through chemo, drove her when she felt unwell, and doubt he will be able to drive himself if they can’t live in the small community where the job is.  Nearest place with more housing is about an hour drive away.  Daughter can’t be driving him an hour each way back and forth daily as she will continue her job as accounts receivable person for a shipping company (she’s been working remote since March anyway).  Obviously during a pandemic car pooling not an option.   While her aunt, my SIL, and two cousins live in the community an hour from his job, they can’t be his drivers daily either.  Of course the bigger hospitals and specialists are not in the smaller town where the job is.  
 

I really think he is being unrealistic about moving at this time, and may have to risk them not holding the job.  Meanwhile I have to help dd pack...she has been on her own for a couple years, and has a townhome full of stuff to deal with.  He was able to live with his folks while finishing his doctorate, so has far less to move.  Of course, there is no apartment or anything even lined up yet....   she will need to continue paying money each month for HOA and state taxes, but at least mortgage company cool with no actual mortgage payments.  Yep, part of our car crash insurance money is her mortgage from Bank of Mom and Dad.  Anything she doesn’t need or want to move we can deal with after they leave before cleaning up the place to sell.

I did get hubby to buy dd’s sedan off her since his car needs replacing, we gave her blue book trade in value, and she used the money as down payment on a larger vehicle that can hold a cooler, food, etc.  They have a good friend who is a nurse on leave for a couple months who has offered to drive his car across country so he won’t have to...they just have to pay for her hotel room and a plane ticket back home.  Of course, last Friday he got into a fender bender and his car may or may not be repairable in time.....I think the powers that be are trying to send him a message!  They need to travel with two cars since can’t fit a dog, two cats, litter boxes and pet food and human food etc AND the computers etc needed for work into just one car.  Aaaaaaarrrrggghhhh

 

Edited December 8, 2020 by JFSinIL

[Farrar]

Wow. It sounds like you're being a good adult kid parent. Realistic and honest, but super supportive and not judgmental. I hope it works out as best it can. It really does sound impossibly hard on them.