Night Elf Posted November 27, 2020 Share Posted November 27, 2020 (edited) 1st: My oldest dd got engaged but they want to wait until 2022 because they want to get married on their anniversary of their first date. That's what they celebrate every year so they don't want a second date to worry about. It will be on a Friday in 2022, so dd plans to have an evening wedding. She chose a wonderful venue but I haven't seen it in person yet. Her dad paid the deposit and said he didn't need to see it but she really wants to share it with me so we need to choose a day I can make it. 2nd: My hours at work increased again. I'm full time again. We just don't have the staff we need for me to work part time. Part of me is bummed because I loved having my mornings off. However, I'll admit the larger paychecks are nice. We have two kids in college now and my medical bills. 3rd: My eating disorder hasn't improved. I've been so resistant. I'm ashamed to admit how much I still think I need it. So my therapist and dietitian are recommending I go back into the treatment program. I'm waiting for a call back to set up a re-evaluation. I know the person who does the intake evals so I am comfortable with him. I want to talk with him before I decide if I'll be admitted again. I'm divided in my thinking. Part of me wants to go back because I think it may be the drastic measure I need to get me back on the recovery path. The other part of me doesn't want to go because I'm chafing under my current agreement with my outpatient team and husband, so how will I react to my treatment center's rules? Crazy thinking. Right now my DH is the only thing between me and my e.d. He supports me as long as I meet my meal plan requirements but if I start restricting again, he'll stop supporting me and that's a huge disappointment. Backsliding is a normal part of recovery and I'm under an enormous amount of pressure to be perfect. I'm extremely close to telling him to get out of my recovery and let me go back to my e.d. again. I'm not happy with any alternative before me. The only alternative that is appealing is eat how I want, be honest with my support team, but lie to my DH. That doesn't fit into my values. So this area of my life is up in the air. 4th: I found the gift I want. It's a personalized Christian planner and a separate journal. They're made by Paper Sunday. The giver can choose to write a dedication in it. Every page has a personalized scripture. I journal a lot and I'm so excited to have what looks to be a beautiful journal. I also need the planner because I need to visually see my entries. I just don't like using my phone. 5th: I won't be seeing my youngest for Christmas. He is extremely cautious because of Covid and doesn't want to expose himself anymore than he needs to. I work in a thrift store and am around a lot of people so I have no idea if I've been exposed or not. Christmas just won't be the same without all of my children with me but I guess I need to get used to it. It's very real as an empty nester. I'm thankful my middle child still lives at home but he's very much an introvert and hardly spends any time with me. So that's it for me going into the holiday season and end of year. Here's hoping 2021 is happier for me. Edited November 27, 2020 by Night Elf 21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 27, 2020 Share Posted November 27, 2020 (edited) I’m so glad to hear from you! Congratulations to your daughter!!! I think their choice of date is wonderfully sweet. re ed: I have always had so much respect for your persistence and willingness to face this proactively. I would imagine it’s harder with your longer work hours? Holidays are also complicated. But with as careful and proactive as you are, I trust you’ll find a healthy path. re Christmas and empty nesting—That mix of acceptance and longing is definitely my reality too. It’s a different world. 🙂 Edited November 28, 2020 by Harriet Vane Typo -butterfingers 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
math teacher Posted November 27, 2020 Share Posted November 27, 2020 So good to hear from you, Night Elf, I've wondered about you. I trust you will carefully choose the path that will meet your needs, and I hope your husband is supportive. Good luck with your job and the upcoming holidays. Hope to see more of you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted November 27, 2020 Share Posted November 27, 2020 Congratulations to your dd and best wishes to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted November 27, 2020 Share Posted November 27, 2020 I am so glad that you are checking in. I think of you often. Congratulations to your daughter. What a great thing to look forward to right now. Sending hugs to you about your ED. Wishing the best for you. I am glad you still have a support team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 I can suddenly see star ratings and I think I accidentally rated you one star 😕. Hopefully I have changed it now but just in case it definitely was not intentional. Awesome news about your dd. Glad work is keeping you busy. I’m sorry that the eating disorder is being stubborn and difficult. And that your son won’t be home for Christmas although I’m sure that is the wise decision. Really hope the diary works out for you. I am on the bullet journal thing for now but I’m feeling the lure of pretty planners. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 Hi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 29, 2020 Author Share Posted November 29, 2020 I've been on this forum for so long that I love to write updates for those who know me. What's it been? Like 18 years? Wow! I miss my kids being little and homeschooling. Enjoy your littles!! They grow up so fast! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
historically accurate Posted November 29, 2020 Share Posted November 29, 2020 Congratulations to your DD! How exciting. Hugs to you this Christmas season. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in CT Posted November 29, 2020 Share Posted November 29, 2020 Awwww, congratulations re the (eventually!!) upcoming wedding. That's so sweet they want to keep consolidating around the one obviously-special date. ((hugs)) with the eating disorder management. You've been working so hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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