Talk to me about your experiences moving house

[klmama]

What are you glad you did?  What do you wish you'd known beforehand or done differently?  How did you make the move an emotionally positive experience?  If anyone in the family felt grief related to the move, how did you deal with that?

[Laura Corin]

We did a big move between countries hen the children were younger. I made a photo book for each of them all about the old place. They found them comforting in the early days.

For our recent move, labelling everything that wasn't boxed with tie on labels worked well. They were visible and easy to remove. I made maps of each room that related to the labels, so the movers knew where to place the heavy furniture. 

Edited October 25, 2020 by Laura Corin

[Donna]

We moved to a new state almost three years ago. We sold one home on a Friday morning, stayed with a relative for the weekend, and made settlement on our new home (7 hours away) on Monday. For me, organization was key. We packed our first home and put everything but essentials into storage so making sure everything was labelled was key. We drove down to make settlement with a large enclosed trailer with everything we could fit (and deemed essential) then dh flew back up, rented the largest moving truck, packed up the storage units, and drove to the new home. It went very smoothly. One thing I am very glad we did was sell a lot of our possessions like large furniture pieces--less to pack and allowed us to move with one large truck. 

My grown ds's stayed in the state we moved (they were there to help dh pack the moving truck on that end) so leaving them was the only emotional part for us and we've handled that with lots of video chatting and frequent visits. Dd moved with us but she was older/not emotionally attached to our old home and her friends are all over the world so she was excited about moving. 

[Bambam]

We moved a lot when I was a kid (dad in service, so we moved every two years, often to a new country). I don't remember any of the details of actually moving, but I do remember each move was an adventure. My mom would tell us that we would find good people and good friends anywhere we moved. And she was right. Sometimes it was faster, sometimes slower.

We moved a lot when we were first married (cheaper housing!). Since kids we've moved twice. The kids were elementary age the first time, but since I advertised as an adventure, and the new house had a much nicer back yard, they were mostly excited to move. Kids make friends pretty easily at those ages. They were sad to leave their friends but made new ones. We still owned that old house for a while, so we went back (~ 1 hour away) to check on it, and could visit with those friends. I did try to set up playdates/parkdays/etc for meeting up with those families. 

When we moved the second time, my oldest was a teen, and she was sad to leave her good friends (there were three). The youngest sad but not so much. The kids did come with me on house hunting and we stopped by a lot of the normal stores so the youngest could realize that Target/WalMart/Grocery stores all look pretty much the same wherever you are - she found this comforting. It was harder for the oldest to find friends (and she never found any good ones). This is a much less populous area and therefore less homeschoolers. But it's smaller, so the homeschoolers you do see, you see everywhere all the time. (For good and for bad) One daughter (unknown to me) dug up one of the native bushes and planted it here (unknown to me until I asked where that bush had come from because I didn't remember it being there nor seeing that kind on our property) - that helped her to move plants that made her feel like it was home.  The oldest was sad about her friends, but realized we had to move (lost one job, found another). Her friend group sorta broke up in the old homeplace because one moved, and another got super busy, so that grouping would not have continued as it was. We did make sure she got together with her favorite friend for a week each summer (alternating whether they were there or here).  It make the adjustment here easier, I did start having teen parties at our house. It has been my impression teens are like toddlers, they can exist together when they first see each other but do not talk to each other, then after a few events together will acknowledge each other, then a few more events, and they will actually start to get to know each other. Maybe I've been watching only weird teens?  To speed up that process, I did make the teens play a stupid ice-breaker game in the beginning of each party at the beginning. It got them talking, and they had a common enemy - me for making them play the stupid game, but it got them talking and 'feeling' together. So, it worked.  Oldest was never happy here, but I think now she realizes that was her fault for her attitude. Youngest loves it here - but she made a lot of good friends (there was a much larger selection of kids her age plus more continued homeschooling through high school than in the past). 

Moms, I think, can make the move more acceptable. If mom is sitting around crying and lamenting, "Oh, how will I ever ....?", the kids will dread the move. If Mom is more positive, pointing out potential advantages while acknowledging the fact there are things we will miss, I think that helps. IME

As for packing, we set aside an area in our old home where we put the stuff we had to have immediately in the new home. Both times, new employer paid for a company to come in and pack and take care of all of that. They were good about marking boxes with where it came from and putting it in the same named room. The last time, they were not paid to unpack, so it took me some time to get everything unpacked and put where it belonged (especially since each box was a surprise). We already had everything we needed immediately so it wasn't a huge deal. 

 

Edited October 25, 2020 by Bambam

[Sherry in OH]

I am glad we hired professional movers and packers.  That made a long distance move less stressful than our previous within the same state move.  I do wish I had been more vigilant with small parts.  We had a 'bits' box for screws and other small parts, but somehow the bookshelf pegs did not make into that box.  I found them buried in a box of books after I had gone out and bought new pegs.

I am glad we decluttered prior to our move.  I wish we had decluttered more.  

Prior to our move we made one last visit to favorite places and also as many in-state places on wishlists as possible.  We also read about our new state and chose sites we wanted to visit.  Once we moved here, we made a point of getting out and exploring the local area.  We also researched Scout troops and joined one as soon as possible after moving. 

[Ottakee]

Two years ago the kids and I moved after my ex husband's arrest and conviction.

I chose to stay in the same town.  We moved about 10 miles away but closer to town and into a small subdivision 6 homes) just a block away from the bike paths.

We gave up a lot.....5 bed, 3.5 bedroom large home in 5 acres with horses, chickens, and an auto shop pole barn.  We had to sell the horses and chickens and most of the tools, quad, camping trailer, etc.

On the flip side, we got a nice ranch closer to town that I was able to make an "apartment" for my daughter in the day light lower level.   The kids have bike paths that go all over town and there is a local bus service that is door to door.

Attitude makes a huge difference.  I acknowledged the losses but also focused on the positives....biking, riding the bus, closer to everything in town, etc.

As to the actual moving, get rid of as much as possible.   Then get rid of more stuff.  

We labeled boxes and packed by where stuff would go in the new house.   I left the kids pick out curtains, new bedding, etc to fit the new house.

We moved with friends and a horse trailer and other enclosed trailer.  That was just my budget and it worked out just fine....but we only moved 8 miles.

 

[klmama]

Thanks for the input, everyone.  Lots of helpful ideas here.  We're still deciding if moving is the right choice or not.  Does anyone else have something to add?

[Arctic Bunny]

I’ve always thought it’s important for me to have a good attitude about the move. I try to find something positive or unique about the next town. I give the idea some time to settle, then check back in to see how they feel. Sometimes there are things I can help with, and sometimes it just is what it is and we do our best.

We make a list of the top things we want to do/people we want to see one more time. We make sure we get those done, and I try to leave room for the inevitable last time we didn’t plan.

When possible, we take them to see the new place before we move. But we’ve moved twice without any of us having been there before, and those are our true adventures.

One son has a collection of memories. Pictures with teachers, friends, etc. Notes from friends. A variety of email addresses. The other is just like, goodbye, never going to see you again!

We have worked hard to get to a place where we shouldn’t have to move while they’re in high school. And if we did, there is the option to board, and family nearby.