Please tell me I'm not being stupid; masks in car

[Bootsie]

I am not sure why you are seeing this as a struggle.  You made a decision that you thought was best for your family.  Someone else made a decision that she thought was best for her family.  I don't see why there is a struggle.  It doesn't seem like a big deal to you to wear a mask for 15 minutes.  It may or may not be a big deal for the other mother (or there may have been many other reasons she made the decision she did), and she gets to decide that for herself based on all of the information she has about her own family.  I can't see any way that her decision caused a problem or increased risk to you (in fact, if anything it appears to have decreased it).  

[MercyA]

1 hour ago, Bootsie said:

I am not sure why you are seeing this as a struggle.  You made a decision that you thought was best for your family.  Someone else made a decision that she thought was best for her family.  I don't see why there is a struggle.  It doesn't seem like a big deal to you to wear a mask for 15 minutes.  It may or may not be a big deal for the other mother (or there may have been many other reasons she made the decision she did), and she gets to decide that for herself based on all of the information she has about her own family.  I can't see any way that her decision caused a problem or increased risk to you (in fact, if anything it appears to have decreased it).  

Perhaps you are misinterpreting what I meant by struggle. I do not care that she decided to drive her own daughter. 

What I mean is this: it is a struggle to see 95% of the people around me not automatically doing a simple, easy thing to protect other people from a virus that can kill or permanently affect health. I should not have to ask people to do what is currently the law almost everywhere in my state, and what every reputable medical expert is telling us to do. But I do have to ask, and then I am seen as fearful or paranoid or even harmful. 

Absent of a rare health problem, it is NOT a big deal to wear a mask. It really isn't. I know this family very well, and have known them for many years, and there is no reason why this child could not wear a mask. And indeed she did so, twice, to use the bathroom, with no difficulty or protest whatsoever.

I made a decision that is best not only for my family but for the community. When people decide not to mask, they are not just affecting their own family, but everyone around them. 

I've seen you argue round and round about this on other threads. I can't pretend to understand your seeming resistance to protecting other people, and I'm not as patient as Katie when it comes to arguing with someone who seems to have their mind so firmly made up. So, thank you for your thoughts, and I wish you well. 🙂 

[Bootsie]

2 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Perhaps you are misinterpreting what I meant by struggle. I do not care that she decided to drive her own daughter. 

What I mean is this: it is a struggle to see 95% of the people around me not automatically doing a simple, easy thing to protect other people from a virus that can kill or permanently affect health. I should not have to ask people to do what is currently the law almost everywhere in my state, and what every reputable medical expert is telling us to do. But I do have to ask, and then I am seen as fearful or paranoid or even harmful. 

Absent of a rare health problem, it is NOT a big deal to wear a mask. It really isn't. I know this family very well, and have known them for many years, and there is no reason why this child could not wear a mask. And indeed she did so, twice, to use the bathroom, with no difficulty or protest whatsoever.

I made a decision that is best not only for my family but for the community. When people decide not to mask, they are not just affecting their own family, but everyone around them. 

I've seen you argue round and round about this on other threads. I can't pretend to understand your seeming resistance to protecting other people, and I'm not as patient as Katie when it comes to arguing with someone who seems to have their mind so firmly made up. So, thank you for your thoughts, and I wish you well. 🙂 

I am not resisting protecting other people.  Perhaps out of every 100 people you see, you need to ask 95 of them to wear a mask.  Perhaps I do not have those same struggles, because I haven't been around 95 people recently to have this issues with. I am sure that it is difficult if you are trying to be out and about and really only see 5 out of every 100 people wearing a face covering.    

In this instance I cannot see that the other mother did anything at all to affect the health of anyone.  They made a choice NOT to ride in your car in the way that you would have liked them to.  That respected your concerns.  In fact, she probably made a choice that protected everyone's health more than the child riding in your car masked would have--I don't understand why that is an issue. 

I don't why you would assume that I resist protecting other people.  It seems to be that you are reading a lot more into what I had to say.  I don't know what you think I have my mind made up about.  If it is that a mother that chooses to drive her own daughter somewhere is making a choice that she thinks is best for her family and isn't creating a health risk for you, yes I have my mind made up about that.  If it is that you have the right to ask someone not to ride in your car if they don't wear a mask, yes I have my mind made up about that.  

[Acadie]

For this playdate, I think your holding the boundary and the other mom opting to drive her daughter is fine. Each of you chose what seems right to you for your own families.

Two other things come up for me--Mercy, I believe you're doing what's right for public health. and I'm sorry you're in the minority in your area. I live in the Midwest but recently traveled east to visit and help my parents. It's very apparent to me that there are significant regional differences in mask wearing.

In my Midwestern city I'm on the extreme end of mask compliance, but on the east coast I'm actually less convinced than others, apparently, that we need to wear masks when hiking in the wilderness. It's jarring for me to be in the position of feeling like others are wearing masks when I judge they don't really need to! On the other hand, cases are much lower where my parents live, so maybe I'm underestimating the importance of wearing masks outdoors when over 6 feet from others. My point is that there are gradations to this, and if you feel like you're on the very conservative end of distancing/masking where you live, it might look entirely different elsewhere in the country or world.

The other question I have is if you're comfortable with these friends' exposure levels. In my thinking, friends who fly without masks would require a 2 week quarantine afterward, but if they do that they're also probably taking other risks I wouldn't be comfortable with. An outdoor get together with over 6 feet distance seems fine to me if the other family is distancing, but if they're not, I'd want greater distance and/or masks. 

Go with your own judgement call on this.

[J-rap]

I know this is over now and the girls had a good time, but I get your frustration.  Maybe a short car ride with windows open doesn't make a huge difference?  I don't know.  And maybe the girls would get that close to each other in the pool anyway?

But why people make such a big deal about wearing a mask, I don't get at all.  Even if a mask helps only 10% of the time (although I'm pretty sure studies show that they're more effective than that!), isn't that something?  And if the driver requests a mask, why is that even a problem?  To me, someone who absolutely refuses suggests ego or selfishness, and that's what would bug me most of all.  If someone I know kindly offered to drive me somewhere and requested I take my shoes off while driving in her car because she just vacuumed her car, then I would do that, because that's the polite thing to do, even if I thought it was dumb -- and that's something that doesn't involve health risks.

Just for the record, my own dd wears a mask in our car, and sits in the back seat even when no one else is in the car besides me.  She's at her job every day in a health clinic, and both of us wear masks as an extra caution when we're cooped up in a car together.

 

[Lady Florida.]

3 hours ago, MercyA said:

I don't know about this mom in particular, but in our circles there is a stigma involved WITH masking. It is seen as a political statement and an acceptance of what the "liberal" news is telling people. It is seen to be fearful. And some people believe it's unhealthy to mask.

This mom did not want her family to have to wear masks on an AIRPLANE, so her not wanting her child to wear one in my car is consistent with that.

Sigh. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I just don't understand the whole anti-mask thing.

[matrips]

On 8/6/2020 at 7:19 PM, MercyA said:

This is a good point, but Mom does not believe that COVID is any more serious than seasonal influenza, and she was happy that they were not "forced" to wear masks on a plane recently.

(@matrips, would you mind removing my quote from your reply? Thanks!)

Yes.  I’m sorry!  Clicked quote by habit but went back and deleted it. 

[Carrie12345]

So, I’m popping in to say you’re not stupid at all. Dh and our dds were unmasked in a car last night with someone who registered a 102* today and is in his way to get tested. So... I don’t know what we’re going to do right now. 

Edited August 12, 2020 by Carrie12345

[Carrie12345]

39 minutes ago, Bagels McGruffikin said:

I hope his test is negative. I had a number of Covid symptoms and potential exposure at the hospital and was still pleasantly surprised to find mine was, I’m sending those vibes their way.

We do, too. But we won’t know for about 6 days.