Scarlett Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 She left their home a year ago in August. A week later, late August she and a cousin came back and tried to take their son who was 7 at the time. She couldn’t get him. So she left town and never did try to get custody or visitation. She was badly addicted to drugs.....she friended me on FB but I never interacted with her beyond accepting her friend request. I didn’t even follow her but occasionally would go to her page and see what she was up to. Lots of drama and angst.....sometimes a wild post about missing her son....or a rant against my brother for keeping son from her. A few weeks ago my brother screen shot some texts from her where she was begging him to ‘love me again’. It was so pitiful and heartbreaking. He feels nothing but contempt for her. But I felt sorry for her while also fearing she would snatch my nephew and we would never see him again. I went to her FB today after I heard she died and she posted on Sat that she was in the hospital and would someone please come rub her back. That was her last post. I feel so so sad. I don’t think there was anything I could do....addiction is powerful..... .but I am sad. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 I am just so sad. I wish my nephew could have seen her before she died, but it would probably not have been a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippiemamato3 Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 I'm so sorry. Addiction has so many victims. I hope your nephew is ok. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 That's terrible, sorry for y'all!! How old is the nephew. That will be hard on hard. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 He is 8. Imagine one day your mom leaves, comes back and has a crazy tug of war with your dad over you and the cops come...then you never see her again. Over a year later she dies. I just can’t even. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 So sad and such a tragic end. I'm sorry. hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 I'm so sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 I am so sorry. Your poor, sweet nephew. ❤️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 3, 2019 Author Share Posted December 3, 2019 My mom talked to her cousin. She was in the hospital for a while....a couple of weeks maybe. I don’t know if she knew how sick she was. She had a bowel blockage and they couldn’t fix her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 I'm sorry. That's a terrible way to die. Were you ever in relationship with her, or was she always outside your friendship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 4, 2019 Author Share Posted December 4, 2019 22 hours ago, Chris in VA said: I'm sorry. That's a terrible way to die. Were you ever in relationship with her, or was she always outside your friendship? There was a couple of years there when my brother and her were into our family and we had some good times. I was in the room when she gave birth to my nephew.....her only child at age 40.. It was so joyous. They were both on the straight and narrow for maybe 3 years before they went off the rails into the party and drug world again,,,,which naturally brings a disconnect. She went further into addiction and-my brother pulled back out enough to parent. I haven’t seen my brother in years....oh, when our dad died which I think was 3 years ago. My brain isn’t working great right now.....bit anyway, I stay in touch with my brother via text....but our worlds do not intersect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 4, 2019 Author Share Posted December 4, 2019 And brother says he tol his son. Who cried for like 3 seconds and then was on to other issues. He thinks his son is over his mom.....I am not so sure and so sad. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 4, 2019 Author Share Posted December 4, 2019 Her cousin paid for cremation. No service. I didn’t know her family, but I am sad for them. Mostly for that little boy who lost his mother to drugs. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 4, 2019 Share Posted December 4, 2019 Very, very sad. Kids may not react to tragedy the way we expect but that doesn't mean it isn't impacting them profoundly. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 4, 2019 Author Share Posted December 4, 2019 Just now, maize said: Very, very sad. Kids may not react to tragedy the way we expect but that doesn't mean it isn't impacting them profoundly. I know. I doubt my brother has the skills to realize that. I suggested counseling ( and I don’t think counseling is always the answer for life’s problems but this seems big to me) and my brother said, ‘he has been over his mom for a long time now’. He said the child’s behavior improved remarkably when his mom left the home. And while I can see that things are more stable now than when she was in the home (a very relative more stable) as you said the unseen ways he is being affected by losing his mom (first by abandonment and now permanently) will be profound. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted December 4, 2019 Share Posted December 4, 2019 1 hour ago, Scarlett said: I know. I doubt my brother has the skills to realize that. I suggested counseling ( and I don’t think counseling is always the answer for life’s problems but this seems big to me) and my brother said, ‘he has been over his mom for a long time now’. He said the child’s behavior improved remarkably when his mom left the home. And while I can see that things are more stable now than when she was in the home (a very relative more stable) as you said the unseen ways he is being affected by losing his mom (first by abandonment and now permanently) will be profound. When he is older he may need to mourn the loss of the mom she could have been. ♥️ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted December 4, 2019 Share Posted December 4, 2019 2 hours ago, Scarlett said: I know. I doubt my brother has the skills to realize that. I suggested counseling ( and I don’t think counseling is always the answer for life’s problems but this seems big to me) and my brother said, ‘he has been over his mom for a long time now’. He said the child’s behavior improved remarkably when his mom left the home. And while I can see that things are more stable now than when she was in the home (a very relative more stable) as you said the unseen ways he is being affected by losing his mom (first by abandonment and now permanently) will be profound. It is possible that he saw the abandonment as permanent and has already grieved. 31 minutes ago, Chris in VA said: When he is older he may need to mourn the loss of the mom she could have been. ♥️ And, yes, I think this is very likely. Hugs to your nephew. 😞 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 4, 2019 Author Share Posted December 4, 2019 57 minutes ago, Dotwithaperiod said: Little kids can be sad one moment and then run off to play, they just grieve differently. I think they’re more concerned with their day to day, immediate life- like who’s going to take care of me, who’ll be there when I get off the bus, etc. And because your brother has been that person for the past year or so there may not be as much visual evidence of mourning. I find it just as sad that your brother thinks the child’s grieving is over, that is pretty troubling. Hopefully that isn’t what he really meant. He just told me my nephew is very quiet and still. My brother thinks maybe he has been expecting this. I know I have but I don’t really know how an 8 year old would. That is a good point that the child’s day to day will not change. There should be some comfort in that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 It just occurred to me my nephew might be eligible for survivors benefits of some sort. His mom had got on social security disability sometime in the last year. Does anyone know how that works? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 8 minutes ago, Scarlett said: It just occurred to me my nephew might be eligible for survivors benefits of some sort. His mom had got on social security disability sometime in the last year. Does anyone know how that works? Yes, there may be a survivor benefit for the child. Was the divorce finalized? If your brother was still legally married to her there may be a benefit for him as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 1 minute ago, maize said: Yes, there may be a survivor benefit for the child. Was the divorce finalized? If your brother was still legally married to her there may be a benefit for him as well. Divorce was final. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 If the marriage lasted at least ten years there may be a surviving spouse benefit even after divorce: https://www.disabilitysecrets.com/resources/social-security-disability/social-security-basics/social- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 Your brother should definitely apply for benefits for his child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 6 minutes ago, maize said: If the marriage lasted at least ten years there may be a surviving spouse benefit even after divorce: https://www.disabilitysecrets.com/resources/social-security-disability/social-security-basics/social- It was 9 years. But yes, I will remind him to file for benefits for his son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 5, 2019 Author Share Posted December 5, 2019 This morning on my FB memories up pops a picture of her from 10 years ago. She was sitting on the sofa with my parents and she looked healthy and happy. Nice big smile. That was before she was even pregnant with my nephew. And things were good for at least the next 3 years. Then they both just went off the rails. She went so far off she couldn't get back. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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