mom2scouts Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 (edited) My dd is turning 13 this weekend. She's an extrovert and is really excited about having a sleepover birthday party. I've had a really tough month with all kinds of appliances and electronics breaking, relatives dying, relatives in the hospital, being sick myself, sick pets, elderly parent problems, teen issues, and just a generally stressful month. I've been fighting anxiety and this birthday is not helping. I told dd she could only invite a small number of people and now I'm regretting that decision. One girl has already declined since her family will be visiting relatives. DD's long time best friend was not even on the invite list. DD and this girl have done a shared sport since they were very young. The last few years they've been inseparable and had sleepovers, shared hotels during travel sports, and did everything together. The friend moved to a higher level in the sport, dd did not, and dd says the best friend no longer talks to her anymore, even when they see each other before or after practice. DD's coaches always comment about how kind and inclusive dd is to the others, so her (former) best friend must really be treating her poorly because she was adamant about not inviting the girl. The other girls she invited are from families I don't really know and none of them have RSVPed yet. One girl she invited almost always declines party invitations. Right now I think one other good friend may be the only one coming. and dd will be really hurt. Today I went shopping for the presents dd asked for and struck out on everything. Any ideas on how I might be able to save this birthday? One more disappointment right now might put ME right over the edge, and my sweet dd doesn't deserve this. UGH, parenting is hard! Edited October 7, 2019 by mom2scouts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Hugs to you. Birthdays for my kids give me a lot of anxiety; this kind of thing is hard for me to deal with too. You still have a few days to pull the gifts together - can you order them online? I would ask DD to follow up on guests who have not RSVPed (my kids do it themselves at that age) but offer to call any mom who is wary of an unfamiliar family. It's not too late to invite more people too! Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 (edited) If only one girl RSVPs, I would just try to make it as special as possible for them. Maybe do something you normally wouldn’t if you had to pay for more kids, such as going to get manicures, attending a movie or play, dinner out, etc. I normally avoid Amazon, but would it be possible to order today in order for the gifts to be there by her birthday? I hope it turns out to be a wonderful day for her, regardless of how many girls are there. Edited October 1, 2019 by Frances 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I hate birthday parties for this reason! I had a sleepover with the boys from my sons baseball team one time. No one RSVPed and I was so stressed, but then the whole team came, so who knows maybe they will all show up. I am not the most organized person and I have my faults, but I try to rsvp as soon as possible to birthdays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I always feel the same anxiety. On that note though, I never would have let my child go unless I had an invitation in writing that the parents clearly signed off on and/or I spoke to the parents. If I were you, I would do whatever it takes to track down the parents. Call them and tell them exactly what the plans are and details on the supervision. I am betting by doing that, you can salvage a few more girls to come. Good luck and let us know how it turns out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 27 minutes ago, Janeway said: I always feel the same anxiety. On that note though, I never would have let my child go unless I had an invitation in writing that the parents clearly signed off on and/or I spoke to the parents. If I were you, I would do whatever it takes to track down the parents. Call them and tell them exactly what the plans are and details on the supervision. I am betting by doing that, you can salvage a few more girls to come. Good luck and let us know how it turns out. I did make written invitations for my dd to pass out with both my cell phone number and my email address and all the details. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 People don't RSVP. You will have to call them. Hopefully, you will be pleasantly surprised at who all is coming. For my dd's 13th, we didn't have a party. (Trying to schedule a slumber party with kids that age is really really really hard.) I bought 13 balloons from the dollar store and gave them to her when she woke up. Later, we took her to Gatti-Town, which is one of those game/pizza places. Best wishes! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 (edited) We had a birthday like that one year, where everything fell apart at the last minute. We had the people who were coming bring other people! Bring cousins, anyone. Seriously. And if your home is feeling chaotic, could you have it somewhere else instead of as a sleepover? Or maybe camp out and do a bonfire? The weather is pretty good right now. I definitely agree with calling to confirm. 10 hours ago, mom2scouts said: I did make written invitations for my dd to pass out with both my cell phone number and my email address and all the details. Haha, that's like me! But if you want a reply, maybe text them? Some people do online invitations where you just click to reply. But at this point, I'd just text and if no reply to that call. I hope it turns out well! Edited October 1, 2019 by PeterPan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 20 hours ago, mom2scouts said: I did make written invitations for my dd to pass out with both my cell phone number and my email address and all the details. Try calling then. I did that before. And I had no RSVPs and by calling, a lot of people ended up coming. I think it is a little harder to say no when talking to the actual other person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 This is one of the reasons ds10 and ds12 haven't had a birthday for two years. When the kids are really little it is easy but the older they are the more stressful it gets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 I agree that most people don't RSVP anymore, so you're going to need to contact the parents directly. If it's just one to two guest coming, come up with something extra special to do. For future reference, explain to teens and kids that if they decide to have a sleepover they should keep in mind that parents are far less likely to allow their kids to sleepover at a home where the guests' parents don't know the host parents well. It's better to plan a party that doesn't involve sleeping over if you want a higher guest count if that's whose on your guest list. In the mean time, make an effort effort to get to know the other parents better before future sleepovers. As to the best friend situation, that's unfortunate. It's harder for kids to navigate maintaining relationships during a life change situation. I would suggest to your daughter that she make a serious effort to spend time with the friend in a more intentional way than chit chat before or after practice. A few minutes of chit chat is not an effective way to maintain a relationship. Some personalities don't really do brief chit chat sessions well because it's surface level interaction, not deeper level interaction. That's assuming something more serious that she hasn't told you about isn't going on. Some extroverts just aren't aware of this difference in people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted October 7, 2019 Author Share Posted October 7, 2019 Update: The birthday wasn't a total bust, but would someone remind me in a few years to say no to anymore birthday parties? Her one good friend did come and spend the night, three girls sent regrets, one didn't reply or attend, and one said she could come for the evening (but not sleepover). At the last minute, DD invited another girl who couldn't sleep over, but stayed for 4.5 hours. Three guests for a few hours was enough to feel like a party. A little neighbor girl and a girl at sports practice each gave her a small gift, so despite not being the big sleepover party she envisioned, she didn't feel neglected. As for former best friend, DH said (privately), " Good riddance. She's a pain and a drama queen." when I told him that DD wasn't inviting her. We really don't find it hard to believe that she would drop DD because DD didn't move up with her to a higher level. The last time she visited, she spent the entire time saying, " Not to brag, but at my new level we get to..." DD came home saying there was drama at practice and former best friend was in the middle of it "as usual" so she might just be done with it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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