Janeway Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Daughter has plenty of friends and wants to have a birthday party. Son's birthday is just 18 days before hers. Now that he hears her planning hers, he has taken to planning his. He has ASD and no friends. I mean, NO friends at all. There is no one to invite, no one. Daughter hand made invitations and gave them to friends already, even though the date has not been picked. I already heard from most of the parents (there are only 7 kids on the list and a couple are siblings) and let them know she still has a little time for her birthday but we do plan to have one. I found out when they are available. We will do the party over the summer. Now son has listed off a boy who lives in the neighborhood who is clearly not his friend but son thinks he is. He also listed off a boy who is the son of someone I did some business with last year. He only met the boy for a short bit when I was meeting with them. He also listed a cousin who he met last year but lives no where near us. And it is not a close cousin so even though he has sent a letter to this cousin, there was no mail back. I don't know what to do. I do not want him to grow up and remember that we let his siblings have parties and not him. But, there is no one to invite! And apparently, they do not consider "family parties" to be real parties. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 How long do you have? For example, if bday is in July, Can he be signed up for a summer activity coinciding with bday and invite the group or brink cake or party stuff to the activity? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted June 3, 2019 Author Share Posted June 3, 2019 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Pen said: How long do you have? For example, if bday is in July, Can he be signed up for a summer activity coinciding with bday and invite the group or brink cake or party stuff to the activity? Their birthdays are in September so I could really give it until September, but I am doubting he will make friends in the meantime because of the nature of the ASD for him. Her party is going to be over the summer. Edited June 3, 2019 by Janeway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 6 minutes ago, Janeway said: Their birthdays are in September so I could really give it until September, but I am doubting he will make friends in the meantime because of the nature of the ASD for him. Her party is going to be over the summer. He doesn’t need to “make friends” if he’s at a welcoming group activity where a party is done for the whole group. (Similar to when cupcakes go in to school for a birthday at school.) In looking for an activity, its openness to something like a group party would be part of what you would look at in deciding on an activity. Maybe an ASD group would work, or a special needs group at park and rec dept, ASD camp... alternatively possibly there could be a party for both kids at a rented type activity that would be fun — or at least memorable as having had a party in his childhood— even if only a few kids from his summer group show up (going to a ____, laser tag, mini golf, trampoline type thing depending on his age and abilities). 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 I would also consider trying to find a group for neurodiverse kids. We don't always all hit it off, but sometimes it really, really works. (Personally, all my best friends are autistic or part of the broader autistic spectrum. But there are a handful of people I utterly can't stand specifically because of very aspie things they do, so... mixed bag.) 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Sigh. BTDT. I didn't do birthday parties a whole lot. Since we homeschooled, a lot of the friends were other families with kids around the same age. One year I invited two families to Chuck E. Cheese during a school day, so we could have the place to ourselves. I got the pizza and bought tons of extra tokens and we stayed for 3 hours. Another year I took cupcakes to a bowling event with the homeschool group and they just sang happy birthday and we all bowled (not a party planned as a birthday party, but they didn't seem to care.) When they were bigger, I got a package birthday at a car racing/go cart place, again, during the day (school was in session so we had the place pretty much to ourselves) and I invited two families with kids around the same age. We had burgers and ice cream and I brought cupcakes. Both of the above were birthday parties for BOTH boys. My ASD kid had no friends either. Well, one friend, but that is a long story. All that to say.....I get it. And maybe you can't work around it like I did, but maybe you can find something that will work. Is there an event your son loves that is maybe not what you would normally spend money on? Could you offer that instead? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Can you try to head it off by saying you were hoping to do a special something for him instead? Like, "Oh, ds, I know you're thinking about a party, but we really wanted to take you to that big arcade/minigolf place/special restaurant/whatever for the afternoon as a birthday treat just you and Daddy. Do you think we could do that instead? I hate to ask you to give up the party, but we were looking forward to giving you this special father son time." I know this won't work on all kids... especially kids who get stuck in their thinking. But for some it would. Some kids would be relieved to be given a "way out" once they realize that the party is a bad idea. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 Would your son happened to be interested in police or firefighters or ambulance or other service type professions? You could perhaps have some sort of a party at your house and invite the police and or the firefighters and or the paramedics etc, asking that any who are off duty at the time please consider coming to the party. I saw a news story recently about a boy who had a birthday party in a park and none of his classmates came, so the mother called up the police dispatch or somehow let the police officers know, and police officers showed up to the party. If your son might like some personal birthday wishes from such emergency personnel that is one possibility to look into. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 My DD's birthdays are less than a week apart. We have always done a combined birthday/family experience. A trip to the zoo or a museum or the water park. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 What a hard situation. How old are each of them? I absolutely would let my dd have a party. I think that being a sibling of a child with special needs involves a lot of sacrifices without having to give up a birthday party she wants badly. Birthday parties can build a lot of social capital, also. I don't think that the siblings need to give up constantly because it is difficult for the special needs child. There has to be some balance. It is so so hard not to expect way too much of the sibs in terms of maturity and understanding in order to keep the peace in the home. However, that doesn't help your ds. Isn't he middle school age? Could you tell him that middle school kids don't usually have the traditional birthday party and then ask him what special thing he'd like to do with his parents (rope climbing, escape room, amusement park?) And could you get him into a social skills group? He's not going to figure this out on his own. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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