Acquiring a new cat(s) advice

[skimomma]

We lost our 20 yo cat a few weeks ago.  She was the best cat ever and we miss her terribly.  She was a lap cat that always needed to be near her people.  We have another cat (we'll call her cranky cat) who was a stray that we have had for 12 years.  We estimate she is 13-15 years old.  She is not a lap cat, does not really like to be touched much, and is pretty independent.  She is 15 yo dd's cat and is a little more interactive with her.  The two cats mostly just ignored each other with no serious aggression between them aside from the occasional hiss-and-swipe when one got too close to the other.  We did not introduce them the proper way where you spend weeks and weeks slowly merging their spaces together.  And while we have the very best intentions I know it is unlikely that we will be good about this in future introductions.  Our house is not set up well for the long drawn-out separation needed to really do it properly, and frankly, my dh and dd are super impatient about stuff like this so they work against me.

Given that, what is the mostly likely success scenario for acquiring an additional cat or two, with "success" being as-happy-as-possible cats?  I doubt it is possible, no matter what we do, to make cranky cat best friends with any other cat.  I would really love this since we travel a lot and I feel like it could combat boredom and loneliness when we are not home.  But I suspect that is simply not possible given the cranky disposition of cranky cat.  I very much would prefer to keep the cat count to two but would consider three if it could make the situation significantly better.

We plan to adopt cat(s) from the local shelter.  Which scenario has the best chance of harmony and perhaps even cat friendships:

1.  Adopt one adult lap cat that seems to get on well with other cats in the shelter and hope cranky cat doesn't flip happy cat into another cranky cat.

2.  Adopt a kitten in the hopes that kitten cuteness with appeal to cranky cat's motherly instincts.  The risk with this being it is hard to tell if a kitten will become a lap cat, which is very important to us and I am not really in the mood for kitten antics at the moment.

3.  Adopt two lap cats that already like each other so at least they will have a "friend" even if cranky cat never comes around.  Can one cranky cat flip two happy cats so I end up with THREE cats who hate each other?

And given that cranky cat is female, would we be best to introduce a female or male?

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I don’t know for sure, other than kittens are best in pairs. 

[stephanier.1765]

I don't know if you can count on a shelter lap cat being a lap cat once you get home. The last cat we adopted from the shelter sat in my son's lap the entire we were visiting, so of course we brought her home. She is not a lap cat by any means. It's still surprises me to remember what she was like in the shelter. She knew how to sell herself, that's for sure. Good luck on your search! And I'm so sorry about your loss.

[shawthorne44]

This is my test.   
Flip the cat over and pet the belly.  Only take home the cat that really likes that.  

eta:   This won't work for you since you have cranky cat.  But, when we are ready for a cat again, I plan on telling the shelter that I'll volunteer to foster a pregnant cat until its kittens are weaned.  Then I will make sure that momma is well-fed while with me, and that the kittens get loads of human interaction.   Then we will keep DD's favorite.  The other kittens should then be easily adoptable.  I really think that lots of love during the kitten period is the best odds of getting a good pet cat.  

Edited December 28, 2018 by shawthorne44

[maize]

Adopt two kittens. Cranky cat can get used to them while they are little and non intimidating; they will have each other to socialize with and won't bug cranky cat if she doesn't warm up to them.

[Pawz4me]

I don't think there is any one right answer here. There are lots of potential problems with any choice. I'd pick the one that I felt most capable of dealing with. For me that would be option #1, but in years of working in rescue I've never seen anything that supports the oft-repeated-on-here notion that kittens or cats always do better in pairs. I have, however, worked with many cats and kittens who made it abundantly clear that they preferred to be "onlies" (no other cats in the home).

Whatever you do you need to provide a safe, secluded spot for existing elderly cat.

In general with cats matching temperament/personality/energy levels matters much more than what sex(es) they are.

[shawthorne44]

3 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

.... I have, however, worked with many cats and kittens who made it abundantly clear that they preferred to be "onlies" (no other cats in the home)....

I thought I'd always have two cats.  Because when one would die, the other would be depressed.  I'd had one whose tail literally dragged on the ground.  The kitten we got for him didn't have to clean herself for at least 6 months.  Then when my second to last cat died, the remaining cat practically said, "Finally!  I have you all alone."     

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would not get kittens in your situation.  I would instead get an adult cat but on the younger side (so 1 or 2 years old).  Calmed down enough to want to snuggle.  I would look for a cat that is not too shy but not too adventurous either.  You could go to the shelter multiple times to get a better idea of personality over time.  I don't think that a cranky cat will flip an otherwise well adjusted cat especially if you don't force the two cats to be besties.  It sounds like cranky cat is better just left alone.  If you want two adult cats, you can see if they have cats that are bonded well to each other already. 

[Pawz4me]

7 minutes ago, kand said:

I agree that a lot of cats prefer being onlies (we have one like that—she hates other cats). I’m surprised you haven’t seen single kitten syndrome in action though. I have a number of times, including our own first cat who we adopted as a single kitten before we knew it would have been better to get her sister at the same time. 

In any case, in this circumstance, I definitely wouldn’t get just one kitten, because kitten will want to wrestle and pounce all over cranky cat, and I don’t imagine cranky cat is going to find that nearly as cute as we do. You would have to keep them apart, which would negate the reason you were considering a kitten. 

At times yes, of course. But it seems to me that many on this board think it's an *always* thing that two kittens are happier together. And my experience doesn't support that. It also bugs me when people post that because I'm afraid it discourages people who may want only one kitten or cat from adopting. And there are so many out there who would love to be onlies.

Edited December 28, 2018 by Pawz4me

[Jean in Newcastle]

11 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

At times yes, of course. But it seems to me that many on this board think it's an *always* thing that two kittens are happier together. And my experience doesn't support that. It also bugs me when people post that because I'm afraid it discourages people who may want only one kitten or cat from adopting. And there are so many out there who would love to be onlies.

My experience mirrors yours.  And those adult cats that want to be onlies did not start out as adult cats.  Not all kittens have the same needs or personalities. 

[goldberry]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

My experience mirrors yours.  And those adult cats that want to be onlies did not start out as adult cats.  Not all kittens have the same needs or personalities. 

Having two cats who grew up together (although not siblings) and then were besties for years... only to now turn on each other to the point that we had to add a DOOR to our house to keep them separated, I'd have to say...

There's no predicting anything with cats.  They will do what they will. 😒

[stephanier.1765]

1 hour ago, goldberry said:

Having two cats who grew up together (although not siblings) and then were besties for years... only to now turn on each other to the point that we had to add a DOOR to our house to keep them separated, I'd have to say...

There's no predicting anything with cats.  They will do what they will. 😒

 

Agreed. I think that's why I like them so much. Their weirdness makes me laugh every day, especially when my 20 lb. Maine Coon tries to crawl in my lap that is already filled with my tablet. How dare I prefer something over him. However, if I'm in the mood for snuggles, guess who starts throwing some cattitude around.

[skimomma]

21 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

I don't think there is any one right answer here. There are lots of potential problems with any choice. I'd pick the one that I felt most capable of dealing with. For me that would be option #1, but in years of working in rescue I've never seen anything that supports the oft-repeated-on-here notion that kittens or cats always do better in pairs. I have, however, worked with many cats and kittens who made it abundantly clear that they preferred to be "onlies" (no other cats in the home).

Whatever you do you need to provide a safe, secluded spot for existing elderly cat.

In general with cats matching temperament/personality/energy levels matters much more than what sex(es) they are.

 

I really appreciate the advice.  I expected it would be a bit all over the place but was hoping for more consensus.  

From the above quote, I too have always heard the kittens in pairs thing.  In this case, I can see it being better just so they play with each other and don't torture cranky cat.  But TWO kittens sounds like way too many antics for me right now.

I also wonder how to provide a safe, secluded spot for cranky cat.  How do people do this in reality?  We have an open concept house, which is the biggest reason the long introduction plans we should be doing never seem to work well.  Anywhere cranky cat can get to, a younger cat will be able to.  But this is why I lean towards adopting an adult....in the hopes that it will be calm enough to not bother cranky cat too much.  Cranky cat is "technically" elderly by age but she is still curious, active, and ALWAYS causing mischief.  20yo cat was here first so it is possible cranky cat might like other cats and it was 20yo cat that started the drama.  It is this glimmer of possibility that has me thinking more into cat selection than I normally would.  We are usually "show us your most hopeless cases at the shelter" pet adopters.  Aside from these last two, we usually adopt senior cats, age 8+, that don't have much chance of being adopted.

[skimomma]

21 hours ago, shawthorne44 said:

This is my test.   
Flip the cat over and pet the belly.  Only take home the cat that really likes that.  

 

 

This might be my favorite advice.

[skimomma]

20 hours ago, kand said:

 I’m surprised you haven’t seen single kitten syndrome in action though.

 

What is this?  

[Pawz4me]

21 minutes ago, skimomma said:

 

I also wonder how to provide a safe, secluded spot for cranky cat.  How do people do this in reality?  We have an open concept house, which is the biggest reason the long introduction plans we should be doing never seem to work well.  Anywhere cranky cat can get to, a younger cat will be able to. 

I don't have any BTDT advice about that. I've only needed to provide a safe space for cats to get away from dogs, and that's much easier than figuring out how to keep cats away from cats long term (short term confinement is different). Some things I'd consider --

If cranky cat is okay with a crate, then that's a possibility--Fix up a cozy, snuggly crate in a quiet spot and when (if) cranky cat retreats to it shut the door to keep new cat out. If it's a big enough crate you can put in a litter box. If not then of course you don't want to keep the door shut too long! Ditto if cranky cat has a favorite bedroom or closet to hang out in--easy enough to put a litter box in that room or closet, along with a food and water bowl, and shut the door for awhile when you notice cranky cat retreating to it.

[Pawz4me]

35 minutes ago, skimomma said:

 

What is this?  

Single kittens going nuts and wreaking havoc due to boredom/lack of adequate physical or mental exercise, often attributed to lack of a playmate. It happens with lots of kittens, but not all by any stretch of the imagination. And sometimes with two you get double the havoc rather than them entertaining themselves in a relatively non-destructive manner. So two kittens climbing and shredding your curtains rather than one.

Edited December 29, 2018 by Pawz4me

[Jean in Newcastle]

This really has nothing to do with the OP since she doesn’t want kittens but we just played with our single kittens. They got lots of time to wrestle and play. I can’t think of a single instance of “havoc” that occurred with any of the four kittens we raised from very small kittenhood.   We trained them not to scratch on furniture or get on countertops. All four became well adjusted adults. We didn’t choose the rowdiest of kittens but they did like to play as well as cuddle. One kitten loved to play fetch with a little beanbag. I don’t think it’s wrong for people to get kittens in pairs-if they can, that’s great. But I won’t hesitate to get a single kitten again. In my urban area it’s much harder to get pairs than singles. 

[stephanier.1765]

Jackson Galaxy would probably recommend a cat highway. Shelves and perches off the ground so that scared or grouchy cats can watch the action while staying out of reach. But always make sure there are two ways down so that no one gets cornered. Same thing for litter boxes and any bedding or cave like places you make for the cats to relax.

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

We have rabbits to put our cat in his place.  😉  (and yes, the rabbits are at the top of the animal totem pole in this house.  I think as prey animals they have decided early on to establish their dominance.) 

[Pawz4me]

6 minutes ago, kand said:

 

It’s not so much about the kittens wreaking havoc. All kittens are going to bring craziness to a household. It has to do with them being much more likely to grow up into cats with aggression issues. Biting especially, but not just that. It’s thought to be due to not having the outlet of a sibling to wrestle with and to put them in their place if they get out of hand. Here’s a link: http://meowcatrescue.org/resources/articles/12/single-kitten-syndrome/ You will find more if you google. 

I totally agree it might not happen. It’s not a foregone conclusion at all. Given what I know and have seen though, I would never again adopt a single kitten myself. YMMV. 

What a horribly ill informed rescue. 

There is so very much wrong there . . .

[Jean in Newcastle]

9 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

What a horribly ill informed rescue. 

There is so very much wrong there . . .

And yet the Humane Society which is just 7 miles away, has no such requirements and is such a better rescue. 

[lea1]

I had a male and female half siblings that grew up together.  When they were younger, they loved each other, played all the time and cuddled together all the time.  When they got older, he would sometimes attack her for no reason.  I felt bad for her.  She died at around 12 years old but he lived to 18.  I missed her so much that I got a female kitten that looked just like her (so he was around 12 at the time).  He hated the kitten.  The kitten would try to play with him and he wanted no part of her.  She would jump all over him and he would just be trying to get away.  He was older and weaker so it was not a good situation and I ended up having to keep them separate for years which was not easy.

I would definitely recommend not getting a kitten with an elderly cat.  I don't think it is a good mix at all.

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 hour ago, kand said:

Editing to not take up OP’s thread except to say this makes me so sad 😥. It’s totally fine to disagree with this policy, but these two statements are hurtful to make to such a dedicated group of people who care for cats so deeply. If you knew this rescue, I think you would see that despite your disagreement, there is so very much right there. 

I see that you erased my quote.  My point was not to put down MEOW but to point out that it is not a universal even in local rescues.  Other rescues I've worked with do not have this kitten policy either.  Whether that makes the rescue better or not is purely subjective, I know, but putting up artificial barriers is a negative in my opinion.  It is also my opinion that it is an artificial barrier.