Fear and venting

[lgliser]

I really just need to talk this out. I've homeschooled since 1st grade. This year is 6th grade. It's been wonderful and we have all been very happy. My kids are involved in a ton of things, sports, co ops, lessons, church, etc... so they get a lot of social time with friends. 

I used to think that I would Homeschool through high school as long as we all still wanted to, but I'm having second thoughts.  I'm worried I just can't provide the education that a school can. Then I started thinking that if they're going to high school, maybe they should go to middle school to test the waters. My two girls were pretty excited at the idea. My son, not so much. The girls take orchestra at the public middle school and they say, "it's a bad school" because even in that short amount of time, they see bad behavior. We've got friends with kids in public high school and the stories they tell are pretty bad too. Fear! 

I am thinking about a private school. They know some of the kids who go there and they are in love with that idea. I like it too. They're off on Mondays, so long weekend. It's small and they'd be in a Christian environment. (I 100% know that a Christian environment does not equal perfect kids! Their co op is Christian and they've learned plenty of things there that I wasn't ready for them to learn! Kids are kids, where ever they are. But I do feel like it would at least be less there and dealt with more than in a public school). 

But I would have to get a job to pay for it. More fear! All I ever wanted to be in life was a stay at home mom. I had a job until we had kids. It was just a job to have a job... not like a career that I loved. It's been 12 years and working scares me! I think substitute teaching would be the best option because I'd be off when the kids are off. I looked into VIPKIDS and actually passed my interview yesterday, so I could teach kids in China English. But now I have 3 days to prepare for my mock classes, which I also have to pass to get started. And this job seems just delightful - working with kids and being at home. But the hours! Prime hours are 4am - 8am. I usually stay up till midnight and get up at 8 or 9. Talk about an adjustment. I don't know if I can physically do it. And, it's looks easy and hard at the same time... more Fear. It's just unknown I guess.

Now in the course of about a  month of thinking about all of this, I'm back to thinking we could just keep homeschooling. I think my girls would be a little disappointed but I also think they'd be ok. I don't think it would be a huge issue. I'm just really back and forth. It helps to type it all out. Not a lot of my friends are homeschoolers and understand things like this!

[regentrude]

I would think through the motivations for homeschooling some more. There are many reasons why it can be a good choice for a family - but mom's fear of having to get a job is not a good reason.

Also, I think middle school is the absolute worst time to attend school. The social issues peak at that age; high school will be better. If I had only been able to homeschool for a short time, I would have done it during the middle school years. They can still attend high school just fine without going to middle school.

Edited November 30, 2018 by regentrude

[PeterPan]

Well I know someone doing VIPKids and this person enjoys it very much. However that person does not have kids at home. I think that would be a TOTAL DEALBREAKER to expect you to be up at all from 4-8 am, sorry. Or are you a morning person so working 5-8am would work for you? That would make sense to me as a job if you're a total morning person with no trouble at all. But really, even then, what about getting your kids ready in the morning and driving them in???  

Why is the cs taking off Mondays??? Do you have admission stats on this school to know where their grads go? Is it some kind of hybrid? Why is it not doing 5 days a week with early dismissal one day? I would not assume that a junky cs is going to do better than you are. Yes there are good cs, but there are junky ones too, ones with unqualified teachers, unlicensed teachers, people teaching outside their training. And if the people aren't licensed in the area, then you might be just as good as they are.

You have been a consistently organized homeschooler, thorough in your preparation and approach. I think what you could do is keep going, like you say, and walk right up to the line around 8th and go ok I like where I see this going for 9th or no I don't like how this is coming together. You may get invigorated with some fun or individualized things you want to do that school couldn't do for them. Or puberty could kick and in they could be wanting opportunities that are hard to make happen as a homeschooler. In some places there are homeschool bands, lego leagues, etc., but that's not everywhere. But I don't think you have to make that decision out of FEAR. I think you've shown that if you do it you'll do a good job. 

[8filltheheart]

I would spend time in prayer and discussing the different options with my Dh. I would not make my decision based on fear. I would also spend time educating myself on what courses are offered at the school, what their outcomes are, etc and comparing those to the options I could offer at home. Homeschooling through high school is definitely not for everyone. But, schools are lock step and equally not a God option for every student. Which is better for your family is only a decision only you can make.

[Soror]

Hugs Mama. 

I can relate to a whole heap of what you are talking about, although my situation is a bit different.

For background, all my kids have been hs'd from the begininning. My son asked to go to PS last year so we decided to let him go this year for 8th. That started grumblings from dd1 that she wanted to go, that coupled w/ a whole heap of financial stress led us to put them all in school. 

I don't know how much was fear and how much trying to be proactive and realistic. I can't even sort it out now, there was just too much stress. 

So, they went in on a Thursday and I got hired by VIPKID Sunday, they asked to come home (with a little seeds planted by me) and that Monday was my youngest 2's last day. My daughter came home a couple of weeks ago after 3 months in. The whole situation made me realize what a blessing it all was, you absolutely can do this if you want to. You can provide a good education at home. Although, I didn't put mine in out of fear that I couldn't do it (I still feel a bit heartbroken and grieved that I'm not schooling ds) I can see the value of HS even more having a glimpse of it taken away. There are pros and cons to every choice, HS is a lifestyle and it requires a heap of hard work with little recognition but it is also an incredible gift.

I would agree with the others, think about your motivation, think about what you think you are lacking. 

For me personally, it would not be worth working out of the home to pay for a school. I do VIPKID nearly every morning (my last day off was Oct 13- I work 5-8). My kids sleep through part of it, I wake of ds in between classes and he gets himself ready and on the bus. We do school after I finish and if they are up early enough they start some on their own. There are a lot of hs moms that work for VIPKID. *just a note though it is possible that you could have to do multiple mock interviews before actually being hired. I got hired after 1 but have heard that is the exception.

Edited November 30, 2018 by soror

[MerryAtHope]

This is such an individual decision--but I can tell you that it's NORMAL to have fears about homeschooling high school. It's also quite possible to do it and to do it well, and there are lots of ways to make up for your areas of weakness, depending on the level of help you need (sometimes it's just a matter of getting good curriculum, but there are also numerous possibilities to use videos for a subject, and even online classes if needed.) High school is work, but it's also just taking that next step and still doing what you've always done to provide your kids with a good education. You probably had fears before you started homeschooling too, and look how far you've come. I was downright terrified at times about homeschooling high school, LOL! but God is faithful and walks beside us each step of the way, and I'm so glad I had that time with my teens! And they were well prepared to move on. Truly, if you want to do this, you really can, and this board is one of the great resources you have for figuring out how to make it possible. 

[HomeAgain]

*sigh*

I had a long reply all typed out, telling you to go from the heart and not from fear, and I realized as I was writing that I wasn't doing the same.  My gut reaction is to stay really far away from the Christian school because it seems more ominous and detrimental to me.

But, it is something you need to make a pro/con list about and seriously look at each issue.

[lgliser]

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Is fear the only motivator, or are you burnt out? What does your dh think? 

I don't think I'm burnt out. I think we're turning a corner now that they're middle school age. They can work more independently but I feel like they're not putting their all into things and I'm not sure how to encourage or to make that happen. DH is great because he truly supports any decision that I make. I almost wish he would have more of a solid opinion!

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I would think through the motivations for homeschooling some more. There are many reasons why it can be a good choice for a family - but mom's fear of having to get a job is not a good reason.

Also, I think middle school is the absolute worst time to attend school. The social issues peak at that age; high school will be better. If I had only been able to homeschool for a short time, I would have done it during the middle school years. They can still attend high school just fine without going to middle school.

I 100% agree with that. I have said since the beginning that I'd at least homeschool through middle school since that can be such a tough time. The only way I would change my mind would be if we went to the private school because they know some of the kids there and they're super sweet. 

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Well I know someone doing VIPKids and this person enjoys it very much. However that person does not have kids at home. I think that would be a TOTAL DEALBREAKER to expect you to be up at all from 4-8 am, sorry. Or are you a morning person so working 5-8am would work for you? That would make sense to me as a job if you're a total morning person with no trouble at all. But really, even then, what about getting your kids ready in the morning and driving them in???  

Why is the cs taking off Mondays??? Do you have admission stats on this school to know where their grads go? Is it some kind of hybrid? Why is it not doing 5 days a week with early dismissal one day? I would not assume that a junky cs is going to do better than you are. Yes there are good cs, but there are junky ones too, ones with unqualified teachers, unlicensed teachers, people teaching outside their training. And if the people aren't licensed in the area, then you might be just as good as they are.

I am SO not a morning person. So I don't know why I'm even considering this VIPKID thing! Even a more reasonable 5 or 6 to 8am sounds awful to me.

I don't know the reason that the CS takes Mondays off, but there is a public school district close to me that does the same thing. The CS is pretty new and growing along with the students so their first graduating class will be next year.  

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You have been a consistently organized homeschooler, thorough in your preparation and approach. I think what you could do is keep going, like you say, and walk right up to the line around 8th and go ok I like where I see this going for 9th or no I don't like how this is coming together. You may get invigorated with some fun or individualized things you want to do that school couldn't do for them. Or puberty could kick and in they could be wanting opportunities that are hard to make happen as a homeschooler. In some places there are homeschool bands, lego leagues, etc., but that's not everywhere. But I don't think you have to make that decision out of FEAR. I think you've shown that if you do it you'll do a good job. 

Thank you - that is very kind of you to say! I think you are spot on about continuing on and either getting invigorated .... or not! Puberty - yikes!  But ya, they are involved already in SO many things. Maybe they don't realize that going to school would be school time, and then they'd still be involved in the same things. They're in a lego league. They are in choir/orchestra. Sports. Everything! I think part of what's going on, with the girls in particular, is that they're at that age where they want to feel so normal - just like everyone else. And even though they have homeschool friends, most of their friends go to public or private schools. And they don't. And mostly they are happy and see the benefits, but at the same time, they feel like they're in the minority and that's not "cool."

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I would spend time in prayer and discussing the different options with my Dh. I would not make my decision based on fear. I would also spend time educating myself on what courses are offered at the school, what their outcomes are, etc and comparing those to the options I could offer at home. Homeschooling through high school is definitely not for everyone. But, schools are lock step and equally not a God option for every student. Which is better for your family is only a decision only you can make.

Definitely. Thankfully DH is 100% supportive and we are talking and praying about this. I don't want to make a fear based decision either. I hate this!  Trying to see the outcomes of this private school is tough because it's still pretty new. I can see their curriculum, class options, and the word is escaping me right now but their whole outline/plan. I do like what I see.

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So, they went in on a Thursday and I got hired by VIPKID Sunday, they asked to come home (with a little seeds planted by me) and that Monday was my youngest 2's last day. My daughter came home a couple of weeks ago after 3 months in. The whole situation made me realize what a blessing it all was, you absolutely can do this if you want to. You can provide a good education at home. Although, I didn't put mine in out of fear that I couldn't do it (I still feel a bit heartbroken and grieved that I'm not schooling ds) I can see the value of HS even more having a glimpse of it taken away. There are pros and cons to every choice, HS is a lifestyle and it requires a heap of hard work with little recognition but it is also an incredible gift.

I would agree with the others, think about your motivation, think about what you think you are lacking. 

I'm glad you shared - saying that you can see the value of HS even more having a glimpse of it taken away - that makes an impact! 

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This is such an individual decision--but I can tell you that it's NORMAL to have fears about homeschooling high school. It's also quite possible to do it and to do it well, and there are lots of ways to make up for your areas of weakness, depending on the level of help you need (sometimes it's just a matter of getting good curriculum, but there are also numerous possibilities to use videos for a subject, and even online classes if needed.) High school is work, but it's also just taking that next step and still doing what you've always done to provide your kids with a good education. You probably had fears before you started homeschooling too, and look how far you've come. I was downright terrified at times about homeschooling high school, LOL! but God is faithful and walks beside us each step of the way, and I'm so glad I had that time with my teens! And they were well prepared to move on. Truly, if you want to do this, you really can, and this board is one of the great resources you have for figuring out how to make it possible. 

•  

Good point - I was scared to start homeschooling! And we're doing it! And you're right that there are SO many things we can do to supplement things that I don't feel I can teach. I'm worried that some might be pricey but I'm sure with research I can find some that aren't...  Thank you for your insight!

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*sigh*

I had a long reply all typed out, telling you to go from the heart and not from fear, and I realized as I was writing that I wasn't doing the same.  My gut reaction is to stay really far away from the Christian school because it seems more ominous and detrimental to me.

But, it is something you need to make a pro/con list about and seriously look at each issue.

Are you saying that you realized that you are basing some things on fear? I'm sorry you deleted your reply - I would have loved to hear it.  So you think the Christian school sounds detrimental? 

I do have a lot of thinking to do. I appreciate any prayers!

I love the boards here so much. You all are so wonderful and supportive and wise. I just can't thank you enough for your advice!

[....]

I just want to say that homeschooling high school has been a blast.  My oldest only needs 4 more credits to graduate, so she's almost finished.  I plan to let her unschool senior year.  She could graduate a year early, but we wanted to give her one more year to be a kid.  I'm actually kinda sad it's almost over.  She's turned 17 this week, so we're working on her college plans and thinking about what we're going to do for graduation.  (And trying not to get teary-eyed thinking about it)

And, no, we didn't have any problem finding appropriate materials for stuff like math, science....or socialization -Lol.  

Honestly, I thought homeschooling high school was much, MUCH easier than the K-2 years.

[8filltheheart]

24 minutes ago, seemesew said:

My first thought is homeschool burnout, but not in the way most think of it. You have been homeschooling for awhile, your kids are getting older, and you are wanting changes. Maybe you see what others are doing and thinking that the way they are doing it is somehow better or more fulfilling than what you are doing. Maybe you are wanting some things different for you and want to try something new. These are just suggestions/scenarios, but I have seen this type of burnout several times, and I have been through it myself. I would really think about what you want and why. Maybe you want to try something new for you, but you don't have to send them to school to do it. Or maybe in your heart you want a break, or just don't like homeschooling the older ages. There are many things to look at, and would seriously think about what is triggering these thoughts of discontentment. Public school is fine for some so is private school, but for me when I was in a similar situation it ended up being a lot more problems and stress than it was worth. 

That sounds more like homeschooling mid-life crisis or 7 yr itch. 😎

[PeterPan]

On December 2, 2018 at 1:24 AM, lgliser said:

at the same time, they feel like they're in the minority and that's not "cool."

 

On December 2, 2018 at 1:24 AM, lgliser said:

I feel like they're not putting their all into things and I'm not sure how to encourage or to make that happen.

I think it's really easy to look at successes on the boards and think that means you're failing. Just reading what you're writing here and thinking about the ages of the kids, I think you're on the *cusp* of what you want, honestly. There's just the maturity thing to go through. My dd started becoming the person I thought she would be... right about the time she graduated.  I mean seriously, you're right there where they're about to leap, about to have their maturity jump, and you're telling yourself you're failing because they haven't done that yet. It's a rare kid who's like 4th grade and banging it out and blowing people's minds. That's age 16. Maybe a little earlier. That puberty jump is probably gonna be 12-ish. For my dd it was 7th. Our behaviorist was reminding me the same thing for ds, that his ability to work independently and have some of these skills come in will come with puberty.

And there's a range on that too. Some people will say their dc was 16 before it clicked. My point is it's going to click. Probably if you just stick with it, in the next 2-3 years you'll see the shift you wanted. And I think, and this is just me, that the amount of things they're busy with is GREAT because it's giving them lots of opportunities to develop the diligence you're wanting to see. Being diligent in those things is stretching them and preparing them to be diligent in more. They're probably not developmentally ready to be stellar and independent and astonishing in academics AND extra-currics AND being kind to their siblings AND doing chores AND... kwim? If they were, you'd be graduating them and shipping them out, job done. 

On December 2, 2018 at 1:24 AM, lgliser said:

The CS is pretty new and growing along with the students so their first graduating class will be next year.  

Hmm. Is there something about the school that has struck you or seemed really good or called to you as being something that would be good for them? 

On December 2, 2018 at 1:24 AM, lgliser said:

I can see their curriculum, class options, and the word is escaping me right now but their whole outline/plan. I do like what I see.

Then make your OWN, so you can see what would be different and be honest and weigh it. ANY school has its benefits. You've been going a long time, and retiring sounds nice. Having that scope & sequence all done and them bearing the load sounds nice. It's going to be work for you to work through options, make up lists, see what might fit them. For us, the big issue was NOT academics. The things I could offer her were superior, more varied, more custom, more engaging, more tailored. Clearly we had that part nailed. The thing that was different was the social, and it sounds like you've got a lot of opportunities and things you're already taking advantage of. Will those things continue? 

What I find for me is that every time I hit on something hard, I spend months going ok give me a professional to do this, I need help, this is awful, and THEN I finally realize it's time for me to suck up my bootstraps and do it. Jumping to school for high school is super common and there can be a lot of good reasons to do that. I think once you make your lists and think through what you'd be doing and compare, you'll know. Can they partially enroll and take single classes or participate in sports or drama?

How do you feel about the whole not wanting to be different thing? It's surprising how many kids in school are envious of kids who are homeschooled. Also, the ability to be confidently different is good too. But I think the drive to be with your peers and be like your peers is developmentally normal. Maybe just not something to go too far with or something to have some discussions about.

Remember when you're going through these calculations to figure out the ease of doing DE (dual enrollment). Homeschoolers typically have a lot of flex to do DE, where in some settings it's unheard of. Some schools have their AP rat race. So you want to think through that carefully, like where this is going and what opportunities might open for them. A lot of kids are ready by their junior years or definitely senior years to do some DE and bang things out. They can do their freshman core classes (comp, civ, etc.) and be ready to go into 200 and 300 level classes when they go to college, which is a lot more fun. Then they'll still be different, sigh, but it's just trade-offs. My dd feels different because she came in with so many credits, but she likes what she gets to do as a result. Our local cs wouldn't have had any of those opportunities (or she would have had to do the DE on top of a full load at the school), so it would have been very different.

[Skippy]

On 11/30/2018 at 11:02 AM, lgliser said:

I really just need to talk this out. I've homeschooled since 1st grade. This year is 6th grade. It's been wonderful and we have all been very happy.

I think this is your answer here. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Don't worry about or invent problems that do not exist at the present. I agree with others who said that homeschooling high school is work, and it is different, but it is also very rewarding and can be "a blast" as someone else said. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Keep up the good work, Mom!

[lgliser]

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My first thought is homeschool burnout, but not in the way most think of it. You have been homeschooling for awhile, your kids are getting older, and you are wanting changes. Maybe you see what others are doing and thinking that the way they are doing it is somehow better or more fulfilling than what you are doing. Maybe you are wanting some things different for you and want to try something new. These are just suggestions/scenarios, but I have seen this type of burnout several times, and I have been through it myself. I would really think about what you want and why. Maybe you want to try something new for you, but you don't have to send them to school to do it. Or maybe in your heart you want a break, or just don't like homeschooling the older ages. There are many things to look at, and would seriously think about what is triggering these thoughts of discontentment. Public school is fine for some so is private school, but for me when I was in a similar situation it ended up being a lot more problems and stress than it was worth. 

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That sounds more like homeschooling mid-life crisis or 7 yr itch. 😎

Totally, guys!

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I think it's really easy to look at successes on the boards and think that means you're failing. Just reading what you're writing here and thinking about the ages of the kids, I think you're on the *cusp* of what you want, honestly. There's just the maturity thing to go through. My dd started becoming the person I thought she would be... right about the time she graduated.  I mean seriously, you're right there where they're about to leap, about to have their maturity jump, and you're telling yourself you're failing because they haven't done that yet. It's a rare kid who's like 4th grade and banging it out and blowing people's minds. That's age 16. Maybe a little earlier. That puberty jump is probably gonna be 12-ish. For my dd it was 7th. Our behaviorist was reminding me the same thing for ds, that his ability to work independently and have some of these skills come in will come with puberty.

And there's a range on that too. Some people will say their dc was 16 before it clicked. My point is it's going to click. Probably if you just stick with it, in the next 2-3 years you'll see the shift you wanted. And I think, and this is just me, that the amount of things they're busy with is GREAT because it's giving them lots of opportunities to develop the diligence you're wanting to see. Being diligent in those things is stretching them and preparing them to be diligent in more. They're probably not developmentally ready to be stellar and independent and astonishing in academics AND extra-currics AND being kind to their siblings AND doing chores AND... kwim? If they were, you'd be graduating them and shipping them out, job done. 

Just, wow. What great insight!

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How do you feel about the whole not wanting to be different thing? It's surprising how many kids in school are envious of kids who are homeschooled. Also, the ability to be confidently different is good too. But I think the drive to be with your peers and be like your peers is developmentally normal. Maybe just not something to go too far with or something to have some discussions about.

Yes, I agree that them feeling that way is developmentally normal. We do need to work on being confidently different! We have talked about that a lot.

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I think this is your answer here. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Don't worry about or invent problems that do not exist at the present. I agree with others who said that homeschooling high school is work, and it is different, but it is also very rewarding and can be "a blast" as someone else said. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Keep up the good work, Mom!

But I'm so good at making problems that don't exist! LOL

Geez, you guys are amazing. Just talking this out helps tremendously and for now I'm back to feeling confident again. I think this is mostly a little bit of burnout, added to the fact that the kids just changing so much right now! We'll sail through this like we've sailed through things before. :)

[Meadowlark]

Just wanted to pop on and say that I get it, and I've been on the flip side. I was feeling like you-like it was "time" to move on-that I couldn't provide what the school would provide. Well, I learned the hard way that yes, the school can provide more (and there are definitely some positives), but it wasn't the "la la land" that I imagined it to be. I was immediately unhappy with the academics and it drove me crazy how they were teaching my kids how to read. So every night they would bring home a book and try to guess the words, grrr! Then there was a rap song being played in my kid's gym class, and the teacher actually held the microphone up to the kids' mouths to have them sing the inappropriate lyrics! Um, the principal heard about that. And so on and so forth.

I sent them because I was expecting a surprise baby, and I was SO tired and SO burned out. Everyone told me "it's just for a year, you can always go back to homeschooling". NOT TRUE for us. I do have my little ones home now again but the older kids are in and there's probably no going back. Well, I'm considering my 2nd coming home but that's not going to be easy. My point being-if it's wonderful and your kids are happy-stick with it! I wish I could rewind a few years and make that decision again, knowing that the burnout was a stage. If you feel like homeschooling is your calling, don't stray unless there is a really good reason to. Good luck with your decision.

[....]

On 12/10/2018 at 4:33 PM, Meadowlark said:

I sent them because I was expecting a surprise baby, and I was SO tired and SO burned out. Everyone told me "it's just for a year, you can always go back to homeschooling". NOT TRUE for us. I do have my little ones home now again but the older kids are in and there's probably no going back. Well, I'm considering my 2nd coming home but that's not going to be easy. My point being-if it's wonderful and your kids are happy-stick with it! I wish I could rewind a few years and make that decision again, knowing that the burnout was a stage. If you feel like homeschooling is your calling, don't stray unless there is a really good reason to. Good luck with your decision.

 

I was always perplexed by people who said they take whether or not to homeschool "one year at a time".  How?????  🤔  Yeah, my kids would not be ok homeschooling, going to school for a year, then homeschooling again.  There would be a mutiny.