So very sad for my dh....

[Liberty]

My dear, sweet dh hates his job. He has a pretty good job as a construction foreman but it is very stressful for him. His biggest complaint is having to meet deadlines without being given all of the resources he needs (materials, helpers, etc...). This is his chief complaint. Also, money is tight. But we do have good health insurance and they match retirement, etc... He only works 4 days/week (4 10's). But, while home he is miserably depressed. He simply hates, hates, HATES his job. He's been doing this sort of work for 17 years. He won't explore the idea of switching to a diff. company because he also feels the actual work is taking its toll on him physically (his back, knees, etc...).

 

Well, now he has it in his head that he would like to go into a new career. It's one that he daydreams about all of the time and feels it would be so much less stressful. The career? OTR truck driving.

 

So, you can see my thoughts on the matter, right? However, I've not been negative to him. I want to be supportive of him. We have a great marriage with 4 dc. He is a fantastic father who really loves the kids (ages 5 to 13). My big fears are that getting into a new career, he won't be making as much money (stress), he will be expected to make many deadlines on the road under conditions that are sometimes beyond his control (ie snow, traffic, etc...) (stress), his kids will miss him and he will miss his family (stress). So, I really don't see how this type of career move will make his life less stressful. Am I missing something here?

 

Does anyone here have experience or know someone who is an otr truck driver? How tough is it on the family? Do the men really enjoy the job? I really want my dh to be happy. I feel helpless as his helpmeet because I do not want him to be held back by me, yet I don't want to see him jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. What should I do and how should I react?

Edited November 16, 2008 by Liberty

[Jean in Newcastle]

If you are a Christian I would counsel him and you to pray long and hard about a move like this.

 

I'm sorry that I don't have any BTDT advice on OTR truck driving though. Maybe someone else on the board will. (bump!)

[Garga]

This is a tough one. I agree about the praying.

 

I don't think there's much reason to stay in a job you hate without at least looking for something new. It's such a waste of a person's life. But he'll have to carefully consider what other job to pursue, so he doesn't do like you said: fire pan to fire.

 

Have you expressed those concerns to DH about the truck driving?

Edited November 16, 2008 by Garga_
spelling error

[Liberty]

I'm hesitant because I wouldn't want him to ever say that he didn't follow his dreams because of me. Sometimes I feel he's stuck it out for 17 years because he didn't want to "rock the boat." The result is that he is miserable. I guess I don't want to point out that this choice might "rock the boat" and have him miserable for another 17 years. I just do not know what to do.

Edited November 16, 2008 by Liberty

[Kris]

This just came up this past week. Here's the thread.

 

I was telling my Sweetie about that thread the other day. It's a great career for a single guy with no financial or familial responsibilities. Other than that? Not really.

[Liberty]

Thanks for the thread link!

[Aggie]

Is there any way he could go to college? It wouldn't be easy financially, but he might be able to find a new career he likes. There are some great scholarships out there. Dh went to nursing school a few years ago with some generous grants and scholarships, and some low-interest loans.

 

As for not being supportive....you have unique insight into this. You can see what it will do to your life and your family. He may be so blinded by his dislike for his current position that anything looks better. I wouldn't sit by quietly for fear of squelching a dream, but I would do what I could to encourage him to find something better.

[Sharon H in IL]

That job sounds like the pits! No one would be anything but miserable in that kind of vise.

 

I think he's wise to consider other options. No insight on what would or wouldn't work for you guys, but I hope you come to a happy resolution.

 

A bad job makes for awful depression and physical deterioration.

[sarahv]

My sister's husband also works construction, and HATES his job, too, but makes good money and is providing well for his family. Makes a job change really hard.

 

One thing they are looking into, though, is the possibility of moving up in the company. He's going to have to get a BA in order to do that, but if he does, not only is there possibility of more money, but also less of what he HATES to do.

 

A man takes ALOT of pride in his job, and a job change may or may not be right for him. You are his best counselor, and can help him think through all the pros and cons of any option.

 

With your help, he'll make the right decision. Maybe you could do some research in some new careers that you think he might like, to give him some ideas. The research you are doing into trucking right now is helping him more than probably even he realizes. Keep up the good work, girl!

[JoyfulMama]

My dh also can feel the wear of his job on his body, and has been taking online courses toward a degree. My dh usually works 60+hrs/wk, so can only take one class at a time normally, totalling four courses per year, but at least it is towards a goal.

 

It also helped when my dh started a garden outside - gave him a place to vent his frustrations about work. (And gave us some great food!)

 

My uncle was an OTR truck driver for a bit for Schneider, and now does M-F as a trainer, so he's home weekends. He didn't like driving solo- prefers the company of a partner or a student. But they only have one little one, and the older two children have always been a big help (16 yr difference between #2 and #3dc).

[joannqn]

As his wife, it is appropriate for you to respectfully tell him your concerns and then back off and let him make his decision. I did this recently with my husband who ultimately went ahead with his plans and quit his job to start his own business.

 

It's added a lot of work and stress for me but I'm being supportive. I can be supportive because I know it is short term. Eventually, we'll either run out of money or his business will pick up enough that I don't have to work so hard.

 

So far, things are off to a good start and I believe he will do well with his new venture. I believe, in the long run, it will be the best thing for our family which helps me to stay positive.

 

If it doesn't work out, I'll support him then too. I'm trying to let him be the leader of our family rather than taking on that role. If it works out, it will be his reward. If it doesn't work out, it will be his to fix. I know I can trust him to do what is right.

[Amy in NH]

Another consideration about trucking...

 

Here in NH, there have been a lot of trucking companies that have gone out of business in the past year or two due to the high price of fuel. I don't know if that is the case for other states. But there may be a glut of experienced drivers out there, which would make a tight market, and possibly lower pay, for someone just entering.

 

Just a thought.

[Quiver0f10]

No experience with OTR truck driving, but my DH was in the construction field and got to the point where he hated his job. Everyday was like torture for him and finally one day he decided to close his business and that he was going to go to college and change careers. After I got over the shock, I supported him and it turned out to be the best descision we ever made.

 

The only concern I would have right now is the state of the economy. If he has a secure job he might want to wait until things settle down some before making any changes. Maybe take some night, weekend or online courses while he keeps his construction job.

Edited November 16, 2008 by Quiver0f10

[Hen]

my dh has been in construction since his teen years. He has done refinery turn-arounds, general grunt-work labor, foreman, project managing and project manager. He was miserable at one point, worked to death....and so he started studying to be a welding inspector. He got that and started working, then got his concrete inspector and then one having to do with nails...can't remember what it is called. He is now a school and hospital building inspector and he loves his job. Here in Ca we have super strict building codes for schools and hospitals because of the earthquakes. He has no more stress, works great hours and his body is not taking a beating anymore. Maybe suggest building inspecting to your husband.

 

Really feeling your pain, we have so been there and done that! I remember giving birth to one of my children and my husband standing in the window at the hospital, rolled out blueprints in his hands, talking on the phone to a foreman...it was that awful. Shortly after that he began studying to be an inspector.

[Deb in NZ]

but he works 50+ hours a week. He switched jobs about 3 years ago to have weekends free to spend with the kids. Before that he worked 6-7 days a week.

 

Dh would love to change jobs, but realizes that at 58 it's a bit late for a 2nd career & that he'd go crazy in any job that required a lot of paperwork. I understand what you've said about being held to deadlines, but not in control of the resources (people & materials) needed to meet those deadlines. The stress can be very bad. My dh has considered getting a job with the local council as an inspector or with the local polytech as a tutor in building trades or as a maintaince man for a big company or school. But with us living on only his income, he doesn't feel comfortable changing jobs at this point. We're lucky so far that his body is holding up for the most part. The day will come when he needs to find a job that doesn't require him to work "on the tools."

 

:grouphug: My only advice is to just listen. Sometimes just through dh talking, an answer becomes apparent.

 

JMHO,

[Brigitte]

As his wife, it is appropriate for you to respectfully tell him your concerns and then back off and let him make his decision. I did this recently with my husband who ultimately went ahead with his plans and quit his job to start his own business.

 

It's added a lot of work and stress for me but I'm being supportive. I can be supportive because I know it is short term. Eventually, we'll either run out of money or his business will pick up enough that I don't have to work so hard.

 

So far, things are off to a good start and I believe he will do well with his new venture. I believe, in the long run, it will be the best thing for our family which helps me to stay positive.

 

If it doesn't work out, I'll support him then too. I'm trying to let him be the leader of our family rather than taking on that role. If it works out, it will be his reward. If it doesn't work out, it will be his to fix. I know I can trust him to do what is right.

 

We are in the same place. Dh just could not take one more day of his teaching job. Not only did we have retirement contributions, health insurance, and a paycheck, we had housing, utilities and meals paid. However, his depression over the job was not something we could deal with any longer. So, here we are. Living on my Usborne income, what he is making waiting tables, and some savings. This is a man with a PhD in classics, an MA in Classics, an MBA, and 2 BA's. Hopefully one day his business will start generating an income.

 

For me, I am much more at peace now than I was a year ago when we were living the "secure" life. I will gladly trade money uncertainties over a depressed spouse any day.