My 6yo does not like school.

[mo2]

What can I do? Every day, when I say it's time to do our lessons, she throws a fit. Screaming, sobbing, saying "You hate me!" Mind you, these fits NEVER get her out of doing her work.

 

I ask her (seriously) if she would rather go to public school. She doesn't want to do that either. She just wants to play. I have explained to her that we all have to do things we don't want to do sometimes. I would rather not have to work or wash dishes, but I do it just the same. I have explained to her the importance of learning how to read, write, and do math. It makes no difference to her. (Then again, she's 6. I would be surprised if it did.)

 

I usually lay out on the table what we need to accomplish that day and let her pick what we do first. She almost always picks math, so I think that is her favorite. She puts off reading until last.

 

All we do daily is MUS, WWE, some form of phonics (either a page or 2 from Phonics Pathways or a Bob Book), and a read aloud. These are usually done in a little over an hour. Once a week, we read a chapter from SOTW and do an art project of some sort. We cover science by taking nature walks, doing various experiments with our house plants, etc., but she doesn't realize this is school.

 

I really don't think I'm asking too much of her. How can I get the fit-throwing to stop? I make sure to not let her get out of doing anything when she throws a fit. What else can I do? Thanks for your help.

[thundersweet]

My 7yo dd does this. She doesn't throw a fit but she gives me lip like you wouldn't believe! She says she would rather play. I would love tips on how to curb this. I am to the point, I can't take it anymore. This is not what I expected. She did say the other day that she was jealous of her brother because he didn't have to do school.

 

Sandy

[NevadaRabbit]

My heart goes out to you - that must be tough!

 

Now, neither of my kids were persistent fit-throwers, so I don't know if they just didn't have the temperament for it - or - if it was what we did that turned them from it. Both of them tried it from time to time, and my response (after making sure it was a defiant display of temper and not a broken leg or a nail in their eyeball, of course) was to ignore it. I stepped right over them and went to another room, or picked them up and silently put them where they could finish without running into a table corner, or picked up a book and started reading to myself, or in some way gave the message "get it out of your system and then I will interact with you again."

 

I'd recommend not trying to explain anything to her - but instead, maintain complete indifference (not anger) whenever it occurs. Don't let it accomplish anything for her - it doesn't gain your attention, your ire, your explanations, it doesn't gain her the opportunity to pick the agenda - nothing.

[mo2]

My 7yo dd does this. She doesn't throw a fit but she gives me lip like you wouldn't believe! She says she would rather play. I would love tips on how to curb this. I am to the point, I can't take it anymore. This is not what I expected. She did say the other day that she was jealous of her brother because he didn't have to do school.

 

Sandy

 

 

Yes, my daughter also says things like, "Why doesn't he have to do school? You like him better." :001_huh: He's 1.

 

I'm sure someone here will have advice for us. The thing is, my daughter doesn't give me any grief when I ask her to do her chores or something like that; it only happens when it's time for lessons.

[NevadaRabbit]

My 7yo dd does this. She doesn't throw a fit but she gives me lip like you wouldn't believe! She says she would rather play. I would love tips on how to curb this. I am to the point, I can't take it anymore. This is not what I expected. She did say the other day that she was jealous of her brother because he didn't have to do school.

 

Sandy

 

Sandy, when you say "gives me lip" - that's the sort of thing that earns my kids (7 and 10) another worksheet or another page to copy or another workbook page to do. More lip? Have another worksheet! :D

[Mandarinmom]

I have to do lots of learning more my license, and I would rather do this than cleaning washing, cooking, vacuuming, floor scrubbing, all never ending shores every day for a few hours, etc. Or I would learn Spanish and French and Chinese, and History, and math, and so man other things, if I would have a minute of time. May be try do give them a load of housework for a day, just follow you and help, and make them to clean the room, not just to pick up a few toys, but real cleaning. I am not a Piggle-Wiggle though, and probably don't know. I saw a book on amazon about how to gather your homeschooler and make him work, but I forgot the name. Oh, I wish I could sit down for a while and learn something:blink:

[dragons in the flower bed]

How can I get the fit-throwing to stop? I make sure to not let her get out of doing anything when she throws a fit. What else can I do? Thanks for your help.

 

One of my kids did this for a while. I told him he could either cheerfully do schoolwork, or lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling. Even when the boy chose to do schoolwork, he'd be grumpy, so I'd make him go to the couch. It still took months of false starts and not much schoolwork getting done, leading me to believe that it was partly a maturity issue, and partly stress about other factors unrelated to schoolwork that were coincidentally resolved during those months.

[Harriet Vane]

Lay down the rules, and require her to do it over.

 

You have explained your reasoning. Remind her of this one more time, and then lay down your rule, briefly:

 

"From now on, when I say it's time for school, you are not allowed to say anything bad or throw a fit."

 

Then show her, humorously, what you DO expect. Here's how I would do it:

 

Me, in a stuffy-British-nanny voice: "Dearest child, it is time to start school. Sit at the table, please."

 

Me, acting like dd, in a silly, syrupy, sing-song voice: "Why yes, mother, I'd be happy to start school! I'll just go sit down at the table."

 

I then plaster an overly bright smile on my face and skip frolicsomely over to the table.

 

****

 

Okay, so you have told her the rule. Then, the next time you tell her to start school, and she throws a fit, say this:

 

"Uh-oh. Remember our new rule? You cannot say anything bad about starting school or throw a fit. You'll have to do this over."

 

Then repeat yourself, "Okay, let's start our schoolwork now."

 

If she can do what you modeled for her, great. If not, do the whole silly skit all over again ("You must have forgotten, here's how I want it done") and require her to "do it over" until she obeys you sweetly.

 

Require her to do-it-over as many days as needed, as many times in a day as needed. She'll get the hang of it. If she ever forgets six months from now, just do the same thing again--one reminder is likely to be all she needs.

 

Doing it this way requires her to act appropriately, right away, and draws her INTO relationship with you.

[Closeacademy]

Is the work load too hard? Does the curriculum you are using move too fast/slow? Does it work well with her learning style?

 

Since this is the stressful time of the year, you may want to back off of academics until after the new year and come back to it fresh and matured in January.

 

There are lots of wonderful free things that you can do while coping with the holidays and letting her grow a little.

 

Do math or play games with the blocks for MUS. Build numbers, play with addition and ditch the worksheets for a while. Check out some Stuart J. Murphy mathstart books (easy reading or picture book sections) and use your MUS blocks, toys or other things to act out the stories.

 

Just read books to her for a while and get back to phonics in January. Maybe check out the lapbooks/unit studies on this site and read a few of the books and have some nice cuddle time. http://www.homeschoolshare.com/Lapbooks_at_HSS.php

 

Spend December talking about the holidays, watch some special movies, read some books together, make candy, cookies and ornaments together. Relax, have fun and enjoy this time. She has plenty of time to learn to read and do math. Taking the next two months off won't mess her up for life and get back to business in January.

 

This way you can reassure her that you love her, you won't overstress each other during the holiday season and you can get serious and lay down the rules of school with a fresh start in January. When you restart you may just want to add 1 new subject at a time until you feel like you are doing enough.

 

Good luck.:001_smile:

[WTMindy]

Lay down the rules, and require her to do it over.

 

You have explained your reasoning. Remind her of this one more time, and then lay down your rule, briefly:

 

"From now on, when I say it's time for school, you are not allowed to say anything bad or throw a fit."

 

Then show her, humorously, what you DO expect. Here's how I would do it:

 

Me, in a stuffy-British-nanny voice: "Dearest child, it is time to start school. Sit at the table, please."

 

Me, acting like dd, in a silly, syrupy, sing-song voice: "Why yes, mother, I'd be happy to start school! I'll just go sit down at the table."

 

I then plaster an overly bright smile on my face and skip frolicsomely over to the table.

 

****

 

Okay, so you have told her the rule. Then, the next time you tell her to start school, and she throws a fit, say this:

 

"Uh-oh. Remember our new rule? You cannot say anything bad about starting school or throw a fit. You'll have to do this over."

 

Then repeat yourself, "Okay, let's start our schoolwork now."

 

If she can do what you modeled for her, great. If not, do the whole silly skit all over again ("You must have forgotten, here's how I want it done") and require her to "do it over" until she obeys you sweetly.

 

Require her to do-it-over as many days as needed, as many times in a day as needed. She'll get the hang of it. If she ever forgets six months from now, just do the same thing again--one reminder is likely to be all she needs.

 

Doing it this way requires her to act appropriately, right away, and draws her INTO relationship with you.

 

This is exactly how I would handle it. Firm, consistent, a little silly, but loving and firm.

[Haiku]

I wholeheartedly agree with Strider.

 

If you want to take it a bit further, say to her, "DD, I have noticed that you seems to have some objections to doing your schoolwork." Produce a notebook and pen. Continue, "I have here a pen and paper. You can tell me why you are so upset about your schoolwork, and I will write it down. We'll save it, because I know it's very important to you. After that, we will not discuss it again."

 

After that, proceed directly to Strider's method.

 

Sometimes kids just want to know that they are heard. It sounds like your dd has some anxiety over reading. Maybe it will come to light when you are writing down her reasons for being so resistant.

 

Tara

[Amber in AUS]

If it were me i think i would put everything away for a couple of weeks and have a break. Over that period of time i would include things that she doesn't see as school but is still learning.

 

Have her write a letter to Grandma, an Aunt, neighbour etc. She could write it or narrate to you.

Write and illustrate christmas cards.

Play shop.

Share out snacks.

Bake a cake, cookies, write a review on how good and score out of 5 stars.

Read-a-louds fun books she picks (we always do after lunch as the kids are quieter then)

 

I'm sure you get the picture. Praise, praise, praise when she does a great pic or story or card, whatever it is you are doing.

 

After a few weeks reintroduce 1 thing and say something like. You did such a wonderful job writing that letter to Grandma i thought we would do some copywork so next time you can write more, neater whatever she needs to work on.

 

Or reintroduce math.

 

I'd try to keep school as fun and engaging as possible. Something that she wants to do, not something that is forced on her. There is plenty to be learned thru play too!

[Tiramisu]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. I am exactly where you are EVERYDAY with my 6 yo.

 

I appreciate all the responses, too. Now I have some ideas for ways to alleviate our struggle.

 

One thing our dd likes is Explode the Code--not that you are asking for a recommendation now! I'm mentioning it because I'm thinking that our dd's perhaps share a similar temperment. This high-emotion kid falls out of her seat laughing at the silly sentences. It's usually the first thing she grabs after math.

 

Best of luck. It can't last forever. Meanwhile, I'll say a prayer.

 

Kelli

[mamaof2andtwins]

I dealt with this to a more limited extent with my oldest when he was younger. He had 3 younger sisters who weren't old enough for school. He used to complain that they were "playing". We were persistent. Now everyone is school aged with an equal (somewhat) course load. I don't hear anymore complaining. He still has more work than the others, but he is older.

 

I remember feeling the exact same way when I was young. I was the oldest also.

 

Jennie

[Tami]

Great advice so far.

 

One thing I wanted to point out is that some children become unglued with too many choices, and lack of structure. What I mean is: some children do better doing the same subjects in the same order, day after day. No choices as to what to do first. If YOU decide, it may work better. Write the order on a board or on a daily checklist, keeping it short and sweet.

 

Other things that may help are consistent bed and wake times and consistent snack/meal times at the same time each day. Structure, structure, structure, in other words!

 

If the lecturing/modeling/explaining works for you, great. For some kids, you will be doing LOTS of talking and the child can learn to manipulate you with it in order to put off work. These kids need action instead of words. I personally would only give directions clearly once every morning, and institute a token system. Give your child six tokens or dimes at the start of the day! They love this! For fits, give a penalty by silently taking away a token or dime. I don't lecture, I simply say, "Penalty!" and take away the dime. If it continues, "Penalty 2!" and take away the second one calmly and without any emotion. Say to your child that they need to have at least 3 tokens at the end of the day in order to have xyz priviledge (such as friends or computer time). Once the child has six penalties, the remainder of the day can be spent in their room reading or playing quietly. My motto is, "You have to be civil to be in civil society." Or, if the child is younger until the next meal or whatever you deem fit.

 

Alternately, a sassy mouth could earn an instant 'reward' from the chore jar. Chore jars contain slips of paper with evil words such as "Clean all mirrors" or "Clean all door knobs."

 

It's also helped me to let go of the "love of learning" goal for my child. That is something I cannot control, and so it is a DREAM, not a goal. I can provide interesting materials and stimulating experiences, but I cannot force a child to love school. I just expect school to get done well and with a respectful attitude. What my dd enjoys most is up to her. Not every child is going to love school - some would rather dress up as fairies or build forts all day. When school is done the easy, respectful way, there is more time in the day for the child to do what she enjoys most, and I regularly point that out.

 

Blessings to you!

[Mom0012]

I have gone through periods with my son where he will complain about doing school and give me a hard time about it. When that happens, he gets extra work to do. It really doesn't take long for him to figure that it's better to just do what I originally asked him.

 

Lisa

[mom2att]

I was there last year. In fact, I'm surprised we both survived first grade, my son and I. There was weeping and gnashing of teeth daily as I tried to get him to get the smallest amount of work done. He hated school, he hated me for making me do school, etc. Mind you this is a kid for whom there is no middle ground, it's either all good or all bad, and school was all bad.

 

Fast forward a year--he's an eight-year-old second grader, and I am amazed at the year we're having. He no longer hates school, and has even nearly caused me to nearly fall off the chair when he said, more than once, that he liked school. We've found a couple of curricula that are a better fit for his learning style, but I attribute most of his change of heart to just good old growing up.

 

So dig in your heels, do what you have to do, and give it another year.

[Laurel]

I also agree wholeheartedly with strider. Be firm but loving and a little bit silly.

 

One thing to consider is perhaps starting with reading. If you are ending with reading because she is dreading it, then perhaps she is too tired to do her best when you finally get to it. (We have that problem.) And if you get reading out of the way, then all you have left is the fun stuff, like math!

[Lizzie in Ma]

Lay down the rules, and require her to do it over.

 

You have explained your reasoning. Remind her of this one more time, and then lay down your rule, briefly:

 

"From now on, when I say it's time for school, you are not allowed to say anything bad or throw a fit."

 

Then show her, humorously, what you DO expect. Here's how I would do it:

 

Me, in a stuffy-British-nanny voice: "Dearest child, it is time to start school. Sit at the table, please."

 

Me, acting like dd, in a silly, syrupy, sing-song voice: "Why yes, mother, I'd be happy to start school! I'll just go sit down at the table."

 

I then plaster an overly bright smile on my face and skip frolicsomely over to the table.

 

****

 

Okay, so you have told her the rule. Then, the next time you tell her to start school, and she throws a fit, say this:

 

"Uh-oh. Remember our new rule? You cannot say anything bad about starting school or throw a fit. You'll have to do this over."

 

Then repeat yourself, "Okay, let's start our schoolwork now."

 

If she can do what you modeled for her, great. If not, do the whole silly skit all over again ("You must have forgotten, here's how I want it done") and require her to "do it over" until she obeys you sweetly.

 

Require her to do-it-over as many days as needed, as many times in a day as needed. She'll get the hang of it. If she ever forgets six months from now, just do the same thing again--one reminder is likely to be all she needs.

 

Doing it this way requires her to act appropriately, right away, and draws her INTO relationship with you.

 

:iagree::iagree: Although, I do have difficulty trying to be silly. :tongue_smilie:

It sounds like it is a behavioral issue an likely has little to do with the school work itself. Stick to your guns, pick a consequence for the action and follow through.

[ElizabethB]

My daughter did a lot better with the white board than a book last year for phonics, I explain how we used it with Webster's Speller here:

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Reading/webstersway.html

 

For some reason, it held her interest more, she also got to see the left to right direction of word and syllables being made as she watched.

 

Also, she got a break to draw on the white board after we finished, and if she started without whining, she got to pick the color of marked I used (this was, oddly enough, highly motivational.)

 

We also take a break after math to play with the manipulatives. She and her brother like to put the green units blocks on their fingers and pretend they are tree frogs.

 

This year, we work mainly out of books, but I'll do some white board work for a change if she's in a grumpy mood and I can tell the books won't work.

 

Also, sometimes I give her a choice, for example, "read 20 words or spell 8."

[Karen in CO]

I think it was CM that didn't want kids in school until they had had 7 Easters. There used to be a belief in schooling that kids didn't need to be burdened with schooling until they had developed more.

 

If your kid hates school, maybe it just isn't time for school yet. My dd was an early reader, but she wasn't ready for school at 4 when she started to read. WHo says that a 6yo should sit for an hour anyway. Isn't one of the benefits of homeschooling the flexibility to tailor the education to the child? I am a very strong advocate of rigorous education, but also appropriate education. I think little ones should play.

 

So maybe take a break to regroup for a few weeks so she can relax about hating school or just make school playing board games and reading stories for a week or two. Then plan a new schedule. Choose the most important subjects and schedule those first and add them in one at a time. Here we do handwriting, math, Just Write and WWE first. Then we do something that requires me reading. At 7, I still sit with her for everything. The younger one can come and go from the table as she pleases but she can't interupt, and I try to make sure she feels like doing school is a special thing for us not a punishment for her. We take a nice long play break after the essentials and the other reading things are loosely scheduled or happen at night (science, art, music, Spanish,and other stuff are on Thursday).

 

Good luck.

[mo2]

Thought I'd update you all on what I decided. First of all, thank you for the thoughtful responses and great ideas. I think we are going to take a week or 2 off and work on getting on a schedule for our daily life, regular bedtimes, wake times, and meal times. I may continue with math during this time since she really doesn't mind doing it. Then I will add in other subjects slowly, starting with the most important, that being phonics for us right now. We'll see how things go from there. Thanks again!