How do you teach your children about sin? CC

[Adrianne]

Reading the threads about children and sinning, got me to thinking about children and sin.

 

I am sure as Christians we all teach about the 10 Commandments and that covers it but on a daily basis, logistically speaking,

 

How do you teach your kids about sin?

 

Punishment? Consequences? Do you talk about it?

 

At our home we don't talk much about sin persay, I feel God deals with this. (Like Cindy I feel it is a heart issue) But as a parent it is my duty to correct my children and bring them up in the Lord's way (actually my husband's duty - another thread).

 

So we talk a lot about the Commandments and obeying rules. We don't punish much as we correct and talk - I call it "having a conversation". Punishment usually comes only with willful disobedience.

Edited October 31, 2008 by Adrianne

[Plaid Dad]

It's covered in our catechism. We emphasize personal responsibility for actual sin along with the fact that God gives us the grace necessary to keep His commandments (Deut. 30:11, Phil. 4:13). We also talk extensively about God's mercy and forgiveness toward us. Kids can be very legalistic in their understanding of right and wrong, so it's important for me to make sure that grace and mercy get enough air time to counter the tendency toward scrupulosity. In that context, I also talk about the idea of "the weaker brother" (I Cor. 8) and how we must be careful that our behavior not become a stumbling block to others.

 

My dd also sees me go to confession, and ask for forgiveness from people I've wronged, including her. Thinking back on my own life, I'm betting that will teach her more than any number of talks about sin!

 

HTH!

[WyoSylvia]

I tried composing an answer then realized that our family's approach is based centrally upon the teachings of our particular church body so I wouldn't know if it would apply to you or help you. I am Lutheran Church Missouri Synod and our church teaches that faith and forgiveness are totally gifts from God, which goes directly into how we teach about sin.

 

I was wondering if you are hoping for a sampling of everyone's ideas or if you you might prefer to be a little more specific about your background?

 

Sylvia :)

[Guest janainaz]

Reading the threads about children and sinning, got me to thinking about children and sin.

 

I am sure as Christians we all teach about the 10 Commandments and that covers it but on a daily basis, logistically speaking,

 

How do you teach your kids about sin?

 

Punishment? Consequences? Do you talk about it?

 

At our home we don't talk much about sin persay, I feel God deals with this. (Like Cindy I feel it is a heart issue) But as a parent it is my duty to correct my children and bring them up in the Lord's way (actually my husband's duty - another thread).

 

So we talk a lot about the Commandments and obeying rules. We don't punish much as we correct and talk - I call it "having a conversation". Punishment usually comes only with willful disobedience.

 

What do you think?

 

 

I teach my kids right from wrong and explain things in a common sense kind of way. The Ten Commandments were very common sense oriented and God gave them to us for our own protection. We can choose willfully not to listen, but we reap the natural consequences. I've explained things to my kids in the way that we can't protect them if they won't listen. When my kids do things wrong, I'm not over their shoulders pointing out the "sin". I believe that as they grow and mature spiritually that this is the job of the Holy Spirit in their lives. My ds that is 8 knows what sin is. I don't need to bring it to light every time he does something wrong.

[Murphy101]

Reading the threads about children and sinning, got me to thinking about children and sin.

 

I am sure as Christians we all teach about the 10 Commandments and that covers it but on a daily basis, logistically speaking,

 

How do you teach your kids about sin?

 

Punishment usually comes only with willful disobedience.

 

It's covered in our catechism. We emphasize personal responsibility for actual sin along with the fact that God gives us the grace necessary to keep His commandments (Deut. 30:11, Phil. 4:13). We also talk extensively about God's mercy and forgiveness toward us. Kids can be very legalistic in their understanding of right and wrong, so it's important for me to make sure that grace and mercy get enough air time to counter the tendency toward scrupulosity. In that context, I also talk about the idea of "the weaker brother" (I Cor. 8) and how we must be careful that our behavior not become a stumbling block to others.

 

My dd also sees me go to confession, and ask for forgiveness from people I've wronged, including her. Thinking back on my own life, I'm betting that will teach her more than any number of talks about sin!

 

HTH!

 

Well I didn't want to enter those other threads... but I'll venture here to see how it goes...

 

We're much the same as Plaid Dad.

 

In addition, I think it's very important to form their conscience to have a proper will disposed to obedience and goodness. That probably goes without saying, but I felt a need to say it anyways.

 

Also, I'm very careful about using the term "sin".

Crying for no apparent reason to others is not a sin.

Having an angry fit is not neccessarily a sin. (Christ has one complete with table turning!;))

A young child being human in and of itself is not sinful.

 

I say inappropriate, not nice, not helpful, not effective, a mistake.

But when I say the word "sin" - my kids are shocked and horrified at themselves. They know that means they didn't just act very nice, they seriously crossed a line. I do not teach my children that their every wrong is also a sin, because that simply is not true, imo.

 

Not sure this made any sense....

on pain meds and antibotics...

kind of foggy headed.:)

[Adrianne]

I say inappropriate, not nice, not helpful, not effective, a mistake.

But when I say the word "sin" - my kids are shocked and horrified at themselves. They know that means they didn't just act very nice, they seriously crossed a line. I do not teach my children that their every wrong is also a sin, because that simply is not true, imo.

 

I agree here with you Martha. We don't use the word sin very often. My boys would be upset by it.

 

Not sure this made any sense....

on pain meds and antibotics...

kind of foggy headed.:)

 

You made sense, I hope you feel better soon!

[CalicoKat]

I do think that Christians now days are less willing to call sin, sin. Don't water it down or lessen the impact by calling it something else or by using a word that lessens deed.

 

Bringing scripture into parenting is huge when teaching about sin. Don't minimize what you think you're child can/can't understand directly from scriptures.

 

Doorposts.com is a great resource.

[Adrianne]

It's covered in our catechism. We emphasize personal responsibility for actual sin along with the fact that God gives us the grace necessary to keep His commandments (Deut. 30:11, Phil. 4:13). We also talk extensively about God's mercy and forgiveness toward us. Kids can be very legalistic in their understanding of right and wrong, so it's important for me to make sure that grace and mercy get enough air time to counter the tendency toward scrupulosity. In that context, I also talk about the idea of "the weaker brother" (I Cor. 8) and how we must be careful that our behavior not become a stumbling block to others.

 

My dd also sees me go to confession, and ask for forgiveness from people I've wronged, including her. Thinking back on my own life, I'm betting that will teach her more than any number of talks about sin!

 

HTH!

 

 

I know your daughter is young, but specifically how do you deal with lying or stealing? Do you punish or just correct?

[clwcain]

Well I didn't want to enter those other threads... but I'll venture here to see how it goes...

 

We're much the same as Plaid Dad.

 

In addition, I think it's very important to form their conscience to have a proper will disposed to obedience and goodness. That probably goes without saying, but I felt a need to say it anyways.

 

Also, I'm very careful about using the term "sin".

Crying for no apparent reason to others is not a sin.

Having an angry fit is not neccessarily a sin. (Christ has one complete with table turning!;))

A young child being human in and of itself is not sinful.

 

I say inappropriate, not nice, not helpful, not effective, a mistake.

But when I say the word "sin" - my kids are shocked and horrified at themselves. They know that means they didn't just act very nice, they seriously crossed a line. I do not teach my children that their every wrong is also a sin, because that simply is not true, imo.

:iagree:

 

Not sure this made any sense....

on pain meds and antibotics...

kind of foggy headed.:)

You're making plenty sense, pain meds or not. :)

[Adrianne]

I do think that Christians now days are less willing to call sin, sin. Don't water it down or lessen the impact by calling it something else or by using a word that lessens deed.

 

I agree, like having money and material success as your primary focus in life can be equated to worshiping false gods.

[CalicoKat]

I agree, like having money and material success as your primary focus in life can be equated to worshiping false gods.

yes that's a big picture idea. But I'm talking about the daily life stuff. Their bickering, lying, loss of self-control, unloving words, provoking others to anger, etc. That's sin too.

[clwcain]

yes that's a big picture idea. But I'm talking about the daily life stuff. Their bickering, lying, loss of self-control, unloving words, provoking others to anger, etc. That's sin too.

 

Not necessarily. It isn't until the child is at least at the age of reason (7 or 8). And even once they've achieved the age of reason, there must be wilful intention (mens rea) and a deliberate violation of the Law which they've been properly formed in.

Edited October 31, 2008 by clwcain

[Spy Car]

We work on encouraging good behavior and ethical treatment of others, in part relying on the lessons of the "Golden Rule" in both its "Jewish" form (what is hateful to you don't do to others) and its Christian variation (treat others as you would have them treat you).

 

We also try to encourage our son to show sincere remorse when he's transgressed against another, to express that remorse to the person he may have wronged, and if possible to make it up to them with a kindness.

 

But never in a million years would I teach a child that he or she is a "sinner". That I believe would be borderline child abuse.

 

Bill

[OnTheBrink]

I do think that Christians now days are less willing to call sin, sin. Don't water it down or lessen the impact by calling it something else or by using a word that lessens deed.

 

Bringing scripture into parenting is huge when teaching about sin. Don't minimize what you think you're child can/can't understand directly from scriptures.

 

Doorposts.com is a great resource.

 

I completely agree with this.

 

For the most part, she's taught about sin when it rears it's ugly head. I mean, we don't have daily sin lessons, the way we have math or history. LOL

 

We discuss sin when others sin against us, or when we see sinful behavior, as well as when she sins. We also have one of the Doorposts charts that outlines the consequences for sinful behavior.

 

Really, it's not a daily conversation. Threatening God against her isn't my practice. She learns about sin and what God thinks of it from her daily bible reading and from Sunday school, and church.

[TXMomof4]

I do agree that *once it is age appropriate* it is important for children to realize that it isn't just themselves that their selfish or mean behavior affects. My oldest dd and I have had several conversations about the fact that we are supposed to live our lives pleasing to God. Now, when she is picking that same fight for the 500th time that day, I ask her who she is pleasing -herself or God. I call attention to my failures as well - when I'm being particulary lazy or selfish about something I do have to tell her I'm sorry, that I was thinking of myself instead of others and that isn't pleasing to God.

I feel very strongly about children learning that God isn't waiting to punish them, that he feels joy at their good behavior and is cheering them on everyday. I think that makes the times they behave in a disappointing way more convicting to know that God isn't raging at them, he's sad at their transgressions.

Again, this is when a child is a little older, but hopefully, that relationship is exhibited well by me when they're younger so it isn't a foreign concept when they are a little older.

[Rhondabee]

Reading the threads about children and sinning, got me to thinking about children and sin.

 

I am sure as Christians we all teach about the 10 Commandments and that covers it but on a daily basis, logistically speaking,

 

How do you teach your kids about sin?

 

Punishment? Consequences? Do you talk about it?

 

At our home we don't talk much about sin persay, I feel God deals with this. (Like Cindy I feel it is a heart issue) But as a parent it is my duty to correct my children and bring them up in the Lord's way (actually my husband's duty - another thread).

 

So we talk a lot about the Commandments and obeying rules. We don't punish much as we correct and talk - I call it "having a conversation". Punishment usually comes only with willful disobedience.

 

 

I would agree with you that real heart-to-heart conversation is our usual modus operandi. (And, I don't mean just during correction, but just as a matter of daily life.)

 

However, our conversations rarely focus on rules or commandments. They focus on love. Is a certain action loving? How would you feel if someone treated you that way - would you feel loved? How can we show God's love to a particular someone? Rather than a list of do's and don'ts, we try to inculcate an attitude of consideration for others - keeping in mind that *every* biblical command is simply of way of showing God's love to others.

 

eta: We also take the time to reflect on God's love for us, and to thank Him for it. Not ever as a scheduled "family bible time" or anything, but just in normal conversation - or while reading out loud (this happens alot!).

 

I also very early taught my boys the mechanics of saying, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me." And, "I forgive you." When there is/was a "disturbance in the force" so to speak, I always ask if they've gone to other person and said, "You did (this) and it hurt me," and if they've given that person the opportunity to apologize. When true forgiveness occurs, that is God's love in action; and there is no need for "punishment". We *always* offer unconditional forgiveness for confessed sin.

 

I think this, more than almost any other thing, has taught them to live transparent, honest lives. More than once one of them has come to wake us up in the middle of the night to confess something he was burdened with.

 

Beyond that, we just pray for wisdom. Every situation is so different - we hardly ever do the same thing twice (and, yes, sometimes we do spank). The only constant is trying never to break the open, loving, trusting relationship we have (they are 13, 11 and 3). We know our kids will be ok - as long as they feel loved by us.

 

:001_smile:

Rhonda

Edited October 31, 2008 by Rhondabee

[Murphy101]

I do think that Christians now days are less willing to call sin, sin. Don't water it down or lessen the impact by calling it something else or by using a word that lessens deed.

 

No, that's not at all what I'm saying.

If my child does commit a sin, then I don't hesitate to call it that.

Sin is really not as easy for a young child to commit. It requires knowing what a sin is and a willingness to purposely do it. And not everything a child does that we discipline for is neccessarily a sin.

 

I know your daughter is young, but specifically how do you deal with lying or stealing? Do you punish or just correct?

 

Yikes!;) Those get the big gun word - sin.

I crack down pretty hard. But you'd have to give an example for me to say what I'd do.

For example, a 3 yr old doesn't know that not asking before taking his brother's toy is stealing. To him, it's coerced sharing.;)

Obviously I would deal with it, but not as I would a 5 or 7 yr old.

 

yes that's a big picture idea. But I'm talking about the daily life stuff. Their bickering, lying, loss of self-control, unloving words, provoking others to anger, etc. That's sin too.

 

No, they aren't sins neccessarily. Bickering isn't a sin. Annoying and exasperating. But not a sin. Unloving words aren't of themselves sinful. Saying something someone doesn't want to hear or finds painful to hear isn't sinful.

 

We also try to encourage our son to show sincere remorse when he's transgressed against another, to express that remorse to the person he may have wronged, and if possible to make it up to them with a kindness.

 

But never in a million years would I teach a child that he or she is a "sinner". That I believe would be borderline child abuse.

 

We have a standard for apologies.

You must confront the person you've wronged.

Say what you did wrong and why it was wrong.

Apologies offerred, preferrably sincere of course.

And offer to make amends.

Ask forgivenness.

 

I don't think it's abuse to explain to children that we are all born with original sin.

 

However, I do think it is wrong to say that everything they do that one disagrees with or doesn't like is a sin.

 

I think what you are thinking of as abusive...

 

I've met many people that really seem to beat that "you're a sinner" message in to the point that it robs the child of any hope of attaining genuine goodness. I do think that is a terrible sad thing. Yes, they are sinners. They are humans who will make mistakes. But they are also God's chosen creation. He has a good purpose for them and they are capable goodness. When we call every wrong they do a sin, it really diminishes true sins and makes them feel as though everythign is sinful.

 

Is that what you mean? If so, we'd probably be close to agreement there.:)

[Cricket]

For the most part, she's taught about sin when it rears it's ugly head. I mean, we don't have daily sin lessons, the way we have math or history. LOL

 

We discuss sin when others sin against us, or when we see sinful behavior, as well as when she sins. We also have one of the Doorposts charts that outlines the consequences for sinful behavior.

 

Really, it's not a daily conversation. Threatening God against her isn't my practice. She learns about sin and what God thinks of it from her daily bible reading and from Sunday school, and church.

 

This is how we handle it as well. We don't use Doorposts though. I've heard good things about it. I should look into it! We openly discuss sinful behavior and call it sin. Our dc know that disobedience is a sin, lying is a sin, how they choose to treat their siblings is often sinful :)! My dc (especially my 7yo) have asked me several times why Jesus died. How can I explain that without explaining sin? How can I present the Gospel to them if they don't know what sin is and how awful it is? We don't beat them over the head with it and make them feel worthless.

 

We are reading through Pilgrim's Progress right now. Last week we read the part where Moses is beating on Faithful. That was a great lesson to me on how I can't give my dc rules to follow and then beat them up over how they fall short and also not teach them the Gospel.

[Spy Car]

We have a standard for apologies.

You must confront the person you've wronged.

Say what you did wrong and why it was wrong.

Apologies offerred, preferrably sincere of course.

And offer to make amends.

Ask forgivenness.

 

Martha, your standards and ours I think are in perfect harmony.

 

I don't think it's abuse to explain to children that we are all born with original sin.

 

I've discussed this (at length) in another thread, but I believe the doctrine of "original sin" is the consequence of a misreading of the lesson of the Adam and Eve story in Genesis.

 

The moral of this story is that mankind's nature changed from being "innocent" creatures (i.e. beings who were unable to distinguish between "good and evil") to being human's endowed with moral discernment.

 

We became less like beasts (or even babes) who actions bear no moral consequence, and more like God in being able to tell right from wrong. Our problem is we are imperfect, and we all (with the possible exception of Mary mother of Jesus) at times, choose to act other than to the good.

 

So in this way we all "sin". But we don't cary the moral burden of the sin's of our ancestors.

 

What needs to be cultivated in out children, IMO, is that we have the ability to know what's good, and to act towards the good. We also need to help them (and ourselves) understand that we will sometimes fail and will need a mechanism for dealing with the burdens of our "guilt".

 

I've met many people that really seem to beat that "you're a sinner" message in to the point that it robs the child of any hope of attaining genuine goodness. I do think that is a terrible sad thing. Yes, they are sinners. They are humans who will make mistakes. But they are also God's chosen creation. He has a good purpose for them and they are capable goodness. When we call every wrong they do a sin, it really diminishes true sins and makes them feel as though everythign is sinful.

 

Is that what you mean? If so, we'd probably be close to agreement there.:)

 

Yes this is what I mean Martha. People who will terrorize children and rob them of the good side of their nature by convincing them they are sinful and depraved, and nothing they might do in life is kind, loving or beautiful. And that is child abuse to me.

 

Bill

[Adrianne]

I feel very strongly about children learning that God isn't waiting to punish them, that he feels joy at their good behavior and is cheering them on everyday. I think that makes the times they behave in a disappointing way more convicting to know that God isn't raging at them, he's sad at their transgressions.

 

I completely agree. I believe God looks at us like we look at our children, with love. We don't wait to punish our kids. We just love and encourage them to do right and then when they do wrong we are disappointed. Just as God is disappointed when we sin.

 

I do teach that every sin has a consequence. Big sins usually have big consequence. I don't mean the "consequences" we as parent give for an infraction of the rules, I mean, if you lie too much you will earn a reputation of a liar.

[Adrianne]

yes that's a big picture idea. But I'm talking about the daily life stuff. Their bickering, lying, loss of self-control, unloving words, provoking others to anger, etc. That's sin too.

 

Yes, those are heart issues that I am talking about. We teach the 10 Commandments but on a daily basis how to we as Christian parents deal with these sins.

 

I have them apologize to the person they offended and then pray for forgiveness. We then talk about why it was wrong and against God.

[Murphy101]

I've discussed this (at length) in another thread, but I believe the doctrine of "original sin" is the consequence of a misreading of the lesson of the Adam and Eve story in Genesis.

 

Original sin very simply means that because of Adam and Eve, mankind fell from grace. However, I really don't want to debate original sin...

My point was that not everyone who believes in it, thinks the poor kid is some doomed lost cause or use it as an excuse to be harsh with them.:)

 

Yes this is what I mean Martha. People who will terrorize children and rob them of the good side of their nature by convincing them they are sinful and depraved, and nothing they might do in life is kind, loving or beautiful. And that is child abuse to me.

 

I'll say I think it wrong-headed and unkind and untrue and not effective and unchristian and just plain sad.

 

But I reserve "abuse" for far worse things than that. "Abuse" is something I feel has to be pretty awful for me to use that term. JMHO, not really an issue with your opinion, just a minor difference.:)

[CalicoKat]

We work on encouraging good behavior and ethical treatment of others, in part relying on the lessons of the "Golden Rule" in both its "Jewish" form (what is hateful to you don't do to others) and its Christian variation (treat others as you would have them treat you).

 

We also try to encourage our son to show sincere remorse when he's transgressed against another, to express that remorse to the person he may have wronged, and if possible to make it up to them with a kindness.

 

But never in a million years would I teach a child that he or she is a "sinner". That I believe would be borderline child abuse.

 

Bill

 

Romans 3:23 All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

[angela in ohio]

We use the examples God has given us in the Bible to discuss sin and its consequences on a daily basis, both for man in general and for each person individually. We name their sins when they commit them, talk about why they are sin, and discuss the way to repent. We discuss our struggles with sin, as well as those of historical figure and people in current events. Also, by disciplining for sin, we impart the seriousness of it to our children.

[Joanne]

Well, it's a combination of our church, our words at home and adult modeling.

 

I don't believe children sin before the age of reason. And even then, I'm more likely to talk principles rather than use the word sin.

 

"Respect for people"

"Respect for property"

"Respect for resources"

 

...are phrases talked about here and, IMO, they all go back to practical, common and Biblical sense.

 

We do teach the process of repentence and forgiveness (and there is a weekly time for that in our church service) but I don't use the words often in our home; it's more like "You owe your brother an apology and a change in behavior".

 

Having seen so much ......hurt and damage.....done in this area, I am careful to not parent as though *I* can be my child's Holy Spirit or that I can punish sin out of my children or save them with my parenting.