dorothy Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 In my neck of the woods, it is traditional to wear black, navy blue, dark gray, dark brown (somber colors) at a funeral. Sometimes I see someone wear something with a little white in it, but the basic outfit is dark. Now, I realize that there is nothing to this except tradition. I know that in other societies, people have other colors to represent mourning. But in this society, dark colors represent mourning. Would it seem strange to you if someone raised with this tradition chose to wear head-to-toe white (literally) for a funeral? I have attended a funeral where every person (over 500) was dressed in all dark colors and one person from the same social group wore all white. I have seen this person wear dark colors for other funerals. I just find it curious. Any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Hmm, good question. I just attended my grandmother's funeral yesterday and I can't say I noticed what people wore. Church clothes, basically. I think head to toe white would be a little inappropriate for a funeral. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 At my ds's grandfather's funeral, everyone wore white because he thought white looked classy and people wore it to honor him. Other than that, I've only seen darker colors worn to funerals. Maybe the person in question only had a white outfit clean that day? Or maybe they wore an outfit the decedent liked? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H.S. Burrow Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I've had several family members say "please DON'T wear black to my funeral!" They don't want a somber affair when they go. It could be that the person in white was honoring the wishes of the deceased. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 We buried my step-son last weekend. His mother wore a white t-shirt, jeans and cowboy boots. This is what she wears to work. I wore the only black I have: black t-shirt, black dress pants, black dress boots. I saw people ranging from t-shirts, jean, & tennies to black skirts, jackets, pumps. My son wore a suit, Dh wore black dress pants, shirt and shoes (didn't have a suit). I think people wear what they have, but I also think there is a shift in thinking that says you should rejoice that the loved one is at peace now. I wasn't offended by anything anyone wore. I was just glad to know that my step-son had touched so many lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I didn't realize you had suffered a loss in your family. Condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 We buried my step-son last weekend. His mother wore a white t-shirt, jeans and cowboy boots. This is what she wears to work. I wore the only black I have: black t-shirt, black dress pants, black dress boots. I saw people ranging from t-shirts, jean, & tennies to black skirts, jackets, pumps. My son wore a suit, Dh wore black dress pants, shirt and shoes (didn't have a suit). I think people wear what they have, but I also think there is a shift in thinking that says you should rejoice that the loved one is at peace now. I wasn't offended by anything anyone wore. I was just glad to know that my step-son had touched so many lives. I am so sorry for your family's loss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay in Cal Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 (edited) Here in California I think people are more casual at funerals... I see lots of non-dark clothing and I've done a lot of funerals. Off the top of my head, though, I don't remember seeing anyone all in white. If they were South our Southeast Asian descent, I would assume the white was mourning. Family and cultural traditions are always tricky and can be challenging to expectations. I once co-officiated at the funeral for a Samoan child, and that was very different than anything I had experienced. For one thing, the family presented the clergy and other church leaders with hand-made quilts that had been sewn by mourning family during the previous week. I guess back in Samoa they make tapa cloths, but I have a huge white a blue satin king-sized bedspread that was given to me in front of casket during the funeral. I also did a funeral a year or so ago where the man's family, African-Americans from the deep south, asked for people to process by the open casket at the end of the service. I guess that is common there... but many of my So-Cal parishoners were VERY upset, and one member who is African (from Cameroon) refused to come back because the church was made unclean by the presence of a body. I did recently officiate at a funeral (for the father of a parishoner) where the family requested that people wear "bright, lively colors". I ditched my usual black robe and stole, and led the service wearing an orange/red/pink skirt, orange top and purple crocs. It was the brightest outfit I could put together. I kind of enjoyed it, actually... maybe for my own funeral someday I'll ask for "funny, wacky clothing" or something. Ask for in advance, that is. I guess my point is--different families and people have different expectations and assumptions about death and funerals. Feelings are tender, and any dysfunctional anger is going to emerge. I wouldn't worry one bit about anything unusual that someone did/wore/said at a funeral. That simply goes with the territory. Edited October 31, 2008 by Kay in Cal clarity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I am so sorry for your family's loss! I didn't realize you had suffered a loss in your family.Condolences. Thank you. It was a big shock to our family and my step-son's community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I have attended a funeral where every person (over 500) was dressed in all dark colors and one person from the same social group wore all white. I have seen this person wear dark colors for other funerals. I just find it curious. Any ideas? It makes me wonder if the deceased once told the person who wore white that he didn't want people to wear black at his funeral, and the friend honored that wish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clwcain Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 (edited) I'm always in black and white at funerals, because I'm usually vested in cassock and surplice. :D So long as the priest, deacon, and subdeacon are vested in black, I don't care what is worn to my funeral. Edited October 31, 2008 by clwcain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 Maybe he just felt like it wasn't sad the person died because he's in a better place. Death and dying strike different feelings in different people, and I think it's great to have social norms to carry people through, but I also think it's nice this guy could say, "I just really feel it's a white occasiona." I wouldn't be insulted or even all that curious as a family member. He came and paid his respects. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 I have attended a funeral where every person (over 500) was dressed in all dark colors and one person from the same social group wore all white. I have seen this person wear dark colors for other funerals. I just find it curious. Any ideas? I guess I would assume they were Buddhist. Maybe newly so? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgilli3 Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 I've had several family members say "please DON'T wear black to my funeral!" They don't want a somber affair when they go. It could be that the person in white was honoring the wishes of the deceased. When DH and I had our wills written up, I specifically put in there that I wished to be cremated, and at the service/wake, everyone is to wear bright, fun colours ( no black), - as it is to be a celebration of my life- not mourning my passing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamasteff Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 I have to agree with other posters, it would depend on what the decedent may have said to the person, or possibly differing religious beliefs. I lived in a country where the widow wore all white, head to toe, for 40 days after her husband's death. It necessitated someone from the family going out to buy white socks, shoes, everything. (this was a country of mainly Arab Muslims). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgilli3 Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 I have to agree with other posters, it would depend on what the decedent may have said to the person, or possibly differing religious beliefs. I lived in a country where the widow wore all white, head to toe, for 40 days after her husband's death. It necessitated someone from the family going out to buy white socks, shoes, everything. (this was a country of mainly Arab Muslims). Perhaps as no decorative clothing is to be worn during the mourning period. Have never seen any mourners wear white though. http://islam.about.com/cs/elderly/a/funerals.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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