Alzheimer's question

[Janeway]

A few years ago, a particular elderly relative started being mean to me and my children. It built to the point where we had to go to complete cut off. This relative also started spreading all sorts of nasty nasty rumors about me. It was really bad.

 

Now, I find out this relative is in a home and has Alzheimer's. What would you make of this? Do you think the nastiness just showed who they really were? It was very bad. Or can Alzheimer's cause someone to lie and attack? This included stuff like trying to inform people all sorts of nasty untrue things about me, including neighbors, my own children, etc. No one close to me took him seriously, but I always felt blindsided by the attacks. This is someone who I thought cared about us, but we were never that close and he always seemed off to me before this. How long does someone typically have Alzheimer's before it is diagnosed? There were definite issues a few years ago.

[TravelingChris]

Yes it is a symptom and it was his Alzheimers, most likely.  As to when people realize, any time a major change in personality happens, it should be investigated by a medical professional.  Many people don't know the symptoms of dementia and think that only forgetfulness is it.  Many people mistake it for growing elderly since they have not enough contact with neurologically healthy elderly. As to being odd before, there are limited studies that seem to indicate some links between autism and Alzheimers in later life.  There are links to schizophrenia and dementia.

 

 

[Guest]

Yes, absolutely. The earliest stages of Alzheimer's includes changes in personality. It's not that they are "finally showing their true colors" but rather their personality is altered and they do things that are completely irrational. It can be very hard on family members to go through it.

Edited April 18, 2017 by Kinsa

[Carol in Cal.]

Yes, it's a symptom not a revelation.

Some folks with A. get very mean, and some get very sweet.  It's the luck of the draw.

[creekland]

Speaking from the experience of having a MIL with very advanced Alzheimers, stories are made up (usually bad stories) and they go through at least a stage where they lash out at even loved ones.  I think their brain is incredibly stressed knowing something is wrong and it's a bit like kicking the dog after a bad day.  The dog did nothing - just wrong place, wrong time.

 

My MIL will make comments and stories about relatives and complete strangers.  It's sad - and embarrassing.  We do not hold it against her at this point.  I wish we had signs to notify others who must think she's a wicked _itch.  I feel for those who overhear and it messes up their day/week/life - esp complete strangers - and now I'm quick to assume something like this whenever I personally hear something out of place from someone else.

[OlgaLA]

In my experience, the stories they tell are not lies, they are more like telling of hallucinations. My grandmother's stories were usually not related to any of us, but they were so obviously not true, and yet she was telling them as if she lived them. Sometimes even when she was talking about her current surroundings, it was obvious that her perception of reality was really off. It was really unsettling and at times hair-raising. As to how long it takes to diagnose, it is hard to say. It develops at different speed for different people. My grandmother had it for a very long time, I would say close to 20 years from the first symptoms, developing slowly. My husband's grandma had it for only a couple years, from totally normal to completely losing her personality.

[Guest]

Yes, it's a symptom not a revelation.

Some folks with A. get very mean, and some get very sweet.  It's the luck of the draw.

 

And I have known both situations.  It is bewildering.

[SebastianCat]

My MIL will make comments and stories about relatives and complete strangers.  It's sad - and embarrassing.  We do not hold it against her at this point.  I wish we had signs to notify others who must think she's a wicked _itch.  I feel for those who overhear and it messes up their day/week/life - esp complete strangers - and now I'm quick to assume something like this whenever I personally hear something out of place from someone else.

 

My FIL had vascular dementia that progressed for almost 20 years before he passed away last year.   Someone recommended to DH that he print out cards, like business card size, to say something like, "This is my father, _______.  He has dementia.   Please be patient with him."    Then when DH encountered a stranger who needed to interact with FIL, he could quietly let that person know about FIL's condition without talking about it in front of FIL, who often became hostile and combative in the last 6 months of his life.

 

In FIL's case, his dementia resulted from a stroke that affected his verbal processing ability, but the last 5 years of his life progressed in much of the same way as Alzheimer's.   It was difficult to tell whether he had coherent thoughts that just got jumbled in his attempt to verbalize those thoughts, or whether his thinking was skewed (or both).   He definitely had hallucinations sometimes and lost his internal "filter" for being able to distinguish reality.

 

I highly recommend the book titled The 36 Hour Day for anyone dealing with or caring for someone with Alzheimer's or other types of dementia.   It was very insightful for us.  

[Seasider]

The 36 Hour Day is an essential reference book. Extremely helpful!

 

IME the stories aren't lies, but they're not the actual truth. They're an appropriation of things that happened in the lives of loved ones - things that were lived out by spouse or sibling or best friend - became the patient's own. Also ime, it's the fun and exciting and honorable experiences that are adopted, none of the bad ones.

[zoobie]

I think you need intent to **lie** so someone suffering from Alzheimer's wouldn't have the requisite intent. Your relative's behavior could have been attributable to Alzheimer's, but I'm sure mean people get Alzheimer's too. 

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes as others have said it was probably the disease. And they aren't lying. They really believe it in the moment. As mentioned up thread it is more like a hallucination. Their brain kind of seems to subconsciously rewrite memories as they go.

 

It is a horrific disease because it steals away the person who once existed and replaces them with someone else. Sometimes a nice person but many times not. They can't help it. It still hurts.

[StephanieZ]

Yes.

 

Personality changes are normal with dementia, and are often the earliest signs.  

 

I don't think the change "reveals" the real person. Instead, the brain changes make the person vulnerable to confusion, fear, and anger, depending on their particular circumstances. Ideal caregiving can reduce the likelihood of anger, but that caregiving requires identifying the disease . . . which is most often not accomplished until far along in the disease process. 

 

So, yes, I'd write off the mean behavior to dementia, and I'd feel very sorry for him (and you) that no one close enough to help was able to identify his disease early enough to minimize the collateral damage. He most likely was very fearful, and the aggression against you was likely one among many erratic and damaging behaviors. So sad. 

 

My mother had ALZ, and the personality changes were some of the earliest signs. She was fortunate that she had me and my brother and some good friends who were close enough and assertive enough to help her get a diagnosis fairly early. With early diagnosis and extensive social/therapeutic/family/medical support, she was able to get through her last years without much ugliness. However, that was totally dependent on her loved ones (and hired help) working smart and hard to minimize her stress and maximize her comfort. Without that (extreme) level of support and understanding, it would be much, much likelier to have extensive damaging social/familial interactions. 

 

So, bottom line, I do NOT believe that hateful/ugly behavior is necessarily part of ALZ, but it *is* very likely caused by the disease, ESPECIALLY when the victim has not been diagnosed and is not surrounded by educated and understanding and caring people.