CadenceSophia Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 My 8 year old really needs to go to the dentist to have work done. He probably needs 2-3 teeth pulled (2 we know are bad, 1 baby tooth that hasn't fallen out could be taken at the same time depending on method). We started last year on a treatment plan to get various things done for him that was supposed to "build confidence" in the dentist. Son was fine through a few minor things but then the dentist gave him a novocaine shot and lied about it. My son asked what was going on and the dentist said "oops I slipped, sorry" I don't believe in lying to kids like that. Later I talked to DS about it (who isn't dumb and was getting anxious about what happened to his mouth) and I tried to explain why the dentist did that. Now DS is sure that all dentists are liars and if he even sets foot in the office they are going to start "plucking his teeth out" (his words). This is getting way beyond the point of normal nerves. If you even mention the dentist he completely freaks out and either starts to cry or yells about how he's not going. He has to have dental work done. DH is getting upset at me for not making him an appointment but I really can't see what to do. Start him in therapy or drug him and carry him in? :) It is kind of a joke but not really. I imagine he isn't the first kid who is completely terrified of something that needs to get done. Anyone have ideas for me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 I vote drugs, because I need drugs to go into a dentist office, and I'm a full grown rational adult (most of the time anyway). Sorry that he got someone who lied like that. That is not cool. I hope you can find someone who will build a better rapport with him. You shouldn't have a problem finding a dentist who understands and is willing to give you a valium or something like that for him to take prior to an appt. :grouphug: 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrulySusan Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 I would get a new dentist. Then explain to ds that he needed to get the work done and you will be visiting a new and more trustworthy dentist to do it. Then be sure the new dentist knows the backstory, and is willing to tell ds the truth. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrulySusan Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Oh, and since they actually will be "plucking out some teeth", he maybe needs to know more details about why it is necessary, etc. If the new dentist could have an appointment just to look and make a plan, it might build some trust. I would be afraid if you tricked him, he wouldn't trust you anymore either. This sounds like such a tough situation. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CadenceSophia Posted April 12, 2017 Author Share Posted April 12, 2017 Oh we are definitely going to a new dentist. DS knows why he needs teeth out -- the main tooth in question has already crumbled and half fallen out (baby tooth, thankfully, just need to get it out before it affects permanent teeth). The "more trustworthy dentist" line hasn't worked so far. I wonder if I really could find a dentist that would prescribe something before he even set foot in the office? Or maybe even his pediatrician? I guess I can call around. He might view the entire experience more positively if he got to go with some anxiety medication, just got x-rays/cleaning, AND got a toy.. maybe that would turn things around a bit so we could work out another plan. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Oh we are definitely going to a new dentist. DS knows why he needs teeth out -- the main tooth in question has already crumbled and half fallen out (baby tooth, thankfully, just need to get it out before it affects permanent teeth). The "more trustworthy dentist" line hasn't worked so far. I wonder if I really could find a dentist that would prescribe something before he even set foot in the office? Or maybe even his pediatrician? I guess I can call around. He might view the entire experience more positively if he got to go with some anxiety medication, just got x-rays/cleaning, AND got a toy.. maybe that would turn things around a bit so we could work out another plan. If you lived on the peninsula in VA, I could tell you exactly where to accomplish this! :lol: Our pediatric dentist is what you need. But, i am sure there are others like him. Good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CadenceSophia Posted April 12, 2017 Author Share Posted April 12, 2017 If you lived on the peninsula in VA, I could tell you exactly where to accomplish this! :lol: Our pediatric dentist is what you need. But, i am sure there are others like him. Good luck! I would love to have a good pediatric dentist again! I actually flew him twice from Alaska back to PA for our favorite dentist (of course visiting family at the same time) but now I really need to find one in state :lol: Hopefully the office I have in mind will do it, but there might be a few other choices too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Usually the fear building up to the event is worse than the event itself. I would just make an appointment with a good pediatric dentist and just go. Tell your son it needs to happen and will happen. If there is a safe drug to reduce his anxiety, I would consider using that for the first time at least. If they will do gas, that might improve his experience (though I don't know if they do that on kids any more). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 You need to find a dentist who specializes in treating people with dental anxiety or phobia. I happen to see such a dentist, not because I need that particular skill, but because he is also a fantastic dentist. I cannot believe he lied to your son. Just no. My dentist would have got so angry about that. He never lies, and he never does a single thing without full consent. He is willing to work very hard to gain trust. I happen know that he also sees people with developmental disabilities. I gather that a lot of dentists won't do that? Anyway, I know that one young man came in rather sedated and was taken right in. I would find someone who will offer nitrous gas in addition to the numbing shot etc. I can personally vouch that it absolutely reduces anxiety. It also isn't covered by insurance. If I had a cavity or needed work I would MUCH prefer to have nitrous, but I don't feel like paying for it so I cope. But if I had an anxious kid, I would pay for it. My sister has dental anxiety and when she was a kid she FLIPPED OUT on our family dentist. I can also say in her favor that they were not being very nice to her. I understand, she was being difficult (she was probably 9) and he lost his patience etc. Anyway, I am pretty sure she bit him. (my current dentist says that kids bite all the time and they mean nothing by it. It is a reflex and it means you have been in their mouth too long.) From that time all, our family dentist gave all us kid nitrus gas, lol. He said he knew one of us bit him and he couldn't remember which one...I doubt that he didn't remember. But anyway, I have had a lot of experience with nitrous at the dentist as a kid and a teen and it made the dentist a much more tolerable situation. Give him a pair of headphones and some music he likes and it will probably go just fine. I actually looked forward to the the dentist, lol. I could peace out to Michael Jackson's thriller with my walkman. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jen3kids Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 My youngest developed a fear of the dentist/doctor around age 5, I think. He used to sit in my lap and be ok, and then one day he insisted on laying on the floor and the dentist was ok with that, but when ds tried to kick him, he was done and recommended a pediatric dentist who was amazing. My son loved the laughing gas and begged for more - too funny. A couple things we did - a pre-visit to meet the dentist and 'play' with the tools. Lots of explaining, loads of patience, and moving very slowly and nothing sneaky. He got to wear the mask to see what it felt like, I was allowed to hold him as long as he wanted me to and then to hold my hand when he was comfortable being in the chair on his own. We saw him only twice - once at age 5 and again at 7/8. Then he was fine to go to the regular dentist again. Strangely - he was fine having his teeth cleaned but would not allow the dentist to look in his mouth. Eventually, he got over both anxieties by sheer willpower (and teasing by his big brother). Good luck. It is so hard to see your kids so terrified. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 (edited) Gosh, poor kid! I erased my original answer since you are already looking for a pediatric dentist or sedation dentist. :grouphug: Edited April 12, 2017 by trulycrabby 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 My suggestion is to NOT go to a pediatric dentist. I think some of their methods are quite cruel. Many don't allow parents into the room. They will often strap kids down. NO WAY. Go to someone who specializes in people who are afraid of dentists. That is where I go for myself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 (edited) My suggestion is to NOT go to a pediatric dentist. I think some of their methods are quite cruel. Many don't allow parents into the room. They will often strap kids down. NO WAY. Go to someone who specializes in people who are afraid of dentists. That is where I go for myself. It is definitely important to ask about these policies. But not all are like that. Our pediatric dentist is wonderful. Parents are always welcome in every part of the facility. Ds needed a filling and our dentist automatically offered nitrous oxide gas as standard for procedures. He doesn't bill extra. He just offers it for the comfort of the kids who are scared or nervous. He takes a pic with the kids at the first appt and lets them work the chair and touch the equipment. They have sunglasses to wear (under the exam lights) and things to hold and fiddle with while in the chair. They communicate well with them and me. I chose him because he is the opposite of everything I experienced as a kid! And bonus...he's a homeschool dad! Funny story...when ds had that filling done, we were in the procedure area (separated by sliding glass doors from the open room). Another child was in a chair beside ds (a counter separated the chairs), and he had clearly used the gas. Apparently that stuff is like truth serum. :lol: This boy looked to be about 12 at most and mom had just stepped away. Our dentist patted the kid on the shoulder and told him that (something) was still "setting up" and there were some restrictions...no eating, no drinking, no gum for 30 min...and then dentist laughs and says and no smoking either. The boy says, "oh I won't cause my mom is home. I can only smoke when she's not around." :eek: My eyes got real wide. The dentist looks at me and says, "excuse me, I'll be right back." I wanted so badly to ask him, when he returned, had he ratted Jr out to mom :lol: especially given how young this child looked. Edited April 12, 2017 by jewellsmommy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CadenceSophia Posted April 12, 2017 Author Share Posted April 12, 2017 Usually the fear building up to the event is worse than the event itself. I would just make an appointment with a good pediatric dentist and just go. Tell your son it needs to happen and will happen. If there is a safe drug to reduce his anxiety, I would consider using that for the first time at least. If they will do gas, that might improve his experience (though I don't know if they do that on kids any more). This is my husband's opinion. Or at least it was until we talked about this thread together last night. What exactly do you envision for "just go" with a child who is stronger than you are and so terrified that he physically will not cooperate with going? Even if I could wrestle him into the car (which I won't), it isn't as if he'd stay buckled for the drive and just walk into the office. My suggestion is to NOT go to a pediatric dentist. I think some of their methods are quite cruel. Many don't allow parents into the room. They will often strap kids down. NO WAY. Go to someone who specializes in people who are afraid of dentists. That is where I go for myself. That would be an office we'd RUN from. I won't leave him alone or put up with anyone that would ask me to. I'm pretty protective of my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 This is my husband's opinion. Or at least it was until we talked about this thread together last night. What exactly do you envision for "just go" with a child who is stronger than you are and so terrified that he physically will not cooperate with going? Even if I could wrestle him into the car (which I won't), it isn't as if he'd stay buckled for the drive and just walk into the office. In that case, I suggest you ask your husband to take him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Marmalade Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 (edited) Our pediatric dentist would have DD come to an appointment 30 minutes early and have her drink a "medicine shot" to help calm her before the actual appointment. I'm not recalling at all what it was, but it was banana flavored and she had no troubles drinking it. It helped a TON. Not only was she terrified of the dentist, but she has a vicious gag reflex- they couldn't get anything done without causing her to vomit, and whatever they gave her helped with that as well. They had video games and a movie going all the time- so while she waited those 30 minutes she would play the Nintendo or watch the movie. The bonus with the movie was that it was piped all through the building, so she laid back in her chair and watched a screen set in the ceiling while the dentist worked on her. She had headphones on so she could hear the movie and NOT hear the dentist very well. The let me sit with her at her feet, and I had my hand on her legs the whole time, which provided significant comfort to her. The dentist would kind of narrate to me what he was doing, and tried to work as quickly as he could. If the banana liquid hadn't helped, she was a prime candidate for sedation dentistry, but at the time that dentist only did that at the local hospital, and as we were without insurance, there was no way we could pay for it. Oh- she was 7 at the time, and still is afraid of the dentist, but it's not at all like it used to be. Edited April 12, 2017 by Lady Marmalade 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 (edited) -- Edited April 16, 2017 by kbeal 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 One more thought after reading the other posts--don't fight him on this. It only builds up the fear. I would find someone who does needle-free dentistry....or even twilight/sedated stuff. This needs to be an awesome experience for him because we all need to go to the dentist 2x a year and odds are we will all need restorative work st some point. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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