JennSnow Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 (edited) We're pretty lax with cousin sleepovers..generally if my nephew and son (both 14) spend any time together on any given day where they have no school/activities the next day a sleepover almost always happens. Sometimes my nephew will just stow away in the back part of my car when I'm leaving his house and by the time I get home and find him I don't feel like driving him all the way back to his house so he just stays over. There have been entire weeks in the summer time where they just went back and forth sleeping over at each other's houses. They're actually having an up-all-night pizza, poker, and video game binge birthday sleepover tonight...super fun. Non-relative sleep overs are rarer occurrences and I need a little prep time for those, lol. Edited March 25, 2017 by JennSnow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaeFlowers Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 (edited) We're pretty flexible. Half the time, the sleep-overs aren't even thought up until after 8pm anyway. We have an open door policy with friends. They're always welcome unless someone is sick. My house is never really spotless and I would say that most kids won't notice or care. Having said that, I can understand why you wouldn't want it put on you like that. It sounds like they all planned it and hoped you would go along. I'm curious. For those who never do sleep overs, why not? Edited March 25, 2017 by MaeFlowers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Well for one thing, we are not regular about changing our sheets, LOL. Also there is some logistical challenge as my kids have single beds in separate bedrooms. Last time we had a sleepover, we dragged the mattresses (with clean sheets) to the living room floor and shoved them together. I mean, all this could have been done last minute, but I was not in the mode for it, you know? I had a really stressful day at work, was nursing a migraine, and just wasn't up for that kind of surprise, LOL. My kids did explain today that the friend's duffel bag would have been with her whether she was spending the night or not. Whatever. :) Today I talked to my kids about what needs to happen if there is going to be an impromptu sleepover. It will be rare, since we usually have things scheduled for Saturday mornings. But I am not morally opposed, provided the kids are considerate to everyone's needs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaeFlowers Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Well for one thing, we are not regular about changing our sheets, LOL. Also there is some logistical challenge as my kids have single beds in separate bedrooms. Last time we had a sleepover, we dragged the mattresses (with clean sheets) to the living room floor and shoved them together. I mean, all this could have been done last minute, but I was not in the mode for it, you know? I had a really stressful day at work, was nursing a migraine, and just wasn't up for that kind of surprise, LOL. My kids did explain today that the friend's duffel bag would have been with her whether she was spending the night or not. Whatever. :) Today I talked to my kids about what needs to happen if there is going to be an impromptu sleepover. It will be rare, since we usually have things scheduled for Saturday mornings. But I am not morally opposed, provided the kids are considerate to everyone's needs. I get it. Sometimes its just not the right time. Oh, and migraines count as sick in my house. I don't get them very often but the thing the bothers me most is people talking. It causes head pounding and waves of nausea. I couldn't do a sleep over then, either. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I don't count cousins as sleepovers. Because of their home circumstances, our door is open whenever to my niece and nephew. School nights. Weekends. A single night. A week or more. This might be why I am laid back about friend sleepovers, though. Because the cousins could be here anytime, I have a lot of fresh bedding and extra beds and such ready to go all the time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I can't speak for others but I do sometimes read articles about why some families may want to opt out of sleepovers all together. Basically sexual abuse or other things (kids getting online unsupervised, etc.) being a potential concern (with concern about the abuse not necessarily the hosts' parents). And if the sleepover is taking place at a family's home you don't know well (random birthday invite) then I can see the hesitation there. Ds was recently invited to one and we opted out but it was because I didn't know the family at all (ds got the invite in class) and the kids were being taken directly from the school to the party venue and then to the sleepover house. Ds had never been to the venue, met the parents, gone to a sleepover, I assumed it would be awkward to insist on my child's booster seat in their car, etc. etc. I thought about taking him to the venue and skipping the sleepover portion, but that would have required me to drive far and hang around with a toddler while I waited for the party to end. This might have also been embarrassing to him if he was the only one not doing what the others were doing. Sometimes sleepovers are tied to another activity so I can see logistically it being complicated. Like growing up my parents did not host them and didn't even like me attending. I do recall attending a couple. If they were on a Saturday night then we had to coordinate an appropriate Mass time so I didn't miss church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 I am open to last-minute sleepovers. We had one last night, as a matter of fact. Sometimes we end up with four or five extra boys overnight. We are definitely a spontaneous more-the-merrier family when it comes to the boys' friends, and have been for years. (It's way easier now that they are teens!) That said, rule number one of sleepovers, spontaneous or not, is courtesy to everyone. I think you were perfectly reasonable. If either mom says no, it means no, even if the reason is that you just plain don't feel like it. Sleepovers are work, especially with kids who aren't familiar with house rules and routines. If we didn't do last-minute sleepovers, I would still expect the kids to not beg. I wonder if having another adult encouraging you to change your mind made them think it was ok to continue. When I do say no to a get-together, I try to make at least a tentative plan for another time. I think this helps because the kids know that even if it won't happen now, they will get to spend that time/activity with the friend(s). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ealp2009 Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 Our neighbor kids invite themselves to dinner regularly and I will feed them of my husbands not home, but no sleepovers unless it is my nieces or nephews. Seriously, you could not pay me to have some other persons children sleeping at my house unless it was some kid of emergency. Maybe my kids will be interested in them some day, and then I may reconsider since I would rather have them at my own house but thankfully my kids are really not interested in sleeping elsewhere unless it's a cousins' house. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 (edited) I can't speak for others but I do sometimes read articles about why some families may want to opt out of sleepovers all together. Basically sexual abuse or other things (kids getting online unsupervised, etc.) being a potential concern (with concern about the abuse not necessarily the hosts' parents). And if the sleepover is taking place at a family's home you don't know well (random birthday invite) then I can see the hesitation there. The people who my kids have slept over with are all people who we know very well. Like vacation with and they get custody of our children if we die well. Maybe because of the ASD factor, but casual friend sleepovers have never come up here. And, there are some places where one might assume that I would allow a sleepover but I do not. Their cousins can come here anytime. My sons can not sleep over at either of my brother's places or my SIL's place. In one family it's because I seriously don't trust the adults and in the other, because I think the adults are just not flexible enough to deal with my sons. For the latter, I reckon they could stay there in an emergency and once upon a time, they did but for the former, no way, no how. I can't even leave them there for an hour. They would be better off wandering the streets at night alone. I do worry about the possibility of sexual abuse more at some of my relative's homes than I do with my friends. Sad but true. Edited March 26, 2017 by LucyStoner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 The people who my kids have slept over with are all people who we know very well. Like vacation with and they get custody of our children if we die well. Maybe because of the ASD factor, but casual friend sleepovers have never come up here. And, there are some places where one might assume that I would allow a sleepover but I do not. Their cousins can come here anytime. My sons can not sleep over at either of my brother's places or my SIL's place. In one family it's because I seriously don't trust the adults and in the other, because I think the adults are just not flexible enough to deal with my sons. For the latter, I reckon they could stay there in an emergency and once upon a time, they did but for the former, no way, no how. I can't even leave them there for an hour. They would be better off wandering the streets at night alone. I do worry about the possibility of sexual abuse more at some of my relative's homes than I do with my friend's. Sad but true. Totally understandable. I find it difficult to breathe at my SIL's home due to smoke and was unhappy the time dh and ds crashed there last minute. Ds has breathing issues so I like to limit his time there. They also used to have a dog he immediately had an allergic reaction to so we'd have to give him medicine before going over. With strangers I don't know if they have pets I have to consider. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted March 26, 2017 Share Posted March 26, 2017 By 5th or 6th grade we mostly only had last minute sleep overs. I became used to it. Now that they are in high school, I have become used to people dropping by whenever and never knowing if they will stay minutes, hours, or overnight. I'm okay with it because I like that they feel our house is comfortable and I want to be a place where they can just stop in whenever. I definitely don't want to be the house where they feel unwelcome. OP, I think it's okay that you feel that way now but I would think about how you want things to be in the near future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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