Tips for preparing to become a full time homeschooling mom?

[Moonhawk]

So, I'm late to the party.  I've been meaning to jump in every day, and then I don't :)  

 

I was originally going to say declutter and simplify, but I see you already like the Konmari method, so only half of my advice applies.  When I say simplify, I'm talking about house procedures.  Pre-kids, I could keep my place looking pretty nice regardless of what was going on.  Post-kids, not so much.  I've been working on simplifying HOW I clean the house, and also what my standards are.  Yes, it was nice when all my pots were spot-free and shiny like on TV because I hand washed and dried immediately, but really I cook every night and the dishwasher works well enough.

 

So, finding ways to do things faster: dishes, laundry, mopping, bathrooms.  Figure out if doing all of the bathtubs in the house, then circling back and doing toilets and then counters is faster than doing one bathroom at a time -- this just depends on each house. Decide if you really need all the laundry sorted into red vs orange, or if you can combine those two loads. Transition your wardrobe away from delicate, hand wash, and dry clean items (or at least consider this in the future when baby spit is a threat). And, when you got baby clothes, maybe don't sort them at all, just dump together.  Your standards may be much higher than mine, so Idk what exactly will save you time, but try to find ways now that way it is already second nature and you don't have to retrain yourself when it is hard enough already. 

 

Also, cooking class.  Not because you don't know how to cook already, but picking up useful habits in the kitchen and cutting and cooking faster and more efficiently. 

 

And, even though the house is going to be "your domain", I'd highly suggest getting futureDH involved in it now.  Especially if you are going to be working until kids come, and taking classes. I remember reading a study about how girls tend to achieve more if they saw their fathers pitch in around the house with dishes or something.  And even if this isn't true, you will need help at points and it is better to set the expectation now that he will be involved, not just get home from work and expect to "relax" while you (who have also been working) get to "finish up". Also, helping each other find the fastest ways to do something -- maybe he has the secret formula to dishes like my DH did -- will make it easier to work together on fun stuff too.  It's a team building exercise! :) 

 

Good luck, this is a fun stage while you are figuring everything out together!

[maize]

Second the advice to involve your dh with household tasks from the beginning, it is so hard to change habits once established. Better start off on the right foot.

 

This is honestly the #1 regret of many women I know, including myself. It is relatively easy to manage the household alone before children join the picture, but once you've got homeschooling on your plate and a bunch of littles underfoot you can quickly find yourself with 48 hours worth of work needing to be done each day. If the other adult member of the household thinks his only responsibility is to be the breadwinner you will have a profoundly unequal division of labor and an impossible load on your shoulders.

Edited January 27, 2017 by maize

[saffron]

Second the advice to involve your dh with household tasks from the beginning, it is so hard to change habits once established. Better start off on the right foot.

 

This is honestly the #1 regret of many women I know, including myself. It is relatively easy to manage the household alone before children join the picture, but once you've got homeschooling on your plate and a bunch of littles underfoot you can quickly find yourself with 48 hours worth of work needing to be done each day. If the other adult member of the household thinks his only responsibility is to be the breadwinner you will have a profoundly unequal division of labor and an impossible load on your shoulders.

 

He often does laundry, dishes, and takes out the trash but for some reason I can never get him to use the vacuum cleaner.

[maize]

He often does laundry, dishes, and takes out the trash but for some reason I can never get him to use the vacuum cleaner.

It might be helpful early on to sit down and make a list of all household tasks, discuss how each will get done (who? How often? How much time required?) and revisit that list periodically because things change as you go along. The amount of housework will increase dramatically once children are in the home, and while children can be taught to contribute the teaching and supervising of children's chores becomes an additional time-consuming responsibility (often more time consuming than doing the task yourself!)

[Garga]

I wrote something about the housework the other day, and then my computer locked up and I gave up. But now that the thread is going again, I'll try again and hope it doesn't lock up!

 

 

Housework.  I was shocked at how much time a baby takes up in a day.  I don't have the breakdown anymore since my youngest is now 11, but back in the day I added up the time and over each 24 hour period, it takes 8-10 hours just to tend to the baby.  Feeding, diapers, bathing, whatever.  I mean, how can it possibly take 8 solid hours out of every 24 just to tend to the baby?  It does.  And you do that on wonky sleep.  Those aren't 8 hours in a row: they're spread out all over the place.  I find that when I go on limited or interrupted sleep, everything takes me twice as long.

 

So, when you have a baby, you literally have a 40 hour a week job.  So you're doing all the chores has to be done in the in between times between caring for the baby, but it's still the same 24 hours that a working person has.  And if a working person has trouble fitting in chores because they work 40 hours a week, then a mom with a newborn has the same trouble.  (Edited to add:  I forgot that with a baby, you don't get the weekend off.  So it's 8 hours a day for 7 days a week.  You have a 55 hour a week job.)

 

And that's just one kid.  Let that one grow up a little and then have another one.  Yikes!   Now you're working many more hours a week, tending to kids. I didn't do the math once I had two. But it's an amazing amt of time just to tend to babies and toddlers. 

 

And then you start homeschooling them.  You need to sit with them to teach them, plus you have to have time to prepare to teach them.  Depending on the curriculum you use, this could be simple and fast or complex and time consuming.

 

Right now, at the high school level, here's my schedule:

6:00-8:00  Exercise, bathe, eat breakfast.  I'm lucky because all the other people in my house can now do these things on their own.  If you have to bathe, prepare breakfast, and spoon the food into another person, this can all take hours.  Exercising would be out the window.

 

8:00-5:00  Homeschool.  This includes lunch time (which I no longer have to cook for my kids--again, I make my own and they make their own.  A HUGE relief to me now) and time going to karate or in the car diving to Spanish.

 

5:00-7:00 or 7:30.  I cook dinner and then we all sit and eat it and watch our favorite shows together as a family.

 

7:30-8:30/9:00 I write up notes for the next day's lessons.  Except on Tuesday.  On Tuesday I leave the house at 6:30-ish and go to the $5 movies.  Because it's very necessary for me to have 3 hours to myself once a week in a quiet theater with no interruptions.  This means I work extra long on Monday because I know that Tuesday will be movie night.

 

8:30-10:00 I relax.

 

And um...notice how there was no time for cleaning in there.  At all.  Let's keep going:

 

Saturday:  Errands, crash, try to get together with friends, work with the high schooler on any work that he didn't get done that week (happens about once or twice a month and takes a few hours.)  Clean a bit.  Make sure I spend time with the kids that isn't all about school (a biggie to keep the relationships good.)

 

Sunday:  

6:00-7:30 Shower, eat breakfast

 

7:30-9:50:  Drive to church, attend, drive home--separately from the family.  They stay for Sunday School, but I need to get started planning for the week.

 

For 8 hours every Sunday, I need to prepare for the coming school week.  Those hours are interrupted by eating lunch and dinner.  My husband often cooks the dinner on Sunday, so that I'm not stuck working until 8 at night.  If he doesn't cook, then I work from 10 in the morning until 8 at night on prep, eating lunch, and preparing and eating dinner.  Him (or is it "his"?)cooking gains me an extra 1 or 1.5 hours to get my planning done.

 

 

My husband does a lot of the cleaning around the house.  At this point, he does more cleaning than I do.  I work more hours than he does a week.  I work at least a 55 hour week.  

 

Fortunately, we have low standards and don't mind the dust bunnies in the corners or smudgy windows.  DH has never thought that housework was "women's work."  He does not expect that I'll be doing it alone.  

 

He does get irritated if he walks in the front door and we've left our lunch dishes and schoolbooks scattered all over.  I can understand that.  We're good now about cleaning up our lunch stuff asap and putting the books away each evening.  

 

Other than the lunch dishes and scattered books, he's never acted like I'm doing something wrong by having such limited time to clean the house.  

 

This has been a BIG relief to me in my marriage.  If he expected me to do my job (55 hours a week or more when DS needs help with homework on Saturday), and maintain the house, while he only works a 40 hour week, I'd be pretty angry.  But he doesn't so we're good.

 

 

(And I'm hoping that I can change things up next year so I don't have to do so much prep.  I picked a biology and world history class that requires a LOT of teacher interaction.  It's too much.)

 

 

Edited January 28, 2017 by Garga

[maize]

I wrote something about the housework the other day, and then my computer locked up and I gave up. But now that the thread is going again, I'll try again and hope it doesn't lock up!

 

 

Housework. I was shocked at how much time a baby takes up in a day. I don't have the breakdown anymore since my youngest is now 11, but back in the day I added up the time and over each 24 hour period, it takes 8-10 hours just to tend to the baby. Feeding, diapers, bathing, whatever. I mean, how can it possibly take 8 solid hours out of every 24 just to tend to the baby? It does. And you do that on wonky sleep. Those aren't 8 hours in a row: they're spread out all over the place. I find that when I go on limited or interrupted sleep, everything takes me twice as long.

 

So, when you have a baby, you literally have a 40 hour a week job. So doing all the chores has to be done in the in between times between caring for the baby, but it's still the same 24 hours that a working person has. And if a working person has trouble fitting in chores because they work 40 hours a week, then a mom with a newborn has the same trouble.

 

And that's just one kid. Let that one grow up a little and then have another one. Yikes! Now you're working 60 or more hours a week, tending to kids. Plus you have housework to do.

 

And then you start homeschooling them. You need to sit with them to teach them, plus you have to have time to prepare to teach them. Depending on the curriculum you use, this could be simple and fast or complex and time consuming.

 

Right now, at the high school level, here's my schedule:

6:00-8:00 Wake, exercise, bathe, eat breakfast. I'm lucky because all the other people in my house can now do these things on their own. If you have to bathe, prepare breakfast, and spoon the food into another person, this can all take hours. Exercising is out the window.

 

8:00-5:00 Homeschool. This includes lunch time (which I no longer have to cook for my kids--again, I make my own and they make their own. A HUGE relief to me now) and time going to karate or in the car diving to Spanish.

 

5:00-7:00 or 7:30. I cook dinner and then we all sit and eat it and watch our favorite shows together as a family.

 

7:30-8:30 I write up notes for the next day's lessons. Except on Tuesday. On Tuesday I leave the house at 6:30-ish and go to the $5 movies. Because it's very necessary for me to have 3 hours to myself once a week in a quiet theater with no interruptions.

 

8:30-10:00 I relax.

 

And um...notice how there was no time for cleaning in there. At all. Let's keep going:

 

Saturday: Errands, crash, try to get together with friends, work with the high schooler on any work that he didn't get done that week (happens about once or twice a month and takes a few hours.) Clean a bit.

 

Sunday:

6:00-7:30 Shower, eat breakfast

 

7:30-9:50: Drive to church, attend, drive home--separately from the family. They stay for Sunday School, but I need to get started.

 

For 8 hours, I need to prepare for the coming school week. Those hours are interrupted by eating lunch and dinner. My husband often cooks the dinner on Sunday, so that I'm not stuck working until 8 at night. If he doesn't cook, then I work from 10 in the morning until 8 at night on prep, eating lunch, and preparing and eating dinner. Him cooking gains me an extra 1 or 1.5 hours to get my planning done.

 

 

My husband does a lot of the cleaning around the house. At this point, he does more than I do. I work more hours than he does a week. I work at least a 55 hour week.

 

Fortunately, we have low standards and don't mind the dust bunnies in the corners or smudgy windows. DH has never thought that housework was "women's work." He does not expect that I'll be doing it. He does get irritated if he walks in the front door and we've left our dishes and schoolbooks scattered all over. I can understand that. We're good now about cleaning up our lunch stuff asap and putting the books away each evening.

 

Other than the lunch dishes and scattered books, he's never acted like I'm doing something wrong by having such limited time to clean the house.

 

This has been a BIG relief to me in my marriage. If he expected me to do my job (55 hours a week or more when DS needs help with homework on Saturday), and maintain the house, while he only works a 40 hour week, I'd be pretty angry. But he doesn't so we're good.

 

 

(And I'm hoping that I can change things up next year so I don't have to do so much prep. I picked a biology and world history class that requires a LOT of teacher interaction. It's too much.)

Yes to everything Garga said, and note that she does not have a whole passel of kids. Babies and toddlers take a ridiculous amount of time and energy, and dads frequently don't understand when they're not in the trenches day in and day out. And both pregnancy and babies are major sleep disruptors.

 

If you're planning for a large family, I strongly recommend planning on some paid household help (cleaning service, mother's helper, etc.) as a standard budget item. If you have time to work and put money aside now earmark a special savings fund! We mothers often expect things of ourselves that are just not possible.

[Garga]

Yes to everything Garga said, and note that she does not have a whole passel of kids. Babies and toddlers take a ridiculous amount of time and energy, and dads frequently don't understand when they're not in the trenches day in and day out. And both pregnancy and babies are major sleep disruptors.

 

If you're planning for a large family, I strongly recommend planning on some paid household help (cleaning service, mother's helper, etc.) as a standard budget item. If you have time to work and put money aside now earmark a special savings fund! We mothers often expect things of ourselves that are just not possible.

 

 

You are so right.  I have 2 kids and they're relatively close in age.  If I had some toddlers still, oh my.  Those little guys take a lot of work!  Love them, but they're hard work.  :)

[Garga]

DP

Edited January 27, 2017 by Garga

[saffron]

I thought I heard Susan WB say she only homeschools for 5 hours a day. Did I misunderstand that?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I thought I heard Susan WB say she only homeschools for 5 hours a day. Did I misunderstand that?

 

This ranks with "most babies do XYZ, so plan for that." (In other words, there's too much you cannot plan for, at all.)

 

Most of us would say that many of our kids can be educated at home in five hours per day (each).

 

We'd also tell you that it can be nearly impossible to teach all the children in a large family in the SAME five hours.

 

Further, in order to be efficient, the parent educator needs to be well-educated and well-prepared. There are hours spent in prep and study that are in addition to hours spent teaching your child, and interacting with him.

 

AND the student needs to be neurotypical, and at least typically motivated. You might need to work very intensively, one on one, with one or more of your children on a daily basis.

 

Lastly, SWB had help for a lot of the time.

 

In short, saffron, homeschooling is a giant wild card.

 

When you meet your children, you will know more about what they need, and then experience will teach you how long it will take.

[regentrude]

I thought I heard Susan WB say she only homeschools for 5 hours a day. Did I misunderstand that?

 

How long you school depends on so many things. There is no simple rule.

 

For young kids, seat work will only take 1-2 hours. For middle/high, my kids worked about 6 hours/day. That is academic seat work. you also have extracurriculars, music lessons, PE, and how much time that takes varies greatly between families. Some peple school year round, others keep a nine month school year.

 

The time one kid works on seat work is not identical to the total time the parent spends. Kids may be working independent, or they may need a lot of help, and you may have multiple kids who need to be helped one after the other because combining does not work. You also need time to research/select materials/prepare - that varies greatly between families. I spend a lot of time to research and selection and none on daily planing; other people plan their days in very detailed ways.

You will find out what works for you and your kids. 

[Garga]

I thought I heard Susan WB say she only homeschools for 5 hours a day. Did I misunderstand that?

Some people do. Some people don't. Depends on the kid (fast or slow), the curriculum (simple or complication), and the teacher. Depends on how many subjects you want to cover. Depends on the eventual goals.

 

I was so sure that by now my son would work almost completely independently, but that's not the case for us. And now that I'm here in high school with my son, I wouldn't want it to be. Our times working together are such a blessing. I wouldn't want to just send him off to work alone.

 

My 6th grader doesn't work a full 8 hours each day, though. A lot of people say that a general rule of thumb is 1 hour a day per grade. So, 1st grade takes an hour. 2nd grade takes 2, up until about 7th or 8th and then it stablizes at 7-8 hours of work a day.

 

I found that we would take 3 hours right from 1st grade and it did slowly progress so that now that we're in 9th, my 9th grader does about 7-8 or so hours of work a day, while the 6th grader is at about 5 or 6.

 

But for me, as mom, I bounce back and forth between the 2 for the entire day. When I'm done getting the 9th grader started he keeps working and I head over to the 6th grader. I get tiny breaks while the kids might both have something independent to do (like right now...I have about 3 more minutes until the 6th grader is done labeling some simple machines in science.)

 

For the first 8 years, we did almost every subject together. This year, only bible reading is done together. Everything else is split.

Edited January 27, 2017 by Garga

[Garga]

I fear I'm coming across as if homeschooling is an unbearable workload.

There are a lot of people who have kids who work very independently and they use curriculum that requires almost no prep for mom. That's perfectly fine! But it isn't that way for everyone.

This post is about preparing. Preparing financially, preparing educationally (diploma), preparing for help (dh doing chores), and knowing what the job entails.

I am completely happy with all the hours I pour into homeschooling. When I'm preparing the lessons on Sunday, I'm content. I'm not sitting there angry and upset. I love every minute that I spend on it. Is it a lot of work? Yup. Am I glad that my dh earns all the money and helps with chores? Absolutely!

Can homeschool be done in 5 hours or less? Sure! Do I? Nope.

So, there are lots of ways to do it, and you can't be sure when you're starting out what will happen with you, so you have to be prepared for all the eventualities, within reason. I honestly thought by now my son would be very independent, but he's just not. I was an independent student, but he's not me. I didn't have ADHD as a kid. He does. Things take him longer because his focus slips a lot. No biggie. School just takes longer.

Edited January 27, 2017 by Garga

[Annie G]

 Seat work doesn't take all day but other components of homeschooling take time too.  I read aloud to our kids until they were in mid-high school. So at one time I had toddlers, elementary, and middle school age kids. I read aloud at least an hour a day to each group, plus we almost always talked about what I read.  The kids read a ton on their own but reading aloud was a way to stretch them beyond their own reading ability.  I don't regret a single minute of it but it was super time consuming. 

 

Carving out tiny bits of time during the day to do small chores is also exhausting. Throw a load of laundry in the washer and remember to move it to the dryer...then fold it while a kid is reading aloud to you or you're supervising a science experiment. Clean the kitchen after lunch but do it quickly because there are still three subjects to cover.  Get dinner started while a kid recites AWANA verses or recites Latin conjugations.  It's the juggling that wore me out. 

 

 

 

 

[Garga]

 

 

Carving out tiny bits of time during the day to do small chores is also exhausting.   It's the juggling that wore me out. 

 

 

This is me.  

 

My husband has ADHD and he can work in little spurts like that.  Do a job...dash off to something else...come back and finish the job.

 

It makes me feel on edge to do things that way.  I always feel like there's something in the back of my mind that I'm forgetting.  I write extensive lists so that all my balls that are in the air are accounted for.  I don't write "Do laundry."  I write, "Put whites in washer," "Move wets to dryer" "Fold clothes in dryer" "Put clothes away." 

 

I do that for everything and it helps me.  

[Annie G]

This is me.  

 

My husband has ADHD and he can work in little spurts like that.  Do a job...dash off to something else...come back and finish the job.

 

It makes me feel on edge to do things that way.  I always feel like there's something in the back of my mind that I'm forgetting.  I write extensive lists so that all my balls that are in the air are accounted for.  I don't write "Do laundry."  I write, "Put whites in washer," "Move wets to dryer" "Fold clothes in dryer" "Put clothes away." 

 

I do that for everything and it helps me.  

 

I remember days when I was so overwhelmed...and I'd be jolted awake at 2 AM and remember that I left wet clothes in the washer or I hadn't started the dishwasher.  I loved raising kids but I am truly glad that exhausting time is behind me. 

[SebastianCat]

I thought I heard Susan WB say she only homeschools for 5 hours a day. Did I misunderstand that?

 

I only have 2 children who are 2 years apart in age, and for much of their elementary school years we could finish in 5 hours per day.   But that doesn't include the time I spent over the previous spring and summer researching, shopping, organizing, and scheduling the curricula, nor does it include my time prepping work each Sunday or checking the kids' work after it's finished every day.   (...because if I don't check, it doesn't get done).   The time your children spend doing "school" work during elementary school may be less than 5 hours per day, but the total amount of their time + your time will be more, and your daily time commitment will increase with each additional child.

 

You will spend a good amount of time training your children in how to work independently, but like nearly all other aspects of training children, it takes years of repetition, practice, and maturity before you can expect them to work completely independently.   And not until your youngest child is middle school (or possibly high school) aged will you be able to expect ALL of them to work independently.

[regentrude]

Carving out tiny bits of time during the day to do small chores is also exhausting. Throw a load of laundry in the washer and remember to move it to the dryer...then fold it while a kid is reading aloud to you or you're supervising a science experiment. Clean the kitchen after lunch but do it quickly because there are still three subjects to cover.  Get dinner started while a kid recites AWANA verses or recites Latin conjugations.  It's the juggling that wore me out. 

 

For the OP: it helps to make it a habit to use the small pockets of "time confetti" efficiently. I routinely run laundry while having breakfast, sweep the kitchen while taking on the phone, stop by the store briefly on my way home from work, combine errands. I find this more efficient than doing big house cleaning actions - a little bit gets done in between other commitments and that means there is no big pileup of housework that has to be done. Also, it's less noticeable that way ;)

[lulalu]

My advice to prepare (my dh and I do premarital counseling hope you are able to do that) is to read a wide variety.

 

Take a financial peace university class if one is local even if you don't agree with it all

 

Read a bunch of differing views on parenting and wirld views of parenting. Read the extreme opposites even if you are saying no the whole time finish each book. (The Pearls, Dr Sears, La Leche books, You are your childs first teacher, etc)

 

Read a bunch of differing educational approach books. Don't even think about curriculum think about philosophies and why. (Classical, unschooling, charlotte mason, waldorf etc)

 

Read different ideas on child development and how different cultures handle normal childhood things.

 

Read a bunch of marriage books. Read ones of your faith, but also ones that are from secular auhors.

 

And this is the most important imo- find an older (married 20 or more years) couple that you are not related to. Learn from them go on double dates. Watch observe ask questions.

 

Same advice for parenting find a family that has children you could see yourself being like, ask questions, observe talk with your fiance on things you saw etc.

 

Books, the internet are great, but human life has so many varitables that having a couple and family you can see makes a big difference.

 

Each of you should write out a response on a few common issues that come up and compare then talk if there are places you have different thoughts.

ie going into debt for (what is ok to you?)

You have a child that stole a candy bar

You have a child that stole a car

Internet activity is private between couple or open

You have a child that will not do school work

You have a parent who is dying (what is your role)

Ect- really sit down and think through discipline, life circumstances alone first then come together and go over it and see where you are same or different

 

Areas that are different are where you want to work together to make a plan as a couple of how you will approach these things.

 

And if you know you will be staying home once married I suggest learning craft skills, sewing, canning, and find something you enjoy doing and build that skills up. Build you and find what you enjoy.

[saffron]

Sorry I can't say thank you to everyone individually because there are over 100 posts now. But I'm reading every one and taking notes. Thank you all.

[Guest]

How long you school depends on so many things. There is no simple rule.

 

For young kids, seat work will only take 1-2 hours. For middle/high, my kids worked about 6 hours/day. That is academic seat work. you also have extracurriculars, music lessons, PE, and how much time that takes varies greatly between families. Some peple school year round, others keep a nine month school year.

 

The time one kid works on seat work is not identical to the total time the parent spends. Kids may be working independent, or they may need a lot of help, and you may have multiple kids who need to be helped one after the other because combining does not work. You also need time to research/select materials/prepare - that varies greatly between families. I spend a lot of time to research and selection and none on daily planing; other people plan their days in very detailed ways.

You will find out what works for you and your kids.

So true. My first child is a "natural academic." She needed little help from me by sixth-seventh grade. But my second and third child needed a lot more direct involvement. (A LOT!) Now that I only have one hser at home, I can devote my undivided attention to DS12. It was SOOOO much harder when I was juggling the needs of different kids at different ages. I'm not a great multi-tasker to begin with; I'm good at focusing like a lazer on one thing. I do remember I used to feel like I was going insane when I would start doing something with Kid #1, then Kid #2 would be confused on something, then Kid #3 (5 years younger) would cry about something or throw the puzzles all over the room or eat the pencils or...

 

One 12yo student at home is so much better for my personality!

[luuknam]

Also, taking a first aid/CPR course would be a good idea. Do pay attention though - when I took one 2 years ago, the Red Cross had a course that only focused on adults, and one that focused on both adults and infants. You're of course going to want to take the one that also focuses on infants (I don't think they have one that's infants only, but if they do, I'd suggest going for the combination course anyway - if something happens to your husband or some other adult, it'd be good to know what to do too). Plus, for bonus points, being first aid/CPR certified is a little bonus on your resume/required for some jobs. And of course, it'd be good if your husband also took the class (doesn't have to be at the same time). Realistically, it'd be good if everyone took that class once every while.